Copied from my blog, A Dark Heart
One of the major hindrances to the male population’s interaction with women is a tendency to take things personally. To be fair, women partake as well so the following applies to both, but because they’re naturally predisposed to better handle emotions (courtesy of the rationalization hamster) and don’t have a need to make logical sense of things, we’re going to focus on men. Most people believe in their own special snowflakeness and so when a situation offends them, they tend to naively assume it’s a personal jab. The resulting emotional ****tail clouds reason and often causes men to take rash actions without thinking of the consequences, ranging from wastes of time to criminal offenses.
Neither is worth it. Life is a game of power whether you choose to believe it or not, and in this ebb and flow dynamic it’s folly to be so egotistical and assume everything is about you. Women do it from cradle to grave (see Facebook news feed), but their mind is wired in a way that doesn’t quite grasp this, so they get a free pass. As you meet more and more women and entertain dates, relationships, or whatever you prefer, you’ll run into a lot of time wasters and self proclaimed princesses. Usually it’s a sign of low interest and while this is inevitable, it’s imperative that you quickly separate the wheat from the chaff.
It starts off innocuous. You may have a scheduled date which she cancels shortly prior but counteroffers. The second time around some carefully detailed situation comes up which, on the surface, you can’t really blame her for. So you press on and before you know it, you’re following her around like a puppy. At some point you have to lay down the law – either live up to your words or go away. The more consistent you become with this methodology, early on and with the slightest offenses, the easier life will become. Although you will miss a few opportunities, in the long term those gained will far outweigh the lost.
When women flake or generally behave in ****ty ways, beyond the obvious it’s a chore to fully determine the why. Fortunately, if you approach these situations identically and according to your own set of limits, it’s irrelevant. It may not even be personal. She may have other guys in her life stepping up to bat, maybe she’s still on the rocks with an ex, maybe she’s fresh out of a relationship, maybe you’re not quite valuable enough to her, maybe she’s looking for something different, maybe it’s that time of the month, and on and on.
So what do you do? Stop taking things personally. Of course this is easier said than done. Men, regardless of how cold and calculating some may seem, are still very emotional. It’s just that our natural outlets are different. It takes time, experience, and willpower to train yourself to let go of the pettiness of a woman’s daily peaks and valleys, as well as that of people in general. A figurative (or literal) handwave works best.
A typical rebuttal to this notion is that you’re ‘distant, cold, don’t care about anyone else, are afraid to let down your guard and be vulnerable, etc’. Nonsense. There’s a big difference between having a thick skin and keeping people at arm’s length. The heart is a delicate thing no matter how tough the exterior may appear, and letting people in at once instead of slowly, over time, as they prove themselves will cause you plenty of grief and be an unnecessary waste of life. If you open yourself up to women indiscriminately, you’ll be ground up. Make her earn your affection.
At the same time, realize that not taking things personally isn’t being a pushover. You still have your boundaries, but you train yourself, yes train, to brush off the minutiae that will suck away your power of concentration and leave you no better than you started. It also allows you to keep the initiative. When others are emotional, you keep your cool even if you’re boiling inside. Whenever you experience poor behavior, ask yourself: ‘will I remember this a year from now?’ If the answer is no, it’s trivial and not worth a second thought. Issue a warning (better in action than words) and if not heeded, head for the nearest exit.
This applies not only to women, but life in general. For example, at one of my jobs I have 4 bosses who butt heads with each other. They’re all part of the same book, but reside in separate chapters. Depending on my ‘boss of the day’, I’ll adjust accordingly. The other day I went with boss A’s methods when boss B came and told me if I do it again, I’ll get written up. A few years ago I’d get defensive, justify myself, or apologize. Now I just poker face. What does a write-up mean? Nothing, it’s a trivial power play. Sometimes I’ll get them together to figure out company protocol and grab my popcorn. All that matters is that I create value for what I’m paid and continue to be paid while receiving a chosen degree of respect with some fun along the way. The rest can be handwaved.
As you entertain a myriad of relations with women, you’ll still deal with plenty of incompatibilities and the closer you come to realizing your own value and what you seek in others, the more pronounced these differences become. This is ok, it’s a weeding process for both parties. You can’t please everyone and not everyone can please you, but you can start by pleasing yourself.
One of the major hindrances to the male population’s interaction with women is a tendency to take things personally. To be fair, women partake as well so the following applies to both, but because they’re naturally predisposed to better handle emotions (courtesy of the rationalization hamster) and don’t have a need to make logical sense of things, we’re going to focus on men. Most people believe in their own special snowflakeness and so when a situation offends them, they tend to naively assume it’s a personal jab. The resulting emotional ****tail clouds reason and often causes men to take rash actions without thinking of the consequences, ranging from wastes of time to criminal offenses.
Neither is worth it. Life is a game of power whether you choose to believe it or not, and in this ebb and flow dynamic it’s folly to be so egotistical and assume everything is about you. Women do it from cradle to grave (see Facebook news feed), but their mind is wired in a way that doesn’t quite grasp this, so they get a free pass. As you meet more and more women and entertain dates, relationships, or whatever you prefer, you’ll run into a lot of time wasters and self proclaimed princesses. Usually it’s a sign of low interest and while this is inevitable, it’s imperative that you quickly separate the wheat from the chaff.
It starts off innocuous. You may have a scheduled date which she cancels shortly prior but counteroffers. The second time around some carefully detailed situation comes up which, on the surface, you can’t really blame her for. So you press on and before you know it, you’re following her around like a puppy. At some point you have to lay down the law – either live up to your words or go away. The more consistent you become with this methodology, early on and with the slightest offenses, the easier life will become. Although you will miss a few opportunities, in the long term those gained will far outweigh the lost.
When women flake or generally behave in ****ty ways, beyond the obvious it’s a chore to fully determine the why. Fortunately, if you approach these situations identically and according to your own set of limits, it’s irrelevant. It may not even be personal. She may have other guys in her life stepping up to bat, maybe she’s still on the rocks with an ex, maybe she’s fresh out of a relationship, maybe you’re not quite valuable enough to her, maybe she’s looking for something different, maybe it’s that time of the month, and on and on.
So what do you do? Stop taking things personally. Of course this is easier said than done. Men, regardless of how cold and calculating some may seem, are still very emotional. It’s just that our natural outlets are different. It takes time, experience, and willpower to train yourself to let go of the pettiness of a woman’s daily peaks and valleys, as well as that of people in general. A figurative (or literal) handwave works best.
A typical rebuttal to this notion is that you’re ‘distant, cold, don’t care about anyone else, are afraid to let down your guard and be vulnerable, etc’. Nonsense. There’s a big difference between having a thick skin and keeping people at arm’s length. The heart is a delicate thing no matter how tough the exterior may appear, and letting people in at once instead of slowly, over time, as they prove themselves will cause you plenty of grief and be an unnecessary waste of life. If you open yourself up to women indiscriminately, you’ll be ground up. Make her earn your affection.
At the same time, realize that not taking things personally isn’t being a pushover. You still have your boundaries, but you train yourself, yes train, to brush off the minutiae that will suck away your power of concentration and leave you no better than you started. It also allows you to keep the initiative. When others are emotional, you keep your cool even if you’re boiling inside. Whenever you experience poor behavior, ask yourself: ‘will I remember this a year from now?’ If the answer is no, it’s trivial and not worth a second thought. Issue a warning (better in action than words) and if not heeded, head for the nearest exit.
This applies not only to women, but life in general. For example, at one of my jobs I have 4 bosses who butt heads with each other. They’re all part of the same book, but reside in separate chapters. Depending on my ‘boss of the day’, I’ll adjust accordingly. The other day I went with boss A’s methods when boss B came and told me if I do it again, I’ll get written up. A few years ago I’d get defensive, justify myself, or apologize. Now I just poker face. What does a write-up mean? Nothing, it’s a trivial power play. Sometimes I’ll get them together to figure out company protocol and grab my popcorn. All that matters is that I create value for what I’m paid and continue to be paid while receiving a chosen degree of respect with some fun along the way. The rest can be handwaved.
As you entertain a myriad of relations with women, you’ll still deal with plenty of incompatibilities and the closer you come to realizing your own value and what you seek in others, the more pronounced these differences become. This is ok, it’s a weeding process for both parties. You can’t please everyone and not everyone can please you, but you can start by pleasing yourself.
