Envy

[knglerxt]

Does anyone else here become envious when they're out and see other guys with girlfriends, especially attractive ones? This really eats me up. I'm almost 25 years old, and I've never had a girlfriend. I've never even been on a date. I've been depressed for the last year because of this. It got so bad a few months ago that I dropped out of the Spring semester of college. I just couldn't handle the environment, *ss everywhere.

The main reason I'm in this situation is that I'm not a very talkative person. I don't even talk much around my own family members, so you can imagine how hard it is for me to approach girls right out of the blue. I just don't think I could think of enough things to say to keep the conversation going. I've been told by a lot of people that I'm a good looking guy, but I'm really starting to question this. I've almost come to the conclusion that women are just not attracted to me, even though I get looks from women all the time. It's just confusing.

Something's got to change soon, or I'm going to end up jumping off a bridge or something. I'm so sexually frustrated I can't stand it. I've even started finding fat chicks attractive.

 

[realsmoothie]

My two cents:

Cent One: read the DJ Bible. It's a little all-over-the-place, but full of good stuff. Maybe then you can do bootcamp.

Cent Two: Start with basics... get to the gym, make sure you enjoy your job/schooling, make sure your clothes are OK, get into some activities to meet more people.

It's going to take time. Read my post on "change is gradual" in the Mature section, it's an example of how it took me FOREVER to get somewhere... but I AM GETTING SOMEWHERE.

Trust me, it can happen. Don't stress about it. If you're considered attractive you have a major bonus in your corner, and you're still young.

 

[mahon83050]

Does anyone else here become envious when they're out and see other guys with girlfriends, especially attractive ones? This really eats me up. I'm almost 25 years old, and I've never had a girlfriend. I've never even been on a date. I've been depressed for the last year because of this. It got so bad a few months ago that I dropped out of the Spring semester of college. I just couldn't handle the environment, *ss everywhere.

The main reason I'm in this situation is that I'm not a very talkative person. I don't even talk much around my own family members, so you can imagine how hard it is for me to approach girls right out of the blue. I just don't think I could think of enough things to say to keep the conversation going. I've been told by a lot of people that I'm a good looking guy, but I'm really starting to question this. I've almost come to the conclusion that women are just not attracted to me, even though I get looks from women all the time. It's just confusing.

Something's got to change soon, or I'm going to end up jumping off a bridge or something. I'm so sexually frustrated I can't stand it. I've even started finding fat chicks attractive.

Yea, I have felt the way you do. My predicament might even be worse than yours so don't feel bad. Yes, I have been out on dates before, but never really had a LTR with a woman and I am 29!! This has also caused depression just like yourself.

I know sometimes it seems EVERYONE but yourself is out there with a lady by their side and you are the ONLY one that is miserable. IT IS NOT TRUE, it is just your negative thinking.

What I have learned:

Confidence and proactiveness are the keys. Unfortunately, your good looks don't mean a damned thing if you do not open your mouth. You must initiate everything....the first approach, the phone # and the date. Don't expect women to fall at your feet because you are attractive! IT WON"T!!! YOU HAVE TO ALWAYS OPEN YOUR MOUTH FIRST, THAT IS THE GAME.

Well, my advice may not be that useful...but just remember....there are others in your shoes and worse.

 

[Faca]

Your problem is not that you are not talktive enough, or not good looking enough!

But the real problem is in how you think, for example:
- if am not talktive enough i won't get dates or chicks -
- If am not good looking enough, i won't get laid -

You can see how destructive this is, just try to enjoy life and have a passion for the things that you love to do. I know it easy said, and you'll have to work hard on things.

Reading the dj bible over and over won't help you, you have to go out and do things. From my perspective i would say, that your testerone levels are very low, try competing in sport or working out.

One of the things i see here, is that the main goal for many is to sarge or date a lot of women. Do you think that this will solve all your problems with women?.. i would say that when dating a lot of women, without being a real man and true to yourself you would have more problems then ever.

The key is patience my friend, never give up. If one thing doesn't work, try something else!

And you want want to date a lot of women, but what about not dating at all. But creating attraction with every hot women you meet, and let them chase you and ask for dates. Cause one thing that i have learned is, that you should never date a women, if there's no attraction. This can only go down!

I think AD said it once, "I am succesfull with women, because i don't have any uninterested women in my life". Think about it!

I would say that succes with women would come to this:
CHALLENGE - CONTROL - CONFIDENCE

Just think about it, but do not dwell here on sosuave..
knowing is not enough, we must act!

Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are!

Good Luck man!

 

[knglerxt]

Yea, I have felt the way you do. My predicament might even be worse than yours so don't feel bad. Yes, I have been out on dates before, but never really had a LTR with a woman and I am 29!! This has also caused depression just like yourself.

I know sometimes it seems EVERYONE but yourself is out there with a lady by their side and you are the ONLY one that is miserable. IT IS NOT TRUE, it is just your negative thinking.

What I have learned:

Confidence and proactiveness are the keys. Unfortunately, your good looks don't mean a damned thing if you do not open your mouth. You must initiate everything....the first approach, the phone # and the date. Don't expect women to fall at your feet because you are attractive! IT WON"T!!! YOU HAVE TO ALWAYS OPEN YOUR MOUTH FIRST, THAT IS THE GAME.

Well, my advice may not be that useful...but just remember....there are others in your shoes and worse.

I appreciate the advice. I know I'm not the only guy with this problem, but I'm definitely in the small minority.

What are you supposed to do when you can't get yourself to approach, though? Even if I could approach, I wouldn't know what to say after "Hello, How are you?" After that, I would just stand there. She'd probably think I'm a weirdo or something.

 

[knglerxt]

Your problem is not that you are not talktive enough, or not good looking enough!

But the real problem is in how you think, for example:
- if am not talktive enough i won't get dates or chicks -
- If am not good looking enough, i won't get laid -

You can see how destructive this is, just try to enjoy life and have a passion for the things that you love to do. I know it easy said, and you'll have to work hard on things.

Reading the dj bible over and over won't help you, you have to go out and do things. From my perspective i would say, that your testerone levels are very low, try competing in sport or working out.

One of the things i see here, is that the main goal for many is to sarge or date a lot of women. Do you think that this will solve all your problems with women?.. i would say that when dating a lot of women, without being a real man and true to yourself you would have more problems then ever.

The key is patience my friend, never give up. If one thing doesn't work, try something else!

And you want want to date a lot of women, but what about not dating at all. But creating attraction with every hot women you meet, and let them chase you and ask for dates. Cause one thing that i have learned is, that you should never date a women, if there's no attraction. This can only go down!

I think AD said it once, "I am succesfull with women, because i don't have any uninterested women in my life". Think about it!

I would say that succes with women would come to this:
CHALLENGE - CONTROL - CONFIDENCE

Just think about it, but do not dwell here on sosuave..
knowing is not enough, we must act!

Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are!

Good Luck man!

What's wrong with my thinking that I'm not talkative enough to get a date? How many guys do you know who are very quiet, yet have no problems meeting and dating women? I bet very few if any.

Let me give you an example. This guy approached me the other day in Books-A-Million and talked to me about some internet marketing business. He talked to me at least 15 or 20 minutes straight. Guess how many sentences I said during the whole conversation? About 2 or 3.

Now, let's switch the scenario. Let's say I'm the one doing the approaching. How would that change anything? I would still be just as non-talkative as I was when that guy approached me. How am I going to get a date with a girl when I can't say more than 2 or 3 sentences during a conversation?

 

[mahon83050]

I appreciate the advice. I know I'm not the only guy with this problem, but I'm definitely in the small minority.

What are you supposed to do when you can't get yourself to approach, though? Even if I could approach, I wouldn't know what to say after "Hello, How are you?" After that, I would just stand there. She'd probably think I'm a weirdo or something.

You start off by saying Hello and How are you? And then you think of something else to say...usually weather related (w/o sounding negative) or maybe something she is wearing. NEVER EVER say, do you come here often (if you meet her at a bar or some other place)

 

[gongxia649]

this ****ing **** pisses me off too. expecially if i see a chinese girl with a black or white.

theese girl dont ****ing know if they hang out with a black. they gonna be a single mother.l
and if they hang out with white, id ont know whats is gonna happen but something is gonna happen.

im just pissed

 

[grr]

I get the feeling your issue is bigger than not talking enough. I'm inclined to believe there is a more root cause to this problem and the not-talking part stems from that. Give more details.

 

[john_1234]

i've been prone to envy/jealousy b4 and it's definitely not good. you have to "interrupt the pattern" when your catch yourself thinking envious thoughts. i recommened reading anthony robbin's "awaken the giant within." check out the parts on "interrupting patterns." also, joel osteen's "your life now" has a chapter about jealousy/envy and i highly recommened you check that out too. if you want to overcome this, do the exercises mentioned

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

STINKIN' THINKIN'

 

[JonJack]

What's wrong with my thinking that I'm not talkative enough to get a date? How many guys do you know who are very quiet, yet have no problems meeting and dating women? I bet very few if any.

Let me give you an example. This guy approached me the other day in Books-A-Million and talked to me about some internet marketing business. He talked to me at least 15 or 20 minutes straight. Guess how many sentences I said during the whole conversation? About 2 or 3.

Now, let's switch the scenario. Let's say I'm the one doing the approaching. How would that change anything? I would still be just as non-talkative as I was when that guy approached me. How am I going to get a date with a girl when I can't say more than 2 or 3 sentences during a conversation?

The issue here is one of choice. With every action or inaction, there will be outcomes or consequences. You even said it yourself. Inaction (can't say more than 2 or 3 sentences) leads to consequences (not being able to get a date with a girl).

Now, you clearly understand and realize the problem. The effective method of dealing with such situations is by taking an opposite or different action. Since A isn't leading you to B, why not try C to lead you to B? If that doesn't work, then try D, E, F and so on. Obviously, certain actions may be difficult for you take. You could probably fear trying to talk to lots of strangers so much that you're unable to improve your socializing skills. This in itself is another problem. One which you'll have to come up with a different approach if you want to overcome it.

In the end, the goal for you is probably to improve your social skills. There are many ways of achieving this goal. The difference between you and so many others is the amount of ways to improve which you choose to strike off from even attempting.

Bottom line is this. If you know what to do to improve yourself and your chances in getting a girl, then do it. If you find yourself unable to take the necessary action, then don't desire to get a girl so much. If you still desire a girl so much and you still can't bring yourself to do what it takes to bring yourself closer to that goal, then you better start believing in miracles because getting what you desire without doing what it takes to get it doesn't happen often and being able to enjoy your life without having what you desire is almost impossible.

 

[Faca]

The problem is not that your not talktive enough.
But your problem is that you linked that not being talktive enough to not getting dates!

And your right, i know many guys that don't talk a lot but still get a alot of dates, maybe cause that creates some kind of mystery. That's what i mean that you should think differently. You can ofcourse try to improve your social skills, but if that isn't you.. then just be YOU!.. work with the things that you do have..

And in any case, do NOT think that you won't get any dates because of that.. cause is you think that, then you won't get any. Just think positively!

There is a saying:
If you think that you will win, then you will and if you think won't win, then you won't.

And believe me, you can get dates.. with using only your looks. Ofcourse that won't get you laid, not most of the time. You'll have to do some personality work on yourself.
You just need to have that mentality of a winner, never think you cannot do something. But ask yourself the question: How can i do this?

I also don't talk a lot, and do not worry about what i'm going to say next or how much i have said. Just have a good time, be present! that's the most important thing. And i heard someone say:
" A gossip is one who talks to you about other people. A bore is someone who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant conversationlist is someone who talks to you about yourself "



That's what i have learned so far. In any case do not imitate someone, just to get laid. You should get laid because of who you are.. not who you are imitating!

:yes: