Early signs of oneitis..

[Colossus]

I was thinking today about some of the early signs of Oneitis.

It's happened to us all, and can even creep up on more established men.

A few signs I thought of:

- Seeing her as your only potential source of intimacy

-Seeing her as your only immediate and (projected) future source of intimacy

-Frequent calling/texting/messaging due to a fear of her losing interest

-Neglecting to explore or pursue other options early on

-Emotionally living and dying through her words and behavior

-Projecting irrational ideals of a relationship onto her

-Thinking that if it doesnt work out it invalidates you as a man


Thoughts and additions?

 

[DJDamage]

I think the biggest one is "WORRYING".

As soon as you start to worry about something stupid in relation to her (does she like me? how come she didn't return my call? how come she is busy? why wasn't she smiling when she saw me? was it a good date or a bad date?) you are not only starting to enter oneitis but you are also starting to exhibit signs and behaviours that could cause her to lose interest.

 

[logic1]

I think the biggest one is "WORRYING".

As soon as you start to worry about something stupid in relation to her (does she like me? how come she didn't return my call? how come she is busy? why wasn't she smiling when she saw me? was it a good date or a bad date?) you are not only starting to enter oneitis but you are also starting to exhibit signs and behaviours that could cause her to lose interest.

This is good.

In the past I have had this "worrying" type feeling, especially after a date that I knew went very well.

What kind of signs or behaviours do you start to exhibit, not realizing you are putting them out there? Will they escalate more once you are around her again?

Digging for knowlege...............

 

[vitor]

THis might sound weird but if im digging a woman and the date goes well, I pull ****y funny like, I know im getting a second date and were are going to have alot of fun together.. Usally tells you everything you need to know.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Thoughts and additions?

Not having anyone else in your rotation to compare her two should be first on your list.

 

[joekerr31]

- trying to psychically figure out what she is thinking / feeling

- over analyzing her every word or action

"oh my god, she looked at my crotch for 2 seconds. she must want me."

 

[Colossus]

Not having anyone else in your rotation to compare her two should be first on your list.

That goes along with 'neglecting to explore or pursue other options early on'

but good point nonetheless


BTW golden response DJD. That went in my personal ledger.

 

[WestCoaster]

"Oneitis" -- a wretched disease. I still succumb to it and then when I go through dating droughts. I've NEVER felt good when I've had oneitis, I'm all uptight and worried.

It's really a bad, bad disease, there's nothing fun about it. People need to know they're not in love, they're obsessed. It's just not healthy, period.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

- Whenever you start to FANTASIZE about a woman BEFORE you even know who she really is on the INSIDE yet. And you'll KNOW that you're guilty of this when something happens that shows you who she is or how she thinks ---------and then you're hit with an overwhelming feeling of DISAPPOINTMENT at the revelation...

 

[WestCoaster]

how about when you start to rationalise behviour that your gut is telling you is no good....

Done that, oooh boy, I've really done that. One ex-gf, a lot of bad qualities, gut kept telling me no, no, no; wang kept telling me yes, yes, yes. Wang won out ... thankfully, big head, heart, and gut eventually won out. Man was I stupid.

 

[vitor]

I know this board is about being smoothe with the ladys and meeting women, but is Oneitis so wrong? Having a beautiful woman with whom you can trust, hang out with, sleep with, and talk too?

 

[jophil28]

I
Having a beautiful woman with whom you can trust, hang out with, sleep with, and talk too?

All in ONE woman ? One earthling woman ? Man, you are weird.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Ahahahaha!

 

[Chrispy]

Have you ever been with a gal who goes all one-itus on you at first. You're all disconnected. Then, later on, things turn the other way and then YOU become the guy who has the one-itus?

 

[DJDamage]

What kind of signs or behaviours do you start to exhibit, not realizing you are putting them out there?

I suggest not to "worry" about stuff like that.

 

[Colossus]

I know this board is about being smoothe with the ladys and meeting women, but is Oneitis so wrong? Having a beautiful woman with whom you can trust, hang out with, sleep with, and talk too?

Dude. Yes it is wrong. As Westcoaster said, it is a wretched disease. A mental disease.

Oneitis has nothing to do with monogamy, its about obsession and unilateral thinking towards one girl.

All the examples above and below can help illustrate our pet term for this self-limiting disease.

 

[Colossus]

- Whenever you start to FANTASIZE about a woman BEFORE you even know who she really is on the INSIDE yet. And you'll KNOW that you're guilty of this when something happens that shows you who she is or how she thinks ---------and then you're hit with an overwhelming feeling of DISAPPOINTMENT at the revelation...

Wow, so many good points here. Too many to quote.

I cant tell you how many times ive done this...I could be the king of that club. Its a slippery slope...the more you fantasize, the more giddy feelings you get, the more you continue the irrationality.

I used to be a skeptic of the plate theory, but the more experience i get, the more i can see its intrinsic value. Even if youre only spinning a few, it keeps your perspective in check. Its such a simple concept, yet our conditioned beliefs and reactions block our acceptance of its functional value.

Simplicity really is beauty.

 

[Jon55]

Have you ever been with a gal who goes all one-itus on you at first. You're all disconnected. Then, later on, things turn the other way and then YOU become the guy who has the one-itus?

Haha! I had this exact thing happen to me. We have a weird relationship now where we're friendly but the spark is definitely still there.

 

[Metro3pilot]

how about when you start to rationalise behviour that your gut is telling you is no good....

BINGO I THINK WE HAVE A BINGO ....

I think this in itself is the most deadly symptom of oneitis

 

[synergy1]

"Oneitis" -- a wretched disease. I still succumb to it and then when I go through dating droughts. I've NEVER felt good when I've had oneitis, I'm all uptight and worried.

It's really a bad, bad disease, there's nothing fun about it. People need to know they're not in love, they're obsessed. It's just not healthy, period.

I'd be lying if I said oneitus was completely out of my system. Like any good auto-immune system, the strong adapt, and do not succumb to the same old mistakes. The raw emotion is a good thing since it gives you the motivation to get girls, but when logic is overwritten, and our game plan is destroyed, we lose. Sticking to a game plan, and seeing something through to the end is paramount in any facet in life.