Emotional shield

[randomwannabe]

Hello guys. Mind you, this is not trolling, by any means. I've been stuggling with this crappy problem, and need you to share some wisdom.

How do you maintain your "emotional shield". By nature, I'm a very emotional guy, rough and careless only on the outside. The problem is basically that I respond too strongly to women's attraction signals. When a chick shows too much interest in convo, I get it as "the fish caught the bait". No problem with that, but in response I get interested too much, too much willing to show my emotional side, my true intentions.

The overall problem is that I can't really stop this pussification process. Too many times chicks showed interest, and too many times I've been fooled like a kid. She actually has a boyfriend! (I always seek to confirm that is some subtle way).

What the heck. I've already learned women are natural born flirting machines, but still, I'm not a mother****en cyborg, and can't be so macho and indifferent to IOIs which later turn out to be fake (oh, so sorry, she just wanted to be nice and friendly).

How would you fix the problem?

 

[pdx1138]

I had a similar thought process before I came here and learned better/tamed it.

The thing is, make no thoughts like this until you've slept with them....it's a waste of time/emotion if you never get to the intimacy stage.

And then...watch yourself. Don't volunteer/ask about "what are we?"

Let them do it. Most of them will if you've been banging every weekend, right around the 3 month mark.

Again...ok to think, but do not speak of it. Put a Hannibal lecter muzzle on if you have to!

And when they do ask....reply with "why do you ask?" (great tip from a poster here)

 

[phillies]

Feels like you described me. Got to internalize it. In time. All good things take time. Its relative.

 

[phillies]

Great men take years and years to perfect themselves. Its like the force. Another thing is to stop over thinking. Talking about something weather it be to another person, or to your self, is the lack of action. Baby steps. I say this for me to.

 

[TheCWord]

And when they do ask....reply with "why do you ask?" (great tip from a poster here)

Nice. What does that do to the convo? How does the rest of it go?

 

[pdx1138]

Nice. What does that do to the convo? How does the rest of it go?

LOL I've yet to try it, but I will at the next opportunity.

It makes them explain what they are thinking instead of having you volunteer info they may not
want to hear.


The last LTR I was in, she asked "where is this relationship going? (spot on 3 months)
I basically said I wasn't seeing anyone else.

when she asked the same question the next weekend (right after morning sex of course)
I finally understood, she actually wanted to hear me say I wanted kids with her. I didn't.
It sort of caught me off guard... got ugly....ruined my day and spiraled down from there.
Less than a month later we were done.

 

[floydb25]

You just have to not take it seriously unless they show strong interest. Remember that girls can also lose interest quickly - without telling you about it / stringing you along. Especially the hot ones with options who flirt with everyone. They might like you for a very brief period - then boom, gone. Always think of their interest as intrigue - not genuine interest. Even if you date for a while - it's still not in the bag. Never get too ahead of yourself, and take everything as is.

Mostly just follow their actions and interest level. Are you just wasting time? Being flaked on? Not taken seriously? Have a feeling that something is amiss / you're just being teased or led on? If you're escalating, and nothing comes of it, or there's mixed messages - move on.

But, even if a girl DOES show strong interest, and does like you, and does date you - you have to keep your emotions in check, and not go ape****. Coming on too strong, too soon is a good way for them to lose interest in you. Just gotta play it cool, and really not care about the outcome (not just acting like you don't). You can't be over-eager, desperate, and start lavishing your interest and life story all over the place. Little by little - while focusing mostly on casual fun in the beginning. Don't be too serious or wear your heart on a sleeve. It's all about attraction and passion and mystery and blah blah. Always keep it casual with NO expectations in the beginning, but make sure there is give and take.

As to how... you just have to do it. You already know what making an ass out of yourself feels like; being led on; expectations leading to disappointment. So, knock it off. Don't jump into hysteria and start obsessing every time a girl flirts or shows interest. Take it as no big deal., because it isn't one. Just have fun, try to escalate, and see where things go. Don't ask about or try to define ****, either, It should be natural-flowing. Spontaneous.

But mostly just stop caring so much. Desperation is bad. As well, you don't want to show that their interest (or non) has a major affect on you, or you make a prime target for predators.

 

[randomwannabe]

floydb25 thanks so much. Good advice here.

 

[Secondtimeround]

Find a stress relieving hobby. Something like surfing. All that bottled up emotion and stress can be relieved easily even by simply going for a run. See how surfers are always so relaxed? No it's not the pot, there's something about just simply sitting in the ocean with no one about that takes all the crap thats happened on the day away.

Any type of exercise that you get a jump out of will do. Every time you feel your head getting ahead of itself, go for that run etc. By the time you are back everything gets grounded and things get put into perspective. DOesn't have to be exercise either. Could be painting, guitar anything that takes your mind off the girl.

 

[PlayHer Man]

The answer to 99% of a man's dating problems is his mindset. The solution is simple:

Stop chasing LOVE and start chasing SEX.

Its the woman's job to be soft and marshmallowy with her feelings. Its the woman's job to care about "relationships" and bonding. Your job as the man is to charm her a f*ck her. THATS IT. :yes:

VIDEO --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejSq-_NzAps

ALL women want a man who is a BOSS and stronger than them. This will NEVER CHANGE. So either learn to stop giving a f*ck or prepare for a life of depression.

 

[randomwannabe]

Good feedback. Getting psyched. Thanks for support guys. Your karma has increased, but more responses are welcome