Drunk and depressed right now

[Dannyrt34]

This is more like a rant if anything, I just need to get these feelings out of my head and typed into the computer.

My buddy came over tonight. We were bored so we just drank a few beers and played guitar for a majority of the night. Talking about girls and such, ended up having some pretty depressing drunk conversation. He asked why I never talk to my dad, I was short with him saying we just never got along since I was younger. Whenever I talked to my dad about things I was interested in (like music) he just sat and kept watching tv, never responding. Since then I gave up and cut contact with my father, I got really depressed just recalling all that.

Now onto the girl. I've hit it off great with a girl I met about a few weeks or so ago. We always talk and have quite a strong connection. We're always playful and making plans with each other. One big problem, she has a guy already. She keeps talking about how happy she is when she's with me though. We're always flirty, holding hands and dancing when we go out. There were times when we were about to kiss but stopped short because guilt krept up on her about her man.

I called her tonight. Ended up having our first real serious conversation about relationships and sh't like that. She kept telling me how she loves the way I treat her, I make her laugh, and how she has way more fun with me than she had with her bf in quite a while. Being in the depressed mood I was already in, this actually didn't make me feel good at all. I feel like I found the girl for me, but she's already taken. I guess I just gotta move on, keep her as a friend and keep looking. I don't know what else I can do. It just finally hit me that nothing will come out of talking to her.

I'm not usually in this negative state. I spend alot of time helping my brothers on here out, and tonight is one of those nights when I just need someone to listen to me. This is why I fvcking hate alcohol.

Thanks for listening guys.

 

[Igetit!]

Now onto the girl. I've hit it off great with a girl I met about a few weeks or so ago. We always talk and have quite a strong connection. We're always playful and making plans with each other. One big problem, she has a guy already. She keeps talking about how happy she is when she's with me though. We're always flirty, holding hands and dancing when we go out. There were times when we were about to kiss but stopped short because guilt krept up on her about her man.

Man,I hate,HATE these type of situations. Let me see if I got this straight:You said that you "hit it off" with a girl you met a couples of weeks ago,a girl who's ALREADY involved with someone. So you laugh,talk seriously about some things,flirt,and hang out with her from time to time....but she has a boyfriend.
I'm sorry that you're depressed,and what I'm about to say will probably make you more depressed,but in my opinion,it's the truth. From everything you've said about the two of you,this just seems like another case of the friendzone,plain and simple. For some reason,my spider sense is tingling. Hmmm...this isn't the same girl you were talking about here,is it?

I called her tonight. Ended up having our first real serious conversation about relationships and sh't like that. She kept telling me how she loves the way I treat her, I make her laugh, and how she has way more fun with me than she had with her bf in quite a while.

To me,this just seems like she gets her sexual attraction/chemistry needs met by her boyfriend,and her emotional/gushy feeling side met by you. Basically,she can have her cake and eat it too. When she has problems and the drama gets too intense with her boyfriend,she runs to you. Then once she unloads her emotional burdens onto you,she feels better with you,but bored. Then she runs back to her boyfriend,who stirs up her chemistry....along with some drama,then it starts all over again. It's actually not a bad set up from her point of view.

Being in the depressed mood I was already in, this actually didn't make me feel good at all. I feel like I found the girl for me, but she's already taken. I guess I just gotta move on, keep her as a friend and keep looking. I don't know what else I can do. It just finally hit me that nothing will come out of talking to her.

Wise decision. Most guy will spend months,even years hanging around waiting for the girl to become available. And when she does,she not interested in then. She just meets another guy,then continues on right from where she left off.

This is why I fvcking hate alcohol.

Don't tell me your at your computer typing with one hand,and with a 40oz in the other.
Put the bottle down Danny. Danny....put the bottle down.

 

[Dannyrt34]

Holy shlt, can't believe I just spilled my guts last night..... Lol! I'm an idiot.

Thanks for the advice tho Igetit. This is why you don't drink alcohol unless your going out to have a GOOD time.
That post you referred to, is this girl lol.

Well, it's a really funny situation, I forgot to add certain details in my drunken banter last night. The guy she's with, I actually know him, he used to be one of my coworkers. We were always really cool with each other, I met his girl (the one I'm talking to now) A looong time ago. But it was a quick meeting, when he introduced me to her. Anyway, since then I stopped being friends with her boyfriend, because he actually is REALLY weird. All he does is sit around and play video games. He's just some really tall skinny dude. He has this ****y and not funny persona to him, and it's weird I can tell he's just faking it.

She told me everytime I see her, she has a fun time cause we actually go OUT. Last night when I was on the phone with her, she was actually over her BFS house! She said he was in the other room playin some game named wow on his computer. So she said she's watchin a movie all lonely.

I realize that she does like me, she calls and texts me way too much. But I also realize that I don't think she'll breakup with her guy, this is that realization I came to last night, just gotta move on.

 

[CaptainJ]

Hmm several ideas spring to mind.

You could tell her to break up with her boyfriend and go out with you "We have so much fun together, don't get me wrong your boyfriend is a nice guy and all, but maybe he spends too much time on games than with you..." etc etc(maybe someone can word it better than me to seem more alpha). If she even slightly disagrees with the idea of getting together with you and breaking up with her bf, then you indifferently say its a shame and goodbye.
Here's then what you do:

Cut all contact. Block her online, don't return her callsor texts, act busy when around her. She'll begin to miss you and realise what a mistake she made ending up with her ****ty boyfriend rather than you. You'll want to keep this ignoring her going for a while, until she starts going crazy for you, becomes in hysterical and keeps wondering why you don't speak to her again. She'll miss the fun and will fall head over heels for you.

During this time it would be good to date some people, or go out and have fun, to show you have a great life other than her. Ofcouse you want to keep your life hidden away from her too, so that she keeps wondering what's going on. This is kind of like the break up guide.

 

[horaholic]

Dont torture yourself. You have to stay away from her, for your own sanity. You are LJBF'd, even if it seems like more. It sucks, but these situations, never seem to work out.

Heres what usually happens(to me anyway): Scenario one: She does break up with her boyfriend, you will be all excited, cuz you can be with her now. She will say: "We just broke up, and I'm gonna need some time. I just need you to be a friend to me right now, as I'm so confused." You understand, and agree. You sink yourself deeper in the friendzone. You are not pursuing other girls, cuz you have oneitis. You're wondering how much 'time' she will need. This is the answer: The amount of time a girl needs to get over a breakup is only the amount of time it takes for her to meet another guy who turns her on, and I dont mean you.

Here's my theory on that: She knows she needs time to heal, even though she has X amount of feelings for you. So, she puts you on the back burner. BUT, as soon as someone NEW comes along and she has X+1 feelings for him, she will dive in.

Scenario #2: She breaks up with boyfriend, and goes for you. You sleep with her, tripling your oneitus. She then realizes she's not ready, so she LJBF's you. She decides "it wouldnt be fair to you' to be with her yet, and 'Im not ready for a relationship, and since I have feelings for you, we cant do this yet, but maybe someday.' Then, she starts sleeping around, cuz she 'doesnt have feelings for them' but sleeping around helps her deal with the breakup. Meanwhile, you get to watch her slvt around, and torture yourself further.

See what Im saying? I've been there, numerous times. Bad timing, never seems to work out, which is wierd, cuz everyone else seems to be able to.

 

[2Pac_Makaveli]

This is pointless. You should have given up on her a while ago. It sounds like you have been friend zoned a while back and she just wants to use you to spill out her thoughts and feelings when her bf doesn't listen / isn't there.

It seems clear to me that she's attracted to her bf sexually and already emotionally aswell.

This happened to my friend a while ago, the advice I gave was to subtely tell her to choose between the both, they argued over this (because obviously she didn't want a sexual relationship with my friend) and guess who she chose?

That's right. Her bf.

Move on son.