tamales,
I know you are going to take this the wrong way, but so be it. What exactly do you want from this guy? I mean, you tell us he's a true DJ, yet from what you tell us of him, he really isn't, maybe just a player. That's pushing it. Seems to me you are more wrapped up in the fantasy of being pursued by a true DJ. You say you think you love him. Do you love him the person, or what he does to you sexually? Really, you need to take some time and reflect what exactly you want from him. What is your viewpoint of love? Is it something that you give to someone, without conditions, undemanding, a gift to another, an expression of deep emotion for another that moves you so completely that you bestow that gift unto them without fear, without holding anything back of yourself and your heart that? Or is it something that you demand of someone, to validate yourself, a reward you deserve for giving your body to another, something that is owed to you?
One thing I have noticed is you have a way of relating to the men on the board as if we are your "girlfriends". We aren't. Men and women have different ways of communicating. I understand you are frustrated that he won't open up and all that emotional stuff on your time schedule. The way women are socialized, it is acceptable and expected that women are emotional and can freely express their emotions. You talk of crying all night long over this guy. How many times on this board have you heard of the men crying all night on and off over a girl? Men are socialized not to express their emotions in they way that you do. Do we have them? Sure, of course we do. We express them differently from women and on a different time schedule.
Do we have a wall up the size of China? Maybe so, but you tell us you are going to let a potential suitor take you out for sushi, foot the bill and you proudly proclaim you deserve this, even though you've already decided he doesn't have a chance with you. Are you a ***** for this? No, certainly not. However, the DJ bible advises us to steer clear of girls who do that kind of thing. It's dealing with girls who do this kind of BS that the DJ bible had to be developed. Maybe this guy thinks he honestly has a chance with you, but you've already written him off cause you are so wrapped up in that other man. Not very honest of you, really. Did you make it clear that he has no chance with you? And when we speak our truth from the male, perspective, you don't want to hear it. What's up with that? "This thread is dead!" Indeed. You ask us for insight, and when we give it to you, you can't handle it. You just give us excuses on why you should keep doing what you are doing. Consider this tough love, tamales, as we are all pulling for you. The solution lies in open honest communication between you and the men in your life. Have you communicated exactly what you want your relationship to be with him. What is acceptable to you and what is not? Have you told him what he has to do to be with you? What he will do that will lose you? Are you caving in if you get what you want? Do you really love him?
