embarassed, frustrated, what the hell am I doing

[JB101]

To put it simply, I'm going to be 26 years old in a few months and it seems like I havent had much of a social life for the past 7-8 years. My lack of success with women is driving me freakin insane!!

I found out about sosuave, david deangelo and asf about a year and a half ago and went through the typical "ah ha" moments. I immersed myself in it, and I really "get it" in my gut. I tried out EC, kino, and some C&F last year at college. And I had decent results. Girls have responded to me positively. But it's like I sabatoge myself by not believing the results.

I haven't ever asked a girl for her number or even been out on a date in real life. A few years ago, I did go out with some girls that I met from the internet, but I only clicked with one and I wasn't interested in her as a gf.

On a scale of 1-10, I'm about a 5 in looks. Very similar to Tom Green or David Shwimmer. I dress well. It's no problem to pick out a nice cologne. Would it be unreasonable to just go out on a date with a girl who's a 6 or 7?

Some guys may say, lower your standards, but I'm simply not attracted to 1s or 2s. I remember this butch chick flirting with me in college a few years ago, and I'm like, hell no, I have standards for myself.

Maybe part of the problem is just getting over the fact that I wasnt going out for so long. I dont know....

 

[Skel]

ya what he said in the last paragraph

 

[schulkfl]

Don't settle for what you don't want- this won't make you a happier person- Elevate and improve yourself so that you can make a move on that 7 or 8 or God forbid, a 10-
Change your outlook and get some confidence buddy-
It's amazing when I look at the changes I've gone through myself- I'm sure you can do the same- it just takes some effort and will power, and a little time- you'll be fine if you seriously make an effort-

the first step in anything is realizing you've got to change- looks like you just took the hardest step

 

[diablo]

Exactly as they said... just by the fact that you're posting means that you realize that you want something more out of life than what you've got. Have you tried doing the DJ Boot Camp?

Another thing on the top of my mind.. you care too much about your looks. Stop rating yourself as a 5, and think of yourself as being... well, you. There's nothing you can do to change the major parts of the way you look, except the physical things such as clothes, shaving, clear skin, etc. Make yourself as attractive as possible, and feel good about yourself. Then see how far you get.

 

[Skel]

well im 26 now too
I wasnt always so smoothe with the females you know, in fact i only had one girlfriend up until about a year ago. I thought i was a loser and would never get married/laid etc.

I finally figured out the problem, it was me. I dont mean it was my looks or anything like that but it was my general attitude towards life. I wasnt a GO GETTER or a GO GETHER. Through lots of trial and error and pushing myself to be a better person in general I am now happy in life. It wasnt easy. NO not at all. I had to push myself to do things. I pushed myself not only to go out and meet people, but in a career sense as well. You dont know how sad it is when your making 7 dollars an hour and your 25. I told myself F this. I went out, enrolled in school and am now making mucho dollar bills. I still am shy around females but I dont let it stop me anymore. I do what I want when i want. I talk to who i want when i want and if they dont like me, tuff shiat its their loss not mine.

 

[DJ_Dork]

Alright dude, no shame in this. Read up and you will improve.

 

[JB101]

Yesterday was rock bottom I think in my attitude and behavior. I'm a fully function, fully capable human being (I'm smart, funny, laid back, I've had some great conversations and moments with hot girls in the past, whether it was kino, or making them laugh or strong EC) yet when I went out to this outdoor mall intent on at least talking to someone I just couldn't do it. I could barely ask a woman at another place for the time.

Today was a new day. I bombarded myself with positive affirmations:

I am the man. Women want me.

My affirmations work all the time

I'm feeling healthy, confident, vibrant and full of life.

I repeated those sayings in my mind over and over and over. I went to a supermarket and I actually felt like I could talk to anyone. I felt really good. It's amazing what some positive thinking will do.

Tomorrow I'm going to do it again. I'll probably go to Barnes and Noble or Starbucks or some place like that. It's all about your state. I also want to accept doing something wrong. I've walked on eggshells so long, worried if I say the wrong thing she wont be interested.

I'll post my results tomorrow.

 

[coldcoal]

Hey JB.

You mentioned you have had problems with your social life. It sounds as if this is with people in general and not just women. Fair assumption?

If this is correct, you must deal with it as a people problem and not singularly on women alone. Some "DJ guidelines" can equally be used on potential buddies just as well, like calling, availability, being C & F and so on. They are actually just personality traits that work on all people, and not just women.

Try some of the stuff you're learning here (that would be acceptable, of course, I'm sure you don't want to kino some dude...uness you have a death wish) and try it on people in general.

If you can apply the attitude universally, courting women becomes a much less daunting task all together.

 

[ScrewIt]

i sense lack of confidence.
and this i sense is caused from you passing judgement on your looks to base it around the idea if you succeed or not.

look one of my friends is not so good looking id probably give him a 6. but that's cause he doesnt do anything to improve his looks.
he's had the same old hair cut for the past 8 years. leave a mustache on, added together = a guy looking like he's in his 30's - 40's.

it's possible to improve your looks, cut that hair! and gel it up or something.

what you need is a confidence boost. most ppl who may not have been so lucky to be born attractive have either low self esteem or is still doing their best and enjoyuing life! i have friends who enjoy life, and others who dont because they do it to themselves.

 

[JB101]

I did go to Barnes and Noble and Starbucks but chickened out from talking to people. I go back and forth constantly, from wanting to do it to going back to my old identity of a loner, just out doing his own thing. I've never felt like I really fit in socially with my peers (at least in the last 6-8 years). I was never into drinking, smoking, drugs, partying. I went in another direction and focused alot of my attention on a small business, school and learning alot about personal growth (Tony Robbins, NLP, etc).

The thing that really woke me up, and made me take notice is that you're only young once. I want to be able to look back and say..."I had some great times in my early to mid 20's with girls".

I took a look at the "top cologne" thread on here, and tomorrow I'll go out and find some of the best ones. I want to make some progress everyday towards improving.

 

[schulkfl]

With respect to the "going back and forth" and the temptation to stay in your own comfortable world, remember the 3 second rule. Don't think about it- see your prey and just do it. Do not think about whether to do it or not.
Another motivational thing that helped me is from the DJ Bible- the post about not hitting the steering wheel- I dont even remember too much what it is about, but I still use that one b/c the feeling of having failed is a lot worse- Find something you can tell yourself that will remind you that failure feels horrible.

Go out and break down that barrier -
cheers

 

[jseib]

Dude.. I'm in very simular shoes but listen to the advice the boyz here are giving you.. It's hard I know but the more you try the more you realise there's nothing to fear.. The bible has changed my life literally now I don't agree with EVERYTHING but I've taken what I find useful and incorporated it into my game and I've gone from a stay at home loner to a party boy.. Believe me the first time 2 chicks invited me to there place after a night of drinking and had me take pictures of there boobies I knew I had reached the promised land... You can do it man just stick with it and keep pushing your limits!!!

 

[amokk23]

Bump !


Bump!



Bump!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

JB,

From hereon into the future, this should be your attitude, "I will not be the root of my own unhappiness and demise, I will not sabotage my own efforts by automatically assuming women will reject me and thus not approach them. I will give them at least the opportunity to reject me on their own accord!" With this attitude, only then can you truly look back and not have any regrets that your 'inaction' was the cause of your lackluster social/romantic life.

This will then be one less factor out of various factors that keep you from being succesful when interacting with others! Don't be your worst enemy!!!

 

[JB101]

I picked up some Aqui De Gio by Armani today. I'll add Curve and Romance by Ralph Loren to my collection soon. Clothes, hairstyle, cologne, and personal grooming are all looking top notch. I'm 6"2, and 160 lbs. I want to add another 10-15 pounds, at least by the end of the year sticking to my current workout and calorie schedule.

Now, I've got to work massively on my inner game. Today, I was too pre occupied thinking about my past to go out and use C&F, or really any game.

My goal for the next few months is just to have a f**king awesome time with women. There's a great ocean view restaurant around here that I'd love to take a girl to. And going to the movies and just going out. I want to experience sexual ecstasy beyond anything I've ever dreamt about. Getting a girl so wet, it hurts.

Tomorrow, I'm going back out in the field, rain or shine.

 

[vectorz]

If I were you, I'd just take sex from any female I can get at this point. It'll do wonders for your downward spiral and confidence. Even if she's an ugh, it'll still take off the edge.

 

[JSH]

Originally posted by vectorz
If I were you, I'd just take sex from any female I can get at this point. It'll do wonders for your downward spiral and confidence. Even if she's an ugh, it'll still take off the edge.

yep although dont view it as the only woman you could get, but as a progression. As practice