doubts

[happyman2012]

Bit of a "ruff" patch with my girlfriend of 11 months. Shows high level of interest all the time everything else is good.

We have been arguing/bickering recently, not loads but more than we have ever done, and my girlfriend told me that sometimes she has doubts about our relationship because of the arguments, and if its really worth it. She says that she never thinks about ending it and loves me and is happy when things are good, but she does have doubts sometimes when we argue and that she never thought she would.

Is this normal? Should I/how to go about reversing these doubts?

 

[TheException]

My guess....is she is doing it for the attention + drama. Judge her actions not her words....if she is still having sex with you on a consistent basis and its not "gf duty" sex and she actually enjoys it....all is good. If thats on the decline than her attraction is falling.

I would quit giving her my attention if she wants to fight. I rarely have a fight with my girlfriend because I choose to ignore rather than engage.

 

[Atom Smasher]

When the woman starts talking this way she is very definitely preparing to branch swing. If someone else comes along that excites her fantasies it will be over in a New York second.

What exactly are you two fighting about? This is important for us to evaluate what's really going on.

Secondly, is there a "needy" dynamic going on between you? Does she feel she has you locked in or has the dynamic been that she has been in fear of losing you? Setting up a frame of this kind of fear is very important in a relationship. It may sound manipulative but it is what was natural only a few decades ago.

Trust me my man, she's already bailing out. She's doing her grieving over the relationship right now so that when the end comes she will be able to transition with no problem. You, on the other hand, will be shocked.

We need answers to the questions above, but in the meantime you need to start backing off and show her you don't need her. Do it subtly at first. Don't verbalize ANYTHING. It's all about demonstrating with action.

When a girl expresses doubts in a relationship, but says "She never thinks about ending it", she is most definitely thinking about how she can get out of it. Very often she will start doing the behaviors that she knows pisses you off in order to get you to end it. She doesn't do this consciously. She just needs to be the victim and not responsible.

 

[happyman2012]

Well thanks for your replys and not giving me **** that dosent help me haha!

Yeah we have great sex and everything else is absoloutly fine. Still calls and texts and wants to meet up. The little things we argue about are insignificant. I couldnt even tell you what they were, just bickering about something and nothing. Perhaps its miscommunication because the arguments arnt huge. She acts the way she has always acted...very very high interest. She has always had a fear of losing me. Personally I have had doubts myself when we have these arguments, I think its only natural. When things are good its great.

When she said what she said to me, that night I finished it because she acted up.

This is what happend:

We were talking and I said "so are you sure this is what you want, if not its no problem and no hard feelings and we can leave it there"

She said it was. We spoke some more then she said "I just need time to think"

So i said "time to think? That sounds like a cop out to me, I'm not staying in half a relationship. I think your right though. Things aren't good between us. We should go our seperate ways and let that be the end of it "
Left it like that.

Within a hour she was crying saying she didnt want to split up and she didnt mean what she said. I have been very distant since and she has been texting me and ringing me wanting to get back together. Saying she will do anything to make it work and she is 100% sure she wants to be with me. She said was just trying to mind read me and guess what I wanted and had a feeling I wanted her to be like that, but she knows exactly what she wants and its me and a relationship together and that she was being stupid.

I really dont think there is another bloke on the scene. My gut tells me there isnt and I have seen no change in her behaviour at all. She has always had high interest and displays all the signs of it.

So yeah at the moment I have cut contact with her on my terms to give her a taste of what life is like without me. I dont think she likes it

 

[Atom Smasher]

I would probably give her another go after she's suffered a little, but I greatly doubt that your arguments are insignificant. After all, these arguments are what has caused her to act up and express doubt. I would consider them pretty significant.

But it does sound like you're handling business well.

 

[happyman2012]

Yeah, well shes been texting me today and said that she didnt have doubts about being with me, but doubts about wether its normal to have arguments or bicker/disagree in a relationship sometimes and she realises it is going to happen sometimes. By the way thanks for your help mate

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Like the guy said earlier, you're not telling us what the arguments are about. Are they about petty things that aren't worth even really arguing about, or are they about specific issues/habits/actions? It's hard to gauge without more info.

What I can say is this: people will have disagreements with each other because we're all different and view things different ways. So, there will always come a point where two people will have a miscommunication about something and need to talk it out. And that's fine - BUT, there's a difference between having a sit-down conversation with a girl to figure out what the disagreement is so that you can come to an understanding... and being in an argument with a person. Me, I don't argue - if a situation arises where there's a disagreement, I'm all for cooling down a bit (and letting the other person cool down), then sitting down and talking to that other person so we can come to some kind of understanding.

Arguments typically equals fighting, and it means that both of you are trying to "win" something by proving why your viewpoint is the correct one. In actuality, when you argue with someone in this way you both lose because, while you may get your point across (or she her point across), the other person is going to have hurt feelings for not having their viewpoint considered. I say this to say, if you are both constantly arguing about stuff, it's because neither of you are really concerned about where the other person is coming from, but instead trying to come out on top as the one who is "right."

A woman is only going to want to argue with the person they love for so long before they start getting tired of having their opinion trashed, or fighting with someone that always has to be right. Relationships are hard work, but they're also supposed to be fun, and if she's constantly fighting with you she's not having fun. So, you need to figure out the "why" behind these arguments constantly coming up and figure out if they are based on things that don't really matter, or things that are fundamentally a big deal.

 

[happyman2012]

Its definetly petty things that arnt worth arguing about. They arnt massive arguments but they are disagreements. I think perhaps because we hardley ever had a corssed word up until this point, it might have made her wonder if its normal.

This is her longest relationship and she has only had 1 other proper boyfriend. So I'm putting it down what she said, that she was having doubts if its normal to disagree in a relationship. Im inclined to believe it because she has always been high interest and has shown no signs of a decline in that. Plus she has been trying her best to get back with me.