Don't Want To Lose Female Friend

[stuartSan]

I kinda liked this girl a while back. Fancied her a lot actually. She used to flirt early in the friendship and the 'intimacy' from her died down after a bit. So I thought "Aah, why not" and told her that I had feelings for her, and I wanted to know what SHE thinks (i know its not the best way to do these things).

She said "Umm.. I just got over my ex, so I just wanna stay single". Then I was like "Its alright. If anything we can always be friends!". And she went "Yeah!".

So I removed her from my prospects list and today I went clubbing with another girl. We're fond of each other and are fooling around at the moment, and the girl that rejected me saw it. She sent me an SMS saying "Got feelings my ass."

Later in the night she sent "Nice conjob you pulled on wednesday. Good luck with her. Goodbye".

Then I'm like wtf.. you rejected me and now you're screwing me for hanging out with other girls? She is a very good friend though, and I don't want us to be enemies because she's emo-ing over something this silly.

Any comments?

 

[OpenMind]

Call her and say to her "what was that all about" then shut the hell up and listen. Don't do the sms shyt, that is lame. Talk to her in person and let her tell you whats up.. Dont say anything in response to what she says. Then get off the phone with her and think about it. If she has any interest in you then she will make it clear.... thats when you move in.. good luck!

 

[StrivetoThrive]

open mind, i dont really agree with your advice here. There is absolutely no reason to allow this chick to dicate anything going on.

stuartsan- so this chick thinks you pulled a "con job"? I'll tell you this much, I absolutely detest this crap where a chick can reject someone then have the audacity to call you out because you were with someone else. Although you and you alone know what is best for you, it appears that you should not be friends with this dumb broad. Furthermore, when she called you out you should have been like "who the f-ck do you think you are- so you want to reject me and not allow me to meet anyone else while youre at it?" That to me seems pretty evil. If this chick dares to call you again you should tell her to eat a **** and promptly hang up.

best of luck

 

[OddTech]

The other points so far are good. From your info, it seems like she "wants her cake and eat it too." Just classical, isn't it? She's POed and jealous that you got some social proof.

Well, since you want to keep her as a friend, I think you should confront her and call her out on her behaviour. That seems like the most logical thing to do. Hey, if she's really that great of a friend as you say, you will have no problem settling this. She will give you that respect. If not, then maybe she isn't worth being a friend. Sorry that it may sound harsh.

Tell us how it went.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by OddTech
The other points so far are good. From your info, it seems like she "wants her cake and eat it too." Just classical, isn't it? She's POed and jealous that you got some social proof.

Well, since you want to keep her as a friend, I think you should confront her and call her out on her behaviour. That seems like the most logical thing to do. Hey, if she's really that great of a friend as you say, you will have no problem settling this. She will give you that respect. If not, then maybe she isn't worth being a friend. Sorry that it may sound harsh.

Tell us how it went.

Follow this advise..........

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Haha,

Let her problem be exactly that. It's her problem. Don't even bring it up. She will subtly or explicitly bring it up in the near future. Play it off, casually. These kinds of chicks are so predictable to me now; She will start showing some interest; might start asking you to hang out more, etc.; don't let this keep you from keepin' it cool.

Since she is your friend, treat her as such. Run some ****y/funny on her; bust her balls and accuse her of being jealous and of coming on to you. Be difficult; Tell her "We could hang out, but what if you start liking me?" then chuckle and always play it down. Keep your cool. Don't change for her. Keep turning the charm knob for the other hunnies. Always come across as the guy who's always in control and who's "happily single."

This is your chance to undo the damage you caused earlier with your AFC tendencies described above, and turn the tables around. You will now be in control, don't ever relinquish it, as tempting as it might be. Believe me, she won't give up until she feels she has you in her pocket again, then she will loose interest, unless off course, you stay in control.

 

[TesuqueRed]

OpenMind had a good idea there--it wasn't letting her dictate things at all. Asking her like that and then shutting the hell up puts the "justify yourself" pressure on her (where it should be after that display from her) and keeps the guy from stupidly getting into a discussion and giving her the impression that she's justified in what she did.

It's a more advanced technique, IMO, and necessary for a DJ to learn if he's not to get played by a woman's test.

Anyway--guy, you broke no rules. You AFC'd on her by confessing your feelings for her and seeing what she felt. You recognized your mistake, I'm not going to jump on that--but what I would point out is that she does have feelings and your initial approach (confessing "I like you--you like me?") probably turned her off enough to defend herself with a "I'm not over my ex" line.

Live and learn.

So you worked out a LJBF (nice move, btw) and now she's busting you--???

FOUL!

Blow the whistle dude!

You're friends--by agreement--which means you're perfectly free to pursue any romantic interest you want. Throw that back at her, don't let her get away with that.

Oh--no SMS shyt, the guy above is right.

 

[madgame]

Well..thats an easy one. Y did she say that crap? cause she got feelings for you. Talk to her in person (cause that sms instant messaging bull**** is always stupid..u dont really come across as a man or whateva) and tell her u really like(d) her but she said she didnt want to be with u so u moved on but still wanna keep her as a friend. Maybe shell start talkin ******** and more and more bull**** but **** it its not ur fault at all peace

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

To hell with her! Do not call her anymore, do not respond to any of her calls.

When a woman tells you straight up that she doesn't want a relationship , listen! It sounds like she has been direct and honest. She obviously doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Even her actions are saying the same thing... You are nothing more than a friend to her.

If you can handle that fact without thinking or hoping that things will change, great. In the meantime, go out with women who will make time for you as a boyfriend. Stop convincing yourself that this particular woman is going to change her mind.

If you're not aware of it yet, you need to know that women use excuses to keep from hurting men directly. I bet if she met someone she was really interested in, she would make time for him. Every woman I've ever talked to always says the same thing: "I will make time for someone I like." They all admitted that it's difficult to tell a guy to bug off so they act busy and hope that he'll either get the hint or give up altogether.

If she does become interested romantically, great... but I wouldn't count on it. Stop wasting your time and energy on an unavailable woman and start focusing your energy on women who want to be by your side for more than just friendship.

 

[DJ_Dork]

play it off casually - ignore her. She'll come begging to talk to you soon. Trust me on this. Girls pull the crybaby routine so you can kiss her ass later on.. They expect this.. but if you don't do anything and shrug it off.. they might get a little mad but they see you are not going to play her games. You are playing YOUR OWN.

 

[OpenMind]

Remember: don't listen to a woman's words, look to her actions.... she is a woman, don't fault her for being one. women were not designed to be upfront and straightforward. thats why there is this language called ********..... sometimes they mean what they say but rarely do they say what they mean.. actions are the only thing that count.. a smart DJ sees right through their BS and has enough self control and patience to turn things around on her.... good luck!

 

[penkitten]

i am confused.
if she isnt wanting to be involved with you then why isnt she just happy that you have a life and can date whoever you are happy with?
sounds to be that she lied about not being interested and wants you to devote yourself into a life long span of giving her all your attention.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

I keep pointing out things so that you (younger) guys can begin to understand women better.

This is just one classic example.

It doesn't mean she now wants you. She just got really upset because just a few days before she thought her "female charms" had won you over. If her female charms can work on you, then they can work on any guy.

You AFFIRMED HER ATTRACTIVENESS, one of the most important things to a woman. For the last few days, she was walking on clouds saying to herself "I am so attractive, lalalala. I even have stuartSan wrapped around my little finger (even though I don't want him.)"

Then you showed her that you were capable of moving on to the next chick. You DESTROYED HER FANTASY ATTRACTION WORLD. She had to think, "Damn, I am not ALL THAT after all."

The powerful emotions that this dredged up in her, including jealousy, were so powerful that she felt the need to STRIKE OUT AT YOU.

It is not unusual in the least. It happens every day.

It doesn't mean that she now wants you. But, it might mean that she will need to REAFFIRM HER ATTRACTIVENESS to you.

If you want to keep her as a friend, give her what she really needs now, AFFIRMATION.

Tell her that you still really like her and she was clearly your first choice. She will then walk away going "lalalala" again and everything will be back to normal. Friend intact.

 

[Krassus]

If she's a good friend, she'll come around. I've had girls say stupid things like that. I usually just turn around and leave. Then they get back to me saying that what they said was really stupid and they're sorry and stuff. And if she doesn't, then she's not worth being friends with. I mean, really. Does she expect you to set up a shrine to her in your basement and never date another woman again?

 

[OpenMind]

JustDoItAlways is right in his post, and what I would do is exactly what I said in my original response.. ask her "what is going on here" and let her do all the talking.. as Doc Love says, rejection (as she did to you but you took like a man by dj'ing her friends instead and of which she couldn't deal with) DOUBLES someones interest level in you temporarily.. to find out if she has REAL interest in you let her tell you all about it.. dont reaffirm your feelings for her.. ler her affirm her feelings for you.. then sit back.. and let her actions match her words. cuz if they dont then you know it was all about her ego.. a woman will let her ego dictate just about anything to keep it intact.... but when she has true high interest in a guy she wont hesitate to put that ego aside.. and by the way.. you have to forget about how good a friend she is.. because once you tread water in the romatic category with a woman, her loyalty to you as a friend gets put to the wayside.. a real friend wouldn't have gotten jealous that you were hitting up on other woman.. she would have applauded you and been happy for you.. unless that is, she has feelings for you... just my 2 cents.. good luck!

 

[Ice Cold]

HAHAHAHA

You so have this chick man. I can't beleive you're not fukking her right now

I mean you've got a girl who's jelous of you just DANCING with another chick and you're here posting about being friends with her.

NP, but you're AFC

Never listen to a woman. Look at her actions. jeeeez

 

[Thoroughbred]

It doesn't take a genius to see that she has at least some attraction to you.