Does neediness ever go away?

[thegator39]

It seems when I like a girl, I go overboard and move in too quickly. What I mean is, I text/call her at the wrong time, misread signals (good or bad signals), I'm overeager, and for some reason I think "If it doesn't happen now it never will."

Take this new girl for instance. She wants to be in my band...and instead of letting things take their course, I'm just thinking about the poontang and thinking "If I don't nail her now, I never will" based on previous situations where I didn't end up sleeping with the woman.

Is there any way, besides spinning plates, to put a stop to this? Spinning plates is a great idea in theory, but not all of us have several HBs at our disposal.

 

[Tesl]

It won't go away without dating more women, sorry.

 

[thegator39]

The problem is, if I'm not attracted to the woman (talking physically, not necessarily emotionally) I'm not interested. In other words, I could be talking to one girl that I find physically attractive, and 3 girls that I have no attraction to (regardless of how attractive they are) and I wouldn't care about the 3 other girls unless one was like a 7 but she just sweat me and made things really easy, easy to talk to, great sex, yada, yada, yada.

It seems the ideal situation for me would be to have 2-3 women that are my type in some way, so if one seems like her interest is lowering, or not there at the moment, I have 1 or 2 more.

 

[PapiChulo]

discipline. Slap yourself on the face when you feel an urge to do afc stuff.


The most important thing is to be able to recognize what you are doing is probably not the best way to handle it, fight the urge and thus develop your character.

After awhile, it will become you second nature, so-to-speak, only conviction is need.

First step is fairly easy once you start changing your mindset because you suddenly saw the "light", and the second step is simply acting on your ideas.

It's like quitting smoking - you have to believe in what you are doing and feel it by heart.

 

[Tesl]

The problem is, if I'm not attracted to the woman (talking physically, not necessarily emotionally) I'm not interested. In other words, I could be talking to one girl that I find physically attractive, and 3 girls that I have no attraction to (regardless of how attractive they are) and I wouldn't care about the 3 other girls unless one was like a 7 but she just sweat me and made things really easy, easy to talk to, great sex, yada, yada, yada.

It seems the ideal situation for me would be to have 2-3 women that are my type in some way, so if one seems like her interest is lowering, or not there at the moment, I have 1 or 2 more.

Umm, yes, of course. You don't find it possible to feel attraction for more than one girl at one time?

 

[jophil28]

Spinning plates is a great idea in theory, but not all of us have several HBs at our disposal.

True, and relying on spinning a few "plates" to stabilize you is poor strategy.
Doing so still puts other women in control of your moods and your actions. Because you cannot always control your "plates", and have them at you beck and call, you need to find additional methods to implement self regulation .

Have you read all the material in the links below?

 

[zekko]

Slap yourself on the face when you feel an urge to do afc stuff.

Just don't do it in front of the girl.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Neediness only goes away once you get a handle on yourself and become whole and happy in your own skin. When you reach that point of masculine maturity, you stop behaving like a needy little boy because you know deep down that you are all that makes you happy. She's just a woman and there's no need to sweat it. If it happens, it happens.

Spinning plates is silly, in my opinion. Instead of tackling your clingy/needy/too hot, too fast issues head on, spinning plates aims to divide the obvious flaw among more than one woman so none of them pick up on it or see it in its entirety... but at the end of the day, you still have the problem.

Get to the root of why you feel you need to rush and do things now. A good girl who's digging you will be willing to take her time and so should you.

 

[thegator39]

Get to the root of why you feel you need to rush and do things now. A good girl who's digging you will be willing to take her time and so should you.

I'm a virgin like I've mentioned on the board and badly want to experience recreational sex with someone I'm attracted to. I can wait for serious dating. I dated a girl who was "my 10" and I know what it entails and can wait for it. At the moment, losing the V-card to someone that isn't a warpig/completely not my type or a professional is my goal.

I do realize that the impatience will only show and fester within and be counter productive to my goal, but knowing any applying are two different things.

 

[jafyk]

I'm a virgin like I've mentioned on the board and badly want to experience recreational sex with someone I'm attracted to. I can wait for serious dating. I dated a girl who was "my 10" and I know what it entails and can wait for it. At the moment, losing the V-card to someone that isn't a warpig/completely not my type or a professional is my goal.

I do realize that the impatience will only show and fester within and be counter productive to my goal, but knowing any applying are two different things.

Maybe you should just pay for the sex and get it over with. I guess the not knowing what it feels like must be haunting you. Still there's the other side once you try it and you can't get it as regularly you start craving and looking for it. Life is complicated, lol.

 

[thegator39]

If the not knowing what it feels like was the only problem, and it were easier to pay for it (in other words, if there were brothels around and it wasn't as complicated - credit cards, appointments, finding and paying for a room) I'd do it. It's more about the experience of being in bed naked with a woman who wants you to see her naked and the pillow talk and all that stupid stuff that I'm curious about.

 

[jafyk]

I understand that but maybe you have to start from somewhere. Lol, I can't even believe I gave you that advice. Still maybe it might give you a different sort of perspective. Do you have female friends who at least just want to chill with you no sex involved? I think that sometimes that comfort level could eventually lead to what you really desire. I'm not saying get all these female friends and hope that some how it happens. Sometimes it just starts with being friends, then something leads to fooling around. If you don't even have that. Imagine how hard it is just going straight to bed, sex and pillow talk. Sure sex is great but a lot of times when I think back to the few women who have really held my heart sex isn't the biggest thing I remember them for. It's more like the things leading up to it or that revolved around it. I've had a few women who I would've just lied to them and said yes and we'd be BF/GF but I don't like living a lie. If I had said yes I'd get all the pillow talk etc. Even after the sex I don't wanna talk I just wanna sleep. I hate when they start analyzing me then and start asking strange questions that put me on the spot.

 

[thegator39]

Like I said, I dated a hot girl that I also really liked, so I know about the other stuff being good, and I've experienced all that foreplay has to offer as well. The problem is I don't want to give my heart to anyone at the moment. I want friendly recreational sex...two people that get along, but aren't serious with one another. I don't want "in love" sex. I like being unattached, unless the girl were my dating type (I like smart, cute women for dating) and very interested in dating me.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Neediness is dissolved by a quantum shift in mindset, an honest understanding of what really matters to you, and a healthy dose of self-confidence.

All of these things are first created in your mind, by the decisions you make in your thoughts. All we are is what we have thought about.

 

[Hakuna]

Go to parties and find drunk girls? As for being needy, it's because your goal is to have women. Never make women a goal in life. The more you "need" women, the less you'll have them.

"You lose money chasing women but you'll never lose women chasing money"

 

[thegator39]

I can't accurately gauge how much sex means to me since I've never had it. Think of it this way, a guy's never had a blow job, but hears all over the places how good it is. I can at least say I've had blow jobs before and weren't my favorite.

I can't say the same about sex, so naturally I'm going to be curious.