Kevin Matthew
Don Juan
As most people might imagine by reading the title of this thread, I am going through a very tough break up, and like most people in our generation, I sought the internet for advice. I truly believe this girl is the one for me, and I really don't know what to do...but like most situations, I didn't realize what I had until it was gone. I hope that everyone who reads this thread will read it in its entirety, and respond with the best advice you can. The real question I am seeking an answer for is whether or not the No Contact challenge is appropriate for my situation. Please try and respond ASAP, because I want to start moving forward tonight. I am going in to a lot of detail. This spans over the course of the past month and a half, so I will do my best to use dates to keep you in the story. Thank you.
Before we started dating(last April) we hooked up off and on for a couple months beginning in October 2011. I had always liked her more than she liked me, and it showed. I was basically obsessed with her. I even told her I loved her before we were even dating. The truth is, at this time she was my perfect woman, and I was living at home post college miserably. I often reached out to her, and she wouldn't contact me unless she wanted to have sex. Then the tides turned. I forgot about her. Focused on moving into NYC and found a new/hotter girl to focus my attention. While I was trying to hook up with this prettier girl, she finagled her way back in to my life(because i basically told her i hated her, and she missed me), and had the luxury of 2 very pretty girls. The prettier one ended up deading me, but I was happy to still have Chelsea.
The truth is, we kind of rushed into the relationship when we started dating. I had just moved in to my NYC apartment and loved being single in NYC. One day we were both drunk at a concert and she asked why I kept introducing her as my friend...I felt forced to ask her out, and for a while, I didn't really appreciate what we had because I wasn't sure if I really wanted to be in the relationship. After a while I began reminding myself of how I felt when i was living at home, when she had the upper hand. I tried to mentally motivate myself to want to be in the relationship, and it worked...for a little.
So probably around Halloween we could both tell things were on the rocks. We began fighting, and I started to think that I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. I thought that I wanted to be young, single and ready to mingle living in NYC. Because of this my actions began reflecting how I felt, and I began making less of an effort. The truth is, at this point I wanted to be single because I felt like my years sleeping around were limited(I'm 24 years old), but on the other hand, I also knew that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with her, and it scared me. I thought I was too young for something like that. I was immature and thought that I needed to go out and sleep with more women. I was thinking like a typical guy. I was also too scared to break up with her on my own because I didn't want to hurt her, and because we share some friends, so I thought I could manipulate her, and push her to break up with me, because I thought it was what I wanted.
Eventually it all climaxed one night in February when she was sleeping at her cousin's apartment in the city. She lost her wallet, and I didn't even go help when she called me looking to be "rescued". Looking back on it I can't believe I did that, but I knew what I was doing at the time, and I knew that we would probably break up after that. I was such an *******. The next day she emailed me saying she wanted a break. At this point I still thought it was what I wanted so I didn't even respond. We ended up going to see Swedish House Mafia at MSG together as friends on March 1st. We danced, and made out, but we were friends. The next day we went out to breakfast, talked and broke up.
About 10 days later I woke up on a Monday morning(March 11) and realized how stupid of a mistake I made. I was a mess. I called her that night and begged for her to come back. She said no and basically broke up with me again. I embarrassed myself. A week later I thought it would be better to show her how much I cared so I wrote her a long note, put a scrap book together, sang her a song on video, and gave her 4 roses(3 real and 1 silk and left a note saying "i will love you until the last one dies"). She freaked, and told me that I was a creep. I know it was aggressive, but I also forgot to leave the note with the rest of the package, so it probably just looked like me begging for her back again. The note I wrote was very well thought out, and explained how I felt. How I thought I wanted to be single, and I started acting a certain way because of it. Here is the note...
Chelsea,
I am not writing you this to beg for you back; I think I embarrassed myself enough when I called you that Monday night. I am writing you this, because writing has always been a way for me to alleviate myself of emotional pain, while at the same time helping to organize my thoughts in a clear and concise way. I think that my feelings, and opinions on this matter deserve to be heard in full, and writing them down is the best way for me to express myself to you. Please keep an open mind, this is this most sincere and self-reflective I've been in my entire life. I am going to do my best to explain what my thought process was, which caused me to act the way I did.
I know that our relationship wasn't perfect towards the end. We didn't spend as much time with each other as we once had, and we were both kind of irritated with the way things were going. A big part of that is I was questioning if I wanted "us". I wasn't positive that I wanted to be in a relationship at this age, which is why I wasn't acting like myself--The Kevin you fell in love with. I thought that time away from each other is what I wanted. I know that we say we took a "break" before this, but it was nearly non existent. I don't think it can really be considered as such, because we really didn't take any time apart. But after not seeing you for what has been the longest time away from each other since we started dating, I now know what I want. I have taken a step back, and evaluated myself as person. I have thought about what I have too much of in my life, and what I don't have enough of. I have learned a lot about being a man, and being a good person. I have spent countless hours opening up about a very sensitive situation in my life to the people I care about, but don't usually open up to. I have shed many tears in front of these people, behind closed doors, before I fall sleep and even when I wake up...but like I said this letter isn't meant to guilt you, or beg for you back. If I did that, and we did get back together, the result would be us going through the motions again, just to end up in the same situation a couple months later. But that is not what this is. This is me showing you that I have learned from my mistakes. That my eyes have been opened, and I have matured as a person. I won't make the same decisions, or lack of decisions, because I thought it they would make happy, when the opposite is in fact the truth. The truth is, I couldn't make myself happy. I could sit here and list off the cliche things that I should have done better, like take you out to dinner more, or take you to the roof of my building, but I know that's not what you want to hear. The truth is, dinner, or taking you to the roof are only 2 examples on a very long list of things I could've done. I didn't appreciate these types of things at first, but having been pushed to the brink, my views have changed. I know you may think that it's too late, but sometimes situations like this need to take place for people to fully understand.
Chelsea, you are the perfect girl for me, and my eyes are open wide enough to see that now. I know I have said that to you before, but actions speak louder than words, and I truly want to show you. I thought I wanted time apart, but I was wrong...very wrong. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are funny. You are sexy. You are corky. The list goes on, and the best part is, all of these characteristics are just like me. You know what I am thinking before I even open my mouth, and you are capable of finishing my sentences. You fit perfectly in my arms like a puzzle piece. When we hold hands, nothing can break the bond between us. When I'm in your presence all that is bad in my life would be forgotten. In two days I am supposed to go on vacation for what could possibly be a once in a lifetime trip, but you're all I can think about. You are the only ecstasy I need, at this show called "life"...that's truly how you make me feel. I don't want to sound like a broken record, but I have learned a lot, and not even necessarily about relationships. This whole experience has taught me how to mature as a person, in my facets of life. Let me show you.
I love you,
Kevin
(CONTINUED)
Before we started dating(last April) we hooked up off and on for a couple months beginning in October 2011. I had always liked her more than she liked me, and it showed. I was basically obsessed with her. I even told her I loved her before we were even dating. The truth is, at this time she was my perfect woman, and I was living at home post college miserably. I often reached out to her, and she wouldn't contact me unless she wanted to have sex. Then the tides turned. I forgot about her. Focused on moving into NYC and found a new/hotter girl to focus my attention. While I was trying to hook up with this prettier girl, she finagled her way back in to my life(because i basically told her i hated her, and she missed me), and had the luxury of 2 very pretty girls. The prettier one ended up deading me, but I was happy to still have Chelsea.
The truth is, we kind of rushed into the relationship when we started dating. I had just moved in to my NYC apartment and loved being single in NYC. One day we were both drunk at a concert and she asked why I kept introducing her as my friend...I felt forced to ask her out, and for a while, I didn't really appreciate what we had because I wasn't sure if I really wanted to be in the relationship. After a while I began reminding myself of how I felt when i was living at home, when she had the upper hand. I tried to mentally motivate myself to want to be in the relationship, and it worked...for a little.
So probably around Halloween we could both tell things were on the rocks. We began fighting, and I started to think that I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. I thought that I wanted to be young, single and ready to mingle living in NYC. Because of this my actions began reflecting how I felt, and I began making less of an effort. The truth is, at this point I wanted to be single because I felt like my years sleeping around were limited(I'm 24 years old), but on the other hand, I also knew that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with her, and it scared me. I thought I was too young for something like that. I was immature and thought that I needed to go out and sleep with more women. I was thinking like a typical guy. I was also too scared to break up with her on my own because I didn't want to hurt her, and because we share some friends, so I thought I could manipulate her, and push her to break up with me, because I thought it was what I wanted.
Eventually it all climaxed one night in February when she was sleeping at her cousin's apartment in the city. She lost her wallet, and I didn't even go help when she called me looking to be "rescued". Looking back on it I can't believe I did that, but I knew what I was doing at the time, and I knew that we would probably break up after that. I was such an *******. The next day she emailed me saying she wanted a break. At this point I still thought it was what I wanted so I didn't even respond. We ended up going to see Swedish House Mafia at MSG together as friends on March 1st. We danced, and made out, but we were friends. The next day we went out to breakfast, talked and broke up.
About 10 days later I woke up on a Monday morning(March 11) and realized how stupid of a mistake I made. I was a mess. I called her that night and begged for her to come back. She said no and basically broke up with me again. I embarrassed myself. A week later I thought it would be better to show her how much I cared so I wrote her a long note, put a scrap book together, sang her a song on video, and gave her 4 roses(3 real and 1 silk and left a note saying "i will love you until the last one dies"). She freaked, and told me that I was a creep. I know it was aggressive, but I also forgot to leave the note with the rest of the package, so it probably just looked like me begging for her back again. The note I wrote was very well thought out, and explained how I felt. How I thought I wanted to be single, and I started acting a certain way because of it. Here is the note...
Chelsea,
I am not writing you this to beg for you back; I think I embarrassed myself enough when I called you that Monday night. I am writing you this, because writing has always been a way for me to alleviate myself of emotional pain, while at the same time helping to organize my thoughts in a clear and concise way. I think that my feelings, and opinions on this matter deserve to be heard in full, and writing them down is the best way for me to express myself to you. Please keep an open mind, this is this most sincere and self-reflective I've been in my entire life. I am going to do my best to explain what my thought process was, which caused me to act the way I did.
I know that our relationship wasn't perfect towards the end. We didn't spend as much time with each other as we once had, and we were both kind of irritated with the way things were going. A big part of that is I was questioning if I wanted "us". I wasn't positive that I wanted to be in a relationship at this age, which is why I wasn't acting like myself--The Kevin you fell in love with. I thought that time away from each other is what I wanted. I know that we say we took a "break" before this, but it was nearly non existent. I don't think it can really be considered as such, because we really didn't take any time apart. But after not seeing you for what has been the longest time away from each other since we started dating, I now know what I want. I have taken a step back, and evaluated myself as person. I have thought about what I have too much of in my life, and what I don't have enough of. I have learned a lot about being a man, and being a good person. I have spent countless hours opening up about a very sensitive situation in my life to the people I care about, but don't usually open up to. I have shed many tears in front of these people, behind closed doors, before I fall sleep and even when I wake up...but like I said this letter isn't meant to guilt you, or beg for you back. If I did that, and we did get back together, the result would be us going through the motions again, just to end up in the same situation a couple months later. But that is not what this is. This is me showing you that I have learned from my mistakes. That my eyes have been opened, and I have matured as a person. I won't make the same decisions, or lack of decisions, because I thought it they would make happy, when the opposite is in fact the truth. The truth is, I couldn't make myself happy. I could sit here and list off the cliche things that I should have done better, like take you out to dinner more, or take you to the roof of my building, but I know that's not what you want to hear. The truth is, dinner, or taking you to the roof are only 2 examples on a very long list of things I could've done. I didn't appreciate these types of things at first, but having been pushed to the brink, my views have changed. I know you may think that it's too late, but sometimes situations like this need to take place for people to fully understand.
Chelsea, you are the perfect girl for me, and my eyes are open wide enough to see that now. I know I have said that to you before, but actions speak louder than words, and I truly want to show you. I thought I wanted time apart, but I was wrong...very wrong. You are beautiful. You are smart. You are funny. You are sexy. You are corky. The list goes on, and the best part is, all of these characteristics are just like me. You know what I am thinking before I even open my mouth, and you are capable of finishing my sentences. You fit perfectly in my arms like a puzzle piece. When we hold hands, nothing can break the bond between us. When I'm in your presence all that is bad in my life would be forgotten. In two days I am supposed to go on vacation for what could possibly be a once in a lifetime trip, but you're all I can think about. You are the only ecstasy I need, at this show called "life"...that's truly how you make me feel. I don't want to sound like a broken record, but I have learned a lot, and not even necessarily about relationships. This whole experience has taught me how to mature as a person, in my facets of life. Let me show you.
I love you,
Kevin
(CONTINUED)
