Don’t know what to do in friendzone

[LTG71]

“ she started explicity calling me her best friend, bro, and telling me i’m the closest male friend she got. She never had a boyfriend ever, tells me about other boys approaching her and her waiting for someone she “feels”.“

“Bro” as in brother.
”waiting for someone she feels” meaning someone else, not you.

In the mean time, she’s fine with you providing attention and validation to her for no cost. Great deal.

I have a son your age and he simped after a girl. She never really gave him the time of day even though he treated her like gold. He tried his shot and she freaked out. Fast forward to today. He’s found one that is smitten with him and can’t stay away. The contrast is blatantly obvious.

 

[SW15]

After I read your messages, I thought about considering “going nuclear” with the girl, but decided that cutting her off right now would best suit me in my current situation.

When stuck in the friend zone, the best move is usually to do exit the interaction and cease the friendship.

There is the nuclear option mentioned earlier and I think it has value. A lot of women won't move out of the friendship when this happens.

 

[Barrister]

There is nothing "to do" if you are in the friendzone. You just need to move on to other women and stop fretting about the woman who put you in the friendzone. The more you try to change it, the more out of control you are going to feel because if you do anything all you will do is reinforce her not wanting you romantically.

The best move you can is simply to change your mindset and stay friendly with her for social proof. However, you may have too much emotional attachment to her to pull this off. So if that is the case, just look to other women.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Welcome. You'll get through this. I agree with what the guys have said. Essentially she is using you for attention but you are in love with her. Not good.

Ask yourself some tough questions:

1. Why am I Ok with someone using me while I do not get my needs met?

2. You say you fear rejection but fail to see you ARE rejected. You already are. Is she kissing you & being sexual with you? No? Obviously not. Why do YOU accept this? Move on.

There are ways to back out of the friendzone & preserve your dignity. This is what I'd suggest if you are too gaga over this girl to grab your balls and tell her how you feel.

1. Stop going to the cafe & stop going to see her.

2. Stop texting her unless she texts you. If she calls? No answer.

3. If she gets curious and texts asking where you are/what you are doing? You say this:

"I met someone from class & we've been hanging out."

If she asks who or can y'all both come to the cafe you say "No. I think she would not like that."

If she keeps asking you say this:

"Listen. I asked you out to date. You said no LJBF. That's cool but I'd rather spend time with someone who is into me."

You can do this EVEN IF there is not really another girl. This chick has wasted your time & you have allowed her to use you & waste your time.

Only give people your time when they add vslue to your life. This "friend" uses you & brings you no value and yet she also blocks you from meeting others because you "love" her. See how you disrespect yourself here?

Stop doing that. Put yourself first.

Block this user and move on.

 

[Sega Genesis]

What do you guys think? Should I go nuclear with her right now and face the rejection but get a conclusion, or just ghost her and continue with my life looking for other girls, or try to go after her friends?

^^I vote for what's in bold with one exception. Don't ghost completely, simply dial it back and fade out gradually...

Why? You're friends and ghosting is rude and disrespectful. Just because she's not currently into you the way you're into her, that doesn't make her a bad person, a rude person or a "loser" as another member posted..

She has not done anything "wrong," she's simply not into you the way you are.... and you're the one who has put yourself in the friend zone. That's on YOU, not her.

If you "go nuclear" and express your feels, as it stands now, it will be awkward as she's obviously not "into you" that way.

Expressing your feels (telling her you want more than friendship) is NOT going to change that!

You always want to leave that proverbial door open... so again simply begin fading and do what you're planning on doing - focusing on yourself, your studies and your purpose.

Meet and date other women. NOT her friends... lord. One would hope a man had more class than that. There are plenty of other women out there.
.
Anyway, gauge her reaction if any.

One never knows what might happen down the road....

 

[BPH]

A girl that I like, who didn't like me before, is starting to like me now. What do I do?

Answer (1 of 6): Why is this difficult, please? If you’re starting to see signs that she likes you, ask her on a date. If you doubt the signs, still ask her on a date. If in fact there are no signs, what do you stand to lose by asking her on a date anyway? You told her you liked her in January...

www.quora.com

Comments on the friendzone

Jhonny why do you keep reviving old threads?

Why is this what you spend your time doing, reading things that are half a year old and leaving a pointless reply just to spark another conversation?

 

[Sega Genesis]

Listen. I asked you out to date. You said no LJBF. That's cool but I'd rather spend time with someone who is into me."

I'm gonna have to disagree with this^. Wholeheartedly!

It makes you sound angry, bitter and butt hurt.

It's certainly what I would think and have thought when in this girl's shoes. More times than I can count!

Not a good look and not how you want to come across. Unless you want to blow any opportunity to f*** her down the road..

Again she's done nothing wrong, she's just not into you the way you are. You put your own self in the friend zone.

Say nothing, stay cool and slowly fade, live your life.

If she notices and cares, she will ask. If/when she does, simply say you've been busy which should be the truth.... allow her rabbit wheels to spin a bit.

Maintain that frame for a while and see what happens....

 

[MatureDJ]

“Bro” as in brother.
”waiting for someone she feels” meaning someone else, not you.

In the mean time, she’s fine with you providing attention and validation to her for no cost. Great deal.

I have a son your age and he simped after a girl. She never really gave him the time of day even though he treated her like gold. He tried his shot and she freaked out. Fast forward to today. He’s found one that is smitten with him and can’t stay away. The contrast is blatantly obvious.

"you're my best friend" == "no poontang for you"

 

[MatureDJ]

Once you get into that zone you don't get out. The woman already sees you as a non option sexually and would get weirded out if you tried anything because "you are just friends".

Well, after she has taken a look around, and seen that she cannot get anyone better, and the she is at the right age for her mating schedule, she will become more than a friend (although just barely enough starfish sex to pump out her 2.4 kids, followed by an almost dead bedroom ).

 

[SW15]

Well, after she has taken a look around, and seen that she cannot get anyone better, and the she is at the right age for her mating schedule, she will become more than a friend (although just barely enough starfish sex to pump out her 2.4 kids, followed by an almost dead bedroom ).

No, she will go online and find a man who she has no history with at that point. Getting out of the friend zone isn't happening for men, even when women get past their primes. A woman past her prime still has plenty of options.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well, after she has taken a look around, and seen that she cannot get anyone better, and the she is at the right age for her mating schedule, she will become more than a friend (although just barely enough starfish sex to pump out her 2.4 kids, followed by an almost dead bedroom ).

If you are that desperate to allow it to happen that's on you.

 

[SW15]

(although just barely enough starfish sex to pump out her 2.4 kids, followed by an almost dead bedroom ).

I think you meant 1.4 kids, which is more typical for a Gen Y/Millennial woman.

 

[MatureDJ]

I think you meant 1.4 kids, which is more typical for a Gen Y/Millennial woman.

I'm thinking back to an earlier, more fertile era.

 

[Vanderdonck]

What do you guys think? Should I go nuclear with her right now and face the rejection but get a conclusion, or just ghost her and continue with my life looking for other girls, or try to go after her friends?

Not sure why this thread was revived but for any newbies looking for similar advice: Just put her on ice. You don't have to ghost, just cut way back on comms. If she asks why you're so unresponsive just say you've been super busy and leave it at that. In the meanwhile you talk to other girls and keep improving yourself.

Age 19 is a good time to learn these things. There is no "friend zone." There's just timing, availability, and attraction. Plenty of "friends" will come back at you if you do change your paradigm.

 

[SW15]

I'm thinking back to an earlier, more fertile era.

Millennial White women in the USA aren't a very fertile group. I think they have something like 1.4-1.7 children as a whole.

Even non-White women in the USA have had declining birth rates.

U.S. Births in 2023 Fell to Lowest in Decades

Total births in the U.S. last year fell 2% to 3.59 million, as birth rates in countries around the world have been declining.

time.com

Most of my interactions in the mating environment have been with White women in the USA.

As an older Millennial, I have seen what most 1980s born Millennials are doing. Most USA White women born between 1983-1989 have a child by now since they are turning 36-42 in 2025. The ones that don't are careerist.

 

[HaleyBaron]

He tried his shot and she freaked out.

To add to this, the moment a girl considers you a friend or brother, it's over. And if you make any moves, she is going to become startled and surprised. She won't know what to do. Use that as a cue to leave her. There is no romance or energy there. You can turn it around if you're clever, but is it really worth playing that game?

 

[MatureDJ]

To add to this, the moment a girl considers you a friend or brother, it's over. And if you make any moves, she is going to become startled and surprised. She won't know what to do. Use that as a cue to leave her. There is no romance or energy there. You can turn it around if you're clever, but is it really worth playing that game?

I think the problem is that for most men, there aren't any options.