DumbBell80: Improvement Journal

[DumbBell80]

Hey guys. So I've come to the conclusion after browsing this site that posting an improvement journal can help you a lot. Also, it'll be good to see my thoughts from a week ago in the future, because my mind is as volatile as sodium exposed to air.

An introduction.

I'm 15 years old and I learnt about pickup in May, during my vacations. I already have a girlfriend, so I view it not necessarily as a way to get women but as a means to improve things about myself.
I live in India, where the pickup community isn't very large-at all. So to talk to people here who know things like iois and openers is very rare, which is what encouraged me to seek out a forum of people I could relate to.

Physical and emotional traits:

-15 yo
-Indian
-Has acne
-5ft10in
-plays football
-straight A student, guess you can call me a nerd
-My acne affects my behaviour (less confidence) and I constantly think about whether people judge me or not
-I tend to overthink about some things which I know are trivial. I can't help it.
-I can become obsessive about some things, bordering on insanity, then forget about them the next day.

My main goals for the next year
-Get rid of my acne, or at least the limiting beliefs it causes.
-Ace my coaching class for IITJEE
-Get into the school football team
-Develop core beliefs that help to strengthen my confidence
-Eliminate anxiety in all its forms
-Approach at least a hundred girls
-Increase my social skills to such a level that I have no problems in interacting with a person.

How
-Stop masturbating, or do it only twice a week
-Study hard and well
-Run and practice everyday
-Don't know
-don't know
-Don't know

Possible hurdles
-I see a really hot pornstar
-I sometimes lose the motivation to study or do anything at all. This is sometimes due to overthinking, procrastinating, or loading my mind with other things. Then, all I want to do is punch a wall till the irritating sensation in my head goes away
-Same as above
-Get nervous and designate all valuable information I get about increasing confidence as glorified bullcrap.
-Don't know how to do that so don't know what hurdles I might face
-My studies may take up a lot of my time, because the course is huge. I might sideline the approaches and if I don't do them, I'll forget about their importance.

I think I've written enough and now my mom is shouting at me to go and study. I'll update this journal if anything interesting happens. Or in a week.



DB80

 

[DumbBell80]

Thanks for the feedback guys. Much appreciated.

I was reading a book by Roosh V called Day Bang, which is essentially a guide about day game. One of the things he says (which I found really interesting) is that it's okay to feel a little bit of approach anxiety, and that low to medium AA is best for optimal results. Obviously, if you aren't stoked about something, it means you don't really want it. What Ruler said about anxiety was something along the same lines.

What Ewok said about the attention span is something that I understand, but my parents don't

 

[Aspiring Don Juan]

I used to have a lot of acne before, and some things that helped was just cutting all junk food, drinking lots of water, and sleeping lots. Good job deciding to change your life around though! There are a lot of posts on reducing anxiety on the tips section so go check that out. Also, you might want to cut down on masturbation a lot, it can cause social anxiety and acne from what I've read.

 

[DumbBell80]

Pissed off

So I had made a plan with my friends to go to a mall and just chill for some time. I figured it would provide me with an opportunity to put into practice some of the material that I've learnt over the past two weeks. Unfortunately, one of my friends' grandfather, who we all think is pretty cool, suddenly fell ill yesterday and now all of us are in a pretty bad mood, so we decided to cancel the outing.

I had really looked forward to going out, primarily because my parents don't allow me to go out EVER. They say that it's these two years that'll make or break my career, and I can't afford to have any distractions like going out etc.
Plus where I live, there aren't a lot of girls around, so I can't practice what I learn. Malls are pretty much the only place where girls congregate.

Anyway, what I learnt from this whole saga is that if something happens that f.cks up my schedule in any way, I can't really accept it and let go of that. Then I keep over analyzing things and that just derails anything constructive I try to do. I guess I'll just go and eat ice-cream or something

 

[GetBetter]

Hello!

Very happy to see another High School student from India! Welcome to the community.

You just sound like a previous version of me with all those problems. But trust me, if you follow all the advice given to you, your life is going to change drastically. At first I wasn't able to interpret some advice properly and never took action. But just do as people say. Let me repeat it again, just 'do'/take enormous action and see magic happening.

And as for your belief about existence of an under-developed PUA community in India, you are wrong. Indian PUAs are doing unbelievable things and the the community is growing at an unbelievable pace. So if you decide you can achieve success with women easily, you just have to take action. Go out daily for more than an hour. Just going out with the determination to approach is quite a bit step in itself. If you go out alone, great bonus. Nothing develops confidence more than that. And you can use this time to develop social skills. Talk to strangers! Try to hold conversations. It will help more than talking to your friends. Friends haw accepted you so they will listen to you, strangers wont and thats when you will realize the problems - you might be very boring, with a flat tone, you are too nervous, dont know what to say, why say it etc etc.

For acne, eat as healthy as you can. Read Or listen to Ultramind Solution audiobook. It was suggested to my by NorwegianDJ years ago but I recently started to listen to it. The energy levels boomed to unbelievale levels, skin glowing, what not. I started to apply aloe vera on face. That helped too, though the effect wasnt instant.

Football! Woo! I used to play as left forward wing in my school team. Although I am not at all good, and my school was eh..okayish. Get noticed though. I had powerful shoots. You can learn something too. The more time u put into it the faster you get better.

Anxiety. I think it never goes away. Not at least until you are out of your head. You just have to accept it and do your stuff anyway. If this anxiety is for approaching, approach as soon as you see a girl, giving your mind no reaction time. Easier said than done though... I cant do it myself so many a times I just exaggerate my voice or embarrass myself and it gets me into state. If this anxiety is for any other part of life... Do COURAGE! Courage leads to core confidence. Watch Deep Inner Game by David DeAngelo. It is the best thing I have come across and answers to every possible inner game problem.

I would also suggest you that you write some long term goals for yourself. Oh and read Sexual Transmutation chapter from Think and Grow Rich. That might help control masturbation, at least for few days lol.

I have so many more things to say... but I would stop and end it by saying. Do not completely trust my advice for I am really a nobody. My life isnt perfect neither I am an expert on life. My life isnt what I want to be - broke, no girl, sucky personality and what not. Mostly because I never take much action. The more the work, the more fin it is though. Instead of being tired, you feel more energized. Anyways..So yeah those are things that I experienced, learned from books and mentors and definitely from people on Sosuave. Hopefully this site will benefit you turn your life around.

You have an awesome life ahead. Have fun!

 

[DumbBell80]

Hey guys.
I was pretty pissed off in the morning, and I hadn't seen my friends for a while, so to regain some sanity and have fun I called one of them to an outdoor market near my place called courtyard. He told me he was with some chick and would come there soon.
Now I haven't really gone to courtyard so much before, because all I did was play football at the ground near my house and come back, even though the two are literally across the road. I just went there whenever I wanted booze, because the guy at the booze shop there doesn't care if you're underage. Basically, that was my courtyard experience.
Back to the main point. I reached courtyard, went to the main center and just sat at a bench. And then I saw it. A group of 3 hot girls laughing and bumping into each other who went to one of the shops. I was stunned. F.cking stunned. I had always thought of the place as a booze hotspot, where underage *******s like me can go and get drunk for cheap rates. Never had I thought that hot girls would go the bakery shop there which was rumoured to have a junkie owner.

Stupid me.

While I came back to my senses, the girls emerged with bags in their hands and talking amongst themselves. I thought one of them looked at me. Obviously, I was too scared to approach, firstly because I hadn't come there with that purpose, and secondly because there were three of them and I didn't know wtf I was supposed to say. Before I knew it, they went off.
Balls.
Then I decided that enough is enough. Life had been unfair to me till that moment. My long-awaited plans to go to the mall with friends had been upstaged, and the fact that hot girls came to a place near where I stayed had been hidden from me. I decided to approach the next hot girl I saw, group or not.
Sure enough an HB7 came around the corner and I decided to go for her. I had a strange feeling in my chest, like when you know you ****ed up and the principal is going to call your parents to school. Nevertheless, I followed the 3 second rule and approached. It went as follows:

DumbBell: Hey, hug me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?
HB7: (After 3 seconds) Umm... no..
DB: Well, that's too bad..(goes in for hug)
[She hugs while laughing!!!]
DB: I'm DumbBell, btw
HB: I'm girl. That was pretty smooth.
DB: Thanks. Don't tell me no one's tried a pickup line on you before.
HB: Only boring cliches like did it hurt bla bla bla
DB: Well, now you have a new buddy who's going to give you free hugs So what's up?
HB: Well, I'm here with my dad, it's our pre-father's day hangout.
DB thinking, ****. I'm dead.
DB: Okay, I better not keep him waiting. Bye! It was nice meeting you!
HB: Umm... okay... bye


My feeling before the approach was literally heart in mouth. But when I actually said the first sentence, it was like the anxiety escaped through the words. I actually felt pretty great during the conversation, but the dad bomb scared the **** out of me. Don't know why. But overall it was a pretty decent first approach.

Lessons learnt:
1. The dinosaur line is usable (kudos to simple pickup)
2. I need to go to courtyard as much as I can, preferably before playing

Hey GetBetter. I'm pretty stoked to find a fellow Indian here. I downloaded the ultramind solution and will see how it works. Thanks for that. I'll work on some long term goals.

 

[DumbBell80]

Long time no see. Well, I've been pre-occupied because of a test that's coming up on Sunday. I've been studying for it and haven't been able to take out time to go out, even for playing, let alone approaching.

My SAT result came out today. I got 2160. Decent score, but I know I can do MUCH better and I've been beating myself up since the afternoon. My parents were supportive and said it's good bla bla but I can see the hurt in their eyes whenever they come to talk to me. I think that's the main reason why I've been sad too. If they would have been angry, it would have been much easier to cope with the situation. But seeing them like this where they put on a facade of normality is heartbreaking.

When I look back at my prep, I can only identify one major shortcoming, and that was that sometimes, I just didn't want to study, and didn't know what to do about it. So I would just keep staring at the books until I couldn't sit there any longer. I think another goal for me should be to focus entirely on what I'm doing at the moment.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

The SAT isn't that big of a deal. Your reactions are all a matter of perspective. I got 1850 the first time and I was stoked. What school are you planning to go to anyway?

 

[DumbBell80]

I'm aiming for a top 15 engineering college in the US, but I know Stanford and Caltech are a distant dream.
There are two main reasons for my disappointment. I consider my Math to be strong, but I got a 750, and it was because of 1 incorrect answer. If I would've got that correct, I could've crossed 2200.
Another one is that because I devoted a significant amount of time to studies before the exam, I missed out on the preparation for IITJEE, an exam I will give after grade 12 which is infinitesimally harder than the SAT. Also, I didn't socialize or pursue sports during that period, and was getting pretty good at guitar but had to give that up too.

But I've come to terms with the reality and understood that I shouldn't fret over past events. I'm going to update my goals shortly and make them a little more short-termed to proceed in a step by step way. Let's see how that turns out.

 

[DumbBell80]

Ahhhh, I'm feeling relaxed after a long fvcking time. I had this test today for which I had been studying my ass off for the past 4 days. I thought I would be able to do at least decently. Bullcr@p. When the test ended, I was laughing because I was so relieved that the test was over but I had a weird feeling of sadness because of how **** it went. So from now on I'm going to have a simple mindset whenever I study :
Study like you have a test every Sunday.

I also talked to my seniors and teachers about a plan for the next two years to chalk out a rough plan for the next two years of my education, which I consider to be the most crucial stage of my life.

Enough about serious stuff. Let's move on. I haven't really gone out for the past week because of the tumultuous events described in the posts before. I aim to go out the next weekend, since many of my friends have gone out for vacation and will return by then. Till that time,I'll try going to Courtyard as often as I can.
I'm going to start a routine of pull-ups and push-ups from tomorrow to buff up as much as I can without going to the gym, because my parents say that I'm "too young", a thought reciprocated by my ******* brothers. But I digress. I'll have to see how a beginner should start and then follow the instructions.

That's all I have time for right now. I'll update the thread with something interesting tomorrow. Hope everyone has a great day (or night ) wherever they are!

 

[Anima]

If you have any questions about working out (or in general), feel free to PM me.

 

[DumbBell80]

Recent Events.
I had to arrange some books from a senior of mine. She's really *****y and condescending, so I don't like talking to her. But the principle subject of this event is her mom. Ooh la la. Never have I been attracted to someone older. But this woman is something else. A solid HB8.5, but with a heart of gold.
Before getting into pickup and stuff, whenever I would talk to her (very rarely), I would be fumbling for words and go inside my head and start thinking about what to say to impress her. But after going through some programs and this site, I have started developing a mindset where instead of going inside my head and into 'spectator mode', where my goals were totally outcome based, I take things as they come and try and consciously stay in the moment and let things flow.
So I went to their house for the books, and the mom answered the door. At first, I was stunned and afraid to even say hello. But I forced myself to say hello, and the words 'You're looking pretty today' flowed out of my mouth. She giggled and asked me to sit down while she went upstairs to fetch the books. She came back and we talked for 10 minutes about how I was managing 11th grade, etc. etc.(mainly studies). However, I found myself not going inside my shell which normally happens and instead trying constantly to raise a new topic of conversation. So after our chat, we shook hands, I thanked her for the books, and I went off.

I also went to play football after a long time, and it was good. However, I found that whenever I sprinted for a long time, the muscle beside my shin bone would pain. Anyone know what that is?

Mindset Shifts

I have gone through some material on pickup and started cultivating a mindset with different components. I have to incorporate them to the point that I am being, not doing.
1. Instead of thinking about girls most of the time (propagates neediness and desperation), work on improving yourself, whether it is academically, or physically. Lean on your edges, whether they be emotional, physical, or mental.
2.Your personality is something that is arbitrary and a result of your interactions with things around you. This means that you can change your personality if you want. You can be who you want to be, according to your own beliefs.You can do and be whatever you want, but only if you let yourself.
3. I have acne and was initially troubled by it. I viewed it as a 'limitation' in my interactions with other people as well as my confidence. But after reading the story of Hoobie from RSD, I have decided to let it be and will not let it faze me. To quote Hoobie,
“With everyone else trying to put limitations on you, why would you decide to put them on yourself??”

Update
So I haven't had an opportunity to come online for 2 days to post. This happened yesterday.
I had arranged to talk to a neighbour who's at MIT about the whole foreign admissions process. At first, I thought she would be a super nerd and I wasn't nervous about going to talk to her. Boy, was I wrong. She was stunning, and I could barely keep up the conversation because of my nervousness about what to say etc. But then the things I'd learnt in the past few days came to my mind. How she's not higher value because of her looks, keeping eye contact while talking, making a personal connection etc.
Now I had talked to this other chick who's at Cornell on the same topic 3 months ago. The conversation was HORRIBLE. In fact, I had taken this checklist with me on what questions to ask her and kept ticking off whatever she answered. It was, at its core, an interview. Her sister, who's the same age as me, thought I was creepy and she told this to her best friend, who I play football with.
Basically, I had something as a ground base to compare my conversation with the new chick. Whenever I felt like I was going inside my head and starting to overthink, I would ask a stupid question like 'Are you allowed to grow weed in your dorm rooms?' It would make her laugh and I would momentarily breath a sigh of relief and take the conversation onward. We talked for a whole hour about everything, from the culture shock to her opinion on optional clothing in one of the dorms there. I thought the conversation went very well considering my anxiety around unknown hot girls, especially when compared to the fiasco of the Cornell chick.

Long post. I'll update in a day or two.

 

[DumbBell80]

Goals for Self

I realised that I haven't really updated any short term goals that I have to reach. Sure, becoming confident etc. is all part of the plan, but I think it's the top of the mountain that I have just begun to climb. Whenever I feel like I have lost my way or feel like wtf am I supposed to do, I'll come back here and take a look.
Social
Talk to 5 strangers everyday, while maintaining eye contact and trying to establish an emotional connection.
Complimenting another 5 girls on something idiosyncratic. They may be older, fat, doesn't matter. It's about always staying in a sociable mood or at least whenever I want to be in a social mood.

Physical
Complete the following body weight workout routine everyday:
12,15,18 push-ups
As many dips as I can do x3
Planks for as long as possible x3

Personal
Read the dj bible according to the six week guide.
Meditating for 5 minutes after lunch.
Avoiding junk food completely and eating fruits whenever I feel hungry.

School opens on Monday. I bet there's going to be a lot of drama. Will update here. For now, I'm gearing up for the copa America final.

 

[DumbBell80]

Balls. I've been so busy with school that I didn't get any time to come on sosuave and update. I've been a part of the kik group for some time but I haven't checked there as well because of this huge project I had to do. Now that that's out of the way, I have some time on my hands which I can use to improve myself once more.
Didn't expect there to be such a difference in my interactions after going back to school with the knowledge I had acquired. While earlier I used to take things as they came, now I've started paying more attention to the social dynamics at play and observing the different ways in which different people behave, and what I should do when I want people to react to me. The result? I feel like I'm more in control now about what happens around me and how I should behave.
An example:
Whenever friends of my gf would stop her around the school to talk to her while I was with her, I would just stand there uselessly and not have a ****ing clue about what to do. Now, whenever this happens, I wait for a few moments before saying,"Umm, this is getting awkward. I better go" and start walking off. My gf then stops me, introduces me to her friends, we talk, they laugh, success.
Which brings me to my first area of concern. I realized that I don't really need to work on the girls department at school, so my primary area of focus is to just become more popular and get to know more people, since I've always wanted that but never really achieved it. There are a few problems facing me though:

1)I don't have a phone.
2)I am not on any social network (but I might join facebook)
3)The school I go to is in a different city(40 minutes far) and so going to parties etc. or inviting people over is nigh impossible.

Another problem I face is that sometimes I feel myself slipping back into the same old routine of not being a part of a social interaction or being just too lazy to care or do anything about it.

Here are some short-term goals I have in mind:
1)Lose my virginity by my birthday (23rd August)
2)Get to know at least 3 new people at school every week
3)Get straight As in all my tests
4)Get selected for the space club and MUN team at school
5)Focus only on the present and putting all my efforts into the thing I do at the moment.

I started a bodyweight workout routine with help from DocCoops, but had to put it off for a while because of the project and have now started to go to a pool nearby. I'm not really interested in muscles right now as I am in having a streamlined body and abs, which I think swimming can help in if paired with some crunches etc. I'll update here soon.

 

[DumbBell80]

Self-Discovery

So I've had fever for the past two days but still went to school since I had some important work to do. As a result, I was pretty dull for these two days and most of my interactions with people went downhill quickly. I noticed something interesting; when I talked to my group of close friends, they all talked to me normally etc. even with my obvious sorry state. But people I had started talking to recently were not receptive and pretty much ignored me after a simple hello. This made me realize who my true friends are and who all I should talk to but keep at a distance.
Another thing I noticed about myself is that I am a complete sucker for the more popular crowd, and I hate myself for it. Even though I joined this school late, I compete with the older students in terms of popularity and the people I know and as a result I keep bashing myself in my head and can't focus on other things. I also think that if I don't do this, then I'll just lose the will to become more social and never come out of my comfort zone of people. But as soon as I go into that mode, I can't help but notice other, more popular kids and feel sorry for myself. I don't know why this wasn't an initial goal for me but, better late than never, so here's an updated list of goals:
1)Lose my virginity by my birthday (23rd August)
2)Get to know at least 3 new people at school every week
3)Get straight As in all my tests
4)Get selected for the space club and MUN team at school
5)Focus only on the present and putting all my efforts into the thing I do at the moment.
6)Stop thinking about becoming more popular and instead just talk to people to have a normal conversation without any ulterior motive (like becoming popular)

Now onto something a little more cheerful. I just discovered that taking fever medicine on an empty stomach makes you feel a little drowsy and weird but in an overall enjoyable state. I am in that state right now, so yeah.

Also, I asked my girlfriend if anyone stays at her house during the day. What I plan to do is leave home for school and instead of going to school, go to her place and spend the whole day with her(alone), and come back to school in time to catch my bus back home. I can't go home directly because my mom comes to pick me up in her car because my stop is 2 km. away from my house.
Anyhoo, she told me that she has a maid who lives in the servant quarters outside her house and that she keeps coming in the house during the day to do some household chores, so I can't come inside without her getting to know about it. Now, I'm just trying to convince her to send her maid away on a holiday or something. Basically, get her outside the house for a day or two.