Does my wife care

[joe9]

Hello. I have been married now for 7 yrs and have two kids 10 and 8, I love them to bits. I am 33 and my wife is 31. About 3 yrs ago I lost my job and from then on i seemed to have lost everything. I normally hug and try to be intimate with my wife but she is not inclined, she will push away my hands and behaves as if i was hurting her or she is giving a goodbye kiss she will turn her mouth side ways and look the other way. I know i do not have bad breath. Ever since i am home and my wife works i try to meet her half way. I will take the kids to school and pick them up get the house tidy ( i can't leave it, i like a tidy home) . Have dinner prepared for all and get the dishes done. When my wife gets home from work (she work shifts) she adopts the usual posiþion on the sofa and her attention is drawn to her smart phone. Instead of asking me how was my day, she will ask what did i do today. If she is watch the tv and i speak to her i have to repeat myself before she replies and if i speak to her about it she gets upset, if i don't talk i will be unhappy with the situation and if i speak with authority she accuses of raising my voice to her. My wife puts her bag and half of her clothing at the front door every time she comes home and will have to ask everyday to remove which almost never happen. As far as intimacy goes, well thats another issue. My kids go to bed at 8pm on school days so my wife and i will that time for ourselves or should say her smartphone or whatever programme on the TV and leave me in the cold. I will try to initiate some kind of contact or conversation which just end with a yes or no, if i touch her or try to hug her on the sofa she will have excuses like my skin is too hot, my hands are too cold, i am squeezing her, i am hurting her, more bull5hit and she loves it when she can say she seeing her monthly. If we are in bed i advance to her she will leave and sleep on the sofa or with the kids. I tried speaking to her about these things but it doesn't seem to bother her. If when we do have sex once a month when she has climax thats it game over she will ask me to finish it. I do tell my wife i love her and she replies "you too" she say it first. Does it mean tbat she doesn't. Both of us had sat down and i spoke about the things i like and don't like and ask for be miniscule. She gives no input in anything whether doing things in ghe home , with the kids homework, our relationship. She has however received a letter of praise from her work for giving 200% but the family get 10% . She does not have disorder or anything, she communcates with her friends more jubilantly than with me. I am up to my neck and against the wall. I need some straight here. I am thinking of leaving but kids are to the back of my head.

 

[expos]

Paragraphs dude.

OK, so your wife is bored, non-sexual, doesn't like to communicate like an adult, doesn't want to act like an adult, seems like she doesn't respect you.

Welcome to a miserable marriage.

Been there, done that, left that marriage when the wife refused to get her act together. A few differences for sure but I didn't have kids like you did.

A few questions...

1) what was the frequency of sex prior to marriage and after the marriage?
2) Is she on any meds?
3) Are you sure she's not cheating?
4) Are you in good shape? or a slob? be honest.

Some steps you can take right now that might have a good effect on your marriage.

1. Start working out more, dress nice, and start talking to other women. Get confidence.

2. Start calling the shots more often and stop being such a nice guy.

3. Tell her to put her fvcking phone down, get someone to look after the kids, and schedule a weekend afternoon with her and tell her directly what you don't like about your marriage. Get some answers.

 

[TornadoWatch]

You'll either have to leave or start to game her, otherwise she is going to leave herself (be prepared for that to happen). Don't count on her compassion or being understanding or considerate. Essentially you're on your own now.

Trying to "win her back" by pleasing her or appealing to reason does not and will not work. It is also no use getting angry, however justified that anger might be, as it will only annoy her at this point. From her point of view she is doing you a huge favor by still staying with you, a favor she thinks you hardly deserve. To answer your question, no, your wife does not care and no, she does not love you. Again, appeasement and anger will only make you look more pathetic and even less deserving in her eyes.

So, first and foremost try to stay calm. Don't panic. Don't do anything rash. Compose yourself. However much you might love your wife it must now become a love that is able to let her go, peacefully.

If you decide to try to save the marriage you'll have to change your approach, quite drastically. First, buy the print version of The Rational Male book and keep it in a place where your wife might easily notice it. Be nonchalant if and when she'll start to talk about it.

And second, read the book or go to www.therationalmale.com, find The Best Of links at the top and read it there. I personally would not advise to follow him beyond that, though, as you might get sucked into things that are of no relevance. Rather, for further advice use this forum and make your own observations.

 

[VikingKing]

TLDR; if you had to make an account and ask on ss, then no she doesn't care and I would worry, start protecting your finances, and get the papers.

 

[AttackFormation]

You need to use paragraphs and give us some more background about yourself, otherwise this seems like a textbook case for the more experienced guys here... you'll thank yourself for coming.

 

[Bible_Belt]

As it stands now, she's the one who would get screwed in a divorce, because she's the one with the job. You would get the kids, probably get the house, and probably get at least temporary alimony. With that and half her pay check for child support, you would end up with more of her money than she did.

 

[stevo]

Hahaha marital bliss! Been there, overcame that!

Believe me the situation isn't funny one bit but if you've worn that shoe before you'll understand why I laughed.

I was once told, your marital failure is your (the man's) fault.

Your house has gone through a change of power. She's working and you're the stay at home mom. Wake Up! Women do not respect you if you're not bringing in the bacon or some bacon, again been there, survived that.

Going forward, STOP initiating sexual relations. S-T-O-P it! She's patiently waiting to keep tearing you apart each time you advance, she counts on it. She looks forward to it, like a homeless man begging for a quarter, you go to her trying to have seks. You boost her self esteem wanting her and she rips your desire out your lungs like a chic who could care less if you had a dikc. If she's not mentally disabled then your girls interest level is lower than the cost of a hot dog. (believe me no disrespect to you intended, its just the way it is) Whatever your gut tells you right now is right. Forget your heart, its not functioning properly right now because its filled with confusion, let your head take over. Start paying attention, Whatever you know you do not deserve, DO NOT accept it.

Her thinking is you're a good for nothing less of a man.

Your thinking is if we can make love, maybe everything will be alright. If I try to put my anger to the side and see things from her perspective maybe I'll understand. It might be possible she's actually tired and just wants some alone time to herself.

Do you lay in bed alone waiting for her to come so you can either make love or just cuddle to sleep but she's downstairs watching tv or talking on the phone?

Not to be harse my brother but I'll tell you like it is, more importantly what I would do God forbid I find myself in the same situation twice.

STOP caring so much.

It take two to build a home, if it crashes, it fcuking crashes. You would not do your part and do hers, you're not married to yourself and if she doesn't want to be a wife anymore she should fcuking tell you so.

Stop basing your decision on the kids, don't do that. You have one life and you'll be a hell-of-a-lot better father if you're happy and satisfied with your life.

If the script is turned then turn that sheet back! You are the man of your house. You say let it rain and it rains, you say everyone stand up, everyone stands the fcuk up.

GO FIND A DAMN JOB and toss that kitchen robe away. Get a job even if its mopping the floor at the gas station across the house.

STOP talking about sheet, thats her responsibility. She's not blind, deaf or a novice to whats going on in your marriage. She knows you guys don't make love as you used to or want and you do not have to tell her all of that. Let your actions show you also could give two fcuks if sheet crashes and burns.

A woman who's attention and respect is gone in most cases is a woman mesmerizing about another man's dikc.

The only way to bring her attention and respect back is to get yourself to a place every woman wants, thats not who you presently are but it sure as hell is who you can become.

Everything is possible my friend, even your happiness and you getting all the seks you want till you start to avoid getting laid.

 

[Fugitive]

Joe in this marriage you are the wife and she is the husband. She's the breadwinner, she calls the shots, she is busy. You meanwhile are a housewife, doing the cooking, cleaning and looking after the kids. As a result she has lost respect for you as a man. You are now a housewife and being mistreated like one.

You can change this by stopping all the housework, getting a job and taking up new hobbies such as the gym. All these steps will gradually make you more of a man again and attractive. But the question is do you have the desire and determination to do all of this?

If you don't/can't change then have a divorce talk with her. Tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable. Keep it vague - physically, mentally and emotionally she is not putting anything into your relationship and so it's a pointless relationship and lets go our separate ways. If she cares at all she'll get scared and make an effort (in that case have sex with her that night) and if she doesn't care she'll agree to divorce (in that case she'll regret it when chunks of her pay packet come to you - get legal advice and seeing as your the mum here you may be able to keep the kids so get advice).

Good luck.

 

[joe9]

Paragraphs dude.

OK, so your wife is bored, non-sexual, doesn't like to communicate like an adult, doesn't want to act like an adult, seems like she doesn't respect you.

Welcome to a miserable marriage.

Been there, done that, left that marriage when the wife refused to get her act together. A few differences for sure but I didn't have kids like you did.

A few questions...

1) what was the frequency of sex prior to marriage and after the marriage?
2) Is she on any meds?
3) Are you sure she's not cheating?
4) Are you in good shape? or a slob? be honest.

Some steps you can take right now that might have a good effect on your marriage.

1. Start working out more, dress nice, and start talking to other women. Get confidence.

2. Start calling the shots more often and stop being such a nice guy.

3. Tell her to put her fvcking phone down, get someone to look after the kids, and schedule a weekend afternoon with her and tell her directly what you don't like about your marriage. Get some answers.

Sex before marriage was ok, very good
she is not on meds
I am not sure she is cheating
I am in good shape and physically fit, ex military.

I do love to dress nice and smell good. If I talk to other women it becomes a problem to her.

 

[joe9]

You need to use paragraphs and give us some more background about yourself, otherwise this seems like a textbook case for the more experienced guys here... you'll thank yourself for coming.

Ok I understand, I did from my phone. Thanks for the heads up.

 

[joe9]

As it stands now, she's the one who would get screwed in a divorce, because she's the one with the job. You would get the kids, probably get the house, and probably get at least temporary alimony. With that and half her pay check for child support, you would end up with more of her money than she did.

woow!! that rock me back in my chair like a ton brick.

 

[joe9]

Hahaha marital bliss! Been there, overcame that!

Believe me the situation isn't funny one bit but if you've worn that shoe before you'll understand why I laughed.

I was once told, your marital failure is your (the man's) fault.

Your house has gone through a change of power. She's working and you're the stay at home mom. Wake Up! Women do not respect you if you're not bringing in the bacon or some bacon, again been there, survived that.

Going forward, STOP initiating sexual relations. S-T-O-P it! She's patiently waiting to keep tearing you apart each time you advance, she counts on it. She looks forward to it, like a homeless man begging for a quarter, you go to her trying to have seks. You boost her self esteem wanting her and she rips your desire out your lungs like a chic who could care less if you had a dikc. If she's not mentally disabled then your girls interest level is lower than the cost of a hot dog. (believe me no disrespect to you intended, its just the way it is) Whatever your gut tells you right now is right. Forget your heart, its not functioning properly right now because its filled with confusion, let your head take over. Start paying attention, Whatever you know you do not deserve, DO NOT accept it.

Her thinking is you're a good for nothing less of a man.

Your thinking is if we can make love, maybe everything will be alright. If I try to put my anger to the side and see things from her perspective maybe I'll understand. It might be possible she's actually tired and just wants some alone time to herself.

Do you lay in bed alone waiting for her to come so you can either make love or just cuddle to sleep but she's downstairs watching tv or talking on the phone?

Not to be harse my brother but I'll tell you like it is, more importantly what I would do God forbid I find myself in the same situation twice.

STOP caring so much.

It take two to build a home, if it crashes, it fcuking crashes. You would not do your part and do hers, you're not married to yourself and if she doesn't want to be a wife anymore she should fcuking tell you so.

Stop basing your decision on the kids, don't do that. You have one life and you'll be a hell-of-a-lot better father if you're happy and satisfied with your life.

If the script is turned then turn that sheet back! You are the man of your house. You say let it rain and it rains, you say everyone stand up, everyone stands the fcuk up.

GO FIND A DAMN JOB and toss that kitchen robe away. Get a job even if its mopping the floor at the gas station across the house.

STOP talking about sheet, thats her responsibility. She's not blind, deaf or a novice to whats going on in your marriage. She knows you guys don't make love as you used to or want and you do not have to tell her all of that. Let your actions show you also could give two fcuks if sheet crashes and burns.

A woman who's attention and respect is gone in most cases is a woman mesmerizing about another man's dikc.

The only way to bring her attention and respect back is to get yourself to a place every woman wants, thats not who you presently are but it sure as hell is who you can become.

Everything is possible my friend, even your happiness and you getting all the seks you want till you start to avoid getting laid.

My friend that is like the kick up the ass I need, don't feel sorry for what you said honesty brings productivity. Well said on all points, I see you have been there before. Well respected.

 

[joe9]

Joe in this marriage you are the wife and she is the husband. She's the breadwinner, she calls the shots, she is busy. You meanwhile are a housewife, doing the cooking, cleaning and looking after the kids. As a result she has lost respect for you as a man. You are now a housewife and being mistreated like one.

You can change this by stopping all the housework, getting a job and taking up new hobbies such as the gym. All these steps will gradually make you more of a man again and attractive. But the question is do you have the desire and determination to do all of this?

If you don't/can't change then have a divorce talk with her. Tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable. Keep it vague - physically, mentally and emotionally she is not putting anything into your relationship and so it's a pointless relationship and lets go our separate ways. If she cares at all she'll get scared and make an effort (in that case have sex with her that night) and if she doesn't care she'll agree to divorce (in that case she'll regret it when chunks of her pay packet come to you - get legal advice and seeing as your the mum here you may be able to keep the kids so get advice).

Good luck.

Points taken