Escalating towards the first kiss

[SoylentGreen]

Whats the best way to move in for the first kiss? This has always been one of my stumbling blocks and my inability to properly get the kiss has led me to the "friend zone" more than once. What do you self-proclaimed don juans do?

Two or three nights ago I had a girl over watching movies; I met her two days earlier and we decided to get a 12 of beer and watch "walk hard". As we sat on my bed and watched and laughed at the movie I was thinking of kissing her. But I didn't. I wasn't sure if she would allow it and I didn't even try. I saw no indication of interest besides the fact that she was sitting on my bed with me. As we got drank more, I slowly moved my body closer to hers but still we were both sitting upright. I started talking and being a little more forward with her, but I still hadn't touched or kissed her. At one point (since she brought it up) I commented that she had nice legs. Then out of the blue, about ten minutes later, she starts saying that she's into women and that she is not attracted to me. I said "ok, whatever" and played it off, but it killed me to hear her say that.

This is commonly what happens to me. I can get girls numbers, I can get them over, but then (unless she's a total flirt or we're both wasted) I freeze up when we're alone together which inevitably leads me to the friend zone. This is almost ALWAYS the situation. I feel like a dork for even talking/writing about this...this is embarrasing for me to admit. I am scared in these situations. I can't escalate into the kiss.

I don't know how to properly do it. Do I tell her I'm going to kiss her? Do I ask if she wants me to kiss her? Do I just look at her seductively and then move in for the kiss? What factors must be present before I even go for a kiss? What levels of seduction must be played out prior to the kiss? With the girl who was on my bed, there was no sign from her that she was interested in me so I didn't bother touching her or kissing her. Why am I able to get girls into my room but still not able to tell if they are interested?

Next weekend a very, VERY hot girl has invited me over to her place. I have talked a good game and now its time to put my money where my mouth is. She typically dates total alpha male types: buff, tall, rich, popular, smooth talkers. I can see she is trying to be more open-minded by inviting someone like me (short, not buff, not rich, not many friends) and I don't want her to be let down. I am so scared, I feel like a pvssy for even admitting this, but I cannot properly gage when I should kiss a girl...


The thing is, I used to be "the man" ALL through highschool, I got ANY girl I wanted, so I know the answer is within me somewhere, but its buried under layers of rational thought, maturity, accounting, music, complacency and all the other things life threw my way in the past fifteen years...

 

[Heritic_101]

I think you are putting to much pressure on yourself. Perfect is the enemy of good enough. I would try to go for it early, to avoid over thinking.

I personally like to just put on some music, and get her to dance with me. Then go for the kiss.

 

[Maxtro]

I still hadn't touched or kissed her

Did you not touch her at all when you were with her?

You were in the absolute perfect situation to kiss her and possibly have sex.

Before you can kiss her you need to touch her. When you were sitting on your bed you could have put your arm around her shoulder. Doing that would show her that you have interest in her and that you are confident enough to touch her. Her reaction would also tell you a lot.

Going from that position to a kiss is really easy all you have to do is look at her say something quick to get her attention, look at her lips the move in for the kiss. Since you were on the bed it would have been very easy to go into a full on makeout.

The most important thing is confidently touching them.

 

[jophil28]

I personally like to just put on some music, and get her to dance with me. Then go for the kiss.

Yeah, to a woman , dancing is foreplay.

 

[jophil28]

I suspect that the way that you are connecting with women is leading then to be "in care" with you rather than being "in lust" with you.
I bet that you are trying to "nice" your way into their hearts (and their pants).

 

[Jitterbug]

Can't kiss the girl if you don't even have the balls to touch her!

As for escalation, you can work down the below list. Come up with a routine or something that allows you to follow it through. Before you start, position yourself so that it's convenient for you to make the moves. While you do this, slow down the talking towards silence and just eye contact.

- Hand (not holding, just touching)
- Upper arm / shoulder
- Hair
- Side of the neck or cheek

Once she's receptive enough for you to get to the last part, half move in, half pull her towards you for a kiss.

 

[Warrior74]

You need to have fun. You need to be having fun with the girl, this sounds too somber and serious...definitely a turnoff. To tease her, to joke around, to play with her.

You had her on your bed watching movies, you could have started with a kiss on her shoulder after a big laugh and proceeded from there.

I read this on a pua site when I first got back in the dating game and it was akward at the time but it worked.

First, assume that if she's alone, in your house, she wants to have sex. (don't go off the deep end here, just saying she's obviously open to it, or she either thinks you have no balls, you'll find out soon enough).

Your the man, your gonna have to make a move. That's the way the game goes.

Do it, don't say it. Don't ask.

Start small, touch her hand, tell her to give you a hug, if your in a playful mood swat her on the ass (use your judgement to what you think she will or won't go for, better to be bold and fail then timid and fail).

Use the push forward one step, take a step back. Hug for a sec, then watch the movie, ask for another hug and give her a kiss. Pull back first from the kiss and go back to the movie...back and forth...building up tension, (I forgot what that's called? Push pull? someone help me out)

Once you in a full blown makeout, enjoy the ride, don't be in a hurry and it will be cool man.

We all gotta start somewhere...I blew it a few times until I got my groove back, I don't even think about it, its just what comes naturally, your brain is overriding your instincts with all that thinking. That's why I say you just gotta have fun. When your having fun it just flows...You know what to do, your just frightened of the outcome. What's the worst that could happen...rejection, so bam! you already got that one covered. Go for it like you have nothing to lose and your having the best time of your life, cause really you don't and you are.

Also if you know she's into you, kiss her and make out with her before you get to your house, that way she knows your intent before she gets there and once she gets there its game on, the movie is just a pretense to get to the bedroom.

As for the chic who's house you are going over...get ****y man. Tell her you won't come in until she gives you a kiss, even if its just a kiss on the cheek it gets the ball rolling. Then you can bust her balls for such a lame ass kiss.

Good luck. Report back to this thread on your next try and let us know what you did and how it went.

 

[mrRuckus]

Doesn't everyone know that "come over and watch a movie" means at the very least "come over and make out?"

 

[STR8UP]

I used to have the same problem.

The trick is to remain conscious of the fact that you have to warm a woman up to increasing amounts of contact.

1) How are you LOOKING at her? You should be projecting sexuality (most of the time). This is a very strong subconscious cue that lets her know your intentions. If you look at her like you WANT to kiss her at some point, she is going to pick up on the vibe and be more receptive.

2) Touch. As others have mentioned, you need to start with innocent touching and work your way up. Her body language at each stage will tell you if you are moving too fast.

Last night I was out with a chick. We stopped at a bar for a chat and a drink, and I started with the eyes and a little light kino. We ended up sitting by the pool at a hotel late at night in a couple of lounge chairs. I realized that it wasn't ideal positioning, so I started touching her leg and hand lightly during conversation. Eventually she completely turned toward me, obviously wanting more. I took it slow, but kept giving it out to draw her in. Chicks eat that sh!t up.

It all comes down to the fact that the kiss should be something that feels natural to both of you.

 

[#41]

Here's the best advice I ever received on the subject:

Before you even see a girl on a date, you have to be 100% cool with ƒucking things up.

What that means is you have to make peace with the idea that, in your mind, you might go for a kiss and get the head turned away. You might put your hands on her stomach and get pushed back, etc.

What you CANNOT do is sit and wait, wait, and wait some more for the "perfect moment" (which never comes, btw) or think to yourself "I don't want to mess this up." Either line of thinking will lead to you sitting and doing nothing.

Make peace with the idea that you're going to escalate, you're going to go for the kiss, and if she doesn't like it, ƒuck it -- it means things weren't worth pursuing in the first place.

 

[edger]

Soylent, what's up,

You just met a new chick and she has agreed to hang with you. That say's there's a 99% chance you gauged her interest. However, she lost interest once she got to your place. She wasn't throwing out vibes at your place. The truth even came out when she told you she wasn't into you. Why she lost interest when she got there, I don't know, I wasn't there. But you did the right thing by not making a move, because you felt she wasn't into you...she displayed no indicators of interest(IOI) to lead you to believe so. I would've done the same, instead of wasting my time and getting blown out. Basic common sense. Her lack of IOI's should come as a hint that she wasn't into you. Women might not always make the first move and be the aggressor, but if they're interested in you, they'll at least show it. If she was showing signs of interest, I most definitely would've made a move and gradually tried to escalate to a f*ck. Write her off and focus on that other chick who you said was very hot.

 

[countermart]

Hey SoylentGreen hang in there!

Great advice from other guys here, and try this also:

When you first meet her (for the date):

Walking up to her for the date try and kiss her on the lips right at the start. Not long, just a slightly harder than friend peck and turn away. If she turns and you get her cheek, show no concern whatever. This is kind of like breaking the ice right at the start. If you succeed on the lips, then there is less, “will he kiss me at a later time tension” and you will probably find an opportunity.

More aggressive walk right up to her like you are in a hurry and kiss her hard on the lips, hug her fast, hard and solid, stop mid hard kiss, put her down and say “lets go” or “great you could come over” and immediately proceed to the date, like you do it all the time. She will kind of rock on the spot shocked for a sec and then follow.

Once I walked into a party and a girl who went on to Hollywood walked straight up to me and started to kiss me hard on the mouth. No talk, nothing. Well it was great.

So if her, why not me?

I walked into party locked eyes with a girl and simply walked up to her and started to kiss her, no words nothing and it worked well. The funniest thing was watching my friend’s jaws just drop...Who was that girl you were kissing? I have absolutely no idea!

If you miss this opener kiss, later try to kiss her and if she turns her head away show absolutely no concern but say, “Mmm, I’m sure you missed a bit in the script there” she may say something like “No I think I didn’t” or just laugh or smile. Again show no concern. Leave your head close and see if she changes her mind. If she does not say, “Are you sure we’re on the same page” (with a smile) or something like that. The important thing is never, ever show any concern with the outcome. Go on like nothing happened at all.

Or mid date say walking to the car, turn smile at her, try to kiss her on the mouth and again if you fail do the old “Mmm, I’m sure that wasn’t in the script” or similar and laugh, and proceed.

Now one final thing that worked for me when I totally fluffed up the night and thought what the hell.

The night is ending saying goodbye. Go straight in and kiss her hard on the mouth and hug her at the same time hard. Stop mid hard kiss, put her down, start to walk off and say something like “See you later babe”, (with a devilish grin looking back as you walk away). Believe me it will rock her world and she will remember you next time...she will love you and hate you at the same time, but probably come back for another date as she will not forget you.

These are things I tried back before I got into a LTR and am now finding my way back from that wrong road! They either work or you crash and burn and it clears things up fast. Rule: Never show concern with the outcome alright Soylent Green you don’t care and....

“Laugh it up fuzzball”.

Countermart

 

[SoylentGreen]

Wow...excellent advice from everyone. Its funny, I use kino when I meet girls during a pick-up or just when talking, but I get nervous using it when I am alone with the girl and I think I have figured out why.

When I am talking with a girl, during the pick-up stage, I have pre-planned kino moves that I'll employ. I have read, practised, and re-read and practised this stage of the flirtation over and over again. I focused all of my game on the pick-up portion and I haven't prepared properly for when I get them home. When I read the advice on this thread I felt like a moron; I should have already known this stuff - I have already read about it but hadn't put it into practise.

My problem, I think, is that I was so focused on the "getting the interest level higher" stage that I forgot to spend some extra time on the "what to do when I get her home" stage. So I was able to get her into my room (on my bed) with ease. And thats where it ended.

I got her over because we we're both "bored" so I invited her over to drink and watch a comedy. There is no dvd player in the livingroom, only in my bedroom (which in retrospect, was a great idea; everyone should leave SOMETHING cool in their room, as bait, kind of, lol). I offered to bring the dvd into the livingroom and she was like "don't worry about it". Anyway, so there we were on my bed. I had put into practise the kino I had learned during pickup and now I had a girl on my bed. My shortcoming was that, at the time, before posting here and then giving my head a good shake, I had NOTHING prepared for what I've heard called "next level" escalation. I went out on a journey without a roadmap. Like Christopher Columbus. Only problem was that I didn't find another country, I was stuck sailing around the ocean like an idiot....

Anyway, ALL the advice given regarding my situation was golden. I am definitely going to be prepared for next time. Its ok to make mistakes, but not learning from them is the biggest mistake of all...I know next time that I'll need to increase the kino, be a little more ****y and also, as jophil says, build up a lust within her. If anyone else has any other ways they go in for the kiss, I would still love to hear it.

BTW, the hot girl who invited me over for this weekend, has dis-invited me so there will be no field report. The good news is that she still wants to do something NEXT weekend or during the week next week. She had a chance to go to Montreal this weekend and took it. It kind of sucks, cause I was totally ready to make up for mistake with the other chick...but this just gives me more time to prepare...

Cheers!

 

[SoylentGreen]

I suspect that the way that you are connecting with women is leading then to be "in care" with you rather than being "in lust" with you.
I bet that you are trying to "nice" your way into their hearts (and their pants).

You could be right here jophil. I am not TOO nice, but at the same time I didn't build up any sexual energy or lust which is something I will work on for next time.

 

[SoylentGreen]

As for the chic who's house you are going over...get ****y man. Tell her you won't come in until she gives you a kiss, even if its just a kiss on the cheek it gets the ball rolling. Then you can bust her balls for such a lame ass kiss.

Haha, are you serious? I should just kiss her right at the door? Is this the level of boldness a DJ has/should have? I will totally try this. I like the thing about busting on how the kiss is lame afterwards...

Maybe I could help myself by becoming this bold/****y in all interactions...

More aggressive walk right up to her like you are in a hurry and kiss her hard on the lips, hug her fast, hard and solid, stop mid hard kiss, put her down and say “lets go”

Again, a level of boldness I'm unfamiliar with, but would like to learn