Doing daygame : Many Dates but...

[LightOfVictory]

Hi guys. This is my first post in this forum. Id like to share the stumbling blocks i have faced.

I have been going out with many girls that i hae met during day game. I feel that i have no problem getting the gal, but the problem I have is what happens after that. Just the other day, i got this text from a gal

Me :hey, able to meet for dinner this coming week?
Her : nope I don't so
Me : Alright!
Her : Yepp sorry! Maybe you should try dating other girls instead.
Me : Ermm.. Why the sudden change?
Her ; Not exactly the sudden change.. It's just that, I really don't want to give you the wrong idea and waste your time.

Me :Ok ermm. Than why did u even agree to go out in the first place? And I said we r gonna be frens first.

Yeah I'm not saying we can't be friends anymore or can't meet anymore for a meal. Just thought it'll be better to tell you not to wait if there are other better girls? But of course we are still friends

her : Hey hope you don't get offended. It's just that I don't want to give you false hope while I'm not able to commit. But I've definitely treated you sincerely as a friend.

I have seen an improvement in the girls that i have gone out with. Things are less awkward. Im enjoying more of their company. But, i also realize that i am still looking outside of myself to feel fullfilled. Maybe i have become more centred with the inner body meditation and ET teachings. I feel much better, lesser fears. However, i have to admit to myself that im still looking for a gal to feel more secure. Inwardly, i feel the need to prove myself to people who have hurt me/put me down in the past. And this trend will continue as long as i meet other people who hurt me. My question is how can i inquire into this? Do i enquire into the hurts that i have? Or do i start with findig out my need for a girl.

The fear of loss is still present to a certain extent. For this gal, i felt so afraid of approacing other gals that i had to watch my back each time i approached in public.I had this fear that she will find out. And after approaching, i text her just to see if she had spotted me. (Text somethin random to check to see if she replies)

This is not the first time this is happening. Im just highlighting the more recent case. Im not sure that in the conservative society im from that gals find this method of meeting someone to be acceptable to them. A lot of them tell me its wieird that i did that but the dates are enjoyable.But after a while, ill get this type of text.

There is no point in me getting a lot of gals and losing them sooner or later.

On another note, id like to highlight what i am doing to improve my life overall.

1. Working out. I have enrolled in a gym and have been trying to get buff although i need more help with that!

2. Working on my core purpose in life!

3. Trying to go out with more guys rather than just girls only.

4. Working on my inner self. I read tolle and krishnamurthi.

5.Fousing on my studies. Im in University.

Yup. Im really into the whole BEING MASCULINE vibe in this forum. I think that its a great thing that we r learning to do things the proper way.

I would also like to highlight these problems that i encounter in my life.

1. Judging other peope. I cant stand it when i hear of guys who try to be nice to girls and chase them. And i cant understand girls who endorse that.

2. I still fear large social gatherings where i dont know many people. If my fren invited me to go out and meet with his female fren, i would decline it. And i dont talk to girls when other guys are around. I just feng sel that my value is threatened if i dont get approval. I fear being the one left out. But, when im approching, im a different guy! Im freaking annoyed at myself for not being able to just be like that always and not being assertive enough when there are other guys around.

3. I am not focusing on expanding my social circle and finding girls there. I think its a waste if i dont translate my approach skills to my social life.

4. I am dependent on the girls i am seeing to have that "cool" feeling. What happens if they leave? Do i cry and get butthurt?

5. I feel that I want the date to go well. Like im more worried with am i having a good vibe with this gal? And i want every date to go well.

I have been doing this inner body meditation recommended by tolle and i think its a great way to remain centered.

Any books that u guys can recommend me at this stage? Any advice?

Thanks!

 

[LightOfVictory]

Bump

 

[LightOfVictory]

Congrats on taking steps to a better life.



This is where I would done things differently.

First off, when I invite a woman out for the first time, it's NEVER for dinner. Never. It's just for a drink or two. That's it.This sends the message that you're just testing her out first to see if you like her enough to spend time and money with her over dinner. There's NOTHING worse than spending $100 on a dinnerdate only to discover mid-way through that it's not going anywhere.

I'm also very specific about the drink date invite: time, place and day are always specified: "Hi. Would you like to join me for a drink or two this Friday night at 8 pm at the Rusty nail Saloon on 5th Street?"

But since she replied, "Nope don't think so," I would replied, "No worries and best of luck to you." End of conversation. Then I would deleted her number and focused on pursuing other women.

But instead you replied, "Alright," which to me sounds like whatever she says, you're OK with it. As a result, very few women are going to take you seriously.

The best advice I can think to offer is keep putting yourself out there and elevating your game.Don't be afraid to make them work for you--it's a 2-way streak. End conversations when she says anything but "yes." No food on the first date; no more than 2 hours on the first date; and, she MUST indicate a level of interest in you on that drink date in order for you to keep pursuing.

Actually, this was not the first time i asked her out. We have gone out twice on dates and i met her in my school. I approached her in the mall and she happened to be from my school. The first date went preety well. Met for dinner and then i brought her to the beach. We clicked well and no awkwardness. And i dont pay for gals. We pay for our own meals. Her text always showed that she was quite into meeting up and would apologize if she is busy or sth. She would suggest alternative times. So yeah.

Im more concerned with the bigger picture. That "need for a gal" vibe that i think is being exuded. Im trying to work on that. I dont have a probem with getting dates and going out with gals. The problem lies now in keeping the gal. I have a female fren who says that gals wont trust guys who approach girls this way but im not buying it. I chose this path and ill walk it. I just need to work on the inner stuff. And even though i have accumulated more gals, it isnt gonna solve the problem. Im just moving from one attachement to the next. It will distract me from one particular gal, but the underlying feelings will still be there. I am going out with other gals, but i need to go deeper into myself. I have highlighted in my earlier post about the things i am doing to enrich my life and make it more balanced.

I appreciate ur reply. Any other advise will be welcome.

 

[Demonpenz]

Welcome to the game. The hustle, the grind...... Keep working and you will get hard in the game.

 

[Uncharted]

Is it just me or does everyone ask girls out through text?

Call a girl, be assertive, say "hey meet me for drink on xxx day". Don't ask if she's busy, you are giving her an out. If she's interested (and busy) she will say something like "oh I can't make that day what about xxxx".

If she says she's busy or has a lot of stuff to do blah blah but doesn't offer a reschedule, time for you to delete that number - on to the next.

 

[Plutoman]

Depends on the girl, and what type of girl she is. I've tried to experiment around with both. Phone conversations are a high-risk, high-reward scenario.

Some girls will respond better to a phone call, some will respond better to a text. Calibrate based upon what you think her personality would prefer, to the best of your ability. After getting 20+ (a minimum baseline for getting a good feel) numbers and trying various approaches you'll start getting a better feel (I hope).

Example: a quick direct approach, ie, an under 5 minute interaction, where you've been fairly direct, calling is usually better. On more indirect approaches I find texting to be more suitable.

It's also a matter of congruency - being direct, quick, confident with a girl leads to a phone call being the most congruent with the interaction. An indirect, casual conversation with a girl where you've built some attraction and value, and texts are a solid and congruent way to continue on and meet up again.

@LightOfVictory; How do your dates go? Can you describe them a bit better? If you get numbers and dates, obviously that's not your sticking point; something is happening on the date itself that lends to women getting turned away in some manner or another. If you describe it, maybe we can help and give some feedback!

 

[rhythmic]

Sounds like you aren't building attraction on the dates. It's great that you can get them to go with you, so you obviously aren't total dry bread, but there IS something about you (whether it's something you are, or something you're doing) where you're shooting yourself in the foot. Figure out what it is. Maybe you talk too much? Or about inane stuff? Or you come off too desperate? Could be anything really.

 

[LightOfVictory]

@ rhythmic : I think its the desperate part. But, i think the dates go preety well. When i first started going on dates, things were awkaward as hell. Gal had to do most of the talking. But now, things are so much more fun and easy going. They loosen up to me quite easily. As for the desperate, its more in my inner vibe thats screwing up the vibe of the date. Its like i want it to go well.

 

[LightOfVictory]

@plutoman : I'll just highlight the recent pattern of the dates. Had this gal. Made out with her on the first date. Then a few days later, i get a text ,

"Hey! I am really sorry that I haven't replied you.): I have just been damn busy packing and wrapping gifts for Christmas! I don't think I can do tonight either! I am so sorry! I feel like I have been mean to you and that you really don't deserve it. So ya! We'll just be friends for now okay? No kissing/holding hands or whatsoever! I'm just not feeling us, I'm sorry."

This gal was like on and off with her ex bf as i found at later. Got a nasty call from him and never saw her after the second date.

Im from a conservative society. So the gals are not really open to this kind
of things too early on. But anyways, from my observation of things i feel that the reason why these gals leave is becuase they sense the 'this guy expects me to commit' vibe from me. So they feel pressured and then leave.

as for date pattern, ill get dinner and then bring them to a park or sth.

 

[LightOfVictory]

bump

 

[escaleraroyal]

Are we having fun yet?. Its not supposed to be easy, every round gets tougher, shoot with confidence, penetrate hard, i want some nasty!!!

 

[Plutoman]

There ya go. You are getting way too serious on a first date - keep it more casual. I'd recommend, for your next few dates, to avoid dinner dates. How old are you?

Try asking them to meet you for a drink, at say, 7:30-8:30 (I would normally say 8pm). You go out, have a casual conversation, play some pool, etc. Don't get so serious on a first date. These girls are thinking.. "Wow, I barely know this guy, he's taking me out to dinner, this is moving too fast for me and he seems like he wants a relationship right off the bat". You nailed it; pressure. In doing the first dinner date, they are feeling pressured towards commitment when they don't know you well. Thus, their immediate reaction is 'no', because they don't know whether a 'yes' is even a reasonable idea or not.

You want to keep it casual, and you want to screen them - or at least, give off the vibe that you are - that you are interested in getting to know them a bit more because you aren't sure if you are interested in dating them or not.

 

[LightOfVictory]

There ya go. You are getting way too serious on a first date - keep it more casual. I'd recommend, for your next few dates, to avoid dinner dates. How old are you?

Try asking them to meet you for a drink, at say, 7:30-8:30 (I would normally say 8pm). You go out, have a casual conversation, play some pool, etc. Don't get so serious on a first date. These girls are thinking.. "Wow, I barely know this guy, he's taking me out to dinner, this is moving too fast for me and he seems like he wants a relationship right off the bat". You nailed it; pressure. In doing the first dinner date, they are feeling pressured towards commitment when they don't know you well. Thus, their immediate reaction is 'no', because they don't know whether a 'yes' is even a reasonable idea or not.

You want to keep it casual, and you want to screen them - or at least, give off the vibe that you are - that you are interested in getting to know them a bit more because you aren't sure if you are interested in dating them or not.

Im in uni. Yup, ill work on reducing the pressure thing and keeping stuff more casual. Thanks. Also, any books u would recomment?

 

[LightOfVictory]

My responses in bold.

Thanks for ur help. Any books u would recommend me?

 

[LightOfVictory]

Hey guys,

It seems to me that i can only keep the gals that i have approached who are from my uni. All other gals that i have met through cold approach and not from my school have not stayed.

I have been forming negative beliefs about this. Like its not possible to date and keep a gal who is a complete stranger. So yeah.

Any one has gone through this?

 

[LightOfVictory]

bump

 

[evan12]

I think you are not a funny guy that women want to be with , or they are sensing you are some how nice/serious
what is the age range of the girls ?

 

[LightOfVictory]

I think you are not a funny guy that women want to be with , or they are sensing you are some how nice/serious
what is the age range of the girls ?

Im funny enough. I just think it is this eagerness vibe im projecting.

age range in from 19-22.

 

[LightOfVictory]

Read ANY autobiography of a person who interests you and/or has amassed success via unconventional ways or methods.

Here are a few I've read recently that inspire me:

Steinbrenner (by Bill Madden)

Jose Canseco: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, and How Baseball Got Big.

Michael "Duff" McKeagan: It's So Easy and Other Lies

Love me Hate Me: Barry Bonds

Thanks!

 

[floydb25]

My guess is: you're too conservative, easy-going, agreeable, non-threatening, and (like you say) desperate and over-eager for immature girls who just want to have fun; live off the thrills and emotional ups and downs; want to acquire the "prize"; are obsessed with the chase and challenge and uncertainty (and their status); etc. They will get bored very quickly if you're not exciting, ****y, sexually stimulating, challenging, etc.

Young people are all about the bad and cool, and what they deem quality is based around their shallow criteria. So, being a nice / decent guy towards a group looking for "bad boys" and alpha losers is pretty futile. That's why you get "friend-zoned", and ****. They're shallow, immature, and cliquey. Status is HUGE among young people; douche bags and loud-mouthed *******s fare well with them. They want someone they can "look up to".

Since you're not physically attractive enough (young people are also obsessed with looks, and judge people by how "hot" they are, and if they give them butterflies, and if they're cool and respected enough to be seen by their peers), they don't give you any chances, push for sex, try to set up FWB situations, etc. Just give you once chance out of curiosity (not high interest), then done. So, you're facing an uphill battle already, and need to stimulate them in other ways.

It's pretty much ****, but that's how it is. Many of them are fake, shallow, stuck up, etc, and couldn't really care less about anything other than their shallow lifestyle and mindset. You gotta either lower yourself to appease them, and NOT take them seriously, or aim higher in age / maturity. These "kids" are very flakey, indecisive, confusing, drama-ridden, conniving, etc.