Embrace the Hate?

[The LadyKiller]

This is an idea/epiphany I came up with very recently. I work at a very large company with many of the employees in their early-mid 20s like myself. We all relocated for this job, so my "out of work friends" are a couple of hours away; everyone we know around here is from work (long/strange hours, common interests, etc.)

Work production wise, I do very nicely. Supervisors trust me on major assignments and I do not disappoint. I do not "take plays off" like a number of people do, they have told me this is very much appreciated. However, girls at my work are not big fans. They are of the same rank as me and there is some hidden grudge that is noticeable. Yes, I am better at my job than a lot of them, but that goes for guys too and I have no problem with any of the guys. I've asked some of my good guy friends if these girls have mentioned a problem, but they also have no idea.

This is not a thread about "oh what don't they like about me?" It's probably impossible to figure out. I'm not a price/crude/moron, so a personality overhaul is not in order. However...

...should I embrace the hate? This is not a strategy I've tried before, but perhaps it could work. Are there any things to keep in mind while "embracing the hate?" Any particular way I should act while keeping things professional (remember it's at work)? My thinking is: I sometimes try too hard to get people to like me and it doesn't work. Will doing the very opposite reap positive results? Hmm...

I am an outgoing personality, very gregarious and talkative and generally positive. I treat people nicely and with respect; not worth it to show spite or anger. In an environment where people are naturally protective, I am open. I am extremely confident in my work ability (I don't brag at work) and am often asked to lead my small group's projects. In short, I can capture an audience. :woo: Perhaps this will help while embracing the hate?

 

[PapiChulo]

People hate and always will be hating, and some only like those who like them back. With women it is better to be hated than completely ignored! With decent skill I am pretty sure you could turn all that hate into some passion. Don't try too hard, and genuinely try to see positive in other people (it's hard).

 

[The LadyKiller]

People hate and always will be hating, and some only like those who like them back. With women it is better to be hated than completely ignored! With decent skill I am pretty sure you could turn all that hate into some passion. Don't try too hard, and genuinely try to see positive in other people (it's hard).

I should have clarified. Girls/people at work can't go around saying $&%^#& you, so it's not like I have a lot of girls venting. Moreso it's them either acting very snobby or barely talking if I say hey. Hence some of it is "ignored" while some of it is also the being snobby. I think only one girl actually vented at me and that was awhile ago.

 

[Zerro]

I should have clarified. Girls/people at work can't go around saying $&%^#& you, so it's not like I have a lot of girls venting. Moreso it's them either acting very snobby or barely talking if I say hey. Hence some of it is "ignored" while some of it is also the being snobby. I think only one girl actually vented at me and that was awhile ago.

Snobby women are undeserving of attention. If more guys would embrace this attitude there'd be a lot less *****es in the world.

 

[Mike32ct]

This is an idea/epiphany I came up with very recently. I work at a very large company with many of the employees in their early-mid 20s like myself. We all relocated for this job, so my "out of work friends" are a couple of hours away; everyone we know around here is from work (long/strange hours, common interests, etc.)

Work production wise, I do very nicely. Supervisors trust me on major assignments and I do not disappoint. I do not "take plays off" like a number of people do, they have told me this is very much appreciated. However, girls at my work are not big fans. They are of the same rank as me and there is some hidden grudge that is noticeable. Yes, I am better at my job than a lot of them, but that goes for guys too and I have no problem with any of the guys. I've asked some of my good guy friends if these girls have mentioned a problem, but they also have no idea.

Guys are generally easier to get along with in the workplace than women. Unless you run into some SUPER COMPETITIVE know it all, most dudes won't be a probem. Women are another story...

This is not a thread about "oh what don't they like about me?" It's probably impossible to figure out. I'm not a price/crude/moron, so a personality overhaul is not in order. However...

...should I embrace the hate? This is not a strategy I've tried before, but perhaps it could work.

It's like you read my mind. I'm going through something sort of similar and was thinking the same thing. Yes, EMBRACE the hate.

Are there any things to keep in mind while "embracing the hate?" Any particular way I should act while keeping things professional (remember it's at work)?

Still be polite and professional to people, but be non-reactive to others' negativity.

My thinking is: I sometimes try too hard to get people to like me and it doesn't work.

Agreed. It does NOT work. I run into the same thing.

Will doing the very opposite reap positive results? Hmm...

It might, but even if it doesn't, it's more constructive to embrace the hate than try to change it. It's sort of like a balding man shaving his head. Instead of fighting it, he embraces it.

I am an outgoing personality, very gregarious and talkative and generally positive. I treat people nicely and with respect; not worth it to show spite or anger.

All good stuff.

In an environment where people are naturally protective, I am open.

Be careful with being open. At best, being too open can give coworkers WAY TOO MUCH gossip material. At worst, you could say something that could get you reported.

I am extremely confident in my work ability (I don't brag at work) and am often asked to lead my small group's projects. In short, I can capture an audience. :woo: Perhaps this will help while embracing the hate?

Yeah embrace it. I'll cover more in your second post. Forgive my unnecessary underlining. I couldn't find a way to turn it off lol.

See below...

 

[Mike32ct]

I should have clarified. Girls/people at work can't go around saying $&%^#& you, so it's not like I have a lot of girls venting.

They can't say it out loud in the office or to your face. But rest assured that there will always be someone talking sh*t about you behind your back in the workplace. Workplace gossip is a guarantee like death and taxes. But don't sweat it. Just embrace it :rock: .

Moreso it's them either acting very snobby or barely talking if I say hey. Hence some of it is "ignored" while some of it is also the being snobby. I think only one girl actually vented at me and that was awhile ago.

Ok, now this all adds up....

Snobby girl = A girl who doesn't think you are hot enough to breathe the same air as her.

Observe the hottest guy in the building and see if the ladies are cold or snobby to him. Odds are they are friendly to him, laugh at the stupidest sh*t he says, find all of his hobbies FASCINATING, find his work to be PERFECT, and will defend him to the death in the event of any work conflict lol.

Anyway, you sound like a great guy with a lot going for you. I'll even give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're a handsome dude. But when workplace girls are cold or snobby or short with you, it's generally because you aren't their type physically.

The cruel, sad reality is that women LOOK DOWN on guys they don't want to b*ng. I mean, in theory, your looks shouldn't matter as far as being liked and respected as a WORKER, right? Sadly, to women, they do.

I'm a great worker and probably the brightest guy in my office. The bosses have great respect for me. But the women range from b*tchy to marginally friendly to me. This very good looking guy, call him Steve, that I could run circles around workwise, can do NO WRONG in the ladies eyes. They constantly tell me how great Steve is.

So just continue doing what you are doing. Embrace the hate

 

[ilikecharlene]

Ignore them, unless their actions seriously impact on your work performance or enjoyment of your job.

I would say though to be civil to everybody on the job, even people you consider (or who consider you) to be enemies.

 

[Mike32ct]

Ignore them, unless their actions seriously impact on your work performance or enjoyment of your job.

I would say though to be civil to everybody on the job, even people you consider (or who consider you) to be enemies.

Agreed. I don't mean "embrace it" as in actively seek out hate. I just mean don't let it bother you. Don't TRY to be liked. Just continue being the civil, friendly professional with everyone.

 

[Zerro]

Observe the hottest guy in the building and see if the ladies are cold or snobby to him. Odds are they are friendly to him, laugh at the stupidest sh*t he says, find all of his hobbies FASCINATING, find his work to be PERFECT, and will defend him to the death in the event of any work conflict lol.

Had this happen right outside my cube one time with a dude who used to work at my company. He had stopped right outside and was surrounded with 3 or 4 women and they were giggling up a storm at every dumb thing he said. Of course I got nothing but icy stares from them when I finished his joke for him, not that he noticed as he was more surprised that I already knew the joke (not as if it was anything new) and went to talk with me instead of them.

 

[Mike32ct]

Had this happen right outside my cube one time with a dude who used to work at my company. He had stopped right outside and was surrounded with 3 or 4 women and they were giggling up a storm at every dumb thing he said. Of course I got nothing but icy stares from them when I finished his joke for him, not that he noticed as he was more surprised that I already knew the joke (not as if it was anything new) and went to talk with me instead of them.

Exactly. Some SS guys think shallow women and b*tch shields are only found in bars and clubs. I beg to differ. Women at work were essentially freezing you out in much the same way.

 

[Zerro]

Exactly. Some SS guys think shallow women and b*tch shields are only found in bars and clubs. I beg to differ. Women at work were essentially freezing you out in much the same way.

Women are essentially the same at all levels: whether they menial jobs or professional ones, have advanced degrees or barely (if even) finished high school, I've looked all over the spectrum and found very little difference in behavior among them.

 

[Mike32ct]

Women are essentially the same at all levels: whether they menial jobs or professional ones, have advanced degrees or barely (if even) finished high school, I've looked all over the spectrum and found very little difference in behavior among them.

Absolutely.

 

[Down Low]

The real problem here is that you work in the world of women: the office, school, retail, domestic help, and so on. They're backstabbing, gossipy, finky, two-faced, and so on. Men who work in the world of women get sissified -- or at least, treated as if they're sissies.

It's different in the world of men. You know: construction, manufacturing, transportation, warehousing, the military, and so on. Men generally get along with other men and don't give a sh1t about personalities.

My advice is that men should work in the world of men until age or injury sends them indoors. Even then, men should have managerial roles that give them authority and respect commeasurate to their age and sex.

 

[Zerro]

Even in an office I'm still working in a male-dominated field. While we do have a few female engineers the majority of women here little more than secretaries whose job is to make our lives easier.

It is a bit nice though being out in the field for a bit while I do a couple month stint at a oil refinery. Gives me a break from these chicks while giving the more deserving ones some time to miss me.

 

[The LadyKiller]

Thanks guys, appreciate the advice. Some really good points.

Ok, now this all adds up....

Snobby girl = A girl who doesn't think you are hot enough to breathe the same air as her.

Observe the hottest guy in the building and see if the ladies are cold or snobby to him. Odds are they are friendly to him, laugh at the stupidest sh*t he says, find all of his hobbies FASCINATING, find his work to be PERFECT, and will defend him to the death in the event of any work conflict lol.

Anyway, you sound like a great guy with a lot going for you. I'll even give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you're a handsome dude. But when workplace girls are cold or snobby or short with you, it's generally because you aren't their type physically.

The cruel, sad reality is that women LOOK DOWN on guys they don't want to b*ng. I mean, in theory, your looks shouldn't matter as far as being liked and respected as a WORKER, right? Sadly, to women, they do.

I'm a great worker and probably the brightest guy in my office. The bosses have great respect for me. But the women range from b*tchy to marginally friendly to me. This very good looking guy, call him Steve, that I could run circles around workwise, can do NO WRONG in the ladies eyes. They constantly tell me how great Steve is.

So just continue doing what you are doing. Embrace the hate

Interesting stuff. The only question I have is, girls seem nice to a lot of guys at my work, and I'm pretty sure they don't want to bang every single one of them (i.e. the 300lb guy). For whatever reason, I'm in the "marginally friendly at best" group.

 

[ArcBound]

Hater's gonna hate.

If you are doing well in your job and consistently being asked to lead others you are doing something right. Keep doing it and forget those who hate you. It's not your job to please everyone.

 

[Mike32ct]

Thanks guys, appreciate the advice. Some really good points.

Interesting stuff. The only question I have is, girls seem nice to a lot of guys at my work, and I'm pretty sure they don't want to bang every single one of them (i.e. the 300lb guy). For whatever reason, I'm in the "marginally friendly at best" group.

What I told you is true, but incomplete and an oversimplification.

Women at work are nice to the following guys:

1. Very good looking guys. We covered this.

2. Guys who are taken, ie married, engaged, or who have girlfriends.

3. Gay guys

4. Guys who recently broke up with their woman.

5. Guys in the popular clique, just like high school. They go to parties and happy hour together.

As for the fat dude thing, actually some young women F fat guys. It's a dominance thing. Some girls get off on it because the guy is WAY bigger than her. Either that, or he's taken or fairly connected to the popular people somehow.

So yes, looks are always #1, but sometimes there are other reasons why girls at work might be nice to a guy, even if they aren't looking to b@ng him.

Women look down on single guys not in the popular group that they don't want to b@ng. I think that's more complete .

 

[zekko]

As for the fat dude thing, actually some young women F fat guys. It's a dominance thing. Some girls get off on it because the guy is WAY bigger than her.

If it's a big, burly, fat guy, girls sometimes feel very safe around them. Because they're so big, they think they can offer protection. The ability to offer protection is a major attraction switch for females. And many times, these guys are strong as hell. Think of those big NFL linemen. I've seen guys like this land some decent looking women.

 

[Mike32ct]

If it's a big, burly, fat guy, girls sometimes feel very safe around them. Because they're so big, they think they can offer protection. The ability to offer protection is a major attraction switch for females. And many times, these guys are strong as hell. Think of those big NFL linemen. I've seen guys like this land some decent looking women.

Agree 100%.

But I've also had women tell me they love how the big guy can throw them around in the bedroom.

 

[bigneil]

With decent skill I am pretty sure you could turn all that hate into some passion. Don't try too hard, and genuinely try to see positive in other people (it's hard).

Exactly. People forget that the #1 way to seduce women (particularly attractive women) is to give them approval for their non-physical traits that make them unique. If she is super feminine, let her know. If she is super sensuous, let her know, and always prove it to her by your observation. It must be legitimate. This isn't the second place trophy system. You must carefully observe her and discover what it is that makes her special to you.

They become that person only when they are with you. You feed her ego, then she goes out and feels stronger because of it, but nobody else is smart enough to see how special she is she comes back to you, eventually becoming trained.

Often they no longer feel like that special person when you are gone.