Dont Know What to Do

[Fabian]

Hi
My Friends
I am in a difficult situation and I feel that I need an advice. I decided to broke up with a girl about three months ago, I didnt love her more, but one month ago she told me she was pregnant and I was the father.
I told her the truth I didnt love her, and the best was to abort the bb but she didnt want. Well she told this to my mother about the baby and then all my family knew about my situation.
She only cries when I tell her I would just give her money monthly for the baby, she wants to live with me and marry me, I dont know what to do, anyone has been in this situation, I would like to hear your opinions, buddies.
Fabian

 

[Desdinova]

I hope to hell you're willing to take responsibility for your child. Try to get joint custody or you'll be paying child support.

 

[Maverick001]

Fabian,

Welcome to the board. Helluva first post.

Are you sure that you`re the father? I appreciate this isn`t the most comfortable of questions to pose at this current juncture in your dealings with this girl but it is certainly the most practical question to ask.

If you have any doubts that you`re the father then have a paternity test administered so that there`s no doubt.

If it does turn out that you are the father then, no matter what, be involved in the child`s life and strive to be a good and supportive parent.

Unfortunately, if you`re not willing to reconcile and your ex-girlfriend`s sadness and hurt turns into anger then the situation is going to be quite hellish. Prepare yourself if that is the case by consulting a lawyer, if necessary, and also by getting your own financial affairs in order.

Custody battles are unbelievably stacked against the man, at least in North America (don`t know where you are), and so if it comes to this it will be a nasty grind to get through. But get through it you will and things will attain a level of normalcy again.

I don`t mean to alarm you or anything; just be aware of the potential circumstances and challenges moving forward.

I myself went through a nasty separation, child custody battle and divorce. It`s not pretty when you`re in it but you become stronger because of it.

I hope your situation turns out for the best for all involved.

We`ll all be here to help, so keep us posted.

Cheers,
Mav

 

[Nameless]

You havent made it particularly clear if marriage - an exclusive relationship leading to marriage is a viable/desirable option for you.

Im sure if you made this clear to us we could help you more.

 

[Fabian]

I think She tries to manipulate me

Hi
Thanks for the advices, but answering your questions I have to tell that I feel something about her, but not enough to marry her. I just want to take responsability for the baby but she only wants to get married and I think she tries to manipulate me with her cryng. One day I tell her that I wont marry her, but the next week she kisses me and treat me as she were my girlfriend and start making plans for the future both married and living together. This situation is very sad for me because I dont want to make feel bad to the mother of my baby, but I dont feel like I want to live with her. I have never been in this situation before. I would like to read your advices my friends.
Fabian

 

[Docs]

Pity..

You don't have a lot of choice. The two ways you figure are your options..are contridictory. You have to talk to her, and once you do, you must stick by that decision.

That's all I can offer.

 

[wavejams007]

Well, it seems that you are trying to be responsable about the baby at least, and that is a good thing.

 

[Fabian]

Some doubts

Hi
Thanks for your advices, my friends, but the problem is that I dont know how to explain this stituation to my family, frequentally I have always chosen the people I present to my family and she doesnt belong to this kind of people, I am 24 years, I have a good job, and a carier. On the other hand she has no education, and no job. The baby I am expecting with her is product of an eventual and long affair.
I know it seems fool but it is meant.
I expect your advices, budies.
Fabian

 

[Maverick001]

Re: Some doubts

Originally posted by Fabian
Hi
Thanks for your advices, my friends, but the problem is that I dont know how to explain this stituation to my family, frequentally I have always chosen the people I present to my family and she doesnt belong to this kind of people, I am 24 years, I have a good job, and a carier. On the other hand she has no education, and no job. The baby I am expecting with her is product of an eventual and long affair.
I know it seems fool but it is meant.
I expect your advices, budies.
Fabian

Fabian,

If you`re sure that you`re the father then let your family know because there`s no right or comfortable way to tell them, so just do it and get it over with.

Thinking about your family`s reactions is only going to cause you undue stress, so just tell them.

When you say affair, are one or both of you married? If so, that`s going to add a whole other layer of complexity to your situation.

Try to cover what you can and deal with the rest as calmly and responsibly as you can.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav