Does True Love Exist? Can Your 'Oneitis' Really Be The One?

[RockaRolla25]

I know many people are cringing hearing the topic but hear me out guys.

The other night I got really stoned with my friend and we started talking about girls. He was talking about "the one that got away" and how every girl he's dated since that girl does not compare to her and he doesn't feel right about getting into serious relationships with them because he doesn't like them as much. He told me the first time he saw this girl he was instantly attracted to her before he even said Hi. He described it as a feeling of "I just knew it right there."

Now many DJs on this website will say that maybe it does exist but you have to date tons of women before you find one.

But isn't it possible that the guy who gets "oneitis" on the first girl that goes out with him, could seriously be his one true love? Even without dating anyone else? Can a guy "luck out" and find that one dream girl on the first try out of sheer luck?

And how can you tell the difference between true love and oneitis? If every girl you date after your oneitis truly does not compare to the oneitis, then isn't it true love?

What do you guys think?

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

What is 'true love'?

I think in a lot of cases, 'the one that got away' is merely the girl that kick started the guys pursuit of DJ-ness. Almost like a marker.

But as you go through life, what I've found is, you can pick up many markers. I would argue that 'the one that got away' is the girl that made you begin to question the whole nature of relationships. True, a lot of guys get majorly hung up on this girl, but some, the enlightened few, use the experience to begin the change and embrace the spirit of the DJ.

Not sure I explained that too great but I'm tired tonight.

I look back at my 'one that got away' and remember her fondly, because without that experience, I wouldn't have the knowledge I have today.

 

[Borknagar]

But what many need to accept is "the one that got away" is the women who really isn't right for them. It happened to me too. This women isn't right for, anyone really. She gives you a false sense of "she really is a great women" at first only to be worth nothing more than a hit or and quite it, cause she isn't long term material, no matter how she seems or how she even thinks it herself.

 

[CJ 101]

Guys stop focusing on finding THE ONE, just work on your gaming skills so you can have options when you finally find a chick that you think is THE ONE and it doesn't workout. END OF STORY.

 

[The_411]

Too many are misinterpreting what oneitis actually is ... Yes, it does mean to be focused on only one chick but oneitis is more about one's actions, and vibes.

There's nothing wrong about being interested in one girl as long as that girl isn't your focus and you don't give off a desparate vibe. Unfortunately it's increibly difficult to get into this state because it's your only thing going and you don't come off as scarce and as a result almost always one becomes aborbed in the what does this mean and is she interested, are we progressing, are we escalating. It becomes a mind F%^&.

That's why it's strongly recommended to date multiple and always be cultivating new women to date. It's a distraction technique that basically eliminates outcome dependence becuase even if one flames out you've got 3-5 that are still working. As opposed to one which if it flames out you've got 0.

 

[Jaylan]

I dont think there is only one person for everyone out there. I mean lets be real. Out of all the people in the world, there has to exist a bunch who you could have a long and fulfilling relationship with. Its just a matter of finding them.

Sure its rare that you fall head over heels for someone, but that doesnt mean there is only one person out there who can do that. Thats way to idealistic and romantic comedy stuff.

Loves happened to me twice, and while you say "they are the one that got away" after the breakup, that is not true. If they were really any of the "ones" that exist out there for you, youd still be with them I think.

Hell I sit and compare new girls to my last ex because she set the standard and the bar is high. It just means I was growing and learning what I wanted and did not want out of a relationship while we were together and after we broke up. Armed with that knowledge we can then go out into the world and see if we fall into the arms of any of the "ones" out there.

I mean finding that right person is as much about timing as it is about them. You need to be in the right place in your life and find the right gal for it to fall into place. Sometimes people find the right person at the wrong time, and sometimes they get to the time where they wanna settle down and shack up with the wrong person. Gota have both the time and person in the "right" places.

And even with all that you hope that the person you met is dedicated in their relationships. You know, they want to put in work when the going gets rough, tough, or stale.

Thats my take on it.

 

[joverby]

It's your buddy putting the chick on a mental pedelstal because he "lost her." The forbidden fruit psyhcology. Also coupled with the fact he probably hasn't been going out and meeting nearly enough girls to make that kind of statement is a dangerous thing.

He will just sit there in his own mental fantasy land about how great that chick is and how no other chick can be that great. Think about how many people are in your country / state w/e....There are lots of people who could be "the one." But he's already making it harder on himself by instantly disqualify every other chick and having to prove them to be as great as this chick who he's not with anymore.

You just have to take some action and find them. They aren't going to(or are VERY RARELY) just going to plop into your lap. But I believe if you yourself lead a fullfilling life. Go out, pursure your passions and actually get out and do something. You're bound to run into "that girl."

Because your doing what you love. By extension your bound to run into a girl that shares similar interests etc. It's a numbers game.

 

[Jariel]

What is 'true love'?

I think in a lot of cases, 'the one that got away' is merely the girl that kick started the guys pursuit of DJ-ness. Almost like a marker.

But as you go through life, what I've found is, you can pick up many markers. I would argue that 'the one that got away' is the girl that made you begin to question the whole nature of relationships. True, a lot of guys get majorly hung up on this girl, but some, the enlightened few, use the experience to begin the change and embrace the spirit of the DJ.

Not sure I explained that too great but I'm tired tonight.

I look back at my 'one that got away' and remember her fondly, because without that experience, I wouldn't have the knowledge I have today.

Same here. With each oneitis I lost, I sought a new period of development in my life. One girl led me here, another led me to the gym, another led me to become more sexual and my latest has led me to being more sincere and stop relying on humour and performances.

I have won a number of oneitis girls and it feels amazing at the time, but I have never been able to maintain that mutual feeling for any length of time, and that's why my self development continues.

I do believe oneitis can lead to love and happy relationship, I've seen it happen many times, but for some people it happens way more naturally than for others.

 

[Maxtro]

Sigh. I've found her, the girl I want to be the one. But she doesn't like me the same way I like her. Of course she doesn't.

What I hate about PU is that it hasn't found a way to help a guy get a girl he already likes. And because of that, it's completely useless.

 

[joverby]

Sigh. I've found her, the girl I want to be the one. But she doesn't like me the same way I like her. Of course she doesn't.

What I hate about PU is that it hasn't found a way to help a guy get a girl he already likes. And because of that, it's completely useless.

So , how are you so sure this chick is "the one." She doesn't even like you. Based on that I have a hard time believing you got to know her well enough to make that evaluation. That kind of thinking is self destructive to you actually finding a girl.

 

[Maxtro]

I've known for about a year and a half. We've hung out many many times. There are still many things we can do together and places to go.

We have a great deal of things in common and share many of the same interests. Our personalities mesh very well. I have never met another girl that I got along with so well.

We could have a great relationship but I'm stuck in the fucking friendzone.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Okay just a few things here:

1. To the OP -- look some people get lucky and get the best job of their lives right out of college. Most people don't. Some people meet some random woman around the corner and live happily the next 30 years until one dies of old age surrounded by grandchildren. Most people don't. Nothing is completely impossible -- but let's be honest -- this isn't 1965 or 1945 any more -- today's standards and social culture are very different places. Women and people in general don't have the commitment to ANYTHING like they did back in the day. There was a time where it wasn't that uncommon to stick with a single company for 20-30+ years. Is that the same situation today?

I believe you can have very strong feelings for someone. Probably not always logical -- and fueled by romantic imagination, or by neurochemistry (as I denoted in a past thread in the mature man forum). I would say that for most guys, finding THE ONE (and for women too) is something we all believe to have experienced -- most guys on this forum have fallen in love, some here have had children with those women and are now divorced (her request). A lot of the child-like romantic understandings we have of love are wonderful to experience and part of life, but often as we grow older and gain actual experience in these situations, we find it's not quite what it's sold to us as. And it's not easy. And I could ramble on for hours [as I am sure you would all really enjoy ] on the subjects of my personal theories why...but alas understand that it is likely the most successful relationships that last involve men who have transpired past the "oneitis" phase (many due to life experience).

Real love probably involves some level of detachment -- and a basis by which your own personal happiness is not dependent upon them or their behavior (or even their presence exactly). This can be very hard and I'm not saying I have this mastered. Surely some recent life experience confronts this entirely. However, I honestly believe that level of detachment is important -- because by having it, what you do end up having is a much deeper trust and self-love in yourself.

This isn't YOU vs. THE WORLD, but rather a deep solid internal foundation of yourself -- where your happiness isn't dependent upon the "acceptance of the ONE".

But sure, there are some great relationships out there. I believe that.


And now:

2.

I've known for about a year and a half. We've hung out many many times. There are still many things we can do together and places to go.

We have a great deal of things in common and share many of the same interests. Our personalities mesh very well. I have never met another girl that I got along with so well.

We could have a great relationship but I'm stuck in the fucking friendzone.

Look man, I've been there, let me tell you 100% that she is not entirely what you think she is. You are friendzoned. Sure you've got lots of the same interests, but truly by having "love" for this person without it being reciprocated you will, in the course of this friendship, likely lose some degree of self-respect. Because you see so much in her, and you want a relationship out of her, you will likely do and act in ways that encourage this. The truth is, this girl will likely never be those things to you. You *could* find a way to bond later on if she does have some of these subconscious feelings for you -- everything on this website talks about exacerbating the emotions she does have to see if you can build up any attraction she may have for you. If she doesn't have any at all, I am sorry to say, you will likely be placed at the bottom of the priority list for her, and she'll likely vent to you about various male suitors, failed relationships, all the while never really looking at you in those same ways you'd like her to. It sucks man -- I KNOW! But this reason alone is why I don't have many female friends anymore...you will torture yourself by keeping that friendship alive with the hopes that you have. It took me a long time to shed my AFC-based female friends...but I can honestly say since their absence I've only had more trust and conviction in myself and won't allow myself to be friendzoned by a chick I'm really into any further.

If you can let her go -- distance yourself -- you will find better success in getting what you actually want.

//EDIT//
I can also say too that even though you may have lots of overlapping interests, this doesn't mean much in terms of relationship -- you may have more success with a woman alien to the worlds by which you are a part, and you are her teacher -- roll her into the things that excite you...

 

[HariPoter13]

Don't confuse oneitis with love. Oneitis is a disease. From my personal experiences, I can tell you that for developing a oneitis the girl (hot girl, ugly girl won't cut it) has to show (vast) interest in you. What happens is, your emptiness gets filled with her 'love' for you. You are loved, oh how joyful! Suddenly life starts having a meaning for you, you are high on life.

Then out of the blue, she stops 'loving' you. You feel like curling up in a dark corner and crying yourself to sleep. Life stops having meaning for you. You want to die.

The interesting thing to note about developing oneitis is that your life isn't exactly the way you want it to be. You probably have a mild case of depression.

Actually now that I think of it, that is exactly what had happened in my case. This girl (hot) showed vast interest in me, but I didn't care. Only a year later did a develop a oneitis for her. Just a month prior to that I stopped training a sport which gave me a sense of direction in life. I think I had mild depression too. And when did the oneitis subside? You're probably guessing it by now.. it happened slowly when I started training that very same sport again (a year later :/).

Now I've become a 'fitness junkie'. I exercise every day of the week, and my diet is rocket science. Exercise gives me focus in life. If you aren't exercising yet, get the fuck out there and just do it.

 

[st_99]

What is 'true love'?

I think in a lot of cases, 'the one that got away' is merely the girl that kick started the guys pursuit of DJ-ness. Almost like a marker.

But as you go through life, what I've found is, you can pick up many markers. I would argue that 'the one that got away' is the girl that made you begin to question the whole nature of relationships. True, a lot of guys get majorly hung up on this girl, but some, the enlightened few, use the experience to begin the change and embrace the spirit of the DJ.

Not sure I explained that too great but I'm tired tonight.

I look back at my 'one that got away' and remember her fondly, because without that experience, I wouldn't have the knowledge I have today.

I would agree with this. Every girl you get with is a stepping stone forwad and takes you closer to DJ enlightenment . Some only lead to tiny movements forward and other lead to GIANT leaps. They ALL serve a purpose though.

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=187280

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Don't confuse oneitis with love. Oneitis is a disease. From my personal experiences, I can tell you that for developing a oneitis the girl (hot girl, ugly girl won't cut it) has to show (vast) interest in you. What happens is, your emptiness gets filled with her 'love' for you. You are loved, oh how joyful! Suddenly life starts having a meaning for you, you are high on life.

Then out of the blue, she stops 'loving' you. You feel like curling up in a dark corner and crying yourself to sleep. Life stops having meaning for you. You want to die.

The interesting thing to note about developing oneitis is that your life isn't exactly the way you want it to be. You probably have a mild case of depression.

Actually now that I think of it, that is exactly what had happened in my case. This girl (hot) showed vast interest in me, but I didn't care. Only a year later did a develop a oneitis for her. Just a month prior to that I stopped training a sport which gave me a sense of direction in life. I think I had mild depression too. And when did the oneitis subside? You're probably guessing it by now.. it happened slowly when I started training that very same sport again (a year later :/).

Now I've become a 'fitness junkie'. I exercise every day of the week, and my diet is rocket science. Exercise gives me focus in life. If you aren't exercising yet, get the fuck out there and just do it.

Listen to this guy ^

I agree man -- ESPECIALLY about:

"The interesting thing to note about developing oneitis is that your life isn't exactly the way you want it to be. You probably have a mild case of depression."

 

[Borknagar]

The only women that is great, is the one that equally sees greatness in you.

Like I said, I had oneits last March, though she was great, she dumped me for reason that even most women would think are silly, stupid and immature. No matter how great a women is, there is probably a huge negative that makes her not so great which you will find sooner or later.

That ex seemed perfect in many ways, but when she had a slew of 2 week long relationships before me, I think that should be a hint she's not as great as she seems, no matter how much she claims to want to be with someone special. This **** even had the audacity to whine to me about her hurtful exes AFTER she broke up with me. Needless to say, she clearly has serious mental issues.

 

[bigneil]

isn't it possible that the guy who gets "oneitis" on the first girl that goes out with him, could seriously be his one true love?

Sure it's possible. It's about a 1 in 3 Billion chance.

 

[PapiChulo]

So far I ve had 3 oneitis episodes in my life and all those women were the "one". I have a mental image of what my woman should be and they all fit the type. Love is an illusion that one vagina is different than the rest...as they say. I suppose she is the one only when you are both 80, with one foot in the ground, yet still together.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Have a read:

There is no One.