plate's_empty said:
yep, you want to believe that you can have a normal, open, honest relationship. You compromise thinking that she'll reciprocate. You get blinded, sucked in.
Exactly what happened to me. Now, I'm back here starting over after a year of depression, self doubt, borderline alcoholism, etc.....Total derailment not just from meeting new women but, at times, everything I love and enjoy from life itself.
There is another active thread atm where the OP is questioning, basicly, if the "rules" advanced on these forums really work, because he thinks there have been cases where he has screwed up potential lays, relationships, whatever by following the DJ "rules."
Well, he may have, but as someone pointed out, game is a fluid thing. The truly talented and experienced will roll with every situation while keeping everything within his frame and winding up with a quality lay, relationship, whatever your goal happens to be.
That thread plus this one remind me of the old adage, "A penny saved is a penny earned." Broken down, that phrase is saying that if you don't spend a penny you already have, that is another penny available to you that is just as good as a new one you earned.
Apply that logic to the time and energy (most importantly) as well as money spent on seeking that perfect woman we all know is out there for each of us. Most of us, starting this life as AFCs, tend to focus on what has always given us the most trouble....The start.....Approaching women. Then how to deal with dates. Then kiss closing. Then F closing. In that order. But, I think a lot of guys, especially the younger ones, tend to stop thinking past that point. The lay is the goal for them so it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking of relationships as being "easy sex on tap" and that the work is over at that point.
That, plus the fact that I think men are emotionally weaker when it comes to love than women are (in my case at least), it is VERY easy to fall into the trap of thinking you have it sewn up forever with a woman once you have it sewn up for the moment. And this opens the door for all of the old WK and AFC thinking to come flooding into the foundation of what you have built as a DJ, weakening it, and ultimately destroying the whole thing. She fell for a DJ but finds herself with an AFC and she either leaves or sabotages it by seeking another.
You have to be consistent and tend the garden as a DJ from beginning to end. Following the rules and saving a penny now might cut short something that seems promising, as the guy in the other thread was saying, and it may very well do that, but it frees your time, energy, money, and emotions to pursue something of better potential because you arent wasting that penny on something that is likely going to derail you later. You might be missing out on an F close, but you are also avoiding unravelling yourself from a bad situation before it even started. Staying focused on being DJ while in a relationship will keep you from letting that AFCness creep back end. And if it ends, you leave with the confidence knowing that it was because she wasnt worthy of you, not because you failed to be the DJ you know you can be. And you can carry on with confidence, not drowning yourself in booze and because you allowed yourself to be AFC and having to start over again. Life is too short.
