Dumping Issues

[I-am-someone]

Hey people,

It's been ages since I've been here. Actually, since I left this forum I've been on a very good track. Many women in and out of my life, lots of new experiences, I've learned a lot and I've gotten into a place in my life where I am able to pick up a girl almost any night if I want to. I'm also excelling in my studies, starting my own company, working out on a regular basis and travelling to many different countries.

For the last half year, I've been seeing a girl. She's from Eastern Europe and is seriously hot and horny in bed like crazy. We started seeing eachother around September, with the relationship being very loose and me sleeping around with other girls every now and then while she was just a steady fvckbuddy- seeing as she would leave the country by July anyway. However, since then the economy in her country crashed completely making it unattractive for her to return because she would be absolutely unable to get a job that would pay more than 500 euros per month, so she's decided to stay.

During this winter (which was ofcourse esspecially cold around here) we became quite close and basically became an official item. The original intent was never to have a relationship, but with the cold and the lack of desire to go out and do things, it just happened.

So, I would like to end it.
However, there are a few little issues.
First of all, she is willing to give up absolutely everything for me. She's unbelievably in love with me - the most in love I've ever seen anybody be. Somehow, she has managed to build everything in her life around me, and is making sure that I am the most unworried person in the world. In her world-view, we must be together for the rest of her life; it has become her identity. Sometimes when she sees me, she just cries out of happiness that I'm spending my time with her.
Secondly, she's also told me, after quite some time, that the scars on her arm were not from a "woodcarving accident" as she told me initially. Apparently she tried to kill herself, several times.

Now, if I were to break up with her in the situation we're in right now, I'm pretty sure things would go pretty wrong with her. I think there's about an 80% chance she would hurt herself badly, develop a serious alcohol/drugs problem and seriously fvck up her life. Mostly seeing as when we first met she was basically in that horrible place in life without me ever knowing about it.

So, what I'm basically looking for is a way to break up with her so a) the shock isn't too big, b) she won't get horribly depressed c) she won't mess up her life.
I know that basically this isn't my responsibility, but I prefer to do damage control beforehand than afterwards.
Maybe a difficult question but I'm sure some of you guys have some experience on the matter.

 

[decades]

do it in a public place then stay very alert for days and weeks afterwards. You're a nice guy and you are going to have trouble going no contact because you "care" about her. But that's really the only way I see to do this. what she does to herself is not your responsibility.

 

[sodbuster]

Maybe you could just go all afc on her-she may dump you then

 

[Hughman]

Maybe you could just go all afc on her-she may dump you then

I second that motion, bit cowardly though, heck, it is AFC after all.

 

[The Logical Player]

Try this killer combination:

1) Tell her that you have had sex with men before you met her (this will GROSS her out)

2) Start arguments out of nowhere, and make sure to always be controlling, possessive, and loud.

Keep in mind that she wants you to marry her so she gets her greencard, so don't fall for that trap.

Once you put #1 and #2 into use, she will want to leave you and go with her fake love to another chump who can help her get a greencard.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

LOL. You are all worried about what she is going to do to herself; that is the least of your problems.

I would recommend updating your will and making peace with your God.

Nice knowing you buddy; see you on the other side.

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: I was thinking the exact same thing! LOL

OP, Look, you know, I know and everyone else knows there is NO WAY to end this without hurting her. What's going to hurt her is going to be in her head, and you can't really change that.

I WOULD recommend respecting her enough to break up in person, and be as gentle and non-critical as possible. Don't give her the, "It's not you, it's me" BS because she'll see right through it. Just be as honest as you can without being hurtful.

Good luck, I HATE dumping people!

 

[slickaz]

lol..
Logical:He lives in the netherlands, they dont have greencards there.

OP: as DonS said, lol, the least of your problems is what she'll do to herself.


If you want to break up with her, there is only two ways..

1. go totally AFC, act possesive whiny and a cry baby.she'll get disgusted and leave. DONT stop her and get more clingy, and whiny. she'll run.


2. Call her aside, and tell her, you find that where you are in life right now, you cant support a relationship. Even though it hurts you, you are just not ready to commit to a relationship with such an amazing woman! and she should really deserve someone better than you.

The problem with 2. is, if you instigate the break up, you will only look MORE attractive to her, and she will only urge you to marry her sooner. She will use s3x as a diversion when you bring it up etc to stop you from breaking up with her. So being straight up is also an issue.

The way i see it, you've got one other proven tactic left.

You tell her someone in your extended family died and you need to go away to spend time with your family in another city with your family.
Go underground for 2 weeks. stay away from everywhere she does.
dont text or call, then one day call her and tell her you wanna meet up.

meet her and tell her that since this person died, you just need some space and you need to spend more time with your family, go afc. and wean her out of her focus on you. She'll eventually learn to live without you because she has to, coz someone died.....

hey, dont hate me im just givin you ideas! lol

but seriously, be careful, you might wake up to something scary

 

[KontrollerX]

"the most in love I've ever seen anybody be. Somehow, she has managed to build everything in her life around me, and is making sure that I am the most unworried person in the world. In her world-view, we must be together for the rest of her life; it has become her identity. Sometimes when she sees me, she just cries out of happiness that I'm spending my time with her."

Yep.

"Now, if I were to break up with her in the situation we're in right now, I'm pretty sure things would go pretty wrong with her."

And the familiar story develops further...

"So, what I'm basically looking for is a way to break up with her so a) the shock isn't too big, b) she won't get horribly depressed c) she won't mess up her life."

Ok I've heard enough!

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=134717

Click that link.

Read that entire topic.

You've met one of these women.

Break up and go cold no contact and understand that the fear she has implanted you with about what she might do to herself should you break up with her is a very viscious, very callous sociopathic manipulation.

She is not the delicate fragile flower she has presented herself as.

"Secondly, she's also told me, after quite some time, that the scars on her arm were not from a "woodcarving accident" as she told me initially. Apparently she tried to kill herself, several times."

BPD's cut themselves to get themselves back into reality and to take their pain away. They are very very fvcked up and cutting themselves is basically a recreational activity for them.

She will be alright and even if she were to not be alright and go ahead and kill herself it would not be your fault anyway but rather the personality disorder she is clearly afflicted with carrying out its most severe pathological effect.

Read up and run away. :yes:

 

[Captain]

You don't owe this woman anything. You don't have to treat her special because she is messed up. You shouldn't. It's her fault, you aren't here to fix her life for her.

Tell her it's over, and break off all contact.

 

[slickaz]

yeh but whats the bet he doesnt....

OP, listen to Kx and Captain..Jump out before you can.

You dont need a plan to get out..exit..lol.

or pay the price in future..

there is nothing wrong with her....least nothing that you have an obligation to fix..

 

[Faded Image]

I second that motion, bit cowardly though, heck, it is AFC after all.

Go totally AFC, I'm talking Napoleon Dynamite AFC. Have her break up with you because if she's in love with you as you've described, there's no easy way out.

 

[I-am-someone]

Thanks very much for the tips guys, it's a good help.
Personally, I'm not much for the AFC strategy. I've done it before (intentionally even) and it's still quite a drawn out strategy. It also lowers your value to other women around your girlfriend and in the end, costs you a lot more energy and self-esteem than is really needed.
So, I've got another idea for a break-up.

I meet in a public place with her, and tell her she is simply not going to be my lifepartner even though I think she's a very nice person. I will be fair to her and give her my motivations (only those which she cannot change). Then I lay down a time-schedule for the break-up:
3 days: figuring out things - distributing ownership of things bought together, repay loans or indirect debts in full.
1 month: no contact, no phone-calls unless of true importance. Any unnecessary communication will result in completely blocking off all communication. If we see eachother while going out, we will discuss it on the spot and separate. She is under no circumstances allowed to try and mess with me by offering herself to other guys in my face, and in the same way I will not pick up girls in front of her.
After 1 month: if desired, normal contact again - no sex, "just friends".

Sound good?