Dumped on christmas eve (Long)

[Pantyr8er]

Here's a brief overview of my just ended relationship. I met this girl online and we hit it off real good. She has a daughter so that made things a little harder for us to have time to ourselves. I met her in october and I did the stupidest thing which was get serious because she said she wanted to skip all the dating because she knew that what she wanted was me. Within the first month of knowing her she told me on her own that she wanted to have my kids and marry me. Everything was perfect until the babies father decided that he didn't like her talking to a new guy. They were together 3 years before she dumped him last christmas eve. After he finds out about me he makes her life a living hell, taking her to court, taking her car that she pays for but is in his name and threatens to take full custody of their daughter. Whenever they talk she would get real depressed which could last up to 3 or 4 days. That was the biggest red flag that I didn't pay attention to because she would always answer his phone calls whenever he called. She would also save his messages with him herrassing her for what reason i don't know. During all this time our relationship would get worse and worse and he started to tell her he had feelings for her again. Keep in mind she dumped him on christmas eve last year but they were messing around until july. He would tell her how he would kill me if she kept seeing me and he would call her almost everyday at her job or at home to threaten to take her daughter just to make her upset.

As the weeks went on she would get more distant and would say that everything going on in her life is effecting our relationship when in reality I know it was him herrassing her everday. So this past thursday I bring her and her daughter from atlanta to north carolina to spend the weekend with me and my family for christmas and that thursday night she meets my mother and father and then we go out to eat. While where eating she says she wants to break up with me because she's not in love with me like she used to be and she's still in love with her ex. The next day (chrismtas eve) she gets a rental car and leaves me and goes straight to his house. The best part is he proposes to her christmas morning and she says yes. So I feel like **** knowing that she woke up that morning in my bed and went to bed that night in his. I'm sure you guys know what I mean when you imagine your first love being touched by someone else. Imagine how I felt when I showed up to my aunts house in front of the whole family by myself when they were expecting 3 of us. I can't seem to get over this and I'm not sure how long or what I have to do to get over this. So I'm prepared to take all the flaming for all the mistakes I made. Flame away.

 

[stevey_2000]

to be honest mate, there's no 'flaming' as you put it to give you, the only advice having gone through a painful breakup being dumped earlier this year is every day gets easier,

PM me if you wish to discuss it personally with me

don't create any contact with her whatsoever, let her think about who she's lost, contacting her will do you no good whatsoever except make her think you can't live your life without her so move on is the only thing you can do,

best thing to do is go out with your mates and concentrate on YOURSELF and only YOURSELF, goto the gym, make new hobbies

myself i still think of my ex *****'s new guy having sex with her now but mentally you must get over it,

good luck mate, remember, PM if you want to discuss it personally.

Ste.

 

[DarkSideOfTheMind]

Damn kid...I feel your pain.
Game hard for goals now, achieve what you want for yourself and for the love of god do not contact her.
I know it sounds cliche to say go forward again, but what else is there to do?
Do you know what you want out of your life? If you don't figure it out, and if you do here's a poem by Thoreau....

If one advances confidently
In the direction of his dreams,
And endeavors to live the life
Which he has imagined,
He will meet with a success
Unexpected in common hours.

I am sorry for you and your pain. Having lost a love of 2 and a half years a week before Christmas I know how you feel. Just get up tommorrow and find the uncommon success in your life, its a good way to get on with it, at least I think so.

 

[AFK Protector]

Damn that's harsh dude. Cry a little, talk a little, then hop on the Recovery Train.

 

[Jariel]

That really sucks and I feel for you! My last girlfriend dumped me the day before my birthday.

Anyway...

don't create any contact with her whatsoever, let her think about who she's lost, contacting her will do you no good whatsoever except make her think you can't live your life without her so move on is the only thing you can do,

best thing to do is go out with your mates and concentrate on YOURSELF and only YOURSELF, goto the gym, make new hobbies

That's the best advice you can possibly get! NEVER NEVER NEVER try to contact her and get her back. Remain aloof, don't even argue or b1tch at her! Just don't give her a second of your attention.

Now is a time to reform yourself and you can use the pain of rejection to motivate you. As Stevey said, hit the gym! There are few better feelings than being in great shape and looking good the next time you meet your ex-!

Best of luck getting through the pain. It's a difficult time and a lot guys here are more than willing to help you through it.

 

[Pantyr8er]

Thanks for all the replies so far. It's good to know their are people out their that will take time out to help. I appreciate it.

 

[NewMan]

I know where you are coming from.

You are in good hands here.

I've been through the same sh#t as you.

Expect this to be a hard time for you - but know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

You may do some foolish things between now and then - but don't beat yourself up over it on a daily basis.

The important point here is that you learn from this experience and become a stronger, more rugged individual.

There a good chance she will contact you - as stated, the fastest way to recovery is to cut off contact. Get involved with your own life and realise that a woman does not maketh a man.

You saw the red flags but didn't react. You gotta learn from that.

 

[cave dweller]

dump

Hey,

I was in a 4 year LTR and she 'dumped' me in October.

so,

I know where you are coming from.

You have to put her behind you and move on...

It is 'Her loss'.

BTW, she will get back with her ex-husband and in a year or so she will contact you for a 'booty call' on the side.......Just be prepared.

cave dweller

 

[Uncle FranKKK]

Damn brother, I feel your pain. That is horrible. I'm not about to kick you when you're down. I think most if not all of us have been through pain caused by women.

Maybe the best thing I can say to you now is, give it time It will get better. I went through maybe the worst end of a marriage (to the "love of my life") a person can go through on 2/2/2004. (one day I'll give y'all the long version, your jawz will drop) Yet today, I am renewed. I'm happier than I've been in years. I'm a 33 year old single sole-custody father recently bailed out of a 10 year relationship, but I date more and have an easier time with women than I ever did when I was young. It was a long journey from where I was less than a year ago but it feels like somebody else's life now.

The best advice I can give you a few months from now, when the smoke clears, is "as soon as you get involved with a woman, HER problems automatically become YOUR problems." But save that for later.

Keep your chin up. You did nothing wrong except move too quick with the wrong ho. Burn the bridge behind you, don't look back, only look forward to new and better women. If you build it, they will come.

I'm here for you.

-Frank.

 

[christz]

they were ex's before they will be ex's again, how many times has somebody gotten back together and its lasted longer than a few months a few being like (5 or 6) supply the rope (time away from her) and he will hang himself with it.

She broke up with him, she did it for a reason, right now he corrected that reason but as soon as he gets comfertable again. he'll revert back to his same old game. its a text book scenario

just make sure your their to either point and laugh, or pick her up.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Pantyr8er: Don't sweat it. You got "dumped"? Think about it this way. She chose a life full of depression and abuse from her ex. You're going to move on and find a girl with a better head on her shoulders.

Like I've seen on this board, going back to an ex is like reading a book twice. It may be just as good or better the second time around, but it always has the same ending lol. From what you said about the guy it sounds like he's the bonehead and stubborn type. He won't change. What went wrong the first time will go wrong again. She'll come crawling back when things go sour again and you can just give her the cold shoulder. Now you tell me who won?

 

[Danny21682]

She breaks up with you during Christmas dinner with your parents? That is harsh.

 

[Pantyr8er]

Thanks again for all the replies. Reading all the suggestions believe it or not is already helping me.

 

[christz]

Originally posted by Danny21682
She breaks up with you during Christmas dinner with your parents? That is harsh.

it doesn't matter how harsh it is.. because we all know it was pretty fu*king evil. However the guy is probably already in the process of stringing up his noose in which he will hang himself by AGAIN

she'll break up with him in due time, and i like the analogy of a book. because the ending really is always the same. regaurdless how much time passes in between.

i've gotten back with pretty much all my e/x's at least once or twice and never did it work out. Sure it was cool for a few months but then it all went sour again.

and i've never had the experience of seeing anybody last after they got back together. Not that it doesn't happen but when your in your 20's or even teenage years. YEAH its pretty much a done deal once the girl dumps you the first time around.

 

[tom121]

after reading half way through the paragraph

I just have one word

"drama"

 

[NewMan]

Yeah, I con only reiterate that you are much better off without this ho.

As someone said - prepare yourself, because she will give you a call and come back.

You just need to know beforehand what you are going to do...

 

[DeathDealer]

Dating Tip:

Do not date single mothers unless the kid's biological father is dead.

I don't care if she/you just wants a bang. I don't care if you got lots of cash to support her. I don't even care if she has lots of cash to support herself and you.

Not worth it.

 

[Ricky]

That really sucks.

Ive had a rough year as well. As men we are told not to cry. I have a few times this year.

We will recover and great things will happen.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Pantyr8er
She has a daughter

Red flag #1

Within the first month of knowing her she told me on her own that she wanted to have my kids and marry me.

Red flag #2

After he finds out about me he makes her life a living hell

Red flag #3

Whenever they talk she would get real depressed

Red flag #4

she would always answer his phone calls whenever he called.

Red flag #5

During all this time our relationship would get worse and worse

Red flag #6

she dumped him on christmas eve last year but they were messing around until july.

Red flag #7

As the weeks went on she would get more distant and would say that everything going on in her life is effecting our relationship

Red flag #8

I'm prepared to take all the flaming for all the mistakes I made. Flame away.

No flames. But no pity either. You saw all the signs...you just refused to listen to them and kept plodding along like everything was just going to work itself out. You never challenged any of these red flags. You just kept hoping the mess would untangle itself.

Seriously, man...if you feel like she's worth going through all that, I can't really blame you for TRYING, but at LEAST keep a realistic assessment of what the state of the relationship is. Here you are coming on "troubled times," she's dealing with the stress of her ex, and you're just trying to ignore it and take her up to Mom's on Christmas. It doesn't sound like you ONCE acknowledged the significance of her having a CHILD by this man or the impact he was having on HER life, but instead you were just living in some dream world thinking everything was great. You weren't paying attention to her, you were refusing to acknowledge that the way she behaved was not satisfactory to YOU, and you refused to acknowledge that what SHE was getting out of it was not satisfactory to HER.

It's like you were playing Nintendo with her and you were sitting there wondering why you were kicking her ass in the game when in reality she had put down the controller and left a long time ago. She TRIED to tell you, but you didn't listen.

I'm not saying there's anything you could've done to save this...there's just too much baggage there for anyone to suggest a way of dealing with it. You're better off now without her, because you're free to find someone who will sit and play and not be caught up in some BS from a past life.

This is why I hate the idea of "making relationships work." If you have to toil and sacrifice just to keep a couple together, then the sad truth is that it's not meant to be. Entering into an LTR should be a challenge that both parties are thrilled to rise to.

 

[Fenderules]

yeah thats wut is good about this site..... no flaming just advice. of course you get flamed if you a noob and havent read the bible and post really dumb questions that have been done OVEr and Over again on this board and simple search link would do the trick




but this is not that so no flaming will happen





yeah man that blows, she pretty much gave it to you the hardest way. thats tough on christmas with your family. It shows she has no respect for you.


If you look at it, its good this happened cause now you know wut she really is like and wont hesitate to do it to you again.