Does nothing for me

[Swordasmart]

It took me a while to notice my gf does nothing for me because I don't expect anything. I'm not wealthy, but I carry my own weight. We've lived together a few years now. I have a slightly better income, for now, so I pay for all of our dates, I pay for meals we share, I buy gifts. She owns the house, and I pay her monthly. In her mind, I pay the bills and she pays house payment - which is equity for her. She does not report it as income, but neither is it marital property. She seems to think she's doing me a favor letting me live with her, but I could do better having my own place. She acts like my stuff is in her way and I'm taking more than my fair share of space, but I made lists of who has stuff - she takes all the space for her stuff and mine is piled up whereever there's space left over.

At first, we planned to marry, but now she refuses. Sexually, notta. We used to, but it was mostly something I did while she went along - liking it, but I was always the one making things happen, taking initiative. She was always the one saying that's enough, I'm done now.

When I first moved in, it took a while to convince her it's fair for me not to want to spend most holidays with her only child and baby daddy, who has hovered over the child since it was born. Baby daddy lives with the child, so it's not like we can spend time with her grand children without also putting up with ex, who is an uninteresting drunk who mostly talks about himself and whatever pseuodospiritual fad he's using to bolster his ego at the time.

If this were a simple case of a self-centered woman taking advantage of a man, I would walk away. There's more to it. I know enough about her background to understand how she got this way, and I feel sorry for her. I've helped her find new interests and get away from some destructive habits - for the most part. If there's anything I get out of it for me, at least it's stability and routine. I'm not a young guy, and I'm not about rocking the boat just to catch a better current. But this is getting old. I look at places, and dread weekends because I know I'm gonna veg waiting on her instead of going out and taking care of myself. I was fit when I moved in and now I'm fat again. The sedentary lifestyle seems to be wearing on my heart, so I know what I'm spending on this - at this stage - could be all I have to give.

Just wondering what some other guys think. If I care enough about her to sacrifice my wellbeing, maybe that's my business. I know she gets something out of the companionship - probably more than I do, and I don't want to emotionally hurt her or insult her by leaving. She's a kind person, at the core. I've not lived the most ambitious life, financially or socially, so I can understand how she opted for stability over advancing herself intellectually and professionally. But I have pursued dreams and ideals, I've fought other people's battles, I've gotten around and learned to understand different viewpoints. I don't have much to show for all that, except maybe some character. It's just that, there's gotta be more to life than this. I kind of think I might be wasting what life I have left.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Swordasmart,
Tricky concealing your real self as Lois VI found when he ordered a 12 egg omelette...not that I want to chop your head off LOL.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

It sounds like you are living a life of misery. You can take the first step by moving out and seeing how things change. You don't even have to give the real reason why you're doing this. You should exit but I know it's hard to do.

You need to move out because you need to get back in shape and do the things that make you happy. It's hard doing this knowing you're stuck living with someone.

But you are not stuck and that is the reason why you should take the first step and move out.

 

[Warrior74]

I'm going to be honest. And frank. You are a beta. I feel no fear saying that because you have been conquered by a woman who no longer respects you. You are a vestigial attachment to her life. Nobody fvcks a vestigial attachment.

You seem to have no ambition, no desires, no goals and no standards. Or that could just be your writing style. It sounds like you need to reach down and see if you still have a pair and if you give a crap about anything that you want.

You don't know how to lead in this relationship. You are following her lead. Making list and convincing arguments about holidays do not make a lively bedroom. I know, I tried that before.

You need to learn game. The only good thing is that she doesn't want to marry you. It will make it easier if you decide to leave. Here's the deal,

Hit they gym, or at least start moving, start doing things you want to do (hobbies, interests), stop being so available. Stop asking her and start telling her what you are going to do with your stuff and your time. Read. Read and read some more.

Here's a good starting place.
http://therationalmale.com/the-best-of-rational-male-year-one/