emotionally immature females

[rbd]

Hey guys,

I was wondering if any of you all have had an experience along these lines as well. There was this girl I fooled around with about two months ago or so. She's 19, quite good looking, but wierd (about as wierd as I am ). She's in one of my classes, and I knew she was into me by the glances she kept giving me (no smile or anything, she just did it a lot), so I invited her to a party of mine and we ended up making out, etc. I could tell I made her nervous. About 4 days later I got her over to my house (to grab a potato cannon real quick), but we ended up never leaving the house and having sex instead. She provided absolutely no resistance to any of my advances.

The thing that was wierd about her is that at this point I KNEW she liked me a lot, but she never really showed that interest in the least...never called me, wanted to hang out, etc. ...Smelled like a rules girl or something of that nature. I had to persist a bit to get her to go anywhere (bad mistake now that I look at it), but once I got her out with me, it was very easy to do whatever with her. Red flags were awavin`, but I was getting pvssy so I didn't really care. I've since learned. She was very terse and submissive and oftentimes *****y, but to me only it seems (she even admitted that when I told her she was being a bytch, and didn't know why it was only to me).

Well suffice it to say, things got even more messed up. Now normally when this happens, the girl will totally turn off to you, and you to her (sooner or later) and you will go your seperate ways. I'm still in class with this girl, see her at least 3 times a week, and she still friggin LOOKS at me and seems like she wants me to talk to her, just like before. She's not stringing me around, I just think she doesn't know how to talk to me. She's social with all her other guy friends. I had oneitis for her at one point, but at this point I just think she's very emotionally immature and in general a nutcase. She'll act all uninterested in me, but still hang around and want me to talk to her. I'm friendly to her, but at this point I'm like whatever....this class ends soon enough and I really don't want to see her past that.

But, her behavior IS rather interesting, and I've seen it a few times before. I have noticed with some women that they will act *****y or aloof or terse, etc. to you simply because they like you but don't know how to show it, it seems. For instance, my roommate knew this girl that was being a ***** to him for no appearent reason, and later on, she admitted it was because she liked him and told him she "wanted a relationship". He promptly dropped her off back at her place and did not want to see her again. I know many will think "who cares", but for me this kind of stuff is interesting, **as long as one doesn't use it as justification to keep persuing a girl** (i.e. "she's acting that way because she LIKES me!").

In my mind, any girl who can't be straight up to you about their feelings will simply cause a lot of strife, but I do remember acting similar to girls I liked when I was younger and less mature in this area. For me, it was both because I was afraid of 'messing up' around the person and because I was afraid that I'd get hurt if I opened myself up.

But that's just my idea on it... lets hear your experiences or opinions on girls who act like this.

 

[slipstreamer83]

I was once infatuated with this cute girl, but she was very unconsistent in all she did (I was an AFC at that time, so things wouldnt work anyway).

If I were you, I would feel happy for fvcking her, forget about her and get another girl.

Unconsistent girls only bring problems.

 

[LouieVaton Don]

I can't even begin to fathom what this chicks problem is, but who cares really, you hit already.

 

[crack_her]

I know a chick EXACTLY like this. Very difficult to figure out. I concluded that she was afraid to open up because she didn't want to get hurt. I was so confused because she never wanted to talk about our relationship. Eventually I took it as if she wasn't interested in me and just cut her off. To this day, I still don't know what she wanted.

 

[drumr2]

I'm actually in a semi-relationship with a girl like this. She shows all the signs of someone who doesn't give a damn about me (no calls, never flirts, extremely shy, etc.) but when I am with her, she is ALWAYS receptive to my advances, and gets quite physical. It is very odd, but I cannot condem her for it because I am basically the same way with her. I do it for the reason of not wanting to come off as being too needy or insecure, so I never mention the fact that her lack of flirtatiousness and phone calls bothers me. Not that I want a clingy girl, but I do expect the female to be the more clingy of the couple.

She's a great girl otherwise, but it's hard trying to figure her out. One time, I did mention to her that I was always second-guessing her intentions/thoughts/feelings because she never expresses anything, and she said something about a "defense mechanism". So, based on that, and the way she is when I initiate kisses, etc, I have kept her around.

Sometimes, I think that I am lucky to have a girl like this because she is very low maintenence. However, there are times when I wish I had a healthy relationship with someone who wasn't so much like myself. Like I said, she's a great, respectable girl, but the kind of people that we are make for a very un-passionate and un-inspiring relationship, and that (in my opinion) kills the point of a relationship. Oh well, right now, a girl like her is the only I could even hope to have. I'm just lucky that she's not psycho, clingy or *****y.

:shrugs:

 

[crack_her]

Do you guys think that this is some sort of personality disorder? I remember looking up these symptoms before. I recall that these type of people have a very difficult time sustaining relationships and excelling at work because they lack communication skills.

drumr2: Does your girl dress provocatively? They say that some girls with this type of personality disorder do that to gain the approval of others because they tend to have low self-esteem.

 

[rbd]

Well, there are disorders like schizoid personality disorder, but I don't think what we're seeing here is really a personality disorder.

I can understand why some girls act like this. I think a lot of it is a matter of trust. They've been hurt in the past and they don't want to come out totally and get hurt again. Perhaps they were too needy or too "AFC" and got crushed that way, so now they are trying to control their emotions more. This is a defense mechanism, of course.

With the girl I was seeing, I could tell she liked me a whole lot, but near the end she made it VERY hard to do anything with her. I finally was just like fvck it. How *I* messed up is that my behavior with her was rather bi-polar. Sometimes I was way into her (usually too into her), other times I was acting really cold. That was because my defense mechanisms were kicking in and turning off as well. I was cued into her behavior too much, and I didn't know whether I wanted to just do this girl or I wanted more than that. When I knew I might very well want more than that, her behavior would freak me out and I'd widthdraw. From this all you can see that when both people are employing these 'defense mechanisms', things get messed up. My advice from this episode is to know what you want and go after it, and if it doesn't work out, drop it. Control yourself, but dont play games and don't put on a false face. See Pook's posts on Antidumps stuff for some great material on this.