Weekend Update
Ok, guys, as you know I originally posted about dreading the weekend as I thought the timing was right for the "stuff" to hit the fan in terms of loneliness. Well, I took your advice to heart and I really think I'm on the road to recovery thanks to your collective encouragement and ideas.
I already gave a report about last night (Friday), now here's what I did today:
I slept kind of late today. When I got up, I decided that it is of prime importance that I get in better shape as part of my AFC recovery. My reasoning is obvious...improved looks, feeling of accomplishment, feeling of control, and of course just general health. I have a real rough time with free weights as my connective tissues are extremely prone to injury due to a chronic stomach condition that I have, so it seemed to me that the overpriced but effective (for my purposes) Bowflex was just what is needed. I found a major retailer selling the unit for $200 dollars off normal price, so I grabbed one and carted it home. Brought it up piece-by-piece since I had no one to help me. What I got from this was a sense of taking charge of my life and making a positive decision to do what needs to be done in order to be the man I want to be.
This may seem laughably simple to many of you, but to me it's a big deal.
With the Bowflex in pieces upstairs, it was now time to get out and do something with my evening. I remembered that a certain riverfront town nearby was having fireworks tonight, so I decided to take a ride up. This town is a quaint little village with mostly antique shops and boutiques that run along the main street, right down to the waterline. The people who live there and the people who shop there tend to be quite Bohemian in lifestyle, so it's always interesting. I met a girl there a couple of weeks ago but she was rather plain in appearance so nothing came of it.
I swear, there was not even one single woman wandering around, but in keeping with my new philosophy of extending myself more, I made a point of talking with a few people about mundane things. It was just an exersize in reaching out to eliminate my tendancy to perceive people as robots. I'm sure I do that as a protective mechanism, but I'm going to smash that little problem into pieces.
The fireworks started at 10:00 because the last train had to come through because of proximity to the tracks. The show itself was very mundane but the ending was killer. I've never seen such an intense ending before. Afterwards, I drove home and started assembling the Bowflex.
I know, I know..."Why are you telling us all this?" Well, firstly I want to demonstrate that I take your suggestions seriously and that you guys did not respond in vain. Rather than sulking at home, I'm working hard to get out there and work on my people skills. Secondly, maybe there is some AFC out there reading this who might realize that he can start right where he is; that he doesn't have to be (nor can he be) a polished Don Juan overnight. Just start where you are. As you can see, for myself, I'm concentrating not on picking up women; rather, I'm working on making myself into a man who will be well respected by myself, as well as others. I know that success with women will be a by-product of my efforts, as I will deal with women with ease when I'm comfortable with myself.
My priorities:
1) Health and fitness. This is a critical, foundational element that cannot be ignored.
2) Social skills. Going out of my way to relate with both men and women. Developing ease and confidence in dealing with both sexes.
3) Increasing circle of friends. This will take some time, but I realize that I should have a larger circle of friends than I do now. And of course, this means giving of myself to others.
4) Money. I will be working hard on increasing my client base in my business. Money is important, and all too often in life I have put this on the back-burner, almost as if I felt guilty for concentrating on this aspect of life. No, to be a man is to make no apology for working to be financially secure. Very obvious to most of you, but an epiphany for me.
5) Spiritual matters. I have drifted from communication with my Creator, and that will now be corrected
6) General body language. I'm very aware now of what I project to the world through my body language and expressions. I think I have a tendancy to look a little menacing as a means of self-protection. That will change now. I also think there is something in my expression that "tells the tale" of my lifelong struggle with stomach difficulties. Hopefully, my efforts will start to change that. I'm working on carrying myself with a self-assured air, yet still approachable. Slower, more deliberate movements and speech. Embracing my masculinity.
7) Women. Notice I put this last, as I firmly believe that by laying the foundation listed above, I will have a much easier time of getting this aspect of life handled properly. I'm not one who wants shag as many women as possible. No, I want to be able to relate to them without fear in the hopes of eventually finding someone I can settle down with.
Well, I suppose I've made a few of you ill with my rather simple, elementary observations and perceptions, but hey...cut me a break... I grew up with some serious handicaps, both physical and mental, but I make no excuses for them. I will metamorphosize into a better man no matter what the cost, because the cost of not doing so is a life of regret, and I will not have that. My reach may exceed my grasp, but I will go to my grave working to become the best man that I can be, and in so doing I will annihilate regret. Consequently, when my time on this earth is up, I will be able to say about the game of life, "I win".
And both of these are relatively easy to pick up, keep you physically active, social and feeling good.