Dreaded HB9.0 Bartender Dilemma (Long Post)

[CharlieHarper1040]

Here is the scenario:

This smoking hot blonde works at my beach bar as a bartender. I have been going to this place since it opened 5 years ago and know most everyone at the bar, including most of the employees and managers. (Before anyone thinks this is just another HB9.0 bartender trying to work a tip out of my mates and me, I must tell you that I usually drink whatever and have about a $5 bar tab and leave a $10 tip on top of that. Now matter who is working the bar. Been getting hooked up so long that it is standard practice to have a steady $15 total bill at this place).

Anyway, one night, HB9.0 sees me standing by the bar with my mates who are all sitting down and immediately gets me a beer and we say hello. Then about 15 minutes later she comes by the bar and tells me to grab to chair and sit down. I tell her that I am fine and besides there are no chairs in the area. She replies that I should grab a chair from the table behind us and move it to the bar.

Eventually, one of the other HB8.0 female bartenders invites my mates and I outside to drink with her and her boyfriend. We are all outside by the beach at a table getting loaded. Then out of nowhere, HB9.0 comes outside asks me when "am I going to come back inside and talk to her." We kept our tab at the bar so it isn't like she was worried some waittress was getting our drinks.

I tell her that I have not seen HB8.0 and her boyfriend since they got back from New Orleans. At this time, HB8.0 tells HB9.0 that we are not coming back inside because HB8.0 doesn't want us to. The night ends with me sitting at table with HB9.0 after she is off while she smokes a cigarette. I think nothing of the night. I assume she still has a boyfriend anyway.

A week later, my mate and I go up to our same beach bar to have a drink after a long day of fishing. To my surpise, HB9.0 is sitting at a table with some of her other co-workers drinking wine. HB9.0 never drinks at the beach bar when she is not working. But, my mate and I go to the bar as usual. Besides, HB8.0 is working the bar and she gets us really loaded.

After about an hour, my mate tells me that HB9.0 keeps staring at us. I call b.s., but eventually I get caught by her while I am trying to see if she is looking at me. I figure that I just screwed myself on that one. My buddy then tells me that HB9.0 is coming over to us. I turn around and get a hug and we make small talk for a minute. She seems very nervous. She is kind of quiet normally, and I am kind of the life of the party type of guy.

But, the conversation was not great on her end. Of course, I didn't really care what she said. Then this dude walks in and she introduces him as her "friend" and they go back to their table. Once again, I figure she is just being cool and that the "friend" is for sure tapping that ****. I end up getting loaded with the managers and some other female employees after HB9.0 leaves the bar to go home.

Next day, HB9.0 is working the bar, and we always tear it up this night every single week. We are drinking and watching the ballgames. This older dude (late-30's) that played football at my university is sitting next to us and we are talking about the good ole university days with him. I am pretty much ignoring HB9.0 for the time being. But, at one point, the ex-football player (a Yankees fan) asks HB9.0 why she hangs out with a Red Sox fan because I am wearing a Red Sox t-shirt. I interject and say that HB9.0 doesn't hangout and drink with me. HB9.0 then replies by saying, "yeah, I don't hangout with creepy guys." I laugh it off.

Then ex-football player and my best mate are arguing with same random joker at the bar about sports when I come back from the head. I do not join the conversation. I order another drink and HB9.0 brings it to me and asks if I want to have a drink with her when she gets off. So I get us a table while HB9.0 changes clothes and ex-football player and my best mate join HB9.0 and me for drinks.

We are drinking our drinks and HB9.0 tells us she is going downtown with her friends in a bit. Ex-football player starts asking her all sorts of basic questions. Most of which I already knew the answer to, except he asks if she has a boyfriend. She looks directly at me and says no. She then proceeds to offer up that the "friend" from the other night is her ex-boyfriend that she had a kid with, but he has a new long-term girlfriend but they are still on good terms since they share a kid. Ex-football player thens ask right in front of all of us why am I not going downtown with HB9.0. I quickly reply that he already knows the answer to that: HB9.0 doesn't kick it with "creepy" guys. She laughs and says she was only kidding. I wanted to go with her, but I am in a t-shirt and not dressed to join her. Anyway, she is clearly more interested in whoever she is texting, so I then ignore her and talk sports with the guys. I figure screw it.

Then she unexpectedly orders another drink and asks me what we did the other night after leaving the beach bar. I say that I did not leave the beach bar, that I shut the place down, and partied after hours with the managers and HB8.0 and HB7.0. I tell her that her girlfriends HB8.0 and HB 7.0 were wasted, and I eventually left when the conversation deteriorated into the topic of make-up and how the managers and HB8.0 and HB7.0 all agreed that some of the females at the beach bar wear too much.

Immediately, HB9.0 asks me if I think she wears too much make-up. I tell her that she is good. The night concludes with her leaving to go downtown with her friends and me going home. Ex-football player tells me after she leaves that I need to be hitting that. I tell him that I am not sure what her deal is. I will see what is up next time I run into her.

---

How should I proceed? I am not big on dating girls from the local watering hole. It can make (and has already made) for sticky situations post-hook-up. But, I really want to be the guy that bangs HB9.0.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

What is the problem here? She seems into you. She is nervous around you and even tried to neg you with the creepy guy jab. The other guy was obviously picking up on something you aren't because otherwise he would have tried harder to hit that. Just sack up and get her for a drink alone, then go back to your place for the "afterparty."

Everything seems set up with this. The only issue is that she works at one of your favorite spots, so it could be an issue if things don't go according to plan, but it sounds worth the risk if she's giving you those signs of interest. She's not going to spell it out any better for you.

 

[Credos]

next time ask her out...

She clearly wants you and I think you know it... You probebly just need somebodies approval to do it

Go for it man!

 

[cavedweller]

1040,

She is hitting on you..She wants you to ask her out..

cavedweller

 

[Joe Stud]

What do you want her to do... slug you over the head and drag you off to her den?? Hurry up. Because from the way it sounds, while you are playing it cool and relaxed, you are also putting her feet to sleep.

 

[Kailex]

Here is the scenario:

This smoking hot blonde works at my beach bar as a bartender.

End the thread right here unless you are absolutely willing to do ONE thing and ONE THING ONLY:

Pump and Dump.
The cases in which you can actually DATE a female bartender and it be successful are so far and few in between that it's almost not worth it. I've said it MANY times on this forum but the class type: "Waitress/Female Bartender" is unique, because these are females that OUTSIDE of the workplace are usually well adjusted in certain aspects, but whenever they are AT their workplace, they seem to develop severe AW tendencies.

Having said that, you proceed to this woman with EXTREME caution. Do NOT get involved.

Then about 15 minutes later she comes by the bar and tells me to grab to chair and sit down. I tell her that I am fine and besides there are no chairs in the area. She replies that I should grab a chair from the table behind us and move it to the bar.

Did you move though? This is a classic test to see if she can get you to comply to her... 99% of the time, men will fail this. I saw my ex-coworker do this SO many times.

Then out of nowhere, HB9.0 comes outside asks me when "am I going to come back inside and talk to her." We kept our tab at the bar so it isn't like she was worried some waittress was getting our drinks.

Again, another compliance test for you. She just wanted to see if you were a willing and able servant... a next victim.

Here's what you fail to see. You say it's NOT about that tip... and you know what, I agree with you. You leave the SAME tip everytime, so she already know THAT is a sure thing... so... why not try to get involved and get SOMETHING else out of it...not necessarily sex, but the drama and any emotions she can harpy out of you.

After about an hour, my mate tells me that HB9.0 keeps staring at us. I call b.s., but eventually I get caught by her while I am trying to see if she is looking at me. I figure that I just screwed myself on that one. My buddy then tells me that HB9.0 is coming over to us. I turn around and get a hug and we make small talk for a minute. She seems very nervous. She is kind of quiet normally, and I am kind of the life of the party type of guy.

But, the conversation was not great on her end. Of course, I didn't really care what she said.

She SEEMED nervous, only because she was no longer operating from her normal position of power. Had she been behind the bar, I can bet it'd be a completely different story. This is why I say that servers can be bad news. They will be "themselves" when not in their position of power, but when they are wearing their role... forget it, they're the AW from hell.

Ex-football player tells me after she leaves that I need to be hitting that. I tell him that I am not sure what her deal is. I will see what is up next time I run into her.

Ex-football player is an idiot. Don't listen to him.
Listen to YOUR instincts. Should you be trying to bang her? Are you invested emotionally? How much do you like hanging out at that bar?

How should I proceed? I am not big on dating girls from the local watering hole. It can make (and has already made) for sticky situations post-hook-up. But, I really want to be the guy that bangs HB9.0.

You said "has already made".
You already KNOW what has happened in the past then, which means that you ALREADY made a mistake in the past.

This is all I am going to say:

If you want to bang her, do it NOW, don't mess around for weeks only to find yourself emotionally invested and to find out that she's just toying with you. The more time you waste, the less this will work to your advantage.

That's what waitresses/bartenders DO. They like to toy around with some of the "established" patrons. Because in the end, what do they have to lose if you don't go there anymore? $10 tips?

She will be NOTHING more than a FB.
Do NOT try to make her a dating situation, do not try to make her your girlfriend, she probably isn't marriage material...

Having said that:

Aren't there other HB 9's out there that you could be banging instead???

Good luck, you're most likely going to need it.






EDIT:

She then proceeds to offer up that the "friend" from the other night is her ex-boyfriend that she had a kid with, but he has a new long-term girlfriend but they are still on good terms since they share a kid.

Wait... WHAT?
She has a kid and the father goes to the same bar?

This REINFORCES even MORE what I've already said.
This is a pump and dump but the fact that she is a single mom DEFINITELY means that you will no longer be able to visit that spot.

A single mom bartender is an entirely different dynamic than the single bartender with no kids. Believe me, you are going to have to sacrifice that local hang-out if you want to hit that.

 

[zekko]

Pump and Dump.
The cases in which you can actually DATE a female bartender and it be successful are so far and few in between that it's almost not worth it. I've said it MANY times on this forum but the class type: "Waitress/Female Bartender" is unique, because these are females that OUTSIDE of the workplace are usually well adjusted in certain aspects, but whenever they are AT their workplace, they seem to develop severe AW tendencies.

Having said that, you proceed to this woman with EXTREME caution. Do NOT get involved.

I agree with this. I was going to say I would never date a female bartender, but a lot of the younger guys here are only interested in sex, so I was going to pass. But since you bring it up, I have to agree with you.

Let's face it, the hot flirty girls are the ones who usually get hired for these jobs, so it's no surprise so many are AWs. Even if they aren't when they're hired, the situation they're in feeds into it. In the OPs case, it sounds like he wasn't paying as much attention to her as she was used to getting, which intrigued her. That's good for him, but if he wants to bed her, then he needs to act. If he waits too long her interest will wane.

 

[brekke]

the "friend" from the other night is her ex-boyfriend that she had a kid with

Gross.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

This is a classic case of over-analysis due to a lack of taking action on your part.

The reason your so unsure of her intentions is because you haven't flirted back with her at all to be able to truly gauge her real interest.

Whether she's an AW or not doesn't really matter, and to tell you the truth most women are, especially women who are in the 20's and work as waitresses/bartenders. The important thing here is for you to build on this potential attraction and then take action!

The night she was going to the club, you should've gone!!! That would have been a great time to see her outside the bar, get a nice buzz going and most likely hook up with her. Who cares if you weren't wearing your best club attire.... I can't tell you how many times I go out to bars/clubs here in LA and the NORM is a nice t-shirt, jeans and fancy tennis shoes aka: casual attire. I see that as an excuse on your part, instead of grabbing the bull by the horns your talking and thinking about it and then failing to execute.

Bottom line here is unless you start flirting with her more and asking her out, you'll always be wondering.

And if things don't work out, you won't have to avoid that bar forever, maybe a few months tops before you would hopefully be over it or better yet have a new chick.





PIMP

 

[nismo-4]

This is a classic case of over-analysis due to a lack of taking action on your part.

The reason your so unsure of her intentions is because you haven't flirted back with her at all to be able to truly gauge her real interest.

Whether she's an AW or not doesn't really matter, and to tell you the truth most women are, especially women who are in the 20's and work as waitresses/bartenders. The important thing here is for you to build on this potential attraction and then take action!

The night she was going to the club, you should've gone!!! That would have been a great time to see her outside the bar, get a nice buzz going and most likely hook up with her. Who cares if you weren't wearing your best club attire.... I can't tell you how many times I go out to bars/clubs here in LA and the NORM is a nice t-shirt, jeans and fancy tennis shoes aka: casual attire. I see that as an excuse on your part, instead of grabbing the bull by the horns your talking and thinking about it and then failing to execute.

Bottom line here is unless you start flirting with her more and asking her out, you'll always be wondering.

And if things don't work out, you won't have to avoid that bar forever, maybe a few months tops before you would hopefully be over it or better yet have a new chick.





PIMP

I'm gonna close this case here.

OP, I have some major questions for you.

1. Why didn't you just ask her out?
2. Why didn't you long pump and dump that?
3. Why did you let another guy cloud your judgment with his "advice?"
4. Do you realize that beach bartenders get hit on a lot every day?
5. Do you realize your window of opportunity is closing, if not already?
6. Do you realize that girls SELDOM make the FIRST move?
7. How da hell did Sage Kailex read this whole post?
8. How da hell did Pimp-sicle figure you out?
9. How da hell did Judge Nismo-4 and the jury point out some of your guilty offenses?
10. Will you grow a pair of balls and grab them when you see a woman you fancy?

I have reviewed your case. What the jury has found you guilty of is a list in this case. I will list your charges. Longest list thus far.

1. Not grabbing your balls and making a move AKA THE INITIATIVE!
2. Overanalysis.
3. Allowing for clouded judgment by your friends.
4. Not building on potential attraction.
5. Putting a woman on a pedestal.
6. Receiving an opportunity to hang with a 9.0 and blowing it.

If you obeyed the bartender (moving the seat & sitting down), that's another charge! Giving up your power!

Grow a pair and take charge.

Case closed.