Does this sound right to you?

[Onion]

GF had a night out with a close female friend and guy friend she barely knew. We kept in touch throughout the night and sent me pics, texts and calls.
After the night was over she invited both to her hotel room (she's moving out of her old apartment to a new one and staying in a hotel for a couple of nights) because apparently 'they're both drunk' and didn't want them to take the risk of driving.

She told me she would let me know once she is in her room but she didn't and I had to text her to find out if she arrived safe.
We have some trust issues in the past and we are both working on it.
My question is,

- why didn't she tell me she was at the hotel safe and I had to ask
- why didn't she tell me they were all heading to her place before i asked
- why even risk of doubt or suspicion while she knows we have trust issues and we are working on it?

It is now leaving me wondering wtf is happening while in the same room.

Guys what's your input on this?

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

GF had a night out with a close female friend and guy friend she barely knew. We kept in touch throughout the night and sent me pics, texts and calls.
After the night was over she invited both to her hotel room (she's moving out of her old apartment to a new one and staying in a hotel for a couple of nights) because apparently 'they're both drunk' and didn't want them to take the risk of driving.

She told me she would let me know once she is in her room but she didn't and I had to text her to find out if she arrived safe.
We have some trust issues in the past and we are both working on it.
My question is,

- why didn't she tell me she was at the hotel safe and I had to ask
- why didn't she tell me they were all heading to her place before i asked
- why even risk of doubt or suspicion while she knows we have trust issues and we are working on it?

It is now leaving me wondering wtf is happening while in the same room.

Guys what's your input on this?

Whats you guys's age?

 

[Onion]

we are all in our thirties. why?

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

we are all in our thirties. why?

25 years old or so, and it's a bit more just "going with the feelings".

Would you say the lady your wife is with is responsible or is she a true single just banging what she feels like?

The reason I ask is a lot of wives/gf's will end up "following" the main buddy they keep running to. So if that buddy is cheating or meeting a lot of guys, the wife/gf will be too. If that buddy is out being a prude, keeping people off with a ten foot pole, but just enjoying being outside, then the wife/gf probably is too.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

GF had a night out with a close female friend and guy friend she barely knew.

Have you met this close friend of hers? If yes, what's your opinion of her? Does she like you? In my experience, girls usually tend to have at least a friend or two who lean more toward being her "voice of reason", and the enabling, you go grlll type. You say she's a "close friend" of hers, so what she has to say will very likely influence her actions greatly. If she falls in the latter camp, BIG red flag.

After the night was over she invited both to her hotel room (she's moving out of her old apartment to a new one and staying in a hotel for a couple of nights) because apparently 'they're both drunk' and didn't want them to take the risk of driving.

Reaching for the good 'ol plausible deniability card - surprise, surprise. Of course they (but especially him) couldn't sober up and be on their way. No, they had to go to her hotel room. Would love to know how the sleeping arrangements went...

She told me she would let me know once she is in her room but she didn't and I had to text her to find out if she arrived safe.
We have some trust issues in the past and we are both working on it.

What's the story behind the trust issues? Who did what and how many times? So far, it's looking like she's not scared of losing you.

- why didn't she tell me she was at the hotel safe and I had to ask

Same as immediately above - little to no fear of living life without you. She touched based with you throughout the whole night until the best part rolled around and then - "Oh! Oops! I was drunk, like, ummmm, really drunk, so like, yeaaah, kinda, sorta forgot....won't happen again!!") Yeah, until it does...

- why didn't she tell me they were all heading to her place before i asked

Because this is her way of "working on it (trust issues)" - by not rocking the boat and portraying herself as "the villain" who doesn't give a fvck and does whatever she wants. You have any idea how that would make her feel? Not you, HER.

- why even risk of doubt or suspicion while she knows we have trust issues and we are working on it?

Again, same as above - she doesn't really care, much as she may say the opposite. Putting this together with whatever the two of you are "working on" paints a very suspicious picture. A steady stream of restlessness and anxiety is never worth keeping any one female around. If you were waiting for a 'sign' to move on, regain peace of mind, and perhaps even find another chick who won't rattle your sanity, I'd say this certainly qualifies...

 

[Onion]

double post

 

[Onion]

Thanks Between, just spoke to her. she admitted at this stage of the relationship she should have thought hard about inviting someone to her space to stay the night and it was an error of judgement.

She said it was her kindness to help and sudden impulsive decision just to avoid someone getting DUI or even worse, someone killed.

She then thought about after agreeing and it would cause us potential setbacks hence the reason why she didn't tell me, which is exactly what you said above. She felt bad saying no after agreeing to help out.

Got a selfie of her and her friend on the same bed after waking up and couldn't see where the dude was.

She sort of slept with her ex when we started the relationship and she was sending him naked pics etc while we were holidaying in Miami. She has no contact with him at the moment as far as I know. But tonight is bugging me.

 

[Konada]

Thanks Between, just spoke to her. she admitted at this stage of the relationship she should have thought hard about inviting someone to her space to stay the night and it was an error of judgement.

She said it was her kindness to help and sudden impulsive decision just to avoid someone getting DUI or even worse, someone killed.

She then thought about after agreeing and it would cause us potential setbacks hence the reason why she didn't tell me, which is exactly what you said above. She felt bad saying no after agreeing to help out.

Got a selfie of her and her friend on the same bed after waking up and couldn't see where the dude was.

She sort of slept with her ex when we started the relationship and she was sending him naked pics etc while we were holidaying in Miami. She has no contact with him at the moment as far as I know. But tonight is bugging me.

Any sane girl who has fvcked up once and been given a second chance would think twice about potential situations which may derail the relationship. Why you didn't drop this girl after that is beyond me but this is a major indicator that you need to drop her NOW.

 

[Bokanovsky]

- why didn't she tell me she was at the hotel safe and I had to ask
- why didn't she tell me they were all heading to her place before i asked
- why even risk of doubt or suspicion while she knows we have trust issues and we are working on it?

It could be because:

a) she was drunk and forgot to text you; or
b) she was too busy getting filled with c0ck.

Which one of these two scenarios applies is not something that any of us can tell you. You know your girlfriend better than any of us.

 

[Bokanovsky]

She sort of slept with her ex when we started the relationship and she was sending him naked pics etc while we were holidaying in Miami. She has no contact with him at the moment as far as I know. But tonight is bugging me.

It would have been helpful to include this info in your original post...

 

[jurry]

It would have been helpful to include this info in your original post...

Lol! Oh byyy the wayy haha

OP, you are weak. The specific circumstances here do not matter. It is your mindset that is the problem. You need to get a hold of yourself, pull wayyy back from her because she knows you are hers.

As long as you conduct yourself in this manner these "trust issues" will continue in any relationship you are in.

And also yet one more example of verbal boundaries gone wrong for those of you keeping score at home

 

[Baggio86]

Always go with your gut. It is hardly, if ever, wrong.

I think you would not be asking this question if you believed she was innocent.

Your gut is telling you you cannot trust her... and I think it's right.

Just my 2cents (Pence)

 

[SgtSplacker]

So they are sober enough to drive to her room but not to their own beds? What the fuuck are you talking about "we have trust issues" she cheated on you man theirs nothing "we" about it.

Dude if your girl likes to get drunk and bang then stop trying to treat her like anything else other than the bar trash she is. Call her tomorrow "lets have a talk" then go with the standard "i need some space, it's not you it's me" and proceed to call her only when you feel like drunk sex. Stop this uphill battle to trying to lock this HO down are you an idiot??!!

 

[devilkingx2]

unless there was a 3-way(extremely unlikely) I doubt anything happened from that scenario

but from reading the thread you have good reasons not to trust her at all so maybe you should adopt a guilty until proven innocent attitude with her. or do some diggin/interogating

 

[LondonTowers]

She doesn't respect you and after having already cheated on you and you giving her a second chance, she should be on absolute best behaviour and working on building that trust back up. But instead she is doing the opposite because she is not afraid to lose you.

By simply accepting this incident she will know you don't have the balls to walk away from her poor behaviour and will push this boundary again. You will become the safe bet Plan B that sits at home believing everything she says while she actively searches for the upgrade.

Women in their 30's have a fear of becoming a lonesome spinster so they will want to keep Mr Safe under their thumb in case Plan A never works out.. at which point she will suddenly want to settle down and look to you to as a provider, expect marriage and kids but her alpha fux instincts will kick back in by 40 at which point you will get truly screwed.

So what to do? Be a man. Lose the fear and lose her for disrespecting you. You can either do a clean break up and move on or the "I need space" and pop back in here and there to use her as a f-buddy... the second option is very difficult if you have quite a bit of history and emotional involvement.

Her reaction will be of shock as she probably doesn't see you as someone with such balls and also the dread of losing Mr Safe but this is not about her it's about you, your self respect and sanity. You have already compromised these things when you first took her back for cheating, don't let life become one of eternal re-occurrence fueled by your inner game weaknesses, be bold, be fearless, trust your instincts and never let your masculinity be compromised.

I would recommend taking some time out to uncover the internal mechanisms that are holding you back from becoming such a man.

 

[Onion]

unless there was a 3-way(extremely unlikely) I doubt anything happened from that scenario

but from reading the thread you have good reasons not to trust her at all so maybe you should adopt a guilty until proven innocent attitude with her. or do some diggin/interogating

I doubt anything either and that's been my approach since the incident. She's trying very hard to prove herself that she's faithful.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

I doubt anything either and that's been my approach since the incident. She's trying very hard to prove herself that she's faithful.

If you can get text messages off her phone or emails, you can find out what happened. They likely mentioned it in text... "remember that night, I thought I would never be game for that... girl, I told you he was good."

 

[pyros]

a threesome is not extremely unlikely as someone said above. So naive...

Anyway, the thing is why are you dating a girl you dont trust? it doesnt make any sense if you want a happy life.

 

[VladPatton]

If you were that dude, drunk, with 2 chicks in a hotel room, would YOU try to bang em both? Hells to the fûck yeah you would. She could of called you to go pick her up and take her home or to your place. Why the hell is she going out without you anyway? I'd seriously consider dumping her if you have trust issues. It's not worth the anxiety, man. Have a happy,, relaxed, enjoyable life...ho free

 

[devilkingx2]

a threesome is not extremely unlikely as someone said above. So naive...

If you were that dude, drunk, with 2 chicks in a hotel room, would YOU try to bang em both? Hells to the fûck yeah you would.

I'm not saying he wouldn't try, of course he would. however the best laid schemes of mice and men often go askew

AKA actually getting a 3-way to happen is really hard and rather unlikely, like, hitting on scarlet johansson and trying to bed her is one thing, actually doing it is another entirely