Don Juan Psychology I -- Intro & Basic Conditioning
In my opinion there are two main elements to becoming a Don Juan. The first and most important is claiming (or reclaiming) your manliness. I think Pook's posts in the DJ Bible speak to this. It includes building your confidence, your body, your independence, etc.
I think a second element is gaining an understanding of the minds and behaviors of people (men, women, and people in general). Odds are that along with whatever brought you to this site came a deficit in understanding people. It's not that we're socially stupid, it's that our natural Don Juan competitors are better at this because they've had a lot more practice.
There are mountains of psychology-ish ideas being peddled everywhere. But nearly all of it hasn't had the benefit of careful consideration by people who know the field, or the backing of actual careful research that is openly published and critically reviewed. So I thought you might want to hear about some REAL psychology for a change.
I'm in the process of writing my doctoral thesis in psychology. While I haven't specialized in what is called "social psychology," I have been exposed to a fair amount of scholarly research on the topic through graduate courses, papers, and discussions with other graduate students and professors. So, as a means of procrastinating on my thesis (um, I mean...).
If you've taken Psychology 101, you may have been disappointed that there didn't seem to be an abundance of useful information. (I know I was.) There are a number of reasons for that. Most importantly though, social psychology began primarily in the 1950's with investigations of very dry and academic questions (just like rest of formal psychological science). They studied things like persuasion. (Yawn.) Likewise, psychologists typically study principles that are not context-specific, that is, principles that determine behavior regardless of the context.
What we'd really like as DJ's is a collection of principles that are useful in the field -- in other words, applied social psychology applicable to a few specific contexts: one-on-one relationships, settings where people socialize, initially meeting someone of the opposite sex, etc... Well, the bad news is, there's not much of that in "real" psychology research. So, I'll try to take a fair stab at letting you in on real research that might bear on being a DJ. There is, however, a quite a bit of research on emotions, communication, memory, stereotypes, perception, self-esteem, and social pressure; and some of that is applicable. So that body of work will probably serve as another source of useful info. Most of this will be taken from what I've learned and/or can very easily look up in journals. I'll try to keep it light and brief. If anyone can add to or clarify what I write, please do so. I also probably won't cite anything; but feel free to ask for references.
With out further ado, Part I –– Conditioning (old school -- to get the well-known stuff out of the way)
First, "classical conditioning" (think Pavlov) only applies to natural reflexes like salivating or eye-blinking. So, unless you want your girl to salivate at the sound of your zipper, you can probably ignore what you may have learned about it.
What might be more useful to us is using the principles of operant conditioning. You can "teach" someone to behave in a certain way by improving their lot after they've done what you like. This can be done by rewarding the person or removing something sucky from their life (e.g., removing anxiety about household chores by doing the dishes for them).
You can also get them to stop repeating an annoying behavior by punishing them or removing something pleasant (e.g., forget it, we're not going out tonight).
For either type of behavior modification, the simplest thing to do is to consistently reinforce their behavior (in whichever of the 4 ways) every time they do what you like or dislike.
But a more effective way of getting someone to repeat a DESIRED behavior is actually not reinforcing them every time. They need to expect that it's coming (at some point), but they shouldn't be able to predict when that time will be. Like going down on her for half an hour after she's given you head, but not every time.
Of course, realize that this work was/is done on animals. People DO respond to reinforcement, absolutely. But people are smart. If they catch on that you're trying to manipulate them, they can surely evade your reinforcement scheme. That is, it works best when they won't catch on. If you come off as a generally unpredictable guy, that will put you in a good position.
But most of you have probably heard that stuff. I think for the next one I'll review physical attributes that have been shown to attract women.
In my opinion there are two main elements to becoming a Don Juan. The first and most important is claiming (or reclaiming) your manliness. I think Pook's posts in the DJ Bible speak to this. It includes building your confidence, your body, your independence, etc.
I think a second element is gaining an understanding of the minds and behaviors of people (men, women, and people in general). Odds are that along with whatever brought you to this site came a deficit in understanding people. It's not that we're socially stupid, it's that our natural Don Juan competitors are better at this because they've had a lot more practice.
There are mountains of psychology-ish ideas being peddled everywhere. But nearly all of it hasn't had the benefit of careful consideration by people who know the field, or the backing of actual careful research that is openly published and critically reviewed. So I thought you might want to hear about some REAL psychology for a change.
I'm in the process of writing my doctoral thesis in psychology. While I haven't specialized in what is called "social psychology," I have been exposed to a fair amount of scholarly research on the topic through graduate courses, papers, and discussions with other graduate students and professors. So, as a means of procrastinating on my thesis (um, I mean...).
If you've taken Psychology 101, you may have been disappointed that there didn't seem to be an abundance of useful information. (I know I was.) There are a number of reasons for that. Most importantly though, social psychology began primarily in the 1950's with investigations of very dry and academic questions (just like rest of formal psychological science). They studied things like persuasion. (Yawn.) Likewise, psychologists typically study principles that are not context-specific, that is, principles that determine behavior regardless of the context.
What we'd really like as DJ's is a collection of principles that are useful in the field -- in other words, applied social psychology applicable to a few specific contexts: one-on-one relationships, settings where people socialize, initially meeting someone of the opposite sex, etc... Well, the bad news is, there's not much of that in "real" psychology research. So, I'll try to take a fair stab at letting you in on real research that might bear on being a DJ. There is, however, a quite a bit of research on emotions, communication, memory, stereotypes, perception, self-esteem, and social pressure; and some of that is applicable. So that body of work will probably serve as another source of useful info. Most of this will be taken from what I've learned and/or can very easily look up in journals. I'll try to keep it light and brief. If anyone can add to or clarify what I write, please do so. I also probably won't cite anything; but feel free to ask for references.
With out further ado, Part I –– Conditioning (old school -- to get the well-known stuff out of the way)
First, "classical conditioning" (think Pavlov) only applies to natural reflexes like salivating or eye-blinking. So, unless you want your girl to salivate at the sound of your zipper, you can probably ignore what you may have learned about it.
What might be more useful to us is using the principles of operant conditioning. You can "teach" someone to behave in a certain way by improving their lot after they've done what you like. This can be done by rewarding the person or removing something sucky from their life (e.g., removing anxiety about household chores by doing the dishes for them).
You can also get them to stop repeating an annoying behavior by punishing them or removing something pleasant (e.g., forget it, we're not going out tonight).
For either type of behavior modification, the simplest thing to do is to consistently reinforce their behavior (in whichever of the 4 ways) every time they do what you like or dislike.
But a more effective way of getting someone to repeat a DESIRED behavior is actually not reinforcing them every time. They need to expect that it's coming (at some point), but they shouldn't be able to predict when that time will be. Like going down on her for half an hour after she's given you head, but not every time.
Of course, realize that this work was/is done on animals. People DO respond to reinforcement, absolutely. But people are smart. If they catch on that you're trying to manipulate them, they can surely evade your reinforcement scheme. That is, it works best when they won't catch on. If you come off as a generally unpredictable guy, that will put you in a good position.
But most of you have probably heard that stuff. I think for the next one I'll review physical attributes that have been shown to attract women.
