Ok guys I'm somewhat new here but can use some advice on this subject. A couple of weeks ago I was really upset with my gf because she kept changing the night she was going to come down to see me. Had one excuse after another. I let it slide and not let it bother me since I have been reading in some of the ebooks that the DJ's have written that you need to come off as cool and laid back with the women. One author suggested that you not show your emotions with a woman such as anger. Is what I did right or should I have told her off? Yes I admit I am an AFC but I am gradually steering away from that mindset. Could really use a mentor right about now. I'm posting in this forum because I'm in my late 40's. I have been a nice guy practically most of my life and I am only now seeing the light.
Emotions
- Thread starter AJTD
- Start date
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
I need more info than just this to give you an accurate assessment. How long have you been together, how old is she, where is she located, kids, is it an LDR, etc.?
ahhhh, gotta love these situations. a proverbial 'lose lose' scenario.
read through my past posts to understand this more. but basically the lose lose scenario is just as it sounds - no matter what you do you are f*cked.
if you dont reacte to her behavior she now knows that she can religate you to a tertiary position in her life and you will wait around like a good puppy dog.
if you confront her odds are she will (as 99% of women will) try to flip the situation back on you. accuse you of being unreasonable, controlling, etc. she may even go so far as to pull out the 'lets take a break' tactic - which is designed to scare the sh*t out of you that you might lose her.
even if you confront her and she caves and becomes highly apologetic, you've shown her that her behavior has a BIG impact on you. which feeds her ego and lets her know that YOU need to be with her more than she needs to be with you.
as i say, its lose lose all the way around.
so what do you do? personally, i'd simply stop answering her calls / emails. dead silence for a week. if she tries to force you talk by leaving a message at some point saying "are you alright? Im really worried! please call me and let me know you are alright."
simply email her "I'm fine. super busy. will talk later."
you basically need to do the silent treatment for a week or so.
now you might be scared to do this. you might think 'but but but... what if she gets upset with me and my behavior or not answering her calls? what if she calls me a jerk and says she never wants to see me again?"
that would be GREAT - becuase then you would know you are dealing with a self centered b*tch. remember, SHE is the one screwing with YOUR time right now. you have ever right to cut loose of this kidn of behavior for a week.
at any point, ALL she has to do to fix all this is start behaving respectfully. thats it. simple. she KNOWS this. you DO NOT have to verbally tell her this.
SHOW HER by removing your attention.
it may take a week but she will realize she has crossed the line and will apologize profusely if she really wants to keep you in her life. moreover, she will NEVER pull your strings again (well, until you get married at least
)
read through my past posts to understand this more. but basically the lose lose scenario is just as it sounds - no matter what you do you are f*cked.
if you dont reacte to her behavior she now knows that she can religate you to a tertiary position in her life and you will wait around like a good puppy dog.
if you confront her odds are she will (as 99% of women will) try to flip the situation back on you. accuse you of being unreasonable, controlling, etc. she may even go so far as to pull out the 'lets take a break' tactic - which is designed to scare the sh*t out of you that you might lose her.
even if you confront her and she caves and becomes highly apologetic, you've shown her that her behavior has a BIG impact on you. which feeds her ego and lets her know that YOU need to be with her more than she needs to be with you.
as i say, its lose lose all the way around.
so what do you do? personally, i'd simply stop answering her calls / emails. dead silence for a week. if she tries to force you talk by leaving a message at some point saying "are you alright? Im really worried! please call me and let me know you are alright."
simply email her "I'm fine. super busy. will talk later."
you basically need to do the silent treatment for a week or so.
now you might be scared to do this. you might think 'but but but... what if she gets upset with me and my behavior or not answering her calls? what if she calls me a jerk and says she never wants to see me again?"
that would be GREAT - becuase then you would know you are dealing with a self centered b*tch. remember, SHE is the one screwing with YOUR time right now. you have ever right to cut loose of this kidn of behavior for a week.
at any point, ALL she has to do to fix all this is start behaving respectfully. thats it. simple. she KNOWS this. you DO NOT have to verbally tell her this.
SHOW HER by removing your attention.
it may take a week but she will realize she has crossed the line and will apologize profusely if she really wants to keep you in her life. moreover, she will NEVER pull your strings again (well, until you get married at least
)Thank you Joe. Good sound advice.joekerr31 said:ahhhh, gotta love these situations. a proverbial 'lose lose' scenario.
read through my past posts to understand this more. but basically the lose lose scenario is just as it sounds - no matter what you do you are f*cked.
if you dont reacte to her behavior she now knows that she can religate you to a tertiary position in her life and you will wait around like a good puppy dog.
if you confront her odds are she will (as 99% of women will) try to flip the situation back on you. accuse you of being unreasonable, controlling, etc. she may even go so far as to pull out the 'lets take a break' tactic - which is designed to scare the sh*t out of you that you might lose her.
even if you confront her and she caves and becomes highly apologetic, you've shown her that her behavior has a BIG impact on you. which feeds her ego and lets her know that YOU need to be with her more than she needs to be with you.
as i say, its lose lose all the way around.
so what do you do? personally, i'd simply stop answering her calls / emails. dead silence for a week. if she tries to force you talk by leaving a message at some point saying "are you alright? Im really worried! please call me and let me know you are alright."
simply email her "I'm fine. super busy. will talk later."
you basically need to do the silent treatment for a week or so.
now you might be scared to do this. you might think 'but but but... what if she gets upset with me and my behavior or not answering her calls? what if she calls me a jerk and says she never wants to see me again?"
that would be GREAT - becuase then you would know you are dealing with a self centered b*tch. remember, SHE is the one screwing with YOUR time right now. you have ever right to cut loose of this kidn of behavior for a week.
at any point, ALL she has to do to fix all this is start behaving respectfully. thats it. simple. she KNOWS this. you DO NOT have to verbally tell her this.
SHOW HER by removing your attention.
it may take a week but she will realize she has crossed the line and will apologize profusely if she really wants to keep you in her life. moreover, she will NEVER pull your strings again (well, until you get married at least
just an fyi warning regarding all 'silent treatment' type of tactics...
if a woman sees you as a pet - which ive discussed - which is to say you are basically in her life for HER convenience. and if her pet starts to behave how IT wants, instead of how SHE wants it to....
you need to keep your eyes open for branch swinging behavior.
a lot of guys come on here wiht a: heres situation X, what do i do?
the problem is that yes, there is an optimal way to handle situation X, but that won't fully resolve all future issues forever. so she might come at you from a different angle next time, and youll have to know how to handle that. she might conceed today, but pull power moves tomorrow.
women will often lose the battle to win the war. which is why you have to know what you are doing always. and you have to be prepared to rectify her behavior numerous times and you have to astute enough to know when shes actually cutting loose of you and starting to look for a new guy.
if that happens you end things.
its kind of like football. sometimes you want to run the ball. sometimes you want to throw. it all depends on the defense you are reading from yoru opponent.
now and then they will hit you with a trick play and you'll get sacked, thats ok, its part of the game.
i just wanted to make sure that guys don't learn just ONE play and then keep running that same play forever - because women are crafty and will adapt to your methods and attempt to break them down so they dont work anymore.
which is also why methods only go so far. the ultimately strategy - which is one that CANNOT be beaten - is to have a full life and happy life with OR without a woman in it. if you manage that, its game, set, match, you win.
if a woman sees you as a pet - which ive discussed - which is to say you are basically in her life for HER convenience. and if her pet starts to behave how IT wants, instead of how SHE wants it to....
you need to keep your eyes open for branch swinging behavior.
a lot of guys come on here wiht a: heres situation X, what do i do?
the problem is that yes, there is an optimal way to handle situation X, but that won't fully resolve all future issues forever. so she might come at you from a different angle next time, and youll have to know how to handle that. she might conceed today, but pull power moves tomorrow.
women will often lose the battle to win the war. which is why you have to know what you are doing always. and you have to be prepared to rectify her behavior numerous times and you have to astute enough to know when shes actually cutting loose of you and starting to look for a new guy.
if that happens you end things.
its kind of like football. sometimes you want to run the ball. sometimes you want to throw. it all depends on the defense you are reading from yoru opponent.
now and then they will hit you with a trick play and you'll get sacked, thats ok, its part of the game.
i just wanted to make sure that guys don't learn just ONE play and then keep running that same play forever - because women are crafty and will adapt to your methods and attempt to break them down so they dont work anymore.
which is also why methods only go so far. the ultimately strategy - which is one that CANNOT be beaten - is to have a full life and happy life with OR without a woman in it. if you manage that, its game, set, match, you win.
Mr.Positive
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2007
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The best thing about this advise, is that if you are happy, nobody can take that away from you. Whatever sh!t test she pulls will have no effect on you, because you are a happy guy regardless..joekerr31 said:
I'll second Joekerr's advise.
There's also another thread open on takeaway's. It's a really good thread and you seem to be a prime candidate.
Victory Unlimited
Master Don Juan
Yo AJTD,
I think THIS is the thread Mr. Positive was referring to:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=129594
It's all about walking away, taking away your attention from an unruly woman, taking responsibility for providing yourself with your OWN closure, etc. I'm thinking you might have already been reading it though, because it's been circulating toward the top of this forum for awhile.
I think THIS is the thread Mr. Positive was referring to:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=129594
It's all about walking away, taking away your attention from an unruly woman, taking responsibility for providing yourself with your OWN closure, etc. I'm thinking you might have already been reading it though, because it's been circulating toward the top of this forum for awhile.