Dreaded Phone Call: Moving On!

[tamales]

Okay, I'll try and keep this brief but my former DJ called yet again tonight. THis time I answered the phone. I was napping and shocked to hear his voice. COnvo went like this.... I tried to be cool but well, I even tried to block his number but can't. It's a cell phone. Just how bad of an AFC was I. I am still staying strong and no more, maybe like someone on here said I should lose my temper but the real key is to just move on and not care. I am working on it. Sigh


Him: Hey swettie, what's up? (even after I had sent him a it's over email)

Me: Nothing.

Him: How's the Mall.

Me: Laughing, the Mall. What am I some mall girl. ( I don't work at a mall but a very upscale store) We both laughed, (Keep in mind my tone was very very cool from the get go. Not the least excited to hear from him, actually sounding a little pissed and all the way through until the end, I mean whatever. Why is he still calling!!!! Grrr. I know, trying to get lucky once more. WOn't work this time sorry)

Continuing.....

Him: So are you working on the 4th?

Me: Yes.
Him: I was going to ask if you wanted to go to the beach with me.

Me: (Very, very cool tone.) That wouldn't be such a good idea.

Him:You don't trust me at all do you?

Me: No, I don't nor have you given me reason to. ( he was a little like whoa..)

Me: I mean I am not asking for the world, nor have I but this is really wacked and well enough alread. Why waste my breath, You know what I am talking about. Gee I have to get going.

Him: Well anything else new. How is business and other things

Me: All is great and like I said I need to get going talk to you later.

Him: So nothing new?
Me: No but I'll talk to you, bye and have fun clubbing this weekend.

Him: I am not so sure Iam going clubbing this weekend.

(Note: I said that because he is late 30's and well I never go clubbing but I know that he is a player and once he once picked up a young girl, then called her his friend and actually brought her out to meet me.. Let's not go there but she was dog ugly. A four and I am at least an 8.5, sooooo... this comment was more just teasing him on the comment he made the other night about being with all these chicks and realize what he's missed out on for the last few months. I have refused his sexual advances for months yet he still calls but same old ****. This guy has a brick wall up so high, I can get no where and well like i said moving on, or trying to...)

Me: Well, whatever.. I need to go but take care. Talk to you.

Him: Yes, I hope we talk soon


Me: Click.

GRRRRRRRR!!!! I know this man thinks he will once again get me to come back but no more. And the line about the 4th I bet he was already hoping I was working. I mean doubt he would come through. Does he miss me, maybe. Was I an AFC probably. But from this convo, I at least tried to get my game on some.

I am hurting more now than ever and truly, I realize I think I am sorta in love with guy and it sucks. It will be a year come Aug. since I first met him and this whole game started. I can hardly believe it! And I even think he has developed feelings for me, hence the continued calls and no booty after all this time. There is such an amazing and I mean outta this world attraction between us which makes it very hard ( no pun intended) as I don't get why he is doesn't want to date me and see me. I mean he calls liek tonight but it's never normal.

Same old ****, moving on but thanks for letting me vent. And after a drink (not like me but hell tonight, I am off and deserve some nice wine) Why not.

Kisses, and be nice
Tamales


Stay strong!

 

[coin]

I am new here, but he sounds desperate. (??)

 

[tamales]

I wish coin but the truth is that I have done this song and dance before and said, No more and then caved. But after this amount of time.. I am still no wiser on him. I mean we really have a great chemistry, we get along great, have mutual friends and even his friends think I am hot. But while he calls like this..For the first time in months and it's been a solid 3 or four that he has still been calling and seeing if he can get me one more time to come back.. I have almost caved ( had a phone incidnet where he did get me going, sigh) in but still staying strong and well maybe he is just trying to break me,. I actually, think it is more I am going to win sort of thing and take you once more so our buddies don't think I was the loser in this game.

As sick as this sounds. This guy has the wall of china around him. I have no clue. But I do know that he doesn't deserve my time let alone my body. No more and as messed up as I sound right now ( blame the wine, sorry not like me but what the hell I am off tomorrow)he won't ever have me again.

Truly his loss. I just needed to vent and thanks for the kind repsonse. I needed that, I sure hope he is despararte. But this guy is the biggest DJ on the planet and I doubt it. He is probably meeting or calling another chickie and getting it on.

Good for him and let him miss my fine ass, it is very fine and while he has me in a state I also know he misses me like crazy and I will never again cave. Once a fool, fine. twice okay but three times and you lose.

I may have lost the battles but not going to lose the war.

Moving on again, but thanks for letting me vent. I just need to take some time and then get back out there again. I think I actually fell in love with this jerk on a strange level and tonight realized that more than ever.

I hate crying. Makes my mascara run

Staying strong and thanks again for letting me get wacko and vent. I am going to get through this and he will be the one missing my fine ass.

Too bad he doesn't have this board to post on. Thank GOD! But he is a natural born DJ.

 

[-HPNOTQ-]

tamales.

yea..this board is good therapy..sometimes asking questions, helping other people out, giving advice..these things kinda help ease the pain..

i know..we've all been there. kinda ironic how the 98% of the men on this board are all about how many women they've "banged"...they follow sosuave moves to a "T", play the mind games, and "nail" the HB...but we never see what happens when the HB actually falls for the DJ, yet, all the DJ wanted to do was to have a fling.

sorry miss, it happens to us guys too...vicious cycle. but you sound like you're moving on, and hey...you're saying you're an 8.5 HB?! common now!! i'm sure you got tons of fellas just waiting for a chance to see ya at the nightclub flauntin that sassiness..hahaha..

just remember..kharma's a m*therf*cker

-HQ

 

[legolas]

Tamales,

I can almost guarantee that there's a part of you that still wants him, I mean it's almost obvious now You see the thing with the subconscious mind is you can't fight it consciously, or by telling yourself, or by telling us that you DON"T want him. It will ignore you. You have to make peace with that part and then let it heal slowly. I know it has been a year, but it has been a year of fighting it.

You see one thing I learned from life is that there are no easy solutions to people problems, especially when trying to get someone off your back. Just watch the movie Phone Booth. You as a person must change in the process in order for the problem to be solved. 'cause with people, when you try to avoid them abruptly it makes them chase you more.

I secretly think that your DJ is actually in this board, knows who you are and does all this knowing that you still like him

 

[Howie Farkes]

I have refused his sexual advances for months yet he still calls....

And yet you still call him a DJ?!? Hahaha

 

[spanky]

Tamales, of course this scenario is a familiar one but it is very familiar to me because a woman close to me had dealt with a guy who sounds similar to the one you are trying to get over. She went back-and-forth to him for years before she finally said "enough."

She had put up with him for so long I think because he at first seemed like a fantasy compared to the other losers she
dated but he turned out to be a real big player. He teased her with hopes of marriage and every thing.

Now, here it is eight years since those two have broken up, he is getting old, and can't pull as many women as he used to now he is calling her up like crazy asking her to marry him because he is now thinking of dying alone.

I believe that the best thing you can do is continue what you have been doing to get over this guy. If he is playing into his late 30s, he won't snap out of it, IMO.
His current challenge is to see if he can, once again, get you into bed. I think you realize that. I can tell you this from a personal standpoint- we love to see if we can get the girl back that thinks she has gotten over us.
It is sweet victory when it happens.

Contrary to popular belief, I do not believe that revealing many of the secrets of this board ( alythough I won't) or the particular one above will change things much in the dating scene. As human, we live for challenge.
Knowledge won't change that and you can never really know if a particular person is naturally being a DJ or using material he has gained from a website unless he admits it so actuallly having knowledge about DJing tactics won't help to shield you against, IMO.

Afterall, the best DJ I know isn't even a great reader. I've known him since he was thirteen and he just always had the gift of speech and knew how to push the right buttons.


Just continue to put time between the present and the last time you two were intimate. You must realize that this is difficult to do as long as you continue to talk to him while you are trying to get him out of your system. Hopefully you will be able to get from under his spell in less time it took for my sister to get away from her Player.

MY 2 cents.

 

[tamales]

Gee thanks guys. Moving on and no, he's not on these boards. Believe me he has better things to do & so should I..so whould you for that matter...LOL!

But appreciate the support as I have certainlly, tried to also help on here.

Whatever. I never should have posted this.

Moving on. Something only I can do and no one on here can help. It's a decision and long overdue.

And if he is on these boards, bite me

Tamales

 

[becker]

tamales, you need to check out my post below, I need your advice. Don't know what I can say about your situation, since I don't know the full story.

 

[Trapspringer]

Moving on. Something only I can do and no one on here can help. It's a decision and long overdue.

True but in most cases, it is good just to get some things off of your chest .

Back in the 10th grade, I had an English professor who made us keep journals for the class. He shared with the class a method he uses for venting.

He wrote nasty rude letters to peole wwho upset him but never mailed them off. I do this every now and then and it helps.

Some of the things I like about this site is the support you get from some to make necessary changes in your life and also the hard kick in the rear by others to make you wake up.

 

[Starman]

hehe Tamales..I think you used the term "moving on" about 100 times..

What exactly did this guy do to get in the dog house?

Why do you keep referring to him as a True DJ? A true DJ doesnt hang out with ugly dogs and leave fne women like you.

I think you are doing fine..if you really dont want him to contact you..change your #..but you did great letting him know you have moved on..and dont care.

hair peace out

 

[tamales]

Thanks Guys! I am off again today and thank goodness. I have one heck of a hangover this morning. ANd yeah, I think I said "moving on" about 1,000 times. And a lot of other stuff that I have to laugh at myself about.

But I feel better and I will stay strong and get through this.

Later

Tamales

 

[Don Ronny]

Actually "Moving On" is an excellent mantra! Not just for relationships, but negative sh!t in general...

I am impressed by your resolve tamales. I take back all the horrible, awful things I said about you

 

[SLIKKER_THAN_AVG]

Tamales you done well young grasshopper.


Good show

 

[STR8UP]

Allright, one observation here.

He says "bye", and you are searching for ways to keep the convo going. HE KNOWS he has the power, cause you are blatantly giving it to him.

You need to turn this thing around. It's not hard to do. Right now I'm sure he knows you are having to fight the urge to submit.

Honestly, the only way you are going to get over this is to find someone else to replace what you are not getting from him. How to do that....well....I'm sure you can figure something out.

That's my take. Now get your ass over to my "test" thread. I could use a female perspective

 

[tamales]

Yep, you're right. Truth is I am hurt and in love with this guy. ANd my head is killing me from drinking too much. Not a good solution at all. And well not so sure just trying to replace him quickly, will work either.

Sure I have options but I am just so damn frustrated that after all this time, he never came clean and opened up to me in the slightest about his feelings.

Probably, because he only saw me as a lay and not a lady. I wish I could have done things differently from the get go..

But my mantra, moving on. Off to check your test boards. ANd if you have any quick cures for hangovers. One that doesn't requre me having to go to the store or leave the house.. then spill.

THump, thump, thump.

I do however, have a dinner date tonight with a nice chap. Not really my type but sure won't pass up sushi. My favorite.

THanks.

 

[bp1974]

Not really my type but sure won't pass up sushi.

Wow, professional dating in action. I bet this guy thinks he's in with a chance too. Still, if he's dumb enough to pay, that's his lookout. (If you're planning on paying for yourself, then I apologise, I've made an incorrect assumption).

So you've finally admitted that you're in love with your DJ. It sounds like he actually cares about you too, or he'd have moved on by now if he's the true heartless player you tell us he is. I think it's a real shame that you've both had to play such defensive games with each other and neither one of you was prepared to take the risk of talking honestly about what you want, what you're worried about and how just a small increase in communication ON BOTH SIDES could make all the difference in the world.

Game-playing creates game-playing, and no-one gets what they want.

bp1974

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Best cure for a h/o: drink 2 pints of water before bed, and 2 in the morning. Headache is caused by dehydration of the brain. Dyoralites are good for salt replacement, or a good salty grill.

You did good in that call, considering, but yes, you need to take the power back. Listen to some Rage Against the Machine and psyche yourself before talking to him. I really, really suggest you buy caller-id, asap, so you can filter your calls, it's worth it.

Good luck,
Oscar.

 

[stallion]

Hey, I gotta pitch in along with the other guys here. I'm grateful for your advices all these times and especially when you sometimes are the only one who cared to post on my threads.


Like what other people say, I think you still are attracted to him too. and that you probably seek a LTR from him.

Also, I think you shouldn't be so hung up on AFC moves. Like me, I also sometimes overanalyze my every move and label them strictly as AFC or DJ which I think is a bad habit.. Its hard to be flawless even for a seasoned player where the difference is only in the frequency of beeing smooth DJ or a AFC reeking AFC chump. See, even a AFC can get a bf or a gf but they simply would have a lot more to gain if they see their faults and mistakes.

As with this guy, although many people here advocate nexting including you, I was wondering if you can give him one more chance? I don't have the whole picture either so I may be totally off.

Basically, I would go out with him for one more time and give him one more chance. If he really wants a LTR with you, then he may quite being a player as you say. He may only be showing the girls to you to show that he has challenge and a much sought after prize. Or, like you say, he may be totally different and are looking for a booty.

Whatever it is, if you find him fooling around and give you the run around, it might help you forget about him more like an ultimatum. At the same time, you might be even more disappointed or hurt so there is a risk.

The reason why I'm suggesting you to hold off the next is that this guy is approaching you and you're still very hung up on the guy. Its pretty hard to just Next it regardless of whether it is truly beneficial or not. So in my opinion, the best way to Next a person is when I finally find the reason to stop liking the person or at least try to find one if I know its not working out.

Lately, I've been thinking people here next too fast. One bad sign from the girl means its an automatic Next. So now, I give the girl around 3, 4 times to really confirm that she's a no go.

So I think this may apply to guys as well. Its your call, just my chip in to this thread.

 

[tamales]

Actually, I have tried talking to him. But maybe I should just lay it all on the line and tell him. He knows I care for him. But up until now I hadn't known how much. And well, he just never ever communicates with me. I have sent numerous emails, messages talked to him and I still get no where. No I have never ever told him I loved him. Eekk! But I have told him that I really care for him and that I am not asking for the world but after all this time, there must be something between us. It's been a year but a ****ed up year. I have only slept with him like 12 times in total but it was amazing. I mean outta the universe for both of us. Just talking to one another on the phone and there are sparks, and when we are out together, even our friends comment.

We haven't really seen eachother all too much lately, as I have tried and tried and tried to end it. But he still calls and we talk and email every week. Or so. And it is him not me that initiates these convos which makes it hard.

So it's this ****ed up thing that has actually become something. FB at first but now I am really hurting. He has mentioned that we need to go on a trip and I think yesterday his comment about "You really don't trust me do you?" not sure what that meant.

He was my attorney at first. And well how we met and all the strange coincidences.. ie we have mutual friends and one of them i used to date (my former DJ can't stand him, they always had it out for another but yet they both have the same birthdays) Wierd huh..

Anyways, I didn't think I really cared for him this much. I mean I always thought it was just about sex but it's not for me and last night that hit home, real hard. THe sad part is that I don't think he cares the same for me.

I guess you are right. And indeed it is sad, hence I have been crying all night and day. Staying strong but still. If I were to call him right now and say all this stuff he would remain silent and not give me anything.

As far as sushi man, I am not going to pay. Okay, call me a ***** but this guy and I are semi friends, he asked me out and well you never know. I didn't like my DJ when I first met him. ANd while i agree going out with false pretense and after a free meal is wrong. TOnight I could use it.

But see your point. I guess you can throw stones at me now.