Update
My life is very much up-down-up-down right now.
I've been hitting the gym like crazy and I quit drinking and smoking about 10 days ago. I also quit smoking weed about 4 years ago, so that leaves me with 0 drugs.
Problem is, I don't have any real close friends anymore... A lot of acquaintances though. I'm still a bartender. I am simply very lonely though. I try to stay in a positive mindset. Decided today (let's not allow this decision to stay unfulfilled), that I should go to Thailand this christmas. I can then practice kickboxing there with the Thai guys for a good 2 weeks. That sounds like a fun plan and something to look forward to. In the mean time I can also practice my kickboxing here in Amsterdam until I get there. This country produces some of the best fighters in the world anyway, so it's a good place to practice, and I great activity to practice while I'm in monk mode.
Considering books - I don't really have the energy to read them. I suppose I should read a little about NLP, that should be the best for me. Or finishing the Tony Robbins. Or just finish any book that I started.
Last saturday I invited over a chick I banged the week before for the first time. We get along fine. It was Gay Pride in the city, so we just went there to take a look. I don't really enjoy those types of people in my vicinity though, so I kind of explained to her how I don't understand why homosexuality exists from an evolutionary standpoint. Of course she's a leftist chick (25yrs, studies philosophy at Uni), and probably considers me closedminded. Which I suppose I am. I have a lot of issues to be honest. I love my people, I love my race, I love my history. I want to be proud of it. But in the mean time, everyone else is a nihilist. If you're a leftist, we're living at the dawn of a new age. If you're more right-wing, or traditionalist, you're living to witness the dying breaths of an old one.
Anyways - I banged her after we got back. She made dinner. Then I tried to bang her again and she refused. Now the date ended on a sour note and I strongly doubt that I'll see her again. That's how things go I guess, it's a real shame. She had a sopping wet pvssy.
So I have 0 plates at the moment. Z-E-R-O. I used to enjoy a good prostitute every now and then, but still that doesn't quite excite me like it used to. Though I did meet one nice prostitute a few weeks ago, lol, over in a different city. And I was just so surprised at the apparently genuine interest she showed in me, my life, my situation. Life in Amsterdam has me so jaded and frustrated.
The internship I did between February and July has been officially completed. I received an e-mail from school that I can partake in the minor in school starting september. So I'm looking forward to doing the minor and then weight-training/kickboxing/MMA between september February next year, with a little intermezzo in Thailand if all goes well.
I'm thinking, that once I finish my engineering degree, I would be quite free, and I could potentially move to a place like Thailand and open a bar there. I could basically kickbox all week and then run the bar during the weekends. Or even run a little tiki-bar like Billy-Bob Thornton at the end of Bad Santa.
There's a lot of possibilities.
So this will be my update for today. Tomorrow I'm starting my gym schedule with legs (does this make sense lol?). Goal will be to simply become so jacked and healthy with a good cardiovascular system that I can simply bang multiple chicks at a time. Of course another important part of the issue is the mental game, which I'm lacking in quite heavily right now. But I have no idea how to really fix it. Like I said, I'm lonely and I have imposed upon myself the restriction that I cannot take any drugs or alcohol.
So what I really need is to acheive some goals and to make some gains and I suppose eventually some friends.
My friendship with my friend, a sociopathic homeless guy who is perpetually slaying pvssy, seems to be coming to an end. I was offering him a place to stay for the past few years, but I eventually made him move out because I wanted to make some rent money. Went to visit him today, he tried to MOG me by grabbing me by the neck (like you might do a younger nephew or brother I suppose), and I refused to accept that. He acted aggressively and I replied with "you must have been spending too much time on the street huh", and he got angry once more. This time I saw the plaque and grime had accumulated on his teeth, signs of actually living like a homeless person, and I just left. He borrowed my nephews PS4. So he will have to return that if there is ever going to be a reconciliation between us. Which I actually doubt at this point. After a reaction like that, I can't really trust him anymore.
So... I don't understand. There is a pattern in my life where I become friends with sociopathic dudes. Made friends with a Cuban dude who basically lost his mind one day, I almost got in a fight with him, he stole like some of my socks and left my place, never to be seen again. Also made friends with a Moroccan dude who I still to this day don't really trust. And I made friends with this mongrel of a homeless guy, who I thought would be my friend for years to come, but apparently not so.
Regular people I find somehow boring I suppose. I do feel bad that whenever I become friends and make appointments with regular goodhearted people, I miss the appointment.
I just like girls more than anything, but without any friends to have my back in between the bitches, I am left basically all alone and bored. Then I try to keep myself occupied with life-goals, so these future goals are basically all I have going for myself. If all goes well though, this contemplation, this thinking, this training, will lay the groundwork for me to start my own business one day.
Now all I need to do is graduate with the Civil Engineering degree. I can do it within 1 year from now. So cheers to that.
My life is very much up-down-up-down right now.
I've been hitting the gym like crazy and I quit drinking and smoking about 10 days ago. I also quit smoking weed about 4 years ago, so that leaves me with 0 drugs.
Problem is, I don't have any real close friends anymore... A lot of acquaintances though. I'm still a bartender. I am simply very lonely though. I try to stay in a positive mindset. Decided today (let's not allow this decision to stay unfulfilled), that I should go to Thailand this christmas. I can then practice kickboxing there with the Thai guys for a good 2 weeks. That sounds like a fun plan and something to look forward to. In the mean time I can also practice my kickboxing here in Amsterdam until I get there. This country produces some of the best fighters in the world anyway, so it's a good place to practice, and I great activity to practice while I'm in monk mode.
Considering books - I don't really have the energy to read them. I suppose I should read a little about NLP, that should be the best for me. Or finishing the Tony Robbins. Or just finish any book that I started.
Last saturday I invited over a chick I banged the week before for the first time. We get along fine. It was Gay Pride in the city, so we just went there to take a look. I don't really enjoy those types of people in my vicinity though, so I kind of explained to her how I don't understand why homosexuality exists from an evolutionary standpoint. Of course she's a leftist chick (25yrs, studies philosophy at Uni), and probably considers me closedminded. Which I suppose I am. I have a lot of issues to be honest. I love my people, I love my race, I love my history. I want to be proud of it. But in the mean time, everyone else is a nihilist. If you're a leftist, we're living at the dawn of a new age. If you're more right-wing, or traditionalist, you're living to witness the dying breaths of an old one.
Anyways - I banged her after we got back. She made dinner. Then I tried to bang her again and she refused. Now the date ended on a sour note and I strongly doubt that I'll see her again. That's how things go I guess, it's a real shame. She had a sopping wet pvssy.
So I have 0 plates at the moment. Z-E-R-O. I used to enjoy a good prostitute every now and then, but still that doesn't quite excite me like it used to. Though I did meet one nice prostitute a few weeks ago, lol, over in a different city. And I was just so surprised at the apparently genuine interest she showed in me, my life, my situation. Life in Amsterdam has me so jaded and frustrated.
The internship I did between February and July has been officially completed. I received an e-mail from school that I can partake in the minor in school starting september. So I'm looking forward to doing the minor and then weight-training/kickboxing/MMA between september February next year, with a little intermezzo in Thailand if all goes well.
I'm thinking, that once I finish my engineering degree, I would be quite free, and I could potentially move to a place like Thailand and open a bar there. I could basically kickbox all week and then run the bar during the weekends. Or even run a little tiki-bar like Billy-Bob Thornton at the end of Bad Santa.
There's a lot of possibilities.
So this will be my update for today. Tomorrow I'm starting my gym schedule with legs (does this make sense lol?). Goal will be to simply become so jacked and healthy with a good cardiovascular system that I can simply bang multiple chicks at a time. Of course another important part of the issue is the mental game, which I'm lacking in quite heavily right now. But I have no idea how to really fix it. Like I said, I'm lonely and I have imposed upon myself the restriction that I cannot take any drugs or alcohol.
So what I really need is to acheive some goals and to make some gains and I suppose eventually some friends.
My friendship with my friend, a sociopathic homeless guy who is perpetually slaying pvssy, seems to be coming to an end. I was offering him a place to stay for the past few years, but I eventually made him move out because I wanted to make some rent money. Went to visit him today, he tried to MOG me by grabbing me by the neck (like you might do a younger nephew or brother I suppose), and I refused to accept that. He acted aggressively and I replied with "you must have been spending too much time on the street huh", and he got angry once more. This time I saw the plaque and grime had accumulated on his teeth, signs of actually living like a homeless person, and I just left. He borrowed my nephews PS4. So he will have to return that if there is ever going to be a reconciliation between us. Which I actually doubt at this point. After a reaction like that, I can't really trust him anymore.
So... I don't understand. There is a pattern in my life where I become friends with sociopathic dudes. Made friends with a Cuban dude who basically lost his mind one day, I almost got in a fight with him, he stole like some of my socks and left my place, never to be seen again. Also made friends with a Moroccan dude who I still to this day don't really trust. And I made friends with this mongrel of a homeless guy, who I thought would be my friend for years to come, but apparently not so.
Regular people I find somehow boring I suppose. I do feel bad that whenever I become friends and make appointments with regular goodhearted people, I miss the appointment.
I just like girls more than anything, but without any friends to have my back in between the bitches, I am left basically all alone and bored. Then I try to keep myself occupied with life-goals, so these future goals are basically all I have going for myself. If all goes well though, this contemplation, this thinking, this training, will lay the groundwork for me to start my own business one day.
Now all I need to do is graduate with the Civil Engineering degree. I can do it within 1 year from now. So cheers to that.