Effort on dates (early on)

[Comatozed]

What do you guys think about this..

On one hand I want to do be doing fun things, that sometimes require investment on my part in terms of time and money, as this creates for a more fun date and there's always stuff to talk about and chance for competition and kino.

But on the other hand, I don't want to appear to be trying to hard, and I do want to make sure the girls interested in me, rather than just the fun stuff we're doing. (To counter this I've not been telling them what it is until we meet).

This question is aimed at the first few dates. The activities I'm talking about are nothing overly expensive, just climbing, bowling, dograces etc. All with alcohol obv.

I think it's good that she has a good time, but you don't want to set a precedent as being the guy who puts in so much effort and always has to be doing stuff, (i'm not a performing seal)...idk... it just seems like if we did drinks and bowling for date 1, then to only do drinks on date 2 is a bit of a step back.

What dya reckon guys?

 

[jurry]

So what is the question?

"Trying too hard" is relative to your personality, you should just do what you want to do and what seems fun. An active person by nature may enjoy going on a hike or doing more activities on a date, another person might just want to grab a drink or sit on the couch.

I think it comes down to not trying to do something you wouldnt normally do or dont like to do in an effort to impress her or seem interesting. You want her to like you for what you are, not what you are pretending to be, and vice versa.

 

[Tictac]

Do things you'd do anyway.

 

[MOTU]

^^^This. I have had dates ranging from private salsa lessons to an hour at the dog park to sailing lessons on the gulf to grilled hamburgers on my back porch. What they all had in common was it was what I wanted to do. Actually, I have even gotten into the habit of inviting chicks on dates that way: "I would like to go to such and such Saturday around 7pm, are you free?".

 

[TheCWord]

What this forum needs is a better search feature - maybe with the ability to tag threads with certain keywords - so that we don't have to keep repeating ourselves.

OP, I addressed this recently here.

 

[The Duke]

What do you guys think about this..

On one hand I want to do be doing fun things, that sometimes require investment on my part in terms of time and money, as this creates for a more fun date and there's always stuff to talk about and chance for competition and kino.

But on the other hand, I don't want to appear to be trying to hard, and I do want to make sure the girls interested in me, rather than just the fun stuff we're doing. (To counter this I've not been telling them what it is until we meet).

This question is aimed at the first few dates. The activities I'm talking about are nothing overly expensive, just climbing, bowling, dograces etc. All with alcohol obv.

I think it's good that she has a good time, but you don't want to set a precedent as being the guy who puts in so much effort and always has to be doing stuff, (i'm not a performing seal)...idk... it just seems like if we did drinks and bowling for date 1, then to only do drinks on date 2 is a bit of a step back.

What dya reckon guys?

Sounds like you are on the right track. Just being cognizant of that fact will get you half way there. A girl that is really into you will be ecstatic about just getting the chance to spend time with you. It really doesn't matter what you do. Those are really the only kind of girls worth having.

The most important thing I have learned is just pick something that is fun to you. You never know how these things will end up. If I had a girl I really wasn't that into or was showing me signs that she might be a flake, I never took them on action dates like you are talking about. Those girls got relegated to the "meet up for a drink" only dates on week nights when I didn't have much going on.

 

[Electro67]

This is a really good question. I would look at it more in terms of doing something you enjoy versus "trying." Even if things don't pan out with the girl, at least you had fun.

Over the summer, I went on a bunch of little adventures with a woman I really liked. Even though the relationship I was hoping to have with her never materialized, I don't regret any of it. I enjoyed myself while it lasted.

 

[mr. kennedy]

My personal opinion: in the early phase of courtship, a high-value man does not bend over backwards impressing a chick with fancy, creative, expensive date agendas.

My general rule is: drink or two for meetup #1. NO FOOD. I specifically invite a chick for a drink or two, somewhere halfway. A nice bar with a relaxed, quiet atmosphere works perfectly for me. Ninety minute meetup, MAX.

Meetup #2--dinner or lunch, again something halfway. And nothing expensive.

Meetup #3--I offer to pick them up at their place en route to dinner. This is where I up the ante and pretty much expect sex or I walk away. If they resist my meeting them at their place, then I'll usually abandon the plate.

Minimal investment is the key, especially if you're spinning plates and have several women you'd like to interact with. Alcohol is also key, in my opinion. Speeds up sex.

Meetup #1: 2 drinks each will cost you $45 with tip.

Meetup #2: The cost will be in the $30 to $40 if you pay for both

Meetup #3: Close to $80 if you include drinks.

You would have spent over $150 and 5 hours of your time before abandoning the chick.

 

[Wilko]

Haven't been dating much at all lately (it's a geographic/work thing), but went at it like a madman a few years ago and it just got to be too much hassle planning individual dates around individual girls. So whenever possible I'd just stick with the same mid-week rendezvous at the same coffee/dessert lounge. That became my fixed template; the only real variable was the girl and whatever connection we had with each other. On that subject, I think action dates just tend to mask the lack of connection and conversation - two smart, sexy people who are really fvcking into each other shouldn't need any props.

 

[Comatozed]

I get that^

But... at the same time... action dates really help in terms of kino (for someone it doesn't come naturally to) and I don't think its a bad thing that connection or conversation is 'masked', though I personally wouldb't use the word mask. But if I can 'mask' it enough til we're both drunk and comfortable enough to **** then that's fine by me.

That said, I was planning to take her to the dog races but after reading about being High Value and showing too much effort gonna do drinks instead.

EDIT: **** it doing dinner, thats not too much effort for date 2. Let her pay half yea?

 

[Comatozed]

Only two weeks later but I find that my conversational skills are progressing enough to not need to rely on action dates. Which is good cos how many times do I really want to go ****ing bowling. I'm getting pretty ****ing good!

I'm pleased with my progress, conversationally i feel fine. I just need to start approaching as Im currently relying on tinder - which brings its own problems, as in is this girl looking for a quick **** or is she more long term. Thats the problem with tinder thesedays, a mixed bag.

 

[Wilko]

Only two weeks later but I find that my conversational skills are progressing enough to not need to rely on action dates. Which is good cos how many times do I really want to go ****ing bowling. I'm getting pretty ****ing good!

Ah, this guy gets it

Welcome to the team

 

[old_skoolr]

First meetup for me is usually coffee, somewhere half way or I offer to pick them up if they live on the road to where I want to meet. Spend $10 max and might sit for hour-2 max. If i feel like I can make a move I'll just ask if she wants to go for a drive down to the beach. Make your move from there.