Don't know what is going on with this girl (and myself)

[SayWhat]

Met this girl at work, together for a course for half a year but afterwards will work at different places but still see each other from time to time.

First weeks of the course (about 2 months back) all was ok, we talked a bit, not that much as I'm still 'intimidated' by beautiful girls. But I didn't mind starting a conversation and I saw her starting as well. I texted her about a similar interest and she replied, but kept it safe and didn't reply that much.

During the course we barely talk (there are reasons for that but it would take too long to explain, let's just say it's due to logistical reasons, although there is no real issue of going over to each other and start talking, but we are never close to each other). Another reason is simply because I started to like this girl and it's my mechanism of protecting myself.

A month later after that texting she suddenly texts me about a similar interest. It was after a day I felt from her she was not as cheerful as otherwise and where I was talking a lot to another girl. From that day on, we texted back and forth for over a week and a half, and for me this was something that never happened before with a HB9. For example she texted me on a friday night (nothing too special, something about another similar interest), texted me on a saturday night (on which I did not reply because I was sleeping but she reinitiates that sunday morning). All in all it's been a great 'win' for me. But since the start of this week, I feel it's all gone wrong.

To explain what is happening: if you would look at us during the day in the course, you would think we don't like each other. All we say is good morning and that's it. Again, there is no real issue of going over to each other to talk, but I don't do it and neither does she. The reasons I don't do it is because I'm simply too fvcking afraid of rejection and because I want her to reach out (yes very manly I know but if I would type out how I got in this position, I'd need another ten threads). She does talk to everyone else and so do I, but we don't to each other... I've gotten into a position of talking and laughing as much as possible just to show that I can to her.

Now with the texting, there was some teasing going on, even her sending a picture of herself. There were moments I wanted to simply ask her out for a drink, but the thing about 'never date a co-worker' has been implemented quite hard in my mind. This course is very important and I need to succeed, and I already feel because of this bull**** that my performance is not what it could be. Another thing is of course the rejection, I've been on a dry spell for over 5 years...

I know I should have taken action, just ask her out or just talk to her during the day. But I don't understand why she acts this way as well during the course.

 

[MrWood]

just ask her out or just talk to her during the day

talk to her during the day and have that extend to you two meetin up.

But I don't understand why she acts this way

she likes you. HB9 are normal girls too... they like guys and like to have fun and even like sex and boyfriends.

tip:
Do not ever say anything like... "I never thought a hot girl like you would like an average guy like me"

teasing going on, even her sending a picture of herself.

escalate this with suave... tell her she is cute (not beautiful etc). Limit it to this
I firmly believe that telling a girl she is cute, flirt etc as early as possible, lets her know you dont want or wont let it extend to be
"just friends".
( I do this to nearly all women I am interested, I have no reason to have a gaggle of girl "friends")

I get the feeling she will make the first move or provide/create opportunity because your non hungry attitude
(as exhibited by your casual attitude because you still dont believe a HB9 would go for you... aka outcome independent)

good luck, sir.

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

I been there so I know how you feel, no need to go on a full page essay here because its simple.

MAKE A MOVE, if you dont then nothing will happen.
Dont get in a habit of letting this much time go by without making a move because you will lose lots of opportunities.

You already know what you need to do and you know why your not doing it and that's ok, but you need to get over your fear and go after what you want, trust me, each time it gets easier.

If it makes you feel better, she prolly doesnt talk to you for the same reason you dont talk to her.

 

[Glassguy]

The only 2 possible scenarios:

1.) She is using you for attention/validation and is by no means interested in you sexually. She instantly placed you in the friend zone as someone to text when she is bored. Probably why she doesnt acknowledge your existence in class/work.

2.) She is interested in you but you are acting like a beta and not acting like a man who goes after what he wants. If she is interested, she will not be for long from you acting the way that you are right now.

There is only one way to find out: Ask her to join you for a couple of drinks. Its either a YES or some other bullshyte. Which means she is either going to meet you for drinks and then you are going to escalate or if she finds excuses to not meet, you are going to stop communicating with her altogether and stop being one of her orbiters.

So man up and invite her for drinks and find out.

 

[SayWhat]

The only 2 possible scenarios:

1.) She is using you for attention/validation and is by no means interested in you sexually. She instantly placed you in the friend zone as someone to text when she is bored. Probably why she doesnt acknowledge your existence in class/work.

2.) She is interested in you but you are acting like a beta and not acting like a man who goes after what he wants. If she is interested, she will not be for long from you acting the way that you are right now.

There is only one way to find out: Ask her to join you for a couple of drinks. Its either a YES or some other bullshyte. Which means she is either going to meet you for drinks and then you are going to escalate or if she finds excuses to not meet, you are going to stop communicating with her altogether and stop being one of her orbiters.

So man up and invite her for drinks and find out.

Number 1 strikes me quite hard, albeit that I'm a very negative thinker. But it makes sense though.

Today I saw her on her phone and just asked her something, she immediately put away her phone and started talking with very strong eye contact. And after a few days of not texting, she has just texted me again. There were other things throughout the day that I don't understand from her though, it's such a weird situation.

The reason I got the nerve to just talk to her is because I read the first two responses to this thread this morning, it just shows how I need assurance and other events to happen to be able to feel good and feel more confident. This feeling usually only lasts for a short while, it's been an emotional rollercoaster for me the last couple of weeks. I might have very very low self esteem, or I'm seriously wondering that I'm becoming bipolar.

 

[MrWood]

oh sweet validation
she revels in watching you shake in your pale thin skin
she can smell it, like a new plastic doll
she is the prettiest most desirable girl, so pretty the little boys are scared to even talk to her...
oh sweet validation
dolls are for playing and she knows that men are for fvcking, she loves being a pretty girl

did you notice that doll laying in the gutter over there?
must have been a girls plaything, discarded without care...

 

[Glassguy]

Number 1 strikes me quite hard, albeit that I'm a very negative thinker. But it makes sense though.

Today I saw her on her phone and just asked her something, she immediately put away her phone and started talking with very strong eye contact. And after a few days of not texting, she has just texted me again. There were other things throughout the day that I don't understand from her though, it's such a weird situation.

The reason I got the nerve to just talk to her is because I read the first two responses to this thread this morning, it just shows how I need assurance and other events to happen to be able to feel good and feel more confident. This feeling usually only lasts for a short while, it's been an emotional rollercoaster for me the last couple of weeks. I might have very very low self esteem, or I'm seriously wondering that I'm becoming bipolar.

Why wont you just ask her out, know where you stand, accept the result and move on whichever way it goes?

 

[synecdoche]

I say this having been there but when they extremely hot girl is chasing you despite your beta behavior you are in for a world of pain.

Could you explain a bit more please? I currently have a plate which I told we should take a break because I am getting feelings for her because she is just mesmerizing. I already displayed beta behavior in the past, but she keeps engaging.

 

[MrWood]

take a break because I am getting feelings for her because she is just mesmerizing.

ohhhh nooooo MrBill

 

[synecdoche]

ohhhh nooooo MrBill

Reading it again makes it sounds worse than I meant. Let me go again: she gets easily in my head, I didn't suggest a break, but to just cut contact.

 

[MrWood]

I currently have a plate which I told we should take a break because I am getting feelings for her because she is just mesmerizing.

you told her this, right?

you: we should stop seeing each other
her: why?
you: because I am getting feelings for you because you are so mesmerizing.

 

[Kotaix]

The reason I got the nerve to just talk to her is because I read the first two responses to this thread this morning, it just shows how I need assurance and other events to happen to be able to feel good and feel more confident. This feeling usually only lasts for a short while, it's been an emotional rollercoaster for me the last couple of weeks. I might have very very low self esteem, or I'm seriously wondering that I'm becoming bipolar.

You don't need assurance or anything to happen, the timing will never be right and you'll never be ready enough if you take that tack in life. Nothing anyone says or does to you will help you make a move. You just need to make a move.

One thing I'll tell you,: You don't know how she sees you. I don't normally get a lot of attention from women, but there have been a few in my life who have shown this level of interest and they have straight out come out to tell me they think I'm insanely hot. I wouldn't necessarily agree, but I'm not going to argue with her. I just take the compliment and smile. She might think that you're an Adonis for all you know, and you're over here worried about if she likes you. She does like you, she's showing a lot of interest. So take that to heart and approach her.

You are a fool to let this opportunity go to waste. Just have a talk with her, be honest and don't have an agenda other than just telling her that you feel like there's chemistry between you. DO NOT tell her you like her, DO NOT tell her you love her. Just tell her that you feel like there's something between you both and you'd like to explore that with her and see where it goes.

Treat her as a human, not a goddess. Give her ****. Tell her no. When she gives you direct eye contact, look her in the eyes and think to her how sexy you think she is. Let yourself smile. She'll pick up on this, I guarantee.

 

[EyeBRollin]

You need to shvt or get off the pot. If you want to sleep with this girl, make moves to accomplish that. Invite her out for drinks at a location we’re logistics are favorable for sex (close to your house or hers).

 

[SayWhat]

I sincerely appreciate all the responses here, but I hate the totally opposite opinions. As I said I'm easily influenced by outside events and things I read, I honestly have no integrity or own opinion whatsoever, I tend to go with my feeling and tend to go for the negative ones.

And about that text she sended me, I replied with a tease on which she replied quite stern in my opinion. But again I overanalyze everything so it might be a tease too.

And yeah, why the fvck am I so worried about a stupid line of text? Might just be the fear of rejection again. I'm honestly sick and tired of this, I'm still waiting for that 'click' of just not giving a fvck anymore and do and say whatever I want without worrying about the outcome. I've been waiting for over 7 years sadly.

 

[Glassguy]

I sincerely appreciate all the responses here, but I hate the totally opposite opinions. As I said I'm easily influenced by outside events and things I read, I honestly have no integrity or own opinion whatsoever, I tend to go with my feeling and tend to go for the negative ones.

And about that text she sended me, I replied with a tease on which she replied quite stern in my opinion. But again I overanalyze everything so it might be a tease too.

And yeah, why the fvck am I so worried about a stupid line of text? Might just be the fear of rejection again. I'm honestly sick and tired of this, I'm still waiting for that 'click' of just not giving a fvck anymore and do and say whatever I want without worrying about the outcome. I've been waiting for over 7 years sadly.

Stop trolling dude. There is no way anyone is this lost and pitiful as a man

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I sincerely appreciate all the responses here, but I hate the totally opposite opinions. As I said I'm easily influenced by outside events and things I read, I honestly have no integrity or own opinion whatsoever, I tend to go with my feeling and tend to go for the negative ones.

And about that text she sended me, I replied with a tease on which she replied quite stern in my opinion. But again I overanalyze everything so it might be a tease too.

And yeah, why the fvck am I so worried about a stupid line of text? Might just be the fear of rejection again. I'm honestly sick and tired of this, I'm still waiting for that 'click' of just not giving a fvck anymore and do and say whatever I want without worrying about the outcome. I've been waiting for over 7 years sadly.

Deal with a female whose currently offering her self up on a platter for you. All of that over analizying ties to outcome DEPENDANCE. Once you have at least one verified consistent line of sex, most of that should dissipate. You won't put up with the shyt because you already have *****.

 

[synecdoche]

you told her this, right?

you: we should stop seeing each other
her: why?
you: because I am getting feelings for you because you are so mesmerizing.

Oh no, I haven't given her any reason at all.

Nvm my question I kind of know what LARaider means but I felt he had a story to share from which I could have learned.

 

[SayWhat]

An update

I've come to the realization that she indeed just needs validation/attention. Some things to clarify:

On friday I texted her that the weather would be nice to have a drink on her terrace (she sended me pictures of her place before). It was an honest text, I didn't mean anything about it. She answered "yes it would, but I'm against solo drinking". I replied "I never say no to an invitation to drink something".

You can guess the reply: "I would love to! But have to leave shortly" accompanied by a sad emoticon face! In all fairness she indeed went out as she sended me a picture later on of the place where she was. But I never got a counteroffer. We kept on texting that weekend. When I woke up on sunday, I noticed some deleted messages and a phone call, said her phone acted weird and asked me about my night.

Again just as last week, at the start of this week, during the day we don't say anything to each other. Hell there's even no eye contact by her when we greet each other in the morning. I get the vibe from her she's actually quite arrogant and too full of herself and that she doesn't like me, so I can't get myself to go over to her (or it might just be my low self-esteem), but then again, neither does she initiate. She's all chatty and all with the others, so am I, but to each other we're like two enemies. But I wonder if she acts like that towards me, because I act that way.

All in all, although the feeling sucks, I must admit that just making it clear I'd like to have a drink with her was a huge relief of my shoulders, but I'm done texting her.

 

[Igetit!]

As I said I'm easily influenced by outside events and things I read,
I honestly have no integrity or own opinion whatsoever,
I tend to go with my feeling and tend to go for the negative ones.

Umm....ok?

Sir.....(and I use that term sparingly)... You ARE MALE.........

aren't you?

I'm still waiting for that 'click' of just not giving a fvck anymore and do and say whatever I want without worrying about the outcome. I've been waiting for over 7 years sadly.

Sir....you're waiting in vain. You have to do THE WORK to get to a mindset of "not giving a fvck". That's why you're still no farther along now than you were when you joined up here almost 8 years ago.

You don't have any SELF-confidence or sense of SELF-worth. That's why you keep having OUTSIDE people/things/experiences have influence on how YOU SEE YOURSELF.

Do what you got to do man. Read books,watch videos,ask questions here.......whatever. YOUR BRAIN needs to be re-wired,and that's going to TAKE TIME. I went through this,took me like 3 years. But I didn't have this forum or even the internet at all,so you got tools I didn't have.


You must think that if you ask a girl out and she says yes,that that means you're "da' man".....but if she says no,that you're ugly,horrible,a bad person or whatever. That's NOT true.....but just ME TELLING YOU THAT AIN'T ENOUGH.......You have to get inside your own mind and see it's true FOR YOURSELF.

It's either that,or go another 7 years waiting for this "mythical/magical click" to happen.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Number 1 strikes me quite hard, albeit that I'm a very negative thinker. But it makes sense though.

Today I saw her on her phone and just asked her something, she immediately put away her phone and started talking with very strong eye contact. And after a few days of not texting, she has just texted me again. There were other things throughout the day that I don't understand from her though, it's such a weird situation.

The reason I got the nerve to just talk to her is because I read the first two responses to this thread this morning, it just shows how I need assurance and other events to happen to be able to feel good and feel more confident. This feeling usually only lasts for a short while, it's been an emotional rollercoaster for me the last couple of weeks. I might have very very low self esteem, or I'm seriously wondering that I'm becoming bipolar.

Honestly with your mental frame as it is even if she went out with you, it would be over very quickly because you would turn her off as you don't think you are good enough for her.

You really need to work on your mindset and get over it. Ironically she is probably intrigued by you because she is wondering why you aren't all over her like all the other guys. Too bad when she finds out its because you are scared to death to make a move it will repulse her.