Dont have the heart to string a girl along..

[pinhas]

I cant get myself to falsely let a girl believe that "something might happen between us beyond sex" and then drop her after a few encounters.

I have been getting great results lately and have multiple girls who are after me now, but I also realized that I cant be a "a total ass***e" about these things.

I am sleeping with one woman who is older then me, and completely understands our FWB relationship; I see her once-twice a week for sex and that is it!

On the other hand, I met a girl that is willing to 100% sleep with me upon out next meet, but from her statements I believe she really likes me and would like to have some sort of relationship with me. I DO NOT WANT!

I am not sure I have the heart to knowingly string her along for sex and then ditch her; that's one "DJ" skill I do not yet have.

Many times before, trying to be honest and honorable I did the "I don't want a relationship" talk before sleeping with a girl and lost her. I know for a fact at least 4 chicks that I missed on sex with because of this; I just cant openly lead them on.

What can I do? I don't want this to affect my success rate and I understand that some "lying" or misleading might have to happen, but I just cant get myself to do it.

What do it do?

 

[Vice]

You're not a mind reader. You don't know what's going on in her head.

Don't do the "I don't want a relationship" talk before you sleep with her, do it after. If she decides to leave, who cares? Just tell her that you're casually dating her.

 

[Iceberg]

You're not a mind reader. You don't know what's going on in her head.

Don't do the "I don't want a relationship" talk before you sleep with her, do it after. If she decides to leave, who cares? Just tell her that you're casually dating her.

Yep.

You'd be surprised about the girls you think are chasing you for sex and the the ones who want/don't want relationships.

Unless she says, "I won't sleep with you if you aren't my bf.", just work under the assumption that she's just looking for a fun fling.

 

[Vice]

Yep.

You'd be surprised about the girls you think are chasing you for sex and the the ones who want/don't want relationships.

Unless she says, "I won't sleep with you if you aren't my bf.", just work under the assumption that she's just looking for a fun fling.

Exactly right.

Even if she was looking for a relationship, remember that women are very adaptable and will accept casually dating you. But only if you have a strong reality and sense of yourself. This isn't something you "say" to her, this is something you ARE. And it seems like you're not at that point yet.

 

[st_99]

I would love to meet a girl that is NOT casual about sex because I can't find them, unless they're fat. So I assume EVERY girl is casual about sex until proven otherwise.

 

[KingofHearts]

Exactly right.

Even if she was looking for a relationship, remember that women are very adaptable and will accept casually dating you. But only if you have a strong reality and sense of yourself. This isn't something you "say" to her, this is something you ARE. And it seems like you're not at that point yet.

In short term, yes. Women accept the deal, but it is very rare (but possible) to string a girl longer than several months.

I agree with the OP that it is hard to string a girl along. Maybe it makes me less of a man or whatever, but I don't have the heart to reject girls without feeling a little bad for them. But rationally I know its necessary. They write love letters, send a multitude of texts and just become a doormat to win my attention/affection. They kinda do it to themselves don't they?

 

[GhostWriter]

I rationalize it by telling myself...

If the girl was in my position, she wouldn't even think twice.

 

[pinhas]

What if the girl is part of your social circle and you will probably see her during social gatherings? Does that change anything?

 

[Young Juan]

Tell her during pillow talk after sex. If you fvcked her well, she will say yes at the moment then do everything in her power to change your mind later.

 

[loveshogun]

OP, everyone has hit all of the practical advice about not reading too much into women that you don't really know. I agree with it all and won't rehash it.

However, you sound like you need to do some soul-searching. Here's the question you need to answer:

Is my reluctance to hook up with multiple partners a result of fear or lack of faith in myself, or a truly distressing signal from my innate moral compass?

Basically, is this because you "can't," or because you "won't"?

According to you, and I have no reason not to believe you, you're doing pretty well with getting tang. This means that your problem is more with your moral compass.

At which point, I ask you, if you don't want to bang a girl, why would you? No need to prove anything to anyone but yourself, friend.

So, if this is indeed the case, remember that women come and go, but you will always wake up in the morning and see your face... so, that said, try not to do anything that you truly believe will make you unhappy.

Self-respect > p*ssy. And, if the self respect is deserved, in most cases it will GET you more p*ssy. Putting yourself first is a win-win. Never forget it.

 

[pinhas]

Everyone:

thanks for all the advice. You did hit all the points and I do need to get over this issue and just go with it.

Loveshogun:

You are exactly right; in this case its a "wont" kind of thing. I just don't think I want to sleep with her. She strikes me as a potential stage 5 clinger and is not exactly my type in the looks department. I would betray my moral code and lower my standards and she is not worth it.

But you hit an interesting point; I do still feel at times a certain lack of faith, especially when dealing with very good looking and quality women. I had times where I decided not to peruse a girl, and I gave myself various reasons and excuses of why I wont, but in reality it was a fear of success and a lack of faith. I realized this a while back and now I am really trying to overcome this; its silly to miss a chance to get to know really quality women because I feel "I cant measure up".

You have any advice on how to completely over come this?