Doesn't seem to know what she wants.

[NatureGuy]

I've been seeing this girl for quite some
time now (10 months) and I'm still having trouble understanding her and her interest level. She doesn't seem to know what she wants. Should I be leading her, or what? Anybody else
have similar experiences. Is this normal?

Examples:

We get together around lunch. I ask if
she's hungry. She says, well not really,
but I need something to drink. Then I say, I'd like to get something to eat (just a sandwich or soup). She agrees, she could go for some soup. We go to
a restaurant: she end's up eating an
entire meal including a huge juice drink.

We're supposed to meet somewhere. She leaves a message that she's not
feeling well and just wanted me to know (?). I never get the message, meet her at the appointed time, and everything goes well....?

She tells me she's feeling sick, has her
pd, doesn't want to "do anything". I basically ignore what she said and proceed and we do everything I want. She seems happy !

Yesterday, we were snuggling and I ask
her to say something nice to me. She says, well I can't say what you want me to say (meaning I love you). But her actions all seem to say she loves me.
Then she looks at me and says "Say how you feel about me ..."

In general, it seems like alot of what she says doesn't seem to mean much.
I used to get upset about something she'd say and then she'd either forget she had said it or her actions would
proceed as if it never had been said.

 

[Hubris]

Start flirting/dating other girls. Either she'll find out what she wants, or you'll be with someone better.

She doesn't sound like she's turning your crank (innuendo intended).

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

The fact that a girl doesn't know what she wants is not anything to write home about. It's very common, actually.

The dual-personality stuff is only slightly weird, all things being equal.

But one thing did raise the red alert on the Giovanni-Meter. That was this little gem:

Originally posted by NatureGuy
Yesterday, we were snuggling and I ask her to say something nice to me. She says, well I can't say what you want me to say (meaning I love you).

She is under the impression (correct or incorrect) that you want her to tell you that she loves you. That makes it look like she's holding all the power in the relationship (the assumption is that you love her, and you want her to tell you that she loves you, but she is withholding that, which gives her a certain degree of power).

After ten months, if you love her and she doesn't love you, you need to evaluate if this relationship is really where you want to be. And if that's not the case, then you need to figure out why she seems to think it is.

 

[NatureGuy]

Thanks guys.
Geovanni: I was thinking alot of this was
fairly common too, but knowing
something intellectually (as in reading
the DJ bible and reading other posts) is
different that actually facing something
first hand.
Another aspect about her is that she
often (not always) says the opposite
of what she actually means. (testing me
in most cases) So it gets very confusing sometimes deciphering what she means. Again, I've read about this online but experiencing it first hand is still confusing because you're never quite sure whether every element applies to your situation.

As far as who loves who, who knows, but in her case I'm now suspecting she's afraid to say it because she fears the expectations (and "control") that this might bring. Her previous LTR was abusive.

 

[Slickster]

Nature Guy, no offense bro but after reading some of your threads - you think too much.

I mean you're over analyzing stuff. Looking for problems it seems like.

Forget about her comments. Pay attention to her actions. If she seems like she is enjoying herself then she most likely is.

Its entirely possible for a someone to change their mind about how they are feeling from one moment to the next. Hungry, tired, sick, etc.

Yesterday, we were snuggling and I ask her to say something nice to me. She says, well I can't say what you want me to say (meaning I love you). ....

Not sure if it was your intent to get her to say "I love u" but if someone wants to say something like that or just say something nice - then they should. You shouldn't be asking.

 

[NatureGuy]

Slickster: I appreciate your comments and
the fact that you've commented before
on my posts - thanks.
I do think too much, which happens to be a good attribute for my work (and looking for contingent problems is almost a given
for "executives"), but probably not in these matters. It helps when
someone points this out from time to time.
Anyway, I'm beginning to think
Giovanni may be on to something with
the red flag he noticed. This may be a
key to what's going on.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by NatureGuy
I've been seeing this girl for quite some
time now (10 months) and I'm still having trouble understanding her and her interest level. She doesn't seem to know what she wants. Should I be leading her, or what? Anybody else
have similar experiences. Is this normal?

Examples:

We get together around lunch. I ask if
she's hungry. She says, well not really,
but I need something to drink. Then I say, I'd like to get something to eat (just a sandwich or soup). She agrees, she could go for some soup. We go to
a restaurant: she end's up eating an
entire meal including a huge juice drink.

We're supposed to meet somewhere. She leaves a message that she's not
feeling well and just wanted me to know (?). I never get the message, meet her at the appointed time, and everything goes well....?

She tells me she's feeling sick, has her
pd, doesn't want to "do anything". I basically ignore what she said and proceed and we do everything I want. She seems happy !

Yesterday, we were snuggling and I ask
her to say something nice to me. She says, well I can't say what you want me to say (meaning I love you). But her actions all seem to say she loves me.
Then she looks at me and says "Say how you feel about me ..."

In general, it seems like alot of what she says doesn't seem to mean much.
I used to get upset about something she'd say and then she'd either forget she had said it or her actions would
proceed as if it never had been said.

1. Typical woman. Get used to it.

2. When she feels the love believe me she will start professing it. To ask for it is weak....and devalues you in her eyes.

3. To ask her to say something nice to you isn't quite the way to do it either. That means your ego needs constant stroking instead try stroking her ego...make her fall in love with you...I don't know what your relationship is like but is seems kinda one sided. She's just hanging out cause theres nothing better on the horizen...Your getting clingy but tryng to stay pimp....

4. Start digging into her head. Stimulate HER mind. Give her something to think about. Do this and she will fall and fall deep!

5. Women are like a violin. If you play them right they make beautiful music...if your a chump with heavy fingers ....what you gets is all shyt!

6. Better analogy: Think of women as like cobra snakes. And your the flutist. One wrong note and they will bite you and poisen your life. But it's you who controls by the music that you put into her head.

Look at the woman who is angry at me from the anal loving thread in Anything Else. I played the wrong note...ie said something about her she didn't like...now go over there and read her posts about ME. I'm sure she is posting right now as I type.

Study her posts which went from admitting that I'm attractive and could pull women to what ever she has to say now!!!heheheh!

Bad BAD Supremo

 

[NatureGuy]

Player_Supreme:
Your insight and behind the lines interpretation is remarkable ! #3 is
right on, and the approach in #4 I had
used early on with good results, but discontinued for some reason. I'm going to follow your suggestions.