Ending a 2 year relationship - feeling quilty

[Duracell_Bunny]

Well I've made up my mind. My gf is really sweet but the main problem is shes just too attached to her family (she is currently living with her parents, although they want her out) and as she works as a nurse, we only get to see each other 2-3 times a week max.

While it was good and kept the relationship exciting, I'm now getting fed up instead. These times of 2-3 days away from each other are just becoming annoying and gets in the way.

Like this weekend for example its been awesome weather, it would have been great to travel to somewhere and stay over at a hotel, but nope. Her shifts get in the way. I told her we should have a night out, guess what... the only next weekend she doesn't have a shift is two weeks away.

There is a lot of chemistry between us and our time together is always a great laugh.

It's not a decision I've taken lightly and I will miss her a lot, she has done nothing wrong but the relationship is not right for me. She wants more than I feel comfortable with at the moment: for example she wants to live together but I can't be doing with her family coming over all time, especially her young nephews that cause a riot.

I want to end it this week but I feel so guilty about it. I saw her yesterday, only for the afternoon as she's working nights, and it really felt awful how she was being very affectionate towards me.

It's not a case that she's a low quality woman or she's done wrong, but the thought of being with another I can spend more quality time with, without having to arrange things weeks in advance, would make me a lot happier.

I've not had to end a relationship like this before and I don't think she is expecting it, usually it's been in my weaker days where the woman has either ended it or done something disrespectful that caused me to walk away.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8qs5hPmSBs

You gotta be selfish brother. Look out for yourself first. If your not satisfied then you just need to move on.

 

[Cabal]

You want to spend more time with her.

She wants to move in together.

Um, maybe you're being a little bit...duh?

Okay so the nephews cause a riot, but...being an alpha male doesn't mean there aren't compromises to be made in a realistic adult relationship.

 

[zorg198]

You have something good in your hands and you want to break it just because she is working for her living ? she wants to step up and live with you. you complain you don't see her enough in the week but you don't want to live with her ?

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

I meant I would like to spend more time with her before deciding to live together but she is difficult to compromise. Like I suggested she spends a few days stating over at my place but she won't do that, it's actually a shorter distance to her work from here.

Having her nephews over is a big thing for me, I'm not ready for kids yet and when her brother and nephews are at her parents house it is just too much for me. My gf has mentioned that she wants children of her own in a couple of years. I worry that if we do live together, that will be the next thing she will be pressuring me into. Sure once in a while is fine, but I get the impression this will be happening every week.

She is also being very selfish, by that she gets very off when she can't get her own way - I feel very pressured from her. I suggested she moved into my place but she just won't do it. We even looked at places to rent once, i would pick an ideal place and she would be like "no, there is no garden for the children to play".

It's these reasons that make me very uncomfortable. Not that its of much importance but I also feel I can find someone more attractive than her. She has no confidence at all, she would put on a nice long dress and look nice - then take it off to put on trousers and a long sleeved top because she feels too uncomfortable.

 

[Cabal]

I don't know man. Sounds like she's pretty straight up on what she does for a living, what she wants, what she cares about (like insisting there must be somewhere for the children to play, which doesn't really make her a horrible person). What she expects doesn't seem unreasonable, or pressuring, not at a two year mark.

If you don't want what she wants, you should have bailed a long way back. That you want to bail now is because you think you can 'do better' when it comes to scoring someone physically more attractive, because the time together thing when she wants to move in together is an easy fix.

It seems kind of like you have been stringing her along for some time until you got your mojo back or the heat got too much in the cooking area of settling down. I could be way off base here, but how many times on here has a guy found his way to this place because a girl he dated for two years knocked his self-sufficient homely ass out of the park and went off with some stud from the gym?

I mean, isn't that what you're about to do, except the genders are reversed?

 

[cola]

Bro, this chick is awesome.
She works hard for her money.
She loves her family.
She's attractive yet modest.
She has no kids.
She has been straight forward with you the whole time..


If you don't want her send her this way..

 

[SgtSplacker]

"The most important skill a man has is the ability to represent himself properly." ~SgtSplacker Original saying.

Ever heard the saying "Attack the issue, not the person." ?

Two pieces of gold there for you...

Let her know dude! But don't make it all about her family so it doesn't polarize her to the topic too much, this issue really does have a much wider scope. If you live with her you can't be having your friends over all the time either, so both of you have to respect each others space. What I would do is wait for her to bring up the living together thing and say something like "so how do we deal with our friends and family? because i'm pretty sure it's not OK for my friends to be coming over all the time." See how I worded that? You are setting yourself up as the problem and making her come up with a solution that applies to her as well. So at this point shut the heck up and let her talk. If she is sensible let her come up with her own conclusions regarding how the space needs to be shared. Whats important is to bring it up and come to an agreement when there are still options available. When you talk about it don't even mention her family or use them as examples. But stress the fact that you just can't deal with "people" over all the time either. This is what living together is all about dude, don't run from the first exercise!

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

She may "seem" awesome, but apart from all that she is not very independent.

First of all her mum sorts out all of her financing, actually stopping access to her own money (she doesn't even know have an idea of her balance).

She has only lived alone once, that was for six months before moving back in with her parents. During those six months she admitted she became lazy, eating lots of convenience food unless her parents were over - and they were over doing a lot of fussing regularly.

Right now she's used to her mum running round after her doing all her food and domestic tasks - don't get me wrong I am not wanting my g/f to do this for me, I just don't want these sort of things becoming one sided towards me.

For the attraction side she is just ok but I can't stop checking out other women. She tends to put on weight quite easily (she's not overweight, just not toned and naturally has a large frame), and I find her skin tone to be a little bit of a turn off - vary pale, doesn't tan well.

I hate to say but I have also felt tempted to cheat on her (I've never cheated on someone before) with two other women that are showing high IL (one of them aware I'm in a relationship and just wants crazy sex), we are not having sex very often, about once a fortnight, as we don't see each other much - and a lot of the time when we do see each other she is too tired form work.

 

[zorg198]

Friend,

Looks like you are trying to find all the reasons to dump her instead of trying to take her with you and move on to do better things.

so what if she's not perfect? try to help her with this .

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Dang man,

You find yourself looking at other women, do you think that will magically go away? This girl lives with her parents and she is 27-28 yrs old and as a nurse she should be able to easily afford her own spot but she chooses to live with her parents. She is lazy..... and she can't cook? I don't know about you guys but there is no way in hell I could ever be in a relationship with a girl who can't cook. Hell, I can even cool. It's not hard at all.

You need to man up. Tell her tactfully that you want to pursue other options. How exactly is a relationship supposed to work anyway if you don't even see each other that much. It might as well be a long distance relationship and we know that doesn't work out. You know what you need to do Duracell.

Theres some people that have advised you to stay with this women. Staying with an un-independant women who you will only see once in a couple weeks isn't plausible in my world. Even if it was plausible the chick better look like Stacey Dash. Now if she doesn't look like Stacy Dash I don't see any reason for you to stick around unless you want to waste more of your precious time.

You say she wants to live with you. Yet she won't stay at your house a couple days through the week. This stuff is bologna and you know it. If people think your needy for wanting to dump her then I'm the neediest person on this forum. In your original post you tried to portray as a good individual but as you keep posting the negatives are starting to come out. Those negatives are key points though.