Does personality make a girl less attractive?

[TheTraveller]

I just met up with lady #3 today and let me tell you a bit about it and the subject of this thread.

She's definitely a 9/10 looks-wise. Pretty hot. Now here's the other side of the coin - when talking to her, it is like talking to a monotone person because that is what she is! I find it odd - she accepts two dates before this without a fuss and now on the third date she is still her reserved self. She's smart, she has tons of interests, yet she finds it hard to express her interests and feelings. I try by being quiet and judging how she reacts to that. I try and be my witty and funny self, she enjoys that but has hard time reciprocating.

It just seems like she lacks social skills around guys, as she apparantely has many friends (girls).

So my question to you is:
Would this lower the girls overall rating since her personality comes across as being shy and dull, with lack of emotion?
Would you "wait' for her to change?

My view on this is: Who cares about the perfect 10? I want the perfect "complete package" where at the end of the night, I will remember her more for her personality than anything else. Of course there has to be that initial level of attraction. But that means *nothing* if there is no chemistry. Chemistry entails being amazed by being around them - their personality. Luckily the two other girls I'm seeing have amazing personalities but cute, not HB 9's and 10's but average 7's. But let me tell you their personalities are amazing, just great to be around and makes them better overall in my view.

Thoughts?

 

[BobbDobbs]

There really is no correlation between looks and personality. Personality develops in childhood before looks become much of a factor, socially.

You can have a HB with either a good or bad personality. You can have a 7 with either a good or a bad personality.

In the end, though, for LTR, personality has to be good.

 

[MR_PERFECT]

A friend of mine broke up with a girl because she never laughed, instead, she would say, "that's funny", in a monotone voice.

 

[TheTraveller]

That's very true about personality and development but I'd say that even if a girl is like this, if she has interest in somebody, then show it!

One girl I'm seeing has openly admitted she's shy. But I was *shocked* when she told me this. She just really enjoys being around me and overcomes this shyness as she would with any of her close friends and I've only seen her twice!!!

I guess some people have lack of proper social skills. Forget them, I'm sorry to say, for an LTR or even STR.... it is just no fun to be around.

Key point: If you enjoy being around somebody you'll know right away. Show it, don't hide it!

- t

 

[violator]

Yes, I remember briefy dating this 9 chick who either was extremely shy or had poor social skills. She hardly talked and never looked me in the eye. It was almost like dating a rock. After the third date I became frustrated and dropped her.

I agree that a great personality or lack thereof has really nothing to do with looks and more to do with social conditioning. If you are brought up in a well socialized environment, you are going to reflect that and have a good outgoing personality. That is true for women who are ugly or gorgeous.

But to answer your question, unless you are just into the sex, then definitely a good personality is quite important and just as women eventually get past the looks in evaluating a guy for a LTR, I think the same goes for men, although we tend to be a bit more superficial when it comes to looks.

 

[ulsterman]

I recently took a girl out whom I found really physically attractive. However, she is so confident, assertive, and independent, it was like dating another guy. For me those qualities are very unfeminine and therefore disqualified her as mate material, at least for now, for I suspect she will find out the error of her way and take remedial measures. In the meantime I'm pursuing other leads.

 

[OzzyBoy]

I think it depends. I would rather date a 6 with good personality then a 10 with no personality. Give me a 9-10 with good personality and thats what i'm after.

 

[One on One]

I'm very shy myself and it can take a lot to get to know me. It's something I'm working on, though. I can understand your frustrations, though, and she should open up. However, keep in mind that if you give her a little time and do your best to relax her, she'll feel comfortable with you eventually. Get her some booze if that's what it takes.

 

[Jay26]

Yes personality does make a girl less attractive if she has a bad one, on the other hand, she could have a great personality but not do anything for you in the looks department and it's just as bad.

 

[iqqi]

it's all about chemistry. perhaps that is why she is not able to reciprocate. perhaps she wants to like you, you are a great guy, and all she thinks she wants, but the chemistry just ain't right. what would YOU rate your chemistry with the girl?

 

[TheTraveller]

The chemistry with the one quiet girl is non-existant.

I have come to the conclusion that shyness is NOT an excuse to show your interests in another.

NEXT!

 

[TheTraveller]

oops, I meant:

shyness is NOT an excuse when a girl doesn't display any interest. They can fight this shyness... and if not, IMHO, they are not worth my time nor are they any fun.

- t

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Originally posted by ulsterman
I recently took a girl out whom I found really physically attractive. However, she is so confident, assertive, and independent, it was like dating another guy. For me those qualities are very unfeminine and therefore disqualified her as mate material, at least for now, for I suspect she will find out the error of her way and take remedial measures. In the meantime I'm pursuing other leads.

Hey Ulsterman,

I find myself in a similar situation. I'm seeing a girl 9 years older (she's 33, I'm 24). We're going out but not officially bf/gf...

I don't have a problem with the fact that she's very independent. The thing that gets me is that she seems to hold back, and be less of a "giver" than I'm used to. I'm not sure but I think this is related to the "confident, assertive, and independent" mindset too.

I'm also working on another girl who I'd like to date, but since the 33yr old is great in the sack I'm not working too hard there

Any thoughts on these girls?
Osc.

 

[ulsterman]

The chick I was referring to just sent me an email today in which she was quite cheeky, but then she admitted she was "cheeky in the most honest and endearing way possible". Plus she teased me over a joke chauvenistic article I sent her and said "now I know why you're still single...lol". Well, the last chick to tease me about being single later would write, "you are the most amazing man"... "no-one types words like you"... "when you speak you speak for us both". Yuck.

Anyway, Oscar, independence in a woman is a two-edged sword. On the one hand, it may mean she doesn't let her friends & family dictate to her what she should do (and therefore they can interfere less in her relationships). But on the other, it can mean she feels no need to rely on certain quintessentially manly traits many men have the need to manifest, such as protective and providing instincts (idle loafers excluded).

I tend to find assertive, confident, independent women to be inherently unwomanly. The lack of being a "giver" is consistent with those traits, as women like that sometimes have unseemly elevated opinions of their own worth as persons (esp. if they are babes). You are usually the one, in their minds, who is privileged to be with them, not the other way round. They often have careers and financial independence; all you can give them is a bit of carnal pleasure when the fancy takes them. And if you don't like that arrangement, they'll find another sucker who will, and they don't mind you knowing this either. For me, self-confident, assertive, independent women are generally ego-centric, self-centred b!tches. Sadly, some men agree to marry them and end up being dominated, nagged, hen-pecked, whatever. Listening to my head, I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my days with a woman like that, no matter how babelicious she looks. But that's just it. They get you hooked with their looks and then you feel you would be willing to take anything they have to throw at you, especially if oneitis becomes a factor.

For my own part, I would rather not enter any relationship with a chick like that this side of her being humbled. And, no matter what they say, I don't believe women can ever be happier than when they let the man in their lives be the one with all the testosterone rather than them. Too bad so many of these cows never get in touch with their true feminism, assuming its lurking latently in there somewhere.

Now, as far as your case goes, I was not inferring that your female friend has all those bad qualities, I was speaking in general terms. At first glance, she does not look like LTR material, but then again, she might not be as bad as you say once you get to know her better. The only thing is, I'm always suspicious of women who only want to "see" you, but not officially become your girlfriend, assuming that's why you're not officially an item yet. It would fit the profile of the woman described above. Still, if you're sleeping with her you might be best persevering with her until your DJ skills mould her into the right kind of woman…

Let me know how you get on.

 

[trajhenkhet]

I prefer ladies with personality. Even a bit of spunk. The edge keeps me on my toes.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

How does she act around her friends. If she is reserved around them then that tells you that is what she is like. If she is warm happy and open around them either she hasnt warmed up to you yet or she doesnt like you.

 

[isotope]

Originally posted by MR_PERFECT
A friend of mine broke up with a girl because she never laughed, instead, she would say, "that's funny", in a monotone voice.

that's funny!