embarrassed to introduce gf?

[TheTraveller]

So why not break up? Does it make sense to put forth the additional energy to sustain a LDR, especially with a woman you feel that you've settled for?

Do you want to test out your self improvement? Follow your gut, break up with her and then go after what you really want. How is settling for what you don't want helping you anyway?

Truthfully, Francisco, I thought she'd change on her own to be more attractive with her clothing choices, eating habits and exercise. She's slowly improved, but not near what I'm expecting now. I've changed a lot during our 10 months apart in the LDR (after 1 year of being in same city). She has not. We both started out lazy, but she's not helped herself in that regard. She's tried and is trying now, so I thought I'd give it a shot. But it's maddening to wait and think what could be! It's just so hard to let her go because:
- lost vCard to her (as she did as well)
- first LTR
- amazingly kind and caring person, and somewhat open-minded

Of course all those shouldn't matter because (a) vCard, no big deal... (b) first LTR, it would be tough to lose the sense of security, but to lose these thoughts and threads would be great and (c) her personality I will never replace. I may upgrade on it though, or downgrade. And that is what is nerve-wracking. With more experience, (c) should be conquerable.

Part of me also wonders if these are all merely excuses, or if they serve to complement my opinions of her looks.

- T

 

[Hitman10000]

Generally when someone wants to dump someone, they hesitate and it drags on for several more months till it actual dumping happens or worse yet they get married and get all lovey dovey and then reality sets back in and you're stuck with her for a long while.

I once dated a chick, 4 months into it I thought to myself..hmm I don't really want this, so I hesitated breaking up with her for 6 more months till I suddenly just dropped cold and acted non-chalant about everything. As expected she dumped me within weeks of me acting indifferent to her and she was very quick about it like she expected it to happen. Are you concerned with her feelings or losing that companionship? That's what friends or pets are for buddy. You gotta think of yourself, if you've ever had any real dating experience you know how cut throat a lot of girls can be.

 

[ValleyDJing]

your about as deep as a tablespoon.

I'm using this line.

 

[woogalie]

I went through the same god damn thing... But my situation was for 4.5 years and 1.5 of it was long distance! Add to that the fact that we were each others first, we clicked perfectly and rarely fought. She was definatly a girl to marry...

The only thing that doesnt match up is that my girl was about a HB8. So I dont know about the embarassment part.

But anyways, It took me a whole year to finally go after something better and see what else is out there. And I really am glad I did. Ive met so many different girls and now I am starting to realize what I want and exactly what I dont want. And its just getting easier to meet girls everyday.

Maybe your just being lazy and settling because you doubt that you can quickly find another girl? (or easy lay?)

Dump her, think of how many girls you have passed up by staying in this relationship. UPGRADE MAN!!!! :rockon:

 

[Solarium]

If you're OK with cheating, I'd advise you to explore other opportunities before dumping her. That will make you appear less desperate and always having something to bounce back on when something doesn't work well.

 

[killbill]

dude if your embaressed with her you need to think do you still want to be with her then? this is something you have to do.

 

[Obsidian]

Pook says that love is friendship founded on beauty.

 

[bakaten]

pook is da man...

im in precisely the same situation. been with girl 1.5 yrs, hooked up with her first ona 1nightstand (went like 7 months without any play) and then lached on. i just realize that ive been settling. i broke up with her once and then didnt get no play for 3 months got lonely and afc'd back to her. then i fell in "love". truth is i love her but as a friend. i dont even want to kiss/fvck her now. im tired of dealing with fat rolls and lookin at her. i take the train everyday and i feel like every chick looks better. then i see mad outtashape fat dudes with better chicks and im like damn life sux..

right now im thinking of doing a monkey, i want to keep my current girl as a safety. [for somereason lots of girls check me out when im NOT single]. and im wanting to wing this girl at my job but its goin kinda slow. but every weekend i gotta go back to her...
i find myself saying "id rather spank it than mount her again"

it sux man, not only are am i unhappy but im leading a dishonest life. not fair to me or her. we should both break up with our girls...

 

[Obsidian]

I dated a girl for a while (that is, longer than I would've liked had I not felt 1. pressured and 2. needy). Eventually I wised up and broke it off when I got some IOIs from better girls that I wanted to pursue. I knew I was doing the honorable thing, altho I did still feel kinda lame about it for a little while. She was the first girl i dated for any semi-long duration at all -- and i got her by improving myself with fastseduction.com (before I really got hooked on this site), whereas before I had been a total AFC

haven't been in any real relationships since dumping her, but i've definitely improved my game since then (dated or hooked up with plenty). In retrospect, I'm glad I did it.

You just really can't settle when it comes to looks...Looks are too important for male attraction.

 

[TheTraveller]

pook is da man...

[snip]

i take the train everyday and i feel like every chick looks better. then i see mad outtashape fat dudes with better chicks and im like damn life sux..

[snip]

it sux man, not only are am i unhappy but im leading a dishonest life. not fair to me or her. we should both break up with our girls...

Wow, that struck a cord. You feel like every chick looks better. Well, during my 10 months of LDR with this girl (and sometimes during the 1 year of living in the same city before the LDR), I feel that just about every girl I see is better looking. That's just some very very weird stuff man. It messes with your mind. It's like "I have to now convince myself that I'm willing to accept the fact that my girlfriend is ugly, always has been." Since that's hard to do, I've just tried to ignore it. Guess what happens then? The gut turns on every once in a while and either says "cheat" or "get out of the relationship".

It's like feeling sorry for the unfortunate. You want to keep giving regardless of their poor situation. But you know that you have to do what's best for you first, however selfish that may sound. Since this is what I'm realizing now, the breakup is not far to follow I'd assume.

 

[Lust]

Dude if you really like her then you wouldn't be embrassed to show her off to your friends and if they are your real friends they won't talk **** about her because of the way she looks.

Pft.

My mates,

My REAL mates will laugh, giggle, slap me in the back and tell me I deserve better.

Because they truly believe that, why else would they laugh?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Truthfully, Francisco, I thought she'd change on her own to be more attractive with her clothing choices, eating habits and exercise. She's slowly improved, but not near what I'm expecting now. I've changed a lot during our 10 months apart in the LDR (after 1 year of being in same city). She has not. We both started out lazy, but she's not helped herself in that regard. She's tried and is trying now, so I thought I'd give it a shot. But it's maddening to wait and think what could be! It's just so hard to let her go because:
- lost vCard to her (as she did as well)
- first LTR
- amazingly kind and caring person, and somewhat open-minded

Of course all those shouldn't matter because (a) vCard, no big deal... (b) first LTR, it would be tough to lose the sense of security, but to lose these thoughts and threads would be great and (c) her personality I will never replace. I may upgrade on it though, or downgrade. And that is what is nerve-wracking. With more experience, (c) should be conquerable.

Part of me also wonders if these are all merely excuses, or if they serve to complement my opinions of her looks.

- T

Two things:

1. Expectations are bad, don't count on them. If you want something from someone, tell them; don't expect them to read your mind.
2. Excuses are fuel of procrastinators, the fearful and the unaccountable.

 

[TheTraveller]

Well, I just got a PM from a female user on the forums, shall remain nameless. The just of the msg was that kind girls are keepers and that looks can fade, quickly, or be taken away due to an accident, for example.

To me, this reasoning seems to be noting some fear of finding the one we want now and hope to have for the future. It's resenting to the fact that we should settle. I agree that finding a kind girl is a keeper, but it must be in consideration with everything else. There's only so far kindness takes you.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Well, I just got a PM from a female user on the forums, shall remain nameless. The just of the msg was that kind girls are keepers and that looks can fade, quickly, or be taken away due to an accident, for example.

To me, this reasoning seems to be noting some fear of finding the one we want now and hope to have for the future. It's resenting to the fact that we should settle. I agree that finding a kind girl is a keeper, but it must be in consideration with everything else. There's only so far kindness takes you.

Is there a problem with wanting a kind woman who's attractive?

 

[Obsidian]

No, there is no problem at all. I'd much rather be single than be committed to a girl who is either unkind or unattractive. I don't demand perfection, by any means, but they definitely need to be able to turn me on, and to stand out somewhat.

Failure is not being single. Failure is being part of a bad relationship.

 

[TheTraveller]

No, there is no problem at all. I'd much rather be single than be committed to a girl who is either unkind or unattractive. I don't demand perfection, by any means, but they definitely need to be able to turn me on, and to stand out somewhat.

Failure is not being single. Failure is being part of a bad relationship.

I agree, completely. I don't demand perfection, as I'm definitely not perfect. Do I have character flaws and flaws looks-wise? Yes. Do they get me down? No. Can I improve on some of them? Yes.

For me, I have a high sex drive and really it would take a lot to *not* turn me on. My gf stands out in the wrong ways. Beautiful eyes but face and hair that are not attractive.

It's just knowing that she will be very sad by breaking up. And that in turn, due to my almost 2 years with her, makes me a bit upset. How to overcome these feelings is the challenge.

 

[bakaten]

i dont want perfection either, but u should atleast be attract to who u are with, if its 3 or a 10 dont matter as long as ur happy with what u have.