Don’t know what to do in friendzone

[holdongirl]

Hi everyone, afc here trying to recover. I have this girl and shes the only plate I have right now. We first met a year ago and then I asked her out on a date, she said she didn’t have time that day and didn’t recommend another date so I thought I got rejected. Now we got a bit closer and her father has a cafe we meet up regularly, yet she started explicity calling me her best friend, bro, and telling me i’m the closest male friend she got. She never had a boyfriend ever, tells me about other boys approaching her and her waiting for someone she “feels”. We went out to dinners and playing pool together but I don’t know if those are considered as a date, and couldn’t initiate more kino than playfullingly hitting each other.



After finding out about this forum and pua, I know I have literally thrown all chances I had out the window with her by trying to be her “friend”. I know I’m a newbie. I stopped texting her all together for meetups, but she texts me a week or later asking what I’m upto. Shes a fun person to be around, but I still got feelings for her so I know I need to cut her off, but I don’t know how to do so without being rude. She texted me last night what im doing and I didn’t respond yet. I know I should focus on getting other girls but don’t know what to do.


Any responses will be appreciated.

 

[BPH]

Go nuclear.

Tell her you want to be more than friends, and if she doesn't feel the same way you don't think you should keep hanging out.

If she's down, great. But based on what you've written here she'll probably reject that idea, but then you'll know exactly where you stand and can move forward and meet other girls instead of wasting your time on her.

It's a win-win.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Go nuclear.

Tell her you want to be more than friends, and if she doesn't feel the same way you don't think you should keep hanging out.

That's one option.

Another option is it to completely forget getting together with her, be friends with her and work her social circle for better candidates.

If you go nuclear you lose this option.

 

[SW15]

Go nuclear.

Tell her you want to be more than friends, and if she doesn't feel the same way you don't think you should keep hanging out.

If she's down, great. But based on what you've written here she'll probably reject that idea, but then you'll know exactly where you stand and can move forward and meet other girls instead of wasting your time on her.

It's a win-win.

This is the only way to do it.

In most cases, the female rejects the idea. That's great though. You are no longer wasting your time when you want something more. It might be emotionally painful to lose the friendship but it's the better outcome than staying in a less desirable situation.

The upside in this situation is that @holdongirl is only 18. He has many years to learn from what happened here and position himself in future interactions as a sexually desirable man. He's not the male friend, he's the boyfriend and lover. It's better this stuff is happening at 18 than at 30 or 40.

 

[Canadian_Man]

I have this girl and shes the only plate I have right now

You don't have her, and she isn't as "plate".

By the sounds of it you've never kissed her, nor anything more.

The others in this thread are correct, actually befriend her + let go of trying to get with her, or, make a clear move and live with whatever comes of that.

 

[SW15]

she isn't as "plate"

That's correct. "Plate" status is only achieved once sex happens. This isn't even a prospective "plate".

Shes a fun person to be around, but I still got feelings for her so I know I need to cut her off..... I know I should focus on getting other girls but don’t know what to do.

Another option is it to completely forget getting together with her, be friends with her and work her social circle for better candidates.

If you go nuclear you lose this option.

Working her social circle for introductions would be a good idea if he didn't feel massive attraction for this woman. It's going to be very difficult, if not impossible, for him to get past his massive attraction for her and have her still be in his life.

There is value is getting social circle introductions for most men. Introductions are one of the best ways for mid-tier men to get girlfriends as mid-tier men are generally ignored on the swipe apps, lack a strong enough Instagram profile for effective DMing, and aren't in the best position to compete in nightlife venues.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You sound like the biggest orbiter ever. She asks you to jump and you say how high. I would de-attach myself from her by doing the following:

1. Go to the gym or a physical activity

2. Get an identity by supplementing the gym with a hobby to occupy your time. Learn how to play an instrument, play a sport, work on cars, etc. Meet new people.

3. Start doing what girls do when they are not interested on a guy. Keep it friendly and polite when she initiates texting but take a long to respond and keep it dry.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Use her to get at her friends that's it...and outside of that date other women.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Don’t know what to do in friendzone

GTFO! That's it.
Move on and find a better girl. There are after all 4.5 billion women on this planet and don't waste time on one loser.

 

[corrector]

and couldn’t initiate more kino than playfullingly hitting each other.

Why not? What doe she do when you try to push the envelope? Did you try to french kiss her and she offered her cheek instead?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why not? What doe she do when you try to push the envelope? Did you try to french kiss her and she offered her cheek instead?

Once you get into that zone you don't get out. The woman already sees you as a non option sexually and would get weirded out if you tried anything because "you are just friends".

 

[corrector]

Once you get into that zone you don't get out. The woman already sees you as a non option sexually and would get weirded out if you tried anything because "you are just friends".

Oh...and let me guess, if she gets wierded out then it would "make things awkward" between them?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Oh...and let me guess, if she gets wierded out then it would "make things awkward" between them?

Yes it would because it would make the guy seem like a weirdo or untrustworthy and that he isn't man enough to straight up ask her out.

Because then he is claiming he wants to be friends but really wants to fvck her but doesn't have the balls to act like a man so he takes the b!tch way out.

 

[holdongirl]

Thanks everyone for the responses. After I read your messages, I thought about considering “going nuclear” with the girl, but decided that cutting her off right now would best suit me in my current situation. I have my international university exams coming up between september and november, and it would be best to focus on not having any distractions like girls other than my studies. However, I think that the reason I am thinking about cutting her off may be because I am scared of rejection, even though I got rejected in past and it would be better to get rejected now then to regret it later.

I have been going to the gym for the past two months and am planning up to keep up with it. After my exams end, I am planning on starting tennis too for fun and to meet new people which might be valuable. As I said after my exams end I’ll have my senior year all for me to have fun, which I can focus on developing my social skills.

What do you guys think? Should I go nuclear with her right now and face the rejection but get a conclusion, or just ghost her and continue with my life looking for other girls, or try to go after her friends?

Also about going nuclear, if im gonna do that I shouldn’t just dump what I feel over text or in person right? Maybe asking her for an “official date” can really reveal all my intentions.

 

[corrector]

Thanks everyone for the responses. After I read your messages, I thought about considering “going nuclear” with the girl, but decided that cutting her off right now would best suit me in my current situation. I have my international university exams coming up between september and november, and it would be best to focus on not having any distractions like girls other than my studies. However, I think that the reason I am thinking about cutting her off may be because I am scared of rejection, even though I got rejected in past and it would be better to get rejected now then to regret it later.

I have been going to the gym for the past two months and am planning up to keep up with it. After my exams end, I am planning on starting tennis too for fun and to meet new people which might be valuable. As I said after my exams end I’ll have my senior year all for me to have fun, which I can focus on developing my social skills.

What do you guys think? Should I go nuclear with her right now and face the rejection but get a conclusion, or just ghost her and continue with my life looking for other girls, or try to go after her friends?

Also about going nuclear, if im gonna do that I shouldn’t just dump what I feel over text or in person right? Maybe asking her for an “official date” can really reveal all my intentions.

Go nuclear in person. If she rejects you then you dont have a what if lingering in the back of your mind, and can pursue your studies with a clear head. She wont "reject" you harshly, if she does, so there is nothing to worry about and it would feel like a greenlight to move on.

If you dont want to ask her out then just stay friends. It sounds like you have enough on your plate already anyway. Nobody is forcing you to do anything.

 

[BPH]

This is not good advice. Why not? Because you should've done that before you became her friend.
By accepting her friendship, you turned yourself into a eunuch. Pretending to have balls now will not work out the way you want to, because she has already classified regarding relationship / sex potential. Coming out to her that you actually desire her as your lover will make you look weak and indecisive.

Much better to go with this advice:

I met quite a lot of lovers through female friends introducing me to them. The benefits are not only that she might actually feel comfortable enough around you to suggest you as a good match with one of her single girlfriends, but if she does have any sexual feelings towards you, being treated like she isn't girlfriend material will make her jealous of the female attention you get when you hit on other women who are attracted to you.

Disagree.

This guy is smitten with this girl...you think he has a clue how to work her friend group?

The ship is already sinking. Best to go down with it and find something new rather than try to salvage something from this mess.

 

[jhonny9546]

A girl that I like, who didn't like me before, is starting to like me now. What do I do?

Answer (1 of 6): Why is this difficult, please? If you’re starting to see signs that she likes you, ask her on a date. If you doubt the signs, still ask her on a date. If in fact there are no signs, what do you stand to lose by asking her on a date anyway? You told her you liked her in January...

www.quora.com

Comments on the friendzone

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You accept that nothing is going to happen with this woman and you start talking with other women and asking other women out.

You don't get women to view you as someone they are interested in sexually by trying to be their friend.

They actually look at you as pathetic in some ways because they know you want more but are too afraid to go for it and hope being their friend will change things.

She turned down your date offer, you should have said OK and then left her alone. Women aren't dumb. She knows why you are being her "friend". Which is also why she needles you with talk about other guys because she knows you want her so it bothers you.

 

[crowolf]

Find another woman. Make your friend jealous. Win both. Succeed in dating.

 

[jhonny9546]

You don't get women to view you as someone they are interested in sexually by trying to be their friend.

Nuances. There is exactly one interlude between being their friend, and their official boyfriend.
It is that type of relationship where you are still an acquaintance, maybe even after a long time.

In this halfway position, you will be considered a mystery.
I have seen solid LTRs born from "we were just friends" but also from "I want to date You!".

It depends on the woman, on you, on your education, on how you respond to things.. Too many factors.

But, if a woman pushes you away, or does anything to put herself in a position "as far away as possible" from you, it means she doesn't want you.


ymmv but "friendzone" it's just another thing to say "this particular woman doesn't want in your life".
This is actually my personal experience with women, who were previously friends/acquaintances, and now, some of them, see me as a potential good match.