Dropping the girl everyone wants

[Nemanao]

I am going to try to keep this as short and sweet as possible, so I will list what I see as the pros and cons of my relationship with this girl.
Brief description of her and of our relationship which has gone on for about nine months:
She's an alpha-female, a single child, a 10+ on the hott scale, smart, funny, gets anything and everything she wants. I did not buy into this. was a challenge for her, and won her over.
Pros:
-Hott, funny, intelligent, articulate, fun to be around and have physical/emotional contact with.
-Her family loves me, she's a great cook, and is a leader.
-Speaks Spanish fluently, treats me good (most of the time), shares many of my tastes/views but also has her own, which I think is important for balance in a relationship

Cons:
-has a temper and can go off at the drop of a hat
-is insecure because she has been in an abusive relationship in her past where her ex made her feel like crap most of the time
-is competitive but not in the good sense of the word, she always has to 'get back' at others instead of being the bigger person and letting things go
-has trust issues
-plays games when she doesn't get her way, (I hope I do not have to highlight what these games are, we all know what kinds of games women play to get in their man's head)
- does not respect her parents/friends/ME sometimes because she knows no matter what, everyone will submit to her wants

The issue I am having here is mainly one with respect and her going against her word on things. For example, he abusive ex works at a bar in an are where there are a bunch of bars in a small area. After a few bumps in the beginning of our relationship with her ex stalking her (and me), she got a restraining order and promised me that she would not go to those bars any more in order to stay away from him and not subject herself to unwanted contact -- but she still goes on occasion against my suggesting her not to. I find this disrespectful. She is knowingly putting herself in a situation that is unfavorable, one in which she knows I do not like. It isn't the fact that she's going out without me, I could care less, but it's the fact that she is going against her promises and is putting herself in a situation thatI thought was long over with. Also, because any girl who meets her automatically wants to be her best friend, she finds herself hanging around girls that I would consider "slutty". She constantly harps on the fact that she does not like girls who are sloppy, easy, and immature, yet she continually buys in to their offers of friendship and hangs around girls like this. We all dread the idea of our girlfriend's going out with a group of girls who are known for their "loose" tendencies because we feel like it may rub off on our girl. She also has many guy friends. This is fine with me until she uses it as a tool against me. For instance, last night I went out with her family and herself, we had a nice dinner and a good time. When I took her home, she thought I would stay over, when I told her that I would not stay over and that I needed to get home, she immediately got angry (without saying anything, I just know because I can read her like a book), started texting her guy friends and made it a point to tell me that she was going out with them because she didn't want to be at home alone upset. She makes it a point also sometimes to also talk about ger guy friends and about how great they are. "Sal, is so great, I love him he's hilarious, I love hanging out with him etc...)". Also, her father. Can we blame a girl for loving her dad more than any guy in the world? Of course not. But, when she makes it a point over and over that "Daddy is the only guy I could ever be around all the time and not get sick of. He is the best man in the world, I want a man just like him... Sal is just like my dad.." get the point? Anyway, after all this time we have had great moments together. Moments that make the idea of losing her seem horrible because we have such a goot time together. But, once her ego gets bruised, or if I do not cater to her every single need, she shuts off. She turns distant and gets a poor attitude. She'll make it a point to say things that will upset me, and then play dumb when I confront her about them. I have learned over time that NOT buying into her negative attitude eventually leads to her wising up and apologizing, but after a while her apologies become insincere. I like this girl a lot, but dealing with her poor attitude and insecurities has taken a toll. My dad always said that even if 99% of the time you are happy with a female, and 1% of the time she makes you want to jump off a cliff, then it isn't worth it. We've and talks over and over about insecurities, trust issues, jealousy, and they end with us coming to an agreement that we won't continue these tiffs, but they always reappear. This is the girl that anyone would die to have, she has all of the positive attributes a guy would want in a girl, but in the end I don't think it's going to work out. I am a peaceful, drama-free individual. She is blunt, speaks her mind, isn't afraid to fight if need be (girls fighting, ehhhh no), and swears a lot. I don't know if I can take it anymore. A rollercoaster ride where the highs seem amazing, and the lows seem deadly. I don't think anymore talks will gain us ground, and I know she won't change. I've seen a lot of guys stick with their girls even though they mistreat them, and I have never seen a guy willingly dump a girl like this. She has NEVER been dumped by a guy, and I think I may be her first. It takes a lot of balls, but I think I'll grow from it..hopefully. Am I making the right decision??`

 

[blind_one]

I know its hard, but dont let anyone fool you even if they roled 10/10 on the DNA dice, that being said it is hard to move on and next her but I believe you know the answer deep down you'd love to stay but, after you get over her you'll feel much better.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

There are two points I would like to address. All this is assuming she is your girlfriend.

First point is her hanging out with "loose" girls. Birds of a feather flock together. If she is hanging out with 9 double d!ck clutchers then she is most likely the 10th damnit.

Second point I'd like to address is her having male friends. This is very disrespectful and you shouldn't allow this disrespect from any exclusive relationship. We all know all those guys are loitering around your female waiting for the chance to "hit it" unless they had already done the deed. I am talking to a female and 3 weeks ago she said she went to the movies with one of her male friends. I was like that's cool, If I went anywhere with my homegirl would you be mad? and she said yea...... She basically got the point and even though we weren't exclusive she got the hint. You know I had to check this girl.

As a man you must check every little bit of disrespect from a girl or it will only get worse as time goes on.

This girl has big problems dog. It's like having a Lambo with a bad engine. Yea, it's nice on the inside but it won't get you far.

 

[youngmack]

Yeah bro i think you got to leave. Your girl is exactly like my oneitis girl. Except that mines is 17 and yours is older. Just like your girl my oneitis is a alpha..Good a$$ grades, mad hot,very outgoing,has a tons of friends, tons of MALE friends, gets what she wants,and all of that.

Just like you i had doubts in the relationship but i overlooked those doubts and bam i have the most extreme oneitis now.

 

[Zerro]

"Princesses" are never worth it in the long run.

 

[yuppaz]

It sounds like she is immature and lacks healthy boundaries

 

[Nemanao]

She is a bit immature but I really feel like she is trying to make us work. We have some communication skills and are both proud so when we have a concern, instead of talking it out, we keep it in which leads to her acting immaturely. Maybe I'll try addressing this with her.. she really is great and is being featured in Playboy this fall so maybe I'll hold on to her until then ha

 

[EastWind]

This is the girl that anyone would die to have, she has all of the positive attributes a guy would want in a girl [...]

No.

At this point what you need to identify is what is making you stay with her. Because dollars to doughnuts it's a combination of her looks, the fun time with her family and the commodity of "having a girl". Neither of which is a good reason to keep being miserable.

I was going to highlight the red flags in your post, but it turns out I could just highlight the whole post.

It's going to be difficult for you, but try to take a step back from the situation and read your post as an outsider. How does it sound? Your dad is spot-on in his 99%/1% advice.

I'm not saying it will be easy, but in my opinion you will have to drop that girl. It looks to me as if you came here knowing that, but needed other people to tell you as well. Which is totally fine and which is a reason we're here. But now that we've told you, you should act on it.

 

[john1234]

There are two points I would like to address. All this is assuming she is your girlfriend.

First point is her hanging out with "loose" girls. Birds of a feather flock together. If she is hanging out with 9 double d!ck clutchers then she is most likely the 10th damnit.

Second point I'd like to address is her having male friends. This is very disrespectful and you shouldn't allow this disrespect from any exclusive relationship. We all know all those guys are loitering around your female waiting for the chance to "hit it" unless they had already done the deed. I am talking to a female and 3 weeks ago she said she went to the movies with one of her male friends. I was like that's cool, If I went anywhere with my homegirl would you be mad? and she said yea...... She basically got the point and even though we weren't exclusive she got the hint. You know I had to check this girl.

As a man you must check every little bit of disrespect from a girl or it will only get worse as time goes on.

This girl has big problems dog. It's like having a Lambo with a bad engine. Yea, it's nice on the inside but it won't get you far.

 

[bigneil]

You lost me at (she's a ) "10+". You know you've fallen too hard when you think she's prettier than humanly possible.

 

[ken chang]

I don't mean to be a bad, immoral man here. I'm just being realistic. I say how about you start dating other girls first before you dump her. Yes, it's cheating, but when you finally drop her it wont hurt as much because by then, you would have a back up.

 

[GotED?]

I have just recently dumped a woman who is described like your girlfriend - everything was perfect except her 'spoiled' and 'entitled' attitude that makes her want to be right all the time and argue just to win.

Your girlfriend is emotionally immature - but that comes with the heavy price tag of a HB 8, 9, and 10. They are usually STUCK at an age of 18-20 emotional maturity regardless of how old they are, because they learned by that age they can manipulate and get anything/everything they need by their looks. Why would they grow up or learn to refine their personality and inner qualities?

I also think you have already lost your frame a long time ago - she has your balls in the hand, just hasn't squeezed it yet - I wouldn't wait until then. Good luck bro.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[duchung304]

1 vote for drop

 

[DonJuanit0]

I've been there... In the begging it's great, you might have great sex and feel wonderful having her around you but in time you'll get frustrated and get angry because you might start having feelings about her!

 

[Aristippus]

Hey. I'll get straight to the point. I see some major problems here. Both in her behavior and in your behavior. When you're in an exclusive relationship male friends are a big NO! Not just N O with a capital N. But NO!!!

Ok. You get the point. She's not your f- buddy or some random chick you met out. She's your girlfriend, you've agreed to be exclusive, yet she has guy friends. I seriously doubt she would like it if you were behaving the way she was.

Let's say you had a bunch of female friends and you hung out with guys who were always cheating on their wives or girlfriends. And you went out with these guys while they're out on the hunt, meeting women and potentially banging down every broad they had the chance to. Or if you just went out with single guys who were chasing a$$ all day. Even if you didn't do anything, even if you didn't chase women or look at other women, it's still not healthy.

It's not healthy because you're keeping the wrong company in the wrong settings and you're in an exclusive relationship. You're not a single guy. And you have to have respect for the relationship. Pat yourself on the back because I believe you do.

Her having male friends and going out with loose women is simply disrespectful. You have to lay down the law and be the man. You must not tolerate her disrespect. That's where you screwed up. You're being too accommodating to her disrespectful behavior. She might try to twist it around and say you're "controlling". The reality is you're being too permissive and she's disrespecting you.

Now, you can talk about it without it becoming a shouting match. You can be angry but you can exude what I'd like to call "calm anger". And you tell her that having male friends when she's in a relationship is disrespectful. And if she still keeps in touch with her exes, she has to stop if she wants to continue having a good relationship. Sometimes women can be like children. YOU have to lead. NEVER allow the woman to lead the relationship.

You have to use her current beliefs to train her into right behavior. I guarantee if you were talking to your exes and had tons of female friends and went out with a bunch of players to clubs, she wouldn't have ANY of that. You have to be more stubborn and more persistent than they are. YOU are like a lion. You need to act on your anger, but temper that anger with calmness. ADDRESS HER STANDARDS FOR YOUR BEHAVIOR AND THEN FLIP THOSE STANDARDS BACK ONTO HER. Then demand nothing less from her than what she demands from you.

Get dam*ed pi$$ed and don't hide it. Just don't completely lose control. You have to lead her and teach her. She must learn what it is to be respectful in a relationship. You failed to set boundaries and enforce them. She crossed those boundaries and now you're paying the price.

Once you lay down the law, you have to keep guiding her and enforcing it. If she's changing how she acts, great. If she's still too stubborn and keeps acting up in spite of your guidance and the consequences she must pay for her misbehavior, then it's time to ditch her.

 

[Nemanao]

Thanks Arist,
Admittedly, I have let loose on the reigns over time. I think what attracted her in the beginning of our relationship is that I set boundaries, not verbally but she knew by my demeanor when she was crossing the line, and began to withdrawal from childish acts. Over time, I've gotten more comfortable and let loose. Here's the thing with guy friends, these are her standards: "Well, I would not get mad if you hung out with your (girl)friends at all, just as long as you've never gotten with them before. And since I have not gotten on my two guy friends, I should be allowed to hang out with them..."
Here's my problem with this:
1) What one of us guys who has a close friend or friends who is a girl hasn't at one time or another made-out with/fooled around with them.. I mean come on I made out with my best (girl)friend in high school 6 years ago and my girl is saying no to us hanging out?? (I do anyway).
2) I don't care who you are as a guy, if you have a female friend who is super hott, and even if she has never been with you and says the relationship is strictly non-physical, you will always have thoughts of getting wit her and would do so at the drop of a hat. That's just plain man-sense.

I hadn't spoken two her since this morning, (it's been two days, a long stretch for her, but I thought the suffering would do her good). I was calm, non-aggressive, and I addressed a lot of the points that all of you guys have mentioned on here. She practically got down on her knees and begged for a chance to change these things that I do not approve of. She wants to work on our communication skills when we disagree, she stated that she loves me so much and that she has NEVER dated anyone like me and that she wants us to go for the big one, yea the BIG one.
Well, I was not weakened by her sweet talking and claims that she'll change. I can not have respect for a woman who purposely goes out of her way to piss me off when she does not get her way. This is childish and something I may have expected back in high school but not now. I am not giving her an ultimatum, e.i. "Don't do this anymore babe or I'll break up with you.." -- I don't think that's the way to go about it. For now I'm keeping my distance emotionally, staying off-topic and seeing how she reacts. If I genuinely see her making an effort to cut the bull****, maybe I'll stick around. But, I just can't go on dealing with this kind of behavior if it persists. This may seem like I'm being weak and giving in, but I know by my feelings right now that this is the last straw...she's practically pushed me to the end of the cliff, with nothing but my big toe hanging on, and she's trying to pull me back...we'll see how princess Lola behaves..

 

[nismo-4]

Put her in check when she disrespects you.

If she keeps on, send this "princess" to another castle!

Case closed.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

She is a bit immature but I really feel like she is trying to make us work. We have some communication skills and are both proud so when we have a concern, instead of talking it out, we keep it in which leads to her acting immaturely. Maybe I'll try addressing this with her.. she really is great and is being featured in Playboy this fall so maybe I'll hold on to her until then ha

1)Chick who was in an abusive relationship and still shows up where her ex is.

2)Chick hangs out with slvts

3)Chick has many guy 'friends'.

4)Chick has many bad qualities.

5)Chick is going to be 'featured' in Playboy.

This chick will dump you before you dump her.

I could care less if she's Ms. Universe. I'd be out never to return or be heard from.

To be honest I call B.S on this thread.

 

[Young Juan]

Dump her before she dumps you because IF YOU WAIT SHE IS 100% GOING TO DUMP YOU. IT IS NOT GOING TO WORK. YOU EVEN SAID SO YOURSELF. YES, I AM YELLING ON PURPOSE!!!!

 

[Nemanao]

there's really no way Lola will dump me. I have her telling me how great I am 24/7, she's obsessed -- I really just think I need to continue to put her in check when she reverts back to the immature acts. Seems to be working thus far..