Don't let a woman use you as an intimacy surrogate

[STR8UP]

A friend of mine has this married chick that has the hots for him. He sees her once or twice a month. She goes out with our group, and the two of them end up making out and whatnot. It pretty much stops at first base, then at the end of the night she goes home to hubby.

So I started thinking. You go out with a chick, and if she doesn't give it up within three dates, there's a problem. But what about women you AREN'T dating who don't give it up within a reasonable period of time?

I mean, if she's up on you with her tongue down your throat all night, but that's as far as she's willing to go, there's a problem. And the problem I see in this situation is that she is USING him as an intimacy surrogate.

She has problems with hubby, so she goes out and gets affirmation, intimacy, and whatever else she is lacking at home from someone else who has a DIFFERENT agenda (getting laid)

It's not fair.

I realize that she can only take what you allow her to take, but now that I started to think about this, I too have been a victim.

One chick I know parties with me from time to time. She is in her late 20's, and from what I understand she has only had sex with two guys, one of them a good friend of mine.

So we go out once or twice a month, and this chick usually ends up spending the night at my place. In the past I have made out with her numerous times, and when I was REALLY lucky (was that sarcastic enough? I hope so) I managed to finger her pu$$y for a minute.

In the past I chalked it up to "Oh well, nothing better to do, why not" but now that I am thinking about it my buddy who has a g/f, is also fukking this girl. She gets d!ck from him, obviously lacking INTIMACY because he has a LTR and she is just the chick on the side, so she looks for it elsewhere. How convenient! Let someone ELSE make you feel wanted, doesn't matter if she gives you blue balls in the process!

Another thing about this situation is the fact that this chick gets pissy when I mess with other chicks (sometimes her friends) and has even prevented me from getting laid on at least one occasion by making herself at home in my bed. What was I thinking?

When a chick is only giving you 10 or 20% with no prospect of more, SHE IS USING YOU. Don't let her. As soon as you figure out her game, it's time to cut it off and not give her the satisfaction.

 

[FutureSpartan]

This younger girl I dated pulled that same sh*t on me. She didn't mind making out but every time I tried to step up a notch she would tell me, "she was not that kind of girl." And trust me, I did everything in the book to get her to think otherwise but she was not having it. Eventually, I got tired of that BS and dumped her.

Well later I found out she had two-timed me with some other guy that she was f*cking. I was getting BS and blue balls while he got to f*ck her.

But thats some important sh*t for us to know man. Don't be the guy that girls just want to make-out with.

 

[Metro3pilot]

I wish I could say I have not been in this situation .... it would be a lie if I said I had not though ....

anymore it's pretty easy to figure out if you're the backup boy, intimacy surogate or what have ya ...

just got out of a situation like that .. pissed me off ! ! !

told her she needs to get out of my life ...wow a chick that would try and put me in the back up position suddenly did not have anything better to do than to call me 15 times even after I hung up on her several times ...

it's going to take more than a few phone calls to change my mind ...biyatch ..I'm sick of her ass and the fact she had the balls to disrespect me like that ...she's done ....

sorry for the personal rant ..... I agree if you aint pluggin that hole after a few dates ...someone is ....beware ! ! ! !

 

[Last Man Standing]

Str8up - you are around a lot of married hors - wow!

 

[STR8UP]

I wouldn't waste your posts here. This site won't help you. It will just turn you into a bitter, angry, lonely and miserable person. You should go to fastseduction instead. They don't allow threads to be disrupted so they don't lock and delete threads more than they change their underwear.

Did someone bet you how many threads you could get locked in a week? It seriously starting to piss me off cause every time I go to post on a damn thread it's LOCKED and the only common denominator is YOU.

I tolerate you despite your small minded perspective, but if you have nothing better to do than disrupt other people's posts, you need to find another hobby.

 

[STR8UP]

sorry for the personal rant ..... I agree if you aint pluggin that hole after a few dates ...someone is ....beware ! ! ! !

Probably the most valuable piece of advice I was ever given was "If you aren't funkking her, someone else IS"

It rings true if you are in a relationship and all of a sudden she isn't putting out. RED FLAG. No, actually it's red and blue strobes with sirens BLARING.

No different when you are first pursuing a woman. If she's letting you play kissy face and spoon her but she won't let you stick your d!ck in there after a reasonable amount of time, she's either fukking someone else or she's got issues. Either way she shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.

I'm thinking that after three makeout sessions, if you aren't getting anywhere you need to cut it off. Preferably before, but that's the limit.

There's another chick I have been messing with. Made out with her on the first night, second night we were touching each other in the nether regions. Next time if I don't seal the deal, THAT'S IT. She tries to kiss me, it ain't happening. At that point nothing short of a B.J. or sex is gonna turn the ship around. I don't care how bored I am. I won't delude myself into thinking that I am getting something out of it when I am simply being taken advantage of

 

[Hitman10000]

What's up with these guys having "women" issues? Don't you guys have anything else more interesting in life besides women?

Dunno about you, but Str8Up, you seem to come up with weekly new women adventures every single week. I don't know whether you're faking it, but before I put you on ignore, just have a little more optimistic or a different tone to your "LOOK WHAT HAPPENED THIS WEEKEND, THIS CHICK DID THIS AND THAT TO ME, TOTALLY AWESOME SO HERE'S MY ANALYTICS ON THE SITUATION" posts.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Probably the most valuable piece of advice I was ever given was "If you aren't funkking her, someone else IS"

Mine was from Rollo: "If you're not fvcking her, you're her girlfriend."

Goddamn I love that!

 

[KarmaSutra]

Str8up likes attention!!

You and -

Dunno about you, but Str8Up, you seem to come up with weekly new women adventures every single week. I don't know whether you're faking it, but before I put you on ignore, just have a little more optimistic or a different tone to your "LOOK WHAT HAPPENED THIS WEEKEND, THIS CHICK DID THIS AND THAT TO ME, TOTALLY AWESOME SO HERE'S MY ANALYTICS ON THE SITUATION" posts.

You, are both fvcking wrong. STR8UP is just that, a straight up Player with a capital P.

Hitman and 'hormonger, when was the last time either one of you guys started a thread about chicks you were involved in? Ever. Much less on a weekly basis?

. . .I'm still waiting. Oh wait, you don't. Because you can't. Remember this turds and I hope it sears an imprint in your heart:

"Those who can, do. Those who can't, criticize."

How about the both of ya go play hide and go fvck yourselves if you don't have anything to add to STR8UP's discussions.

 

[Latinoman]

Just read first paragraph of first post.

Showing or sharing affection in public with a married woman is one of the dumbest things a man can do. As it can cost his life or his health or as pathetic as it might sound getting him sued. The thing is that those things does have to happen immediatelly. A husband can get a man that he perceives as the person disrupting his marriage killed MONTHS later. That way he does not become a suspect.

Once again, it is not worth it. I've been with several (more than the fingers of my hands) married women...and even with that experrience I have learned women get careless, talk to much, or simply don't care. But we should care.

 

[Latinoman]

Note: I don't waste my time. If a woman is not giving me what I want... Then she will lose what she wants: My attention.

 

[st_99]

A friend of mine has this married chick that has the hots for him. He sees her once or twice a month. She goes out with our group, and the two of them end up making out and whatnot. It pretty much stops at first base, then at the end of the night she goes home to hubby.

So I started thinking. You go out with a chick, and if she doesn't give it up within three dates, there's a problem. But what about women you AREN'T dating who don't give it up within a reasonable period of time?

I mean, if she's up on you with her tongue down your throat all night, but that's as far as she's willing to go, there's a problem. And the problem I see in this situation is that she is USING him as an intimacy surrogate.

She has problems with hubby, so she goes out and gets affirmation, intimacy, and whatever else she is lacking at home from someone else who has a DIFFERENT agenda (getting laid)

It's not fair.

I realize that she can only take what you allow her to take, but now that I started to think about this, I too have been a victim.

One chick I know parties with me from time to time. She is in her late 20's, and from what I understand she has only had sex with two guys, one of them a good friend of mine.

So we go out once or twice a month, and this chick usually ends up spending the night at my place. In the past I have made out with her numerous times, and when I was REALLY lucky (was that sarcastic enough? I hope so) I managed to finger her pu$$y for a minute.

In the past I chalked it up to "Oh well, nothing better to do, why not" but now that I am thinking about it my buddy who has a g/f, is also fukking this girl. She gets d!ck from him, obviously lacking INTIMACY because he has a LTR and she is just the chick on the side, so she looks for it elsewhere. How convenient! Let someone ELSE make you feel wanted, doesn't matter if she gives you blue balls in the process!

Another thing about this situation is the fact that this chick gets pissy when I mess with other chicks (sometimes her friends) and has even prevented me from getting laid on at least one occasion by making herself at home in my bed. What was I thinking?

When a chick is only giving you 10 or 20% with no prospect of more, SHE IS USING YOU. Don't let her. As soon as you figure out her game, it's time to cut it off and not give her the satisfaction.

I'm dealing with a simalar situation at the moment.. Chick wants to hang out here and there and tells me all this bullsh!t about how she doesnt want a relationship but if she did it would be with me.. blah blah blah. She talks sexual and does the kissing thing and what not. Nice thing is that I'm really not that into her relationship wise but wouldnt mind hit'n it now and then, which is why I dont really FEEL used but know that I am being used..

My attitude is, "whatever, if I'm bored I'll hang out because I have nothing better to do at the moment." So, I'm kinda torn between just continuing to just "hang out" without getting any because it really doesnt bother me much at all and its something to do when I'm bored...OR should I cut the b!tch off because I know that in HER mind she thinks she's being slick with her words and thinks she has me rapped around her finger, which she doesnt in reality. :crazy:

 

[Metro3pilot]

OR should I cut the b!tch off because I know that in HER mind she thinks she's being slick with her words and thinks she has me rapped around her finger

Thats what irritates me most about biyatches like that .....you can't really be friends with them, because of the head games that she WILL play to inflate her already overinflated ego ...... just the fact a woman thinks I'm a chump causes a competition of sorts ....

:box:

 

[tmpgstx]

I think it boils down in that she views you as relationship material but is not looking for a relationship. She wants to prevent herself or otherwise prevent you from getting attached.

Sex with guys she likes is almost instant attachment. She knows it, and for some reason does not want to get close. She wants the intimacy without the sexual attachment and the sex without the intimacy attachment. She can get both from two different guys and remain happily single.

At the same time, she has power over the girlfriend of the guy she is having sex with, because she is svcking this girl's BF dyck too.

She fvcks the dude with a girlfriend or some Joe Schmoe because it requires no intimacy, just sex. She just doesn't view you for sex, but more for intimacy yet will not put out.

Women do not know the 'Blue Balls' torture they incur on the guy not getting the sex. They have no idea what that is like.

The only solution i see is to get leverage by engaging other girls in front of her. This will drive her crazy. Let her wonder or know these other girls are more than glad to spread their legs for you. It will drive her crazy. To keep your attention, she must svck your dyck. This is the DJ way.

 

[mzilla2]

If you feel like you're being used, you probably are... I had this happen a few months back, lost sight of the goal and went more than 3 dates w/o gettin' any (heavy pettin 'n naked tho). After that nothin...

Until I caught myself thinkin' "WTF, am I in highschool again?" LOL Then I cut the strings and got back on track with ones that did dig me.

Happens to us all, esp. when tryin' to keep options open and datin' around, sometimes you lose your perspective, it can be a fine line... So pull a Houdini on her and get back to productive pursuits.

 

[Wyldfire]

My first question is why the heck is the guy trying to go fishing in another man's pond? That's a real good way to get your fishing pole broke in half.

 

[DJDamage]

When a chick is only giving you 10 or 20% with no prospect of more, SHE IS USING YOU. Don't let her. As soon as you figure out her game, it's time to cut it off and not give her the satisfaction.

good call.

That is why plate spinning is the most effective method to use when you are dating in this world for a man. When you date multiple women you have a choice of what to put up with and what not. If a woman starts to act out or not put out then as a man you don't have to accept that behaviour. You will just end up spending more time with the other girls and less time with her. If she comes around as a result of you spinning more plates and not kissing her ass then great, if not then she will be replaced by another plate.

 

[DJDamage]

My first question is why the heck is the guy trying to go fishing in another man's pond? That's a real good way to get your fishing pole broke in half.

The reality in today's world and generation of today's women is that it doesn't really matter. If we are using ponds to illustrated women then most ponds today don't advertise or have signs that say "private property keep out". Women today play the field to perfection and often trade up when the right guy comes along with out him knowing that this woman is already seeing someone. Then she goes back to her current man tells him its over between them because he never satisfied her. I was blind to this reality until I started to date many women and understand the situation.

 

[STR8UP]

So, I'm kinda torn between just continuing to just "hang out" without getting any because it really doesnt bother me much at all and its something to do when I'm bored...OR should I cut the b!tch off because I know that in HER mind she thinks she's being slick with her words and thinks she has me rapped around her finger, which she doesnt in reality. :crazy:

Doesn't matter what she thinks, it's all about you getting what you want. If you are content kissing and cuddling and it isn't taking away from other opportunities I won't be calling you a pu$$y for not kicking her in the ass. But if you taking the scraps cause it's all you feel you can get or if you are lying to yourself about getting what you want, that's a different story.

 

[STR8UP]

My first question is why the heck is the guy trying to go fishing in another man's pond? That's a real good way to get your fishing pole broke in half.

Another man's pond? No such thing.