Drinking and losing things

[Murk]

I have a terrible relationship with alcohol.

It's not that a drink everyday or can't live without it, but I just can't stop once I start. I can go a week or two without drinking fine, but I notice I just go to the extremes.

I have lost 3 iPhone's so far in 2018, I also lost an iPhone in August 2017 which lead to an argument with my (then) girlfriend and her complaining that I'm not responsible enough and I get too drunk (all true). I lost another phone before I met my ex in early 2017. So I'm up to 5 phones in 12 months. If we go further back I'd say I lose a phone or 2 every year and nearly always while drunk.

This past weekend I got blindly drunk, uber'd home from a boat party I snuck into at 2am (I had not been home all weekend) woke up Monday and couldn't find my phone, I'd lost this same phone 7 days earlier - used find my iPhone and had to collect it from some African dude who found it on a train platform.

I used find my iPhone at 2:30pm the next day and it showed it was like 20 metres from my house in the middle of a car park next to some houses on 1% batt - a full 12 hours since I got my uber home so I'm doubting the gps was accurate and that it's just in my house somewhere. I've been looking all week. I can't keep losing phones and buying new ones.

I can't keep drinking to excess. Rant over.

 

[marmel75]

Damn bro...maybe you shouldnt drink then?

I have never lost a phone but I have misplaced it a few timed and I was freaking out so I can imagine actually loaing it must really suck...

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Focus on improving your impulse control dude. And cut back on the quantity of alcohol. You don't have to stop drinking, you don't even have to stop getting tipsy, just set yourself a limit of 3 pints and go no further.

I've been drunk before but I've never in my life vommed or lost stuff. Worst thing I did was leave my coat in a club on a winter's night, though I was smart enough to go back in for it.

That's purely because I've always set myself an alcohol limit for the night.

 

[Reykhel]

I have a terrible relationship with alcohol.

End it. It will get worse.

but I just can't stop once I start. I can go a week or two without drinking fine, but I notice I just go to the extremes.

All or nothing, so it ends up binging. Very risky.

so far in 2018

Key words here are so far......meaning this journey has not ended. you want to predict future behavior? look at past behavior.

These are red flags. Warning you. Imagine that this was a woman stealing from you. And you say to yourself "maybe if i see her less, she won't steal from me..." But we both know she will, the nature of the relationship has been set up. The nature of the beast is revealed.

You are the mark in this relationship. Alcohol is gaming you.

which lead to an argument with my (then) girlfriend

relationship arguments that stem from alcohol misuse are tragic no? avoidable and unnecessary.

This past weekend I got blindly drunk, uber'd home from a boat party I snuck into at 2am (I had not been home all weekend) woke up Monday and couldn't find my phone, I'd lost this same phone 7 days earlier - used find my iPhone and had to collect it from some African dude who found it on a train platform.

this could be a lot worse. You could be waking up on a cold concrete slab in a cell. you could have took your car and milled someone.

I'd put money on it that slowly, worse ****e will happen. When you are on a binge it's possible that you are going into blackout mode. It can be the lack of sleep combined with excessive alcohol that causes this. Imagine, perhaps the brain is ready for sleep at midnight, but we keep on partying
and keep on consuming. the brain is producing dopamine and the alcohol is keeping our tired body afloat. Zombie like. The alcohol is pulling the strings connected to a depleted body.

maybe you shouldnt drink then?

reasonable suggestion.

just set yourself a limit of 3 pints and go no further.

oh if it were that easy. you see once people are used to consuming to a certain level, it's almost rewired in the brain. There's a lot of habit energy at play here granted, but you've got to realize his brain is wired to binge right now.

trying to limit to 3 pints or whatever is unfortunately a fools errand. All good intentions will go out the window after the first, possibly the second pint.

is it possible to moderate after being a binge drinker? Yes it is. but imo only after the brain has being reset and rewired and this takes time and a long period of abstinence. is it possible to moderate for everyone. Fvck no. Some people just can't do it but nonetheless they will spend years trying with often devastating circumstances. It's a few iphones for our friend right now...I guarantee you if he continues like this, 2019 will bring bigger losses.

You don't have to stop drinking,

I beg to differ.

 

[Murk]

Needed that, all of it.

So how long do you think I should stop? It was definitely blackout/zombie mode as I was falling asleep during the day. Basically solid drinking from Friday, Saturday (no sleep plus an 8ball of coke), Sunday all day drinking, Sunday night boat party etc.

I'm actually scared, I feel ashamed, angry, lost, alone. I feel fvcking awful and depressed. I have a bottle of vodka at home that I haven't touched since Monday. I'm going to through it out.

Again, how long should I stop drinking to reset? Bear in mind I have not gone 2 solid weeks without drinking since I was about 15 years old. I've always drunk to excess, my mother always warned me to be safe, be careful and watch how much I'm drinking, I scared her a lot. If she were alive she would be ashamed. My family regularly tell me I need to stop this behaviour.

The only good thing is I feel I am going to change my life from this point, and like Reykel said I haven't had any serious incidences (recently).

 

[Billtx49]

Needed that, all of it.

So how long do you think I should stop? It was definitely blackout/zombie mode as I was falling asleep during the day. Basically solid drinking from Friday, Saturday (no sleep plus an 8ball of coke), Sunday all day drinking, Sunday night boat party etc.

I'm actually scared, I feel ashamed, angry, lost, alone. I feel fvcking awful and depressed. I have a bottle of vodka at home that I haven't touched since Monday. I'm going to through it out.

Again, how long should I stop drinking to reset? Bear in mind I have not gone 2 solid weeks without drinking since I was about 15 years old. I've always drunk to excess, my mother always warned me to be safe, be careful and watch how much I'm drinking, I scared her a lot. If she were alive she would be ashamed. My family regularly tell me I need to stop this behaviour.

The only good thing is I feel I am going to change my life from this point, and like Reykel said I haven't had any serious incidences (recently).

Go to an AA meeting, identify the problem to beat it.

 

[Murk]

That's probably a good idea as I'm actually just wanting to go home from work and drink that vodka now...

Does anyone here go for months without drinking? Do the majority here drink at least once a week?

 

[Reykhel]

Go to an AA meeting, identify the problem to beat it

I'm against that. But I'll be open minded and listen...can you say why you recommend that?

I'll briefly tell you why I don't:

In a nutshell, AA is an insidious dangerous religious cult (note: I'm very much not anti religion)

AA wants you to believe that you have a disease. ok? Fvck that ****e completely.

AA needs you to buy into a FRAME. Within that frame there are beliefs and concepts. You end up believing all of those beliefs and concepts and operating within the AA frame. Jesus, there's too many examples........"once I start I cannot stop"...ok so this is AA doctrine and maybe a lot of days you can moderate and others you fvcking binge. Buy the AA frame and then suddenly those days when you could moderate become "I am an alcoholic, when I drink I don't stop" and you can imagine what happens every time.......

AA needs you to say "I am an alcoholic". Even when you have been teetotal for five years, you still must identify as "an alcoholic"

This is self defeating.

AA wants you to say that you are "powerless", that the people that can drink are "normies" (and you are not a normie", AA puts the responsability on your "disease"

oh I could go on

 

[Billtx49]

as I'm actually just wanting to go home from work and drink that vodka now...

That sounds like an addiction, you may need some support for withdrawal.

 

[Reykhel]

That's probably a good idea as I'm actually just wanting to go home from work and drink that vodka now...

Why? Can you ask why?

Because you are running. Running from what? probably the shame and embarrassment? Even paranoia? Even Anxiety?

Look, I wonder what your family life is like. I remember someone saying that when you come from a dysfunctional home.......you carry a fvcking burden. like a rucksack. full of rocks. Always. Always on your shoulders. Weighing you down. in every experience it's there.

....then you fine that shot of vodka, that line of coke, that whisky, that long shot in the arm.....is like a a warm friend gently coming along and embracing you, sliding the rucksack gently off your shoulders.....it feels so lighter, such a relief......at last you can let go.

It's a refuge. A refuge. Look at all addicts. They are looking for refuge. They've not learned how to deal with certain things in life and they need to find......cover. a safe refuge.

 

[Reykhel]

So how long do you think I should stop?

Concentrate on being permanently teetotal for now. Don't think about future drinking. Just take it off the table. Just try a teetotal life for now. In fact stand in front of the mirror and say "I'm never drinking again and I won't change my mind" just to see what thoughts come up. It could be quite revealing.

no sleep plus an 8ball of coke

Yeah coke's the clean drug right? Coke will bring you to hell's door like you won't believe. Coke will mix you with people you wish you never came into contact with. through the nose is ok right? why not smoke it? think that will never happen? it will surprise you.

I'm actually scared, I feel ashamed, angry, lost, alone.

yep. you need to overcome the shame part. Shame will keep you coming back to play in the shadows.

it's the addiction trap. you feel like ****e and you consume and you believe that it makes you feel well or normal again. Then you have to
crash. then the gapping hole appears again.."I feel like ****e" more.....it's a vicious circle.

The drink/drug is creating the need

Bear in mind I have not gone 2 solid weeks without drinking since I was about 15 years old

So what. just quit and that's it. Don't put alcohol in your mouth. Change your habits. change your friends if need be.

Change.

my mother always warned me to be safe, be careful and watch how much I'm drinking

We only have one and sometimes they are looking out for our best interests.

This could be your life purpose. Overcome these circumstances. be the man you want to be.

 

[Reykhel]

I love Doug Stanehope's view on the likes of the concept of "recovery" and the cult of "AA"

the interview with Charlie Sheen ( yes he's nuts etc but what's worth noting is his view on " addiction")

Are you cured? yeah. how? because I blinked and I changed my mind. What now?

Quite drinking and drugging?? Decide. Do it. Don't change your mind no matter what. Enjoy that FRAME.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I'm actually scared, I feel ashamed, angry, lost, alone. I feel fvcking awful and depressed. I have a bottle of vodka at home that I haven't touched since Monday. I'm going to through it out.

A lot of your posts seem to have the theme of attaining instant-gratification (sex, alcohol and/or drugs) followed by a realisation and this shame/despair. It all stems from a desire to feel good and self-control (or a lack of it).

Perfect example would be the girl you went bare-back with and then worried you'd made her pregnant.

Next time you have the impulsive drive to do something immediately "good" in the moment, halt and first question the potential negatives down the road too. With sufficient discipline you can even do this while drunk.

You don't have to become a self-questioning nervous wreck and never have any fun, but you always have to think about when to apply the brakes or you will just go straight off the rails.

Do you have a regular exercise routine? That requires discipline and self control. Anytime you start thinking about doing another line of coke, another shot of vodka or banging that easy STI-ridden HB 2 you need to listen to the voice that makes you go to the gym every week to look after your body rather than the demon on your shoulder.

I remember in a thread a while back you also said that you didn't feel right unless you were dating/banging. Might be worth talking to a counsellor, because this is another sign that maybe you have some stuff in your own life to sort out that's causing you to do these binges and risky decisions.

 

[_sideways_]

You're worried. But you just lose phones.
Sounds like you're a great partier. You don't beat women or kick puppies.
Your self esteem is low and alky is a quick fix.
Fix your self esteem and you will realize that you don't have to drink if you don't feel it.
That crazy weekend you had could have been sober and still lost a phone.
Advice, work out twice a day everyday. The chemicals in your brain will be good and the brain won't be looking for the alky.

 

[Reykhel]

Do you have a regular exercise routine? That requires discipline and self control. Anytime you start thinking about doing another line of coke, another shot of vodka or banging that easy STI-ridden HB 2 you need to listen to the voice that makes you go to the gym every week to look after your body rather than the demon on your shoulder.

I like your posts. I believe you have good intentions. It's still possible to have major discipline in sport, let's say you have about 12 muay thai fights under your belt. it's discipline no? and let's say you also went through thousands, and I mean thousands on coke. Doesn't seem to be correlation no?

believe me that it can happen that you have super discipline in every area of your life and still, addiction rips you apart

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I like your posts. I believe you have good intentions. It's still possible to have major discipline in sport, let's say you have about 12 muay thai fights under your belt. it's discipline no? and let's say you also went through thousands, and I mean thousands on coke. Doesn't seem to be correlation no?

believe me that it can happen that you have super discipline in every area of your life and still, addiction rips you apart

Yeah, I must admit I've not had personal addiction problems so my level of knowledge on how exactly it "rewires" the brain isn't great.

Personally, I look at discipline and careful consideration like a kind of mind-condom (I know it sounds ridiculous but bear with me lol).

When it comes to addiction...if I tried coke, I'd probably like it and I'd probably get addicted to it. I know this. And so I've never done coke, because it's poison and I don't want the negative consequences of using it.

Hence my discipline there has nullified any risk of coke addiction, because it's allowed me to build a wall between myself and even trying it.

However, once that discipline is already broken and you're already in the habit, reigning yourself in is much more difficult. Kind of like how it's better to prevent getting yourself ill rather than get a disease and try to cure it.

--

This boxing promoter is a perfect example of how coke f***s you up. Lots of people laugh at his behaviour (it's become a meme), but I personally feel so sorry for the guy.

He seems nice enough, but with his success has come uncontrolled hedonism and I wouldn't be surprised if he ODs or dies of a heart attack one day. It's clear that he's heavily coked up every single time he's on TV. Skip to 2:39 for the soulless inhuman coke grimace...

 

[fanatic22]

You should pay for carrier insurance, its like $10/month.

 

[Murk]

I had insurance, they stopped paying me out on phones so I cancelled it.2 years ago, I'll look to get insurance this week - I'm buying a cheap iphone 6s from some girls sister I knows sister.

So I came home and looked for my phone it's not there, I accept it's gone.

My best friend came over to my house just now to see how I am (I'd told him I felt depressed a couple weeks ago when I lost my last phone), I was with him over this weekend, we reminisced on an amazing weekend, we literally got to this place, free pizza (I flirted with the gay waiter for it) free booze (told the guy to bring us some bottles - 4 he brought 4 bottles to us for free outside, we shared it with the people around us) all in the space of 30 minutes. The people around us thought we had superpowers, I felt like I did. I felt like a celeb. My friend said this hot chick was all over me, he tried talking to her but she said she liked me, "did I do anything with her?" "no, you were too fvcked up". Even if I got her number I lost that phone anyway.

So he ended up at a party at a £2.2m house and went to a BBQ with these people after and didn't get home until 9pm the following day. Me and my friend are similar, we make friends, create vibes and always go on adventures, really charming. It was his idea to go out, I'd been on a coke bender with no sleep and said I wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay out. So technically it's my best friends fault.

I can't even stop drinking because we found that cool spot where we plan to go this weekend to get free bottles again. This time I plan to find a hot chick and get her number, keep drinking to a minimum (well, within reason) and have a good time. My life revolves around drink and drugs and I think if I keep it to a controllable level it will be fine.

I know, massive U-turn, I deserve everything I get. I'll learn some day.

 

[sazc]

The first time you make a mistake it's an accident, the second time you make a mistake it's on purpose, the third time you make that same mistake it's no longer a mistake, it's a habit.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I can't even stop drinking because we found that cool spot where we plan to go this weekend to get free bottles again. This time I plan to find a hot chick and get her number, keep drinking to a minimum (well, within reason) and have a good time. My life revolves around drink and drugs and I think if I keep it to a controllable level it will be fine.

I know, massive U-turn, I deserve everything I get. I'll learn some day.

Some insanely huge contradictions here my man, not merely one U-turn. First you essentially admit you can't stop drinking (even though you're trying to rationalise it with it being part of the socialising/freebies). Then you say you'll keep it to a minimum "within reason" (which is a way of not giving yourself a set limit by being really vague, so you can ignore it easier).

Then you end by saying your life "revolves" around drink and drugs, suggesting it's a pretty crippling addiction to me. Pretty hard sentence to read. When your life revolves around any one thing completely that isn't healthy, let alone when it's addictive habit-forming substances.

But then we follow up with another kidding-yourself contradiction as you say that despite "revolving" around these substances you will keep it to a "controllable" level. But what is controllable? We already have you wishing you were downing vodka while you were at work.

Every heroin junkie or booze-addled homeless man starts out thinking their habits are "controllable". I think you're already beyond control in hindsight now, I think like others said that you need to stop drinking entirely.

Anyway I don't mean to lecture. Not my business to tell you what to do. But I think you need to re-assess this stuff pretty seriously if you want to be in control and healthy.

I'm actually scared, I feel ashamed, angry, lost, alone. I feel fvcking awful and depressed. I have a bottle of vodka at home that I haven't touched since Monday. I'm going to through it out.

Re-read this. Remember how you felt. Is that worth it? And this is pretty much just the beginning of the spiral.

Me and my friend are similar, we make friends, create vibes and always go on adventures, really charming. It was his idea to go out, I'd been on a coke bender with no sleep and said I wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay out. So technically it's my best friends fault.

You're probably kidding/joking about with that last line, but in a more serious light...it was you that made the choice to go out. You've always got the power to resist the suggestions of friends and hangers on.

I've turned down nights out with my best mates frequently if I know it'd be a bad idea/irresponsible and although it sucks at the time it feels SO much better in the long run. Saying it's other's fault (even in a jokey way) is kind of a cop-out for allowing yourself to be lead even when you know it's bad for your health.

And your bestie wasn't putting the coke up your nose either! I'm seeing a lot of rationalisation of unhealthy and addicted behaviour here.

Anyway, good luck mate, I'll quit preaching. Just want to help...take care of yourself.