Don't ever sell yourself short with your Girl!

[jbbrain]

For me, an extremely passive girlfriend is one I have right now. I can't tell you how frustrating it is...that's why I outlined this one thing you wrote. She doesn't make dates. She doesn't surprise me with any sort of unpredictability or spontaneity. She never blows me away with her conversation or any profound views of the world. She BARELY TAKES THE INITIATIVE. Sometimes I think she's a robot trapped inside some really hot blonde girl's body (ha!) But all this is fine. I'm sure she's happy with herself and comfortable with her life. As you'll read on further, I've realized taht this is simply who she is (a polish immigrant with a very scientiful background) and who she has grown up to be.

Guys, here's a tip that is consistent with my prior point:

It seems here that so many guys are desperate for a relationship and are often ready to settle for less. I'm here to broaden your horizons on what constitues a GREAT girlfriend (afterall, we only deserve the best, right?)

We often see on this website that the most "important" criteria for a good relationship is to be with a woman who's honest, failthful and has a lot of integrity. This is probably due to the fact that so many guys here give girls, in general, a bad name: Naturally, when they do find a girl who counters everything they believed in regarding a girl's worth, they hold on to her as tight as they can. Afterall, finding an honest girl is like finding a needle in a haystack, right?

Im here to tell you that that is not necessarily true.

I have found that girl. Derspite all my stupid ass posts before about asking if I should trust my gf, I realize now that I truly do. She's honest, religious, moral---A good girl we would call her: I'd be stupid to say that I didn't trust her, because any reason for not doing so would clearly be due to a crazy fabrication of my imagination. Add to that, she's also one of the hottest girls I've ever been with. Easily a 9 in my eyes, HOW COULD I EVER BE DISSATISFIED WITH NOT ONLY AN HONEST AND CARING GIRL, BUT ALSO A BEAUTFUL GIRL? I hear some of you now muttering to your computers:

"He's crazy!"

And yet, here I am..not settling for anything less, bringing up a good point drixsa made in his post. The girl I'm with is young, inexperienced, and more passive than any girl I've ever met in my life... This passivity is something I knew about before I got involved with her ona more "serious" note, but I vowed to keep it on the backburner because she simply had so many other assets to her personality that were so perfect for what I wanted in a relationship. I thought to myself..so, she's passive..inexperienced, doesn't have a lot of culture-I'LL CHANGE HER! RIGHT? Doesn't it make sense? Corrupt her mind a bit, make her a slut in bed, get her to dress nicely, listen to ACTUAL GOOD MUSIC (not the shyt she likes now) get her a little more involved with pop culture etc. I realize now that my desires to change her were not only twisted, but also impossible. I will never again try to change her from her passive, unemtional self into the girl I wanted her to be. I realize now that that is the girl she is and I can either deal with it or just get rid of her. Anyways...I'm rambling..

I have no idea what Im goign to do with her (Ill keep you all posted) but what I'm relaizing more and more is that one should not settle for anything less than they deserve. I believe it was probably due to this website that I decided to have her as my gf because she was just so TRUSTWORTHY. Now, it seems all the trustworthiness in the world cannot save me from the boredom I currently feel in my relationship.

She's a great girl-sweet, caring, but I know now that I shouldn't settle for only one critical dimension of a girls personality. For, despite all her integrity, this girl does not inspire me to reach new heights in adventure and LIVING, simply because she hasn't inspired herself (or so I think) yet. It may come in time, it may not..

So guys, don't blind yourself into thinking you got ALL THAT YOU DESERVED with regards to your gf. Don't ignore your longing to be with a girl who truly inspires and impresses you. She's out there. I thought I had found her, but now I'm getting tired of pretending I'm happy with a hot and sincere girl when really I want more. And this isn't to take away ANYTHING from her. The basis of this whole thing is compatibility. I can easily envision a situation in which she would be a perfect match with another scientific mind. We're just too different from eachother.

 

[ManOMan]

I remember a post a while back that said to describe your perfect girl. I decided to play along and make my list.

After I made my list, I realized all the girls I have tried to go for in the past was only based on one criteria. #1) Was she HOT? #2) Was she interested?

Then I realized, HOLY FAWK!! Women scrutinize every single factor about a mans looks and personality/earning potential/security/Car/ambition, and all I was doing was selling myself short and not even qualifying these women

the sad thing is, I came off as so desperate/little standards that women could probably see right through me that all I was interested in was looks

Today, every woman I meet, I begin to qualify her. Is she cute? Is she smart? Trustworthy? Classy? dress well?

When you put these standards BEFORE her looks, you will not only seem like a guy with standards, but you will also prevent yourself for falling for a bad apple that you only liked because of her looks

 

[Page]

Are you sure that your "boring" girl isn't really a blowup doll? That would explain why she is never active and lets you decide everything.

But seriously, It's your job to take the initiave, not hers. You're the man, right? You should set up the plans and you should make the dates most of the time.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Page

But seriously, It's your job to take the initiave, not hers. You're the man, right? You should set up the plans and you should make the dates most of the time.

There's a difference between setting the dates all the time and having someone who doesn't contribute much to the experience of being together. To quote Eddie Murphy, "I want a woman who will stimulate my intellect as well as my loins."

Now there are the one-nighters, which can be boxes-o-rocks as long as the pu$$y's tight. There are those girls you date a few times just to get in their pants, the requirement is a little higher for them, but not much. Then there are the girls that you don't really want to go long-term with, but you want to date, and fun becomes a LOT more important. If you're going to go exclusive with ANY woman, her ability to amuse, excite, stimulate you becomes CRITICAL to the survival of the relationship, as yours to her.

 

[Slickster]

Are you sure its not you who is boring?

It goes both ways you know. Sometimes the traits you see in others are just a reflection of yourself. Maybe she's thinking the exact same things about you.

Not meant as an insult just something to think about.

However if its always you contributing the excitement and she's not stimulating you then the relationship won't work. Its too bad but you both could do better for yourselves.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by Page
Are you sure that your "boring" girl isn't really a blowup doll? That would explain why she is never active and lets you decide everything.

But seriously, It's your job to take the initiave, not hers. You're the man, right? You should set up the plans and you should make the dates most of the time.

Of course Page, this is what I've been doing for us thus far. I feel I have a pretty good idea as to what the responsibilities of the man are in a relationship. I feel Ive been fulfillign them pretty well. At the same time, I really feel "it takes two to tango"...Meaning I want siome input into this relationship. And not just any input..I want her to taker her proper place as a woman and dazzle her man, whether it be through actions, or just words.

At 1st, I was thinking her lack of initiative was due to a lack of interest on her part, but then I relaized I wasn't giving myself enough credit. In reality, she was ALWAYS like this, even wher we were casually dating in may. What can I say? Its who she is. Shes the scientific type. Much of the way she comes to conclusions or deduces things in life are done in this same scienbtific way...it's impossible a+b=c to her.. ha!

A perfect sum up? One of her friends and I were 6talking about my newfound relationship with her (back in october i think) and I was telling him how I thought it was great that she didnt play many head games with me, oppositely to my last gf.

He told me "Yeah, because she doesnt know how to!"

It's also been said that she doesn't show many of her emotions (which may be typical of certain swedish girls..u know those thick skinned ones??) because feeling emotion (let's say jealousy) is impractical to her..man, i'll give her some credit, she is way different from any girl Ive ever dated/banged.

I've cometo grips that there are two possibilities. Either

A)She really has her shyt together. Full of confidence and without a real care in the world. I'm slightlu skeptical with this possibility simply because she's so young and inexperienced..but who knows? Weirder thngs have certainly happened..

B)My chosen theory-She's just young and she's passive simply because she's just not the most exciting (in my mind) person in the world.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by Slickster
Are you sure its not you who is boring?

It goes both ways you know. Sometimes the traits you see in others are just a reflection of yourself. Maybe she's thinking the exact same things about you.

Not meant as an insult just something to think about.

However if its always you contributing the excitement and she's not stimulating you then the relationship won't work. Its too bad but you both could do better for yourselves.

As always, there must be SOMEBODY at Sosuave who sheds light on all the possible dimensions of the situation...I applaud you Slick..

I'm kidding. Ok, how can I answer your 1st question..am I sure..What can I say to that? There's no way I'm boring, and I'm curious when you say "Sometimes the traits you see in others are just a reflection of yourself".

I've never really known that to be true..but now that this MAY be a possibility, let me take a step back and take an objective stance on the situation...wait..

NO!I'm NOT BORING!

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by jbbrain
I've never really known that to be true..but now that this MAY be a possibility, let me take a step back and take an objective stance on the situation...wait..

NO!I'm NOT BORING!

Well I'm not sure if you are being smart with me but think about it.

Two people are hanging out together. One of them seems content and the other is bored.

Who is the boring one? Or are they both boring?

I used to live in a small town and I would frequently hear some idiot say, "Man is this place ever boring". Well I was never bored living there. I always had something going on. I would say to those people "There's no such thing as a boring place. Just boring people."

An example of the "What you see in others is a reflection of yourself" Theory:

You and your friend are having a friendly argument about whatever. You continue to try and press your point of view on him and he refuses to accept your ideas. He has his own ideas but you know that they are wrong and continue to push your point. After some time you give up and walk away thinking "Man is that guy ever stubborn."

Who is stubborn? Both of you.

Another example:

Some guy tells you and three other people a joke. You think its hilarious and start laughing out loud. The other three remain quiet. You think "That guy is funny". The other three people are probably thinking "That was a dumb joke"

Who is funny?
Who is dumb?

You and the joke teller are funny (have a good sense of humor).
The other three are dumb.

I wasn't trying to insult you man. Just giving some insight. Hope your not being a smart ass.

 

[Player_Supreme]

She doesn't surprise me with any sort of unpredictability or spontaneity. She never blows me away with her conversation or any profound views of the world. She BARELY TAKES THE INITIATIVE.

1. Your forgetting it's your job to blow her away. It's your job to be unpredictable and spontaneous.

2. Your job is not to sit there like a bytch and hope for the woman to run the show. The lines between men and women should be well defined.

3. What you have is an old fashioned woman with old fashioned ways...if you don't want her put her ass on a plane to sacramento and I will take care of that for you.

4. This is why they end up cheating on you fella's you get lazy and forget your place as a MAN! Woe her off her feet...just cause your fawking doesn't mean that you stop doing the same things you did to get her.

5. Maybe your not very interesting to talk too...have you ever thought of that...when was the last time you took a real interest in HER life? I will bet you that your the type that blathers on and on about YOUR DAY and what YOU did or something that YOUR interested in...and this poor thing sit's there wondering when you will shut the fawk up.

6. Sorry to seem so harsh but I also couldn't read your whole whinny assed post...I could tell what and where the real problem was coming from after the first paragraph!

Good luck kid Take what I'm saying to heart.

 

[jbbrain]

I would lovd to take your post to heart but,

The more you post, the more you sound like a ****in' grand dad who spends WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON SOSUAVE, trying to save every member on this site with your redundant bullshyt.

I'm sorry..I've tried to be polite this whole time, but I think you're a dork, for a lack of a better term. If you would have read my post, you would have come up with something better to say than your perrenial "step by step" analysis of the situation.

Honestly, I don't have the time to deal with peasants like you.
I would actually LOVE IT, if, from now on, you never replied to any of my threads. I think you give horrible advice and would actually be wasting my time with your words.

So save it, bro. Good for you that you think you really "know whats goign on here"..but

just give it up. Are we cool?

 

[comote]

jbbrian,
I understand exactly what you are saying, really I do. I have been involved with a sweet, intelligent, extremely attractive girl for a while now but something is just off.
The best way I can put it is she just does not act like a hot girl should if that makes any sense, actually I am sure it does to you.
I too am guilty of trying to change her into what my idea of the perfect woman should be. My thinking has been, I put alot of effort into seducing her and making her want me. Believe me when I say she is crazy for me, yet, I kind of would like her to let me feel pursued at times. I went so far as to recommend she read the art of seduction. Talk about man's role all you want, but when looking for someone to be with forever I don't just want some girl that fell for me, I want some girl that fell for me and also put some effort into making me fall for her.
I know she would do these things I ask of her if I connected them to us being together or not, but I want her to do it without me having to resort to that.
So Jbbrian, I don't think your crazy and I can relate completely.

 

[jbbrain]

listen, this whole thing is not about man's role versus woman's role in a relationship.

I believe I have that handled pretty well. Bu I WOULD LOVE a girl who just sometimes would take the initiative to bring excitement to the relationship. I would lve a girl to inspire me to new heights and provoke thought within me.


It's as simple as that.

A relationship with a girl is a 2 way street. If it wasn't, and we had to adhere to "Old fashioned rules" all the time, I rather save my breath and just fcuk as many chicks as I can.

 

[Frank Zappa]

Originally posted by jbbrain
I would lve a girl to inspire me to new heights and provoke thought within me.


It's as simple as that.

I know what you mean as I have dated many boring chicks in my life. They like you because you bring out the best in them, yet they bring out nothing in you. Don't waste your time on it... it's a lost cause trying to change them. ~Zappa

 

[Frank Zappa]

These girls are often selfish in their own way. They don't want to invest any effort or time into the relationship ... Yet you think they're alright because they are cool girls when you are around them. Believe me, I've kept a relationsihp going years too long because of that.

They come to expect that you bring everything to the table, and when you begin slacking, BAM... it's all your fault. Expect something out of her, but don't mention it to her so much verbally. The earlier you do this the better because habits can be engrained until the very end of the relationship.

If you want to make this work, get her to invest effort and thought into pleasing your intellectual needs. ~Zappa

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by Frank Zappa
I know what you mean as I have dated many boring chicks in my life. They like you because you bring out the best in them, yet they bring out nothing in you. Don't waste your time on it... it's a lost cause trying to change them. ~Zappa

Dude, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. This is how I i think it's like with her. It's a sad reality when apparently she has so much else goign on for her though, no?

 

[Frank Zappa]

Originally posted by jbbrain
Dude, you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. This is how I i think it's like with her. It's a sad reality when apparently she has so much else goign on for her though, no?

I think a good rule of thumb in a relationship is: If after a month or so, conversations still feel rigid, forced, and uptight, something just isn't working. After a month, the conversations should be flowing. ~Zappa

 

[jbbrain]

Don't get me wrong, we laugh quite a bit, but again, it's me who's injecting the humour..she just sits back because she LOVES to laugh.

Sometimes she calls me up with really nothing to say. I'll be doing my own shyt, and she'll call me up stating that she's bored or whatever, yet I'm the one directing the whole phone conversation..the one asking her questions, the one to finally say "listen, I gotta go, I'll call you later" bla bla..

It's a weird thing..to phone somebody up with absolutely nothing to say..and its never the "comfortable" I have nothing to say, it's always the forced I have nothng to say. And its weird, this phenomenon also manifests itself in her daily life with her friends/roommates. Sometimes I'm just around listening to their conversations, and I swear to GOD, nothing is REALLY being communicated. I mean, I know most girls arent that funny to begin with but only the most banal and 2 dimensional shyt is being talked about. One example is recently just before new years she came up to mtl with a bunch of her NJ friends and so I brought some of my friends along and we had a big night out. The next day, we all decided to go for breakfast. So, there we are, about 8 of us, 4 guys, 4 girls doing our thing. Our side of the table was literally GOING OFF. We were just being our crazy selves. I start talking to the girls, and theyre humbly picking at their food, talking about how good/bad it tasted the whole hour we were there.

 

[Player_Supreme]

sorry if I hurt your little feelings...my words were not because of any recent beefs we had..I spoke truth.

If she has nothing to say it's because your not giving her anything to think about.

Women are suppose to be the passive ones....look at history and you will find the truth.

Just a few words from your friendly neighborhood dorkus.

 

[jbbrain]

player, you'll tire yourself out by the time youre 60 if you always put too much responsibility on yourself..

You're like one of those guys who believe that any action by a woman is only really a reaction based on a man's initial move.

It's utter bullshyt. Sometimes women are just the way they are..it's crazy that, at your age, you think otherwise.

 

[Frank Zappa]

there is no equation for women... Especially in this post-feminist time in America. They want more power, so more responsibility needs to expected of them. Such as being able to hold up their own in a relationship. ~Zappa