Dude, she's a fukkin JUNKIE!!! What more of a red flag do you need???
You're trying to rationalize it by saying she quit blow... First of all, how do you know that? You said she has hidden it from you in the past, so she might be doing that now, as well... (by the way, her lying and hiding stuff from you, is another big red flag)
But even if she didn't do coke, she is still very obviously a JUNKIE. Let me expand a little on what I mean by that word: it is not defined by the fact that someone USES, it is defined by the fact that someone WANTS to use, or rather NEEDS to use. This girl can't help herself, she NEEDS drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or other addictions. This need is a very obvious sign of emotional/psychological issues and a HUGE red flag.
And don't try to rationalize it by saying her best girlfriend died... She was a JUNKIE before her girlfriend died, you know that!
Furthermore, the people a person chooses to hang out with, say a lot about that person. Every human being has an inner, subsconscious conviction about what he deserves in life, and that's what he'll subconsciously attract.
Your girl's best friend is a pot dealer who sits in his car at a parking lot, doing lines of coke. Jesus man, if that's the person she chose to be her "best friend", that says a lot about her character... It means that deep down, on a subcopnscious level, she has VERY LOW SELF ESTEEM. Her inner, subconscious conviction is that she deserves no better than that guy as her best friend, because really, she thinks she is not much better than him HERSELF.
I'm sorry, man. I know you love this girl and you don't wanna leave her. But that's the thing, that's where the solution of one's problem starts: ADMITTING YOUR PROBLEM. And YOUR specific problem is that your feelings prevent you from leaving her, even if your rational mind would be 100% convinced that it is the right thing to do.
But it isn't, coz your rational mind is being influenced by your feelings. Your feelings prevent your rational mind from seeing the obvious, which I'll put in a nutshell for you:
* She's a fukking JUNKIE!
* She's a LIAR.
* She hangs out with ABSOLUTE SCUM.
But you don't wanna see this, you'd rather focus on her GOOD traits, on the things she does that make you feel GOOD. And that's only natural, coz you've become kinda addicted to those good feelings she elicits in you. But as with any addiction, you have to realize that it's bad for you in the end, DESPITE the good feelings your "drug" (she is your " drug" ) elicits in you.
This girl is bad medicine, you need to step up and do what's right for you, meaning you leave this girl. Even though it will probably hurt you A LOT on the short term...you have to realize that it will be beneficial for you on the longer term!
What I said earlier, about how the people a person chooses to hang out with, say a lot about that person himself... Well, that also applies to the LOVERS a person chooses to be with. A person gets what he thinks he deserves... You choosing to be with a low quality girl who's bad for you, says a lot about YOU. It says that deep down, on a subconscious level, you hold the conviction that you deserve no better than this girl. Because deep down, on a subconscious level, you feel you're not that much better than her YOURSELF.
But you're WRONG. You ARE better than her and you DO deserve better than her. This is what Pook's "As you think, you shall become" is all about.
The choice is yours. You either reside in your current inner conviction, one that lacks self esteem and lacks true self respect, and will therefor choose to be with a girl that suits that inner conviction: a low quality girl.
OR
You get rid of that faulty inner conviction and replace it by a new one. One that holds high self esteem and true self respect, and will therefor choose to be with a girl that suits that inner conviction.
But in order to do that, you have to be BOLD. You have to let go of the past, leave behind everything that you've always been so accustomed to. And that's not easy, it means you need to step out of your comfort zone, which means you will feel unsafe, unsure and insecure.
It's like when you decide to swim across a lake... When you're still close to the shore, you stil have the comforting realization that you can always swim back to the shore when you feel you don't have enough energy to make it to the other side. But as you swim further, you will reach a point where that option is not possible anymore. At that distance, if you become exhausted, you won't have enough energy left to make it back to the shore!
So as you're making your way to the other side, you're constantly trying to sense your own strength and energy. You try to sense the feeling in your arms in legs...you can feel them becoming heavier, you can feel yourself becoming more tired as you swim further. So you try to measure how much energy you have left and how much energy you would approximately need to make it to the other side.
But it's impossible to find a certain answer to this equasion... So the further you swim, the more unsure you become and you start questioning yourself and your resolve... "Will I be able to make it? I was so sure about it before I got into the water, but I'm beginning to have my doubts now... Sigh... Well, let's just swim a little further and see how it goes... But hey, the shore behind me is becoming quite distant and I can feel myself become more tired, what if I can't make it back to the shore?!"
Clearly, you're getting out of your comfort zone at that point... You feel unsafe, unsure and insecure. You're at conflict with yourself, coz you started this endevour with so much conviction and thought you had what it takes to get to the other side but now you're full of doubt. Why did you ever start this? You could be at home, watching a movie and eating pizza... Now you're in this hazardous situation!! "Fvck it, I don't wanna take the risk, I don't think I can make it to the other side and it's better to return to the shore now and be safe..." So you swim back...
Well, perhaps you could've made it, you know? But as soon as you got out of your comfort zone, you started to doubt yourself, you couldn't handle feeling unsafe, unsure and insecure. So you caved under those feelings, started to doubt yourself and gave up on your endeavor...
This situation is analogous to a person letting go of his faulty inner convictions and his expectations about what he deserves in life. People are inclined to rather be safe than sorry. As long as you have a low opinion of yourself, you will expect to achieve low RESULTS, accordingly. So you can't be disappointed by the low results, coz you were expecting them already.
See? It's actually SAFE to have a low opinion of yourself! It prevents you from being disappointed! It's SAFE to hold onto that inner conviction!
If you were to replace that inner conviction for one that holds higher self esteem and more self respect, your expectations would rise accordingly. But the higher your expectations get, the smaller the chance becomes that they will be met, which means a bigger chance of you being disappointed...
That's why it's so hard for people to actually rise their inner convictions, to rise their self esteem and self respect, to rise their expectations out of life! They don't want to be disappointed, so they rather stay in their comfort zone and keep that inner conviction the same as it has always been, keep their expectations the same as they have always been. It's why they choose to be CONTENT with LOW results and therefor choose to stay with LOW CLASS girls!!
Well, that's not me. And I wouldn't advice anyone to be like that. As you think, you shall become and the sky is the limit!
You can be with a HIGH quality girl, instead of with this one, Twist of Cain. You just have to want it enough and be willing to make the sacrifices. Step out of your comfort zone, defy those unsafe, unsure and insecure feelings and BEAT them. Be a WARRIOR!!
Sh!t man, I broke up with my last gf and I'm still struggling with the aftermath. The girl gave me such joyful and blisful moments, I miss that SO much! Fvcking EVERYTHING reminds me of her and my thoughts keep running off to the heavenly feeling she gave me. I want it back...I just wish I could have that back, I wish it soooo much dude.
BUT FVCK THAT!!
Coz despite all the good feelings she would give me, I know she wasn't good for me, in the end. I deserve better than her and I WILL have better than her! In many ways, she was probably the best I ever had...so I basically LEFT the best girl I ever had! Can you believe it?
It's a very tempting idea to FAULT myself for that and think that I made a MISTAKE by leaving her. But instead, I COMMEND myself for it! Coz even if she was the best I ever had, she was still BAD MEDICINE, just like your girl is. I won't settle for a girl like that, no matter how good the feelings she can give me. The good does not magically erase the bad, you know!
It's natural to regard "the best you ever had" as an end result. But no, you can also turn it around and make it the STARTING POINT! She was the best I ever had but I will have EVEN BETTER from here on! And I stick with that, I will not start doubting myself and I will not fall for the idea that I might never find anything better. I will not start doubting myself and swim back to the shore, I will make it to the other side! I'm feeling cold and alone, man...I miss my girl and what we shared. Well, boo-fvcking-hoo!! I'll fight through those feelings and come out on top. And I will find BETTER girls!
SINK OR SWIM?
LOSER OR WINNER?
MAN OR BOY?
DJ OR AFC?
WARRIOR OR COWARD?
Your choice...
P.S. Would love to see pics!
