Envy and Gratitude

[backbreaker]

You're Jim. You're unfortunately, slightly above avg. You're kinda cute but you aren't hot. You are smart enough to do your job and you understand that to get ahead you have to work at it, but it doesn't come easy for you. You have a good family that cares about you but they aren't really able to help you in any way. People respect you.


You one day meet a guy at work named James. James is taller than you are, his family was able to pay for him to go to a better college than you so unfortunately, James while only 2 years older than you, is your boss. James family gave him the down payment to buy his first house so he's the same age as you, with a house, a sweet car and becuase he's not at work busting his ass trying to get a raise, he has alot of free time that you don't have to go chase girls and girls like him. What's not to like about James? he's tall, good looking, good job, good family



I'll be honest with you sosuave brothers. This was my biggest flaw I had personally. It took me a LOOOOONG time to not be bitter and hate James.


I'm Textbook Jim. I'm good looking but I'm not "hot". I don't roll out of bed "hot> I have to work at being "hot". I'm smart but I don't break the bank IQ wise, I'm about 130 or so. There are people, probably people that will post in this thread, that are smarter than I am. I have to work at it. I'm short lol. Because I have all of these shortcomings that I have to overcome, it cuts into my leisure time, which makes me despise the 6'2 good family guy even more becuase he doesn't have to work as hard as I do.



There was this girl I was crushin on when I first got clean, and I knew a guy like James. I was crushin hard lol. I was just getting into shape. The guy picks me up so we can go to the gym (I could not use my car at the time) and I notice that she's on the phone talking to him and she's flirting with him. I wanted to cry I was so hurt. I got so pissed off I never talked to the dude again. Nothing was wrong with him he didn't do anything to me. I was just that jelly. I hated James (not his real name) not because he got the girl I wanted, HE WASN'T EVEN TRYING to get the girl I wanted.



I make really good money but I have to work my ass off for it. I used to be extremely envious who had comfortable life styles who didn't have to slave at work like I did. I used to get really really peeved at guys who had families who were able to help them with their first house. Why this in particular I don't know. That's one of the reasons I bought my house outright when I moved here.



This is not a healthy mindset to say the least. What I had to learn how to do was to be grateful for the things that I don't have.


If you made me white, 6'2 and gave me a father that gave 2 ****s about me lol, I'd be a generic ho hum systems engineer making 60k living in little rock with a hb7 wife who thought her **** could cure ebola, 2 kids and i'd be dreading going to work tomorrow. I would not be the person I am today if I were born with those advantages because I wouldn't' have been given the drive to work for the things I have.



Now that's easier said than done. It's hard to be grateful when life is ****ting on you. But I've always learned 10x more from failures and setbacks than I have from successes.



Yeah so the **** what you're a short bastard lol. But guess what, if you were 6'3 instead of 5'7, you would probably still be an AFC because you never would have had to learn game to get women. You'd get girls easier, but they would abusive you and treat you like ****, and you'd probably end up in a **** marriage. So be thankful that you have to get the chair to close the vents lol


When I lived in little rock I used to get really.. agitated that white dudes had these kick ass social circles and were shacking up with these girls and I was hing to try 2-3x as hard to have a relevant social life. But you know what good came out of that? Because I could not find a suitable LTR girl down there I had NO REASON TO STAY lol. I just got up one day and moved lol. Kick ass social circle guy can't do that.


I challenge everyone here to find the **** in their live and be grateful for it.


I actually have to do this just about every morning. If I don't I develop a negative mindset where I'm not thankful for anything. I take 20-30 mins while I'm eating breakfast and write out a list of everything I'm thankful for. Then I add the bad things that are happening to me and I write out why I'm grateful[/LIST] for those things as well. It really does help with my mindset. Perfect example, I had a client, yesterday that basically stole $1,100 dollars form me. Not the end of the word, but still. It's $1,100 dollars. Instead of getting all pissed off I was able to put together something in my head that showed me something about the client to keep in mind of the future, there were traits about the client that I now notice that I will never deal with again because I was able to realize past clients that were bad that had similar traits, then I took out my laptop and charged the last year and realized that for every 15 clients with this trait, only ONE of them are good clients. Verses 11 good clients for every 15 for people who don't have this trait. So this guy stealing money has 1. saved me time dealing wiht **** clients in the future 2. will allow me to expand where I get my work from because now i have more time to deal with good clients. So I'm literally thankful this guy stole $1,100 dollars from me. Thanks David lol. AND i can write it off on my taxes lol so it's really a wash.
That chick who was all giddy over James couldn't hold my wife's jock strap today.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Backbreaker,
Yeah but you are interesting,you have lived!

 

[ArcBound]

I saw in another thread you posted how you make a gratitude list which is good advice.

Jealousy, envy, it comes because you are looking at life from the perspective where you have not received a lot. Someone at my church taught me to write a list every week for the things I am grateful for. It really helps center yourself, so you don't fall for things of petty jealousy (or even warranted jealousy).

We take things for granted, look at ourselves as losers, and don't realize the the good things we did have.

I honestly think this was one of Elliot Rodger's faults. Yeah he had a tough life in many respects, but in many ways he had so much. If he took the time to write them down

1) He is good looking. Yeah he's short, but he definitely was good looking.
2) He is barely in college and he had a sweet a$$ BMW
3) His mom buys him whatever he wants, including really awesome clothing
4) He was going to a decent school and came from a decentlywealthy neighborhood/background in a time of recession
5) IF you read his manifesto he had some friends that treated him well, but he never learned from them, it only made him hate them more.
6) His dad worked in the movie industry and that conferred some perks to him
7) He definitely had some intelligence and could have gone places

You have to go day by day, week by week to recognize the blessings and good things that happened to us. Otherwise you just sort of get used to it, and you subconsciously write it off as "not enough", eventually leading to a mentality where who you are, and what you have is "not enough".

 

[BeDJ]

Once you take pvssy off the pedestal and put it where it belongs with other fleeting materialist pursuits, the jealousy goes away.

The perception of high value is the reality you create when meeting people. The moment when another man is giving all his attention, verbally and physically; she give you the "I want to fvck you" eyes. The moment you take the road that countless other men refuse to take.

You've made it. Jealousy is and always should be a female characteristic.

On gratitude, I am thankful for every rejection, every failure and anyone who has done me wrong. It made me disappointed and even sad at times, but I'm still here. Forgive yourself and others, you'll be A-Okay!


Also, I don't like seeing Elmer Rogers being used as an example in any argument. He was beyond stupid.

 

[CHICAGO27]

Focus

Good post!
Being tall and good-looking isn't always the be all end all. I'm 6'5, athletic and good-looking and women still find things wrong with me. LOL. I guess we all could focus on what we don't have (for me: parents who can hand me money for a house, high-paying job) or be grateful for what we do have. That is the key! Being grateful!

 

[Atom Smasher]

Good post, bb. Excellent practical reminders to keep things in perspective.

 

[guru1000]

That's the most efficient mental modus operandi: Be indifferent to the Event, but focus on the Lesson.

When I was younger and first hit a plethora of adversity, it was so overwhelming that I changed my motivation. Instead of pursuing to succeed in my deeper aspirations, I pursued to fail. Yes, i know, it ostensibly appears as a sick, borderline dementia, unorthodox way of thinking. I failed repeatedly. Funny thing, as my mind remained tenacious due to my Motivation being congruent with my results, one day all my failures ceased. No matter how hard I tried to fail, success would follow. I made my first million at 22 years of age. Important to note, for this model to work, you must act; this is not the pursuit of failure by sitting on your couch waiting for the foreclosing bank to padlock your door.

That's why the conventional thinking model is ineffective, and most people fail long term in their aspirations. You must think outside the norm of social conventions. For me, that was chasing failure in the most destitute of times.

 

[The Duke]

...and success is simply one step past failure.

 

[zekko]

There was this girl I was crushin on when I first got clean, and I knew a guy like James. I was crushin hard lol. I was just getting into shape. The guy picks me up so we can go to the gym (I could not use my car at the time) and I notice that she's on the phone talking to him and she's flirting with him. I wanted to cry I was so hurt. I got so pissed off I never talked to the dude again. Nothing was wrong with him he didn't do anything to me. I was just that jelly. I hated James (not his real name) not because he got the girl I wanted, HE WASN'T EVEN TRYING to get the girl I wanted.

If he wasn't trying to get the girl, how did he get her number? You said she was on the phone with him. Or did she ask him for his number?

You're unfortunately, slightly above avg.

There's a good example of taking things for granted. You could be average or slightly below average, or a lot below average.

For what it's worth, my parents never gave me money to get a house either. In fact, nobody in my family really has any money. When you get to be my age, you'll notice people around you having their relatives die and them getting a big payoff in their wills. Meanwhile, I still have to watch my relatives die, but I don't get a lot of money out of it like they do. There's an example of envy/gratitude from the older age spectrum lol.

 

[backbreaker]

I never thought of that zekko lol