beatjunkie said:
I'm tired fellas. I was doing so well and then fate or whatever the f*ck put us on that same flight. Haven't hit the gym since, haven't been getting better since. Someone give me a step-by-step play to get back on my goddamn feet. How do I forgive and forget this girl? ONCE AND FOR ALL. I can't even focus at work. fml
Sometimes NC doesnt work right off the bat. Sometimes you need to....excise the wound. STEPS FOR YOU, as requested.
1) First off...you dont forgive her. She's not even worth the effort it would take to forgive her. I know it's easy for me to say "just forget her", when it's much more difficult to you. but heres a few tips: You need to think of all the little things she did that annoyed you. Things that, if you had stayed with her for months and months and years, you know would really annoy you. Focus on her bad characteristics and tell yourself that these would not go away and that you deserve better.
2)
She Dumped You. I want you to repeat that over and over and over and over to yourself. NOT to make yourself feel bad, but to realize that she took the initiative to get rid of you. There is NOTHING you can do to get her back, so neither try nor worry about "what if's".
If you really want to be cynical...take a page out of Don Draper's book:
[Regarding Love:]"...it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "
She is not "the one". She's not your perfect little snowflake. She's flawed and there are literally THOUSANDS of girls out there that are PERFECTLY COMPATIBLE with you. You said you were doing fine with NC, and then you slipped up. That's ALL it was. Like an alcoholic trying to get off booze. It's okay if you slip up. You come back and kill it the second time.
There are four main areas i would concentrate on: BODY, MIND, GROOMING, and GAME
3)
BODY - You Need To Work Out This is probably the number 1 thing you can do to end this depression, forge a new you, and boost your confidence. I could spend hours spelling out the fundamentals of creating and executing a workout plan, so im going to assume you know the basics.
It's extremely important that you understand the difference between
training and
working out. Those chodes at the gym who want to make their biceps look bigger and feel cool go to work out. Men use progressive, planned, overload training. This means that you create a plan, and stick to it. You go into the gym with the exact number of sets and reps and exercises you are going to do planned out. You do everything you came to do, write every thing down, and then come back the next week and improve on what you did. You dont simply walk into the gym and "feel" it out and just do random exercises until you feel the burn. Only very advanced lifters should be creating workouts on the go and doing it by "intution". And even then...It goes without saying to begin eating healthier
4)
MIND - Once you have begun to take care of your body, it's time to pay attention to your mental health. Working out will begin to make you more energetic, calmer, happier, more balanced. It's important to cultivate your mind, work on your hobbies, etc. A true man is a well-rounded, intelligent, cultured, and well-read individual.
Reading is the best way to improve knowledge and intelligence. Those people you know who seem to be worldly and wise and know every little fact about everything? They read. A lot. I guarantee it. Only part of intelligence is genetic. The smartest people in this world take their gift of intelligence (i'm going to assume you're smart because i've found that most people that find their way to this board are both more introverted and intelligent than the avg person) and cultivate it by reading. Myself, i love to read philosophy, religion and science. Go to the library and just browse about whatever subject you like. You can also look into meditation to further clear your head.
5)
Grooming Sounds faggy, but give yourself a makeover, man style. Go out TOMORROW and go to a decent barbershop and get a nice clean cut and a straight razor shave. Go to TJMaxx (or the mall if you can afford it), and get a new cologne (PM me if you need suggestions, i have an obsession with fragrances). Pick out a nice pair of dark jeans to go out in, get a pair of nice black leather semi-casual shoes, and a couple nice button downs to wear out to the bars or parties. Trim your nails. Stay hydrated and avoid junk food to clean up your complexion.
GET A TAN. Most guys shy away from this because "only dooshbags tan, brah". But being tan makes you appear more muscular, disguises blemishes, and makes you look better over-all. It's summer so obviously you can just lay outside.
6)
Game Im tired so im not going to go into much detail her, but it should be self explanatory, seeing as how you're on this board. Read up, and make sure you're not trying to do too much at once. Take baby steps. Improve yourself in small ways each day and come back and critique yourself and then do it again. You need to be social and go out. Find some cool guys, get to know them, build a social circle with cool people if you dont already have one, and go out and meet girls.
Godspeed, man. You got this **** on lockdown
