eHarmony profile.

[h_roberts]

Hey fellas.

I joined eHarmony a year and a half ago and 75 exta lbs ago and had no success. I also think I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder and it came through in my profile. Well, I cancelled my membership within two months.

I've reached this point where my confidence level is not perfect, but much higher. I am going out to meet women, but I also realize lots of available women are home with kids and use eHarmony and other sites as a means of meeting men. I tell myself that it isn't just men who feel dating frustration.

So, a few days ago I bought 6 months worth of membership. I figure if I get 6 dates out of it, it will have been worth it. I also figure the quality of women on a pay site might be a bit higher. Seems like a lot of nurses and real estate agents etc. are using it.

Anyway, I'd like to ask you guys to critique my profile. I'm digging deep for the DJ inside of me and shed the AFC. I wanted to come across confident and a tad ****y. But I don't want to appear a jerk or a fake either.

Here is the basic profile questions and answers:


1. What are you most passionate about?
I am passionate about having fun, traveling, enjoying life. I am passionate about being financially secure...keeping in good shape and continuously improving myself....riding my motorcycle whenever I can and enjoying the outdoors.

2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
sense of humor
health and energy level
career. I would be lost without a stable job

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
Ben Stiller. That dude is funny

4.The four things your friends say about you are:
Ambitious
Easy-Going
Spontaneous
Physically Fit

5. What are three of your BEST life-skills?
Finding and taking on challenging activities
Remaining calm yet resilient during a crisis
Achieving personal goals

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
This is the toughest question we all ask ourselves. I've met many people in my life and I've found each individual offers positive qualities if you give them a chance. More than anything, I think I want to be with someone who I just enjoy listening to. Someone who, when I'm in their presence, makes me feel like the luckiest person on Earth. I want to meet someone who I really want to know how their day went, what caused them stress, what made them happy or excited. Yeah, if I met that person, I think all the other things I want would already be there. See the bottom of my profile for more...

7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
People notice that I know how to have fun. I make the best out of my free time. I get things accomplished that are on my to-do list and then I make life happen for me.

8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
I don't worry about crap like that.

9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?
Riding my motorcycle. Tailgating or watching sports. Dancing, listening to live music.

10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"
My car.
My motorcycle.
bathroom supplies.
mexican food.
a good laugh.

11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
"See Spot Run." No really, I used to read Dean Koontz a lot but my life is to busy and active lately for reading other than news sites or magazine articles.

12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.
I'm a secret agent. LOL What kind of question is that?

13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
How I think women are supposed to be treated...Women don't need boys, they need men. Men take care of things, and they take care of women. I have a motorcycle. It is my most cherished posession. I keep it clean, I keep it shiney, I keep it running and working like it's supposed to. In return, my motorcycle gives me pleasure and fun. It takes care of me too. The LUCKY girl who falls for me will appreciate the way I care for her. Life will always be interesting. There will always be something to do and I'll have everything taken care of. Life isn't a fairy tale, but with me in it it's pretty damn close.


Let me know if I made any crucial AFC mistakes. I think I did ok, but a second set of eyes.......Thanks.

 

[h_roberts]

For number 8, the question about wanting people to notice something, I thought about adding this but it might come across too sexual or "full of it"

"Isn't it a shame we have to wear clothes that cover up our best qualities?"

 

[DJCT]

What in your answers would make you stand out from anybody else on the site? I see online dating as being a lot like marketing. If you have nothing seemingly unique/better to offer, if you have nothing that differentiates you from the competition, you probably won't stand out enough to get any action.

 

[h_roberts]

What in your answers would make you stand out from anybody else on the site? I see online dating as being a lot like marketing. If you have nothing seemingly unique/better to offer, if you have nothing that differentiates you from the competition, you probably won't stand out enough to get any action.

Yeah, that is true.

Well, eHarmony only gives you so many characters per question to answer, and some of the questions (the ones with single word answers) you have to choose from a list of descriptors.

I tried to use a touch of humor in some of my answers to stand out. In the descriptor words, I tried to use masculine "power" words, assertive stuff. But I also tried to demonstrate that I'm not a sociopath who is ready to go off on the world. The life skills answers were also from a list.

I mentioned my motorcycle to show I have interests outside of dating, and to also show I have an exciting side.

And the last question was answered to "implant" the idea that I'm not a boy and I know how to treat a woman, that I'm not selfish but know how to take charge.

I really think the thing that will set me apart is the photographs, of which I've only uploaded 3 so far. I need to put pictures of me doing things interesting with friends. I have one picture from a motorcycle museum I visited in Alabama with friends, but the other two are self-snaps. I'm going on a ride with a friend this weekend and I'll get some more shots.

What do you suggest, in the context of a limited space, that I might add? Are you saying perhaps add a wise quote from someone famous that makes me sound learned ?(well, not that I'm not a little anyway) ....perhaps write a haiku? Mention the title of a book that is adventurous? Mention somewhere I've lived or travelled? Mention a funny skill or talent?

I know, short answer would be any one of these things or a combination.

Thanks for that constructive remark. I'll add some tidbits soon. I did just receive a hit from a very attractive woman (by her picture), a glamour shot type photo. Long, straight dark hair and modelesque facial features, but I can tell she is heavy. No double chin, not that big, but you know the type I mean. Pretty enough to "practice" my DJ skills with LOL

 

[The Bat]

Alright, first off you need to read this thread about dating single mothers:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=145693

Now, with that being said, you've made some AFC mistakes that I want to point out:

3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
Ben Stiller. That dude is funny

Okay, seriously? Out of all the people you've met and/or read about in your life, Ben Stiller is the most influential? The rest of your profile is pretty serious and to the point; that's why this answer, which your original intent must've been to come off across as a 'funny' guy, seems out of place.

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
This is the toughest question we all ask ourselves. I've met many people in my life and I've found each individual offers positive qualities if you give them a chance. More than anything, I think I want to be with someone who I just enjoy listening to. Someone who, when I'm in their presence, makes me feel like the luckiest person on Earth. I want to meet someone who I really want to know how their day went, what caused them stress, what made them happy or excited. Yeah, if I met that person, I think all the other things I want would already be there. See the bottom of my profile for more...

Ok, wow. Holy pedastiling, Batman!

You are placing that "special someone" above you when you say that only THEY will be responsible for making you feel like the luckiest person on earth. Do you know how absurd this sounds? This is one of the cornerstone quality of an AFC.

It will be easy to just delete that portion out of your profile and make it look more like a DJ profile. But the fact remains that somewhere in the back of your mind, this idealogy of placing a non-existent special someone above you remains grounded in your very nature. Until you figure out that there is no "special someone" who is going to complete your life and make you the LUCKIEST person on earth, you can never break off the shackles of AFC-ism.

I personally think a true DJ has unlimited options in real life to NOT even think about internet dating. Lot of people here will agree with me on this. However, there are plenty who will disagree and talk about their success from internet dating. Whatever floats your boat, I suppose.

 

[h_roberts]

OK, good catches. I'll try to reword that.

But please give me a little break. It IS true that I'm a little bit preprogrammed and need to wipe my hard-drive clean of all the "viruses". I'm trying to learn the skills that being a DJ requires. It goes against my nature a bit. And honest to God, I'm not sure that everything about being smooth with women is absolute. A little of that might be filling their head with the stuff THEY want to hear. I'm not really one to invest my life in making someone happy. I made that mistake before and got roto-rooted.

But your point is taken. And the internet thing...I am just throwing a net out there to see what gets caught in it. I really don't want to sit at a computer all day. Today, I've been working out with my weights and checking into websites, but on a typical day I try to be out in the real world. I'm just trying not to leave any stones or oportunities unturned. And at the very least, while I'm still working on ME, this gives me some opportunity to meet and talk to multiple new women in an environment where I can learn a few things by trial and error.

 

[Stavrogin]

What do you think of your matches so far? I used e-harmony for a while and, about 90% of my matches were at least 5'10" and obese.

 

[h_roberts]

What do you think of your matches so far? I used e-harmony for a while and, about 90% of my matches were at least 5'10" and obese.

Here is my complaint about eHarmony. There is a certain amount of gimmick to the site, and you are being strung along to a degree. They send you a handful of matches daily. They easily have 500 matches for you at any given time within an hours drive if you live in a built up area like me, but they ration them out to you a bit at a time. They want you to stay a member for as long as possible and dangle carrots. The other irritation is that I SPECIFICALLY said I want only matches within an hour's drive of me (60 miles). I live in SE Louisiana, and they are sending me matches from Florida, Arkansas, Texas, Alabama, and Mississippi (which some areas are reasonably close in that case). Now look, I may still be an AFC to a degree, but I'm not such a chump as to drive more than an hour for a lay. Well, maybe if it were a gauranteed lay LOL

They are littering your inbox only to dump two or three at a time that are in your "area".

Well, to answer your question, the one that just hit me up is someone I'd be attracted to for a short-term relationship, but not much more. Well, God I'd really have to meet her, I'm not THAT shallow. But I can tell she's bigger than what my tastes truly go for. She's 5'9 and looks to be 170, 180 lbs or so on a big frame. Probably top heavy and hips...but she has lovely hair, nice complexion, statuesque facial features and eyes, thick lovely lips, high cheekbones, and her face is not fat looking at all, no double chin. Your typical late twenties early thirties woman who doesn't excercise.

BUT, WOW, I just got another hit from a woman in NOrleans who is 42 but HOT. Really attractive. Brown hair and eyes, no more than 120 lbs, average female height, good sounding job.

Of all the women I've seen pics of, it seems two thirds are overweight to an obese degree. As I said, I'm not so shallow that I wont entertain and have a good time with a woman who isn't a fitness model, but my standards are way too high for most of these women.

 

[h_roberts]

Another thing about eHarmony that I call BS on is the "twenty-nine levels of compatability" crap. First, computers can't put people together. It just doesn't work that way. Second, I don't believe for a minute that they really match people this way...oh, maybe loosely, but not 100%. I'd say in a given population matrix of say, 100,000 people in a reasonable driving distance, there are probably only 1,000-2,000 at a time that are using eHarmony. That;s roughly 1,2% of the population. Most people are just not that comfortable using the internet to date, and certainly not paying for it. So how are they going to send you enough matches over the weeks/months to keep you happy from such a small pool? I think they basically match you up with the 50% of the pool that most closely matches your profile. So basically, you are paying them twice as much as any other site to weed out half the people...but even then, half the people they weed out JUST MIGHT be good matches for you anyway, given your own tastes and judegement, and many of the half they show you are probably wack jobs.

I'd rather use a site where I can pick through pictures and profiles, strike up conversations myself, make my own judgements. Heck, sometimes you may not get a date but might make a friend, and women always have two or three girlfriends who are available. But anyway, I'm giving eHarmony a shot just to see what happens.

 

[Luveno]

I am the master of internet dating

H. Roberts,

you are doing it all wrong. Good, quality women do not use dating sites like e-harmony, match, lavalife etc. They use "meeting" websites like myspace, facebook, and hotornot. Plentyoffish can be OK at times but is mostly baggage-heavy. I use it sometimes because it's free.

Girls who use dating websites are generally ugly, fat, or have massive baggage like crotchfruit, a demanding, professional career, or drug abuse. They have no shame in admitting that they, as women, have resorted to using a primarily male tactic to get hitched - that is, post a profile on a dating site. Women are not the aggressors in the world of attraction, and dating websites contradict that natural order. These women are desperate.

Now, here's where semantics comes in: "meeting" websites do not have the stigma attached to them that dating websites do. Girls who use meeting websites do so "because its fun to meet new people, but not to date" because they believe they are still hot commodities in the real world.

Of course, this doesn't stop these women from screwing a guy they meet on the website. After all, what could be more fun than sex?

Here are a few cardinal rules, off the top of my head:

1. Do not use dating websites! These attract old cows. Use meeting websites because these are more hip with the attractive crowd.

2. Do not pay for ANYTHING. A website that makes you pay is a website that doesn't want you to get dates - if you got dates, you wouldn't need to pay for the website now, would you?

3. Never write a hugely long profile - think about it: how much of a girl's profile do you read??? The picture is what makes or breaks an internet profile. So, don't look ugly. If you do, then fix it. Go to the gym. Dress better. Improve grooming. Keep the profile to a mininum; about one or two witty lines.

Good luck!

E-harmony sucks so get off of it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Luveno is right. I tell guys the same things. Myspace is a gold mine of lonely poontang.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

I've had good success with eHarmony.

The trick is that once you exchange questions, request to go straight to fasttrack. Don't do that stupid thing where you trade all your likes/dislikes, must haves/can't stands. Once she's answered your questions, and you've answered hers, go straight to fasttrack, and start trading messages, and close her on a date.

I go on about 10 to 15 dates a month, and of those, about 1/3 are from eHarmony, and the rest are from Match. But even though most of my dates are from Match, I probably hook up on the eHarmony dates more often.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Mike, do you live in an urban area? I think that helps. In my age range in my rural area, there are about 20 women on match and about 2,000 on myspace. Regardless, whatever method you use to get initial dates, good for you if it works.

 

[mrRuckus]

BOOOOOOOOORRRRRING. BORING BORING...

This took like 5 minutes and is downright stupid but works easily. They message me giggly like idiots. No one who matters really gives a damn actually knowing the real answers to this questions. They are interested in your personality and if you are fun.




1. What are you most passionate about?
at the moment, finishing these questions during this commercial break so i can get back to the mcguyver marathon and find out what he's going to do with that matchbox car, fistful of asbestos, and green-blue crayon.

2. What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
My right biceps
My left biceps
The flexibility in my neck to kiss them


3. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
Cookie Monster because he knows what he wants and will stop at nothing to achieve his goals.


4.The four things your friends say about you are:
What a jerk
He eats bananas funny
ruckus, ruckus he's a sweety; He reminds me of a fluffy kitty
weirdo


5. What are three of your BEST life-skills?
Saving villages
Destroying invaders
Moving heavy things

6. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
reeding compreehenshun


7. Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
the big S on my chest


8. What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?

that i can fit squint one eye and squish them between my forefinger and thumb


9. How do you typically spend your leisure time?
no time for leisure when you are saving the world and basking in praise from the womenfolk


10. What are five things that you "can't live without?"
food, air, water, sex, your mom

11. Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?

Practical Programming for Strength Training by Mark Rippetoe. I liked that it will help me not look like such a joke in my batman cape when I go out at night.

12. Describe one thing about yourself that only your best friends know.
You are not my best friends.

13. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
I like stuff.





My headline from match.com when i use it is "From no where, a man appeared... the peasants rejoiced; the women swooned. Finally things were right and the village would be saved." They think it's great. The last thing you want is "looking for love" and "nice guys never win! " as your draw.

 

[h_roberts]

OK, about MySpace.

I do have a MySpace page. I built it about 9 months ago. Eh, I really need to almost scrap it and start over, delete all my pictures and post new ones. I'm at various stages of weight loss in the pictures, different twists to hair styles that I played with. I also have lots of pictures of my son. I think that is a big mistake. It's not a good thing to show too much, especially something that might be a negative to a never-before-been-married younger woman. I really need more candid pictures with friends and doing fun things.

The problem with internet "meeting", especially MySpace, is that yes, there are tons of hot women. It seems everyone has a MySpace page nowadays, from 70 year old grandmas to 20 year old chess competition geeks. But one thing I've noticed about the profiles of hot girls, it doesn't matter what their apparent income or socio-economic status, they always have pictures of living life in the fast lane. Vacations to Mexico, cruises, holding glasses of wine, wearing slinky and expensive dresses at a trendy club, surrounded by their girlfriends and an enteurage of horndogs. And on the flipside, the types of guys you see with these girls generally have pics of pary boats on the lake, golf outings with a gang of guys, and an old girlfriend pic dancing with a hottie.

In other words, the hardest part about getting a life after marriage/divorce at a mid-age stage in life is starting from scratch. In fact, sometimes it seems I'm starting from a NEGATIVE point. I feel like the enticement for these women is to see you as a peer, an equal, someone who everyone wants to be around. So what do I do? I go out as often as I can with the few single people I know. Wish I thought to use the cell camera to snap shots more often! But even then, I really lead a pretty ordinary life and my partying pics seem kinda boring compared to others. It's a cycle that is hard to get out of. I don't want to come across as a total loser, but when I was married and even when I was younger, I just didn't think much about the importance of a social life. I was too busy just trying to make ends meet and pay the bills. I'm living the consequences today of not developing that part of myself.

The time I was using MySpace, I'd send a message and get no reply to a "cute" girl. Maybe it was all in the mistakes I had made on the page. Maybe I was too chubby in some of my pics. Most of my recent pics look much better but I haven't uploaded in a long time. I'm never really sure what to say. I've sent messages from "Just wanted to say hi and compliment you about XYZ on your page", to "Damn you are cute, we need to talk sometime."

I don't know, maybe not "different" enough. Do you start off with compliments? Simple introductions? A long paragraph about youirself or a short hello? Do you ask questions or just make statements about yourself? I guess I should take the advice on this site about noticing something different like jewelry or shoes and make a comment and ask questions that invite her to answer.

Bottom line, I do agree MySpace has a lot more variety and thus quality, but it also seems like getting your foot in the door is much tougher. I just need to dedicate some time to making my page look exciting.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Yeah, that is true.

Well, eHarmony only gives you so many characters per question to answer, and some of the questions (the ones with single word answers) you have to choose from a list of descriptors.

I tried to use a touch of humor in some of my answers to stand out. In the descriptor words, I tried to use masculine "power" words, assertive stuff. But I also tried to demonstrate that I'm not a sociopath who is ready to go off on the world. The life skills answers were also from a list.

I mentioned my motorcycle to show I have interests outside of dating, and to also show I have an exciting side.

And the last question was answered to "implant" the idea that I'm not a boy and I know how to treat a woman, that I'm not selfish but know how to take charge.

I really think the thing that will set me apart is the photographs, of which I've only uploaded 3 so far. I need to put pictures of me doing things interesting with friends. I have one picture from a motorcycle museum I visited in Alabama with friends, but the other two are self-snaps. I'm going on a ride with a friend this weekend and I'll get some more shots.

What do you suggest, in the context of a limited space, that I might add? Are you saying perhaps add a wise quote from someone famous that makes me sound learned ?(well, not that I'm not a little anyway) ....perhaps write a haiku? Mention the title of a book that is adventurous? Mention somewhere I've lived or travelled? Mention a funny skill or talent?

I know, short answer would be any one of these things or a combination.

Thanks for that constructive remark. I'll add some tidbits soon. I did just receive a hit from a very attractive woman (by her picture), a glamour shot type photo. Long, straight dark hair and modelesque facial features, but I can tell she is heavy. No double chin, not that big, but you know the type I mean. Pretty enough to "practice" my DJ skills with LOL

Things to consider (some have been said already):

1. Different dating sites cater to different people. If a guy is having a problem with a site, it isn't the site and more than not it isn't the women either. The problem lies with how the guy is marketing himself.
2. It was said earlier and I've always said, the way to be successful online is to differentiate yourself from the other guys. If you look like any other apple in a barrel of apples why would you expect any woman to become interested in you?
3. All of your descriptive words mostly resonate towards other men. Where do you say anything about what would resonate with a woman? You've established that you're a guy that's not a pushover, but you haven't said anything to establish yourself as a partner.
4. Since you a challenged with the amount of space that you have at that site, put more of your conversational/qualifying information in the questions that you ask her. I suggest staying away from the cookie-cutter questions that they provide and write your own. You do want to differentiate yourself, right?
5. Good job on reading the Glamor-Shot-like photo, they typically are a red flag when used by itself as a photo. You may want to include questions about what the woman does for physical activity and how often she does it. Again, make them qualify themselves.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Mike, do you live in an urban area? I think that helps. In my age range in my rural area, there are about 20 women on match and about 2,000 on myspace. Regardless, whatever method you use to get initial dates, good for you if it works.

Yes, you are correct about this. I do live in a very densely populated urban area. I used Match also while doing grad school in a school in the midwest that was otherwise very rural, and Match was not very good for me at that time. So I agree with you there.

If you're lacking in targets on Match or eHarmony, no matter how clever your profile, it's going to be hard. So if that's the case, I'd agree with looking at other target-rich environments, like Myspace, etc.

 

[T Dog]

H Roberts, you're 35, like me, so eHarmony is probably a good avenue to add to your dating profile. I also use Meetup.com, which isn't a dating site, but you have a better chance to use your DJ skills in making friends and dates.

Don't put too much stock into eHarmony. They will send you non-active members and as well as current members and you won't know it. If it's slow for them, you get more non-active members in "hopes" that they will renew their membership.

I don't buy into the 29 dimensions now that I have used the site. As an experiement I went very strict on my requirements and then set my matching to the entire world. I wasn't impressed with the selection they sent back. Outside of that experiment, eHarmony has matched me with girls I know and there is no way in hell I'd date them in the real world.

Once you start thru the steps, don't just click A, go to the "write in your answer" field and write, "Probably #A because..." and use your charm and wit to lure them in.

Keep all your answers on a Word document so you can continuely refine your answers and not have to start from scratch every time.

 

[MatureDJ]

She's 5'9 and looks to be 170, 180 lbs or so on a big frame. Probably top heavy and hips...but she has lovely hair, nice complexion, statuesque facial features and eyes, thick lovely lips, high cheekbones, and her face is not fat looking at all, no double chin. Your typical late twenties early thirties woman who doesn't excercise.

<snip>

Of all the women I've seen pics of, it seems two thirds are overweight to an obese degree. As I said, I'm not so shallow that I wont entertain and have a good time with a woman who isn't a fitness model, but my standards are way too high for most of these women.

5'9" and 170# is FAT. But as you said, 2/3 of women are fat. Your standards are the standards that your genes have instilled in you - that your woman should not be a tub of lard.