Does it seem like my ex has BPD?

[beneath]

Me ex and I have been broken up for a month now. I have recently just discovered BPD and I think she may have it. I know she is already diagnosed with PTSD and Severe depression. I'm trying to be as unbiased as possible. I did get clingy near the end when she pulled away.

When we first starting dating she opened up to me really fast. She told me she was abused. A week later after a date I asked her if she liked me and she told me of course. A day later she told me that dating was for marriage and that she would never marry me. I asked her what changed from yesterday and she ended up listing my bad qualities that she already knew I had. I ended up getting blocked and she broke up with me.

I had her book at the time and I made a new twitter to tell her that I was going to leave her book at her door and never contact her again. A day after I left her book she texted me pissed off, telling me how expensive the book was (it was $10 on Amazon), and how much it meant to her. (before she blocked me she told me she didn’t care about the book). I ended up telling her she is acting like she is bipolar, and that I was just trying to give her book back. She ended up saying sorry, and that she knows she is broken.

A week later she texted me again saying she was sorry and she wanted to see me before she went on a trip for the summer. We ended up seeing each other and we texted for about a few weeks after that. She continued to open up to me about her abuse. One time she got angry at me for not telling her I missed her. She said her mom locked her in the basement for days. She also told me that her previous boyfriend broke her heart and that she had to delete her whole facebook because she kept getting reminded of him. A while later we decided we want to actually become a couple. At this point she is telling me I am perfect and that nobody has ever been that nice to her before. We begin to skype, watch shows in sync, talk, and sext for about a month. At this point she was extremely horny and told me that she masturbated up to 6 times a day. Eventually she told me she wanted to marry me, and she began to discuss our future together. We planned trips, made goals, etc. Then she sent me an “Ownership contract”. Where she wanted me to own her.

So fast forward a bit and she asked me if her looking at this “cute guy” would be considered cheating, I told her not and I really don’t mind. Later that day I told her I really missed her and she got angry and told me that she was really stressed out and she can’t be worried about me. Then she gave me a speech that wanted to feel like she was in a normal relationship, and to pretend we are even though we are “so far ahead of everybody else”. I asked her to explain more and she said that she didn’t care how I felt and that I should keep things like that to myself. I get really angry and send a hateful text and she says she is sorry and everything seemed fine. The next day she ignores me for 24 hours and when she texts me she says I broke her trust and it’s going to be hard for her to trust me again. Previously I got mad at her and it upset her and I promised I wouldn’t do that again, so that kind of makes sense. After I apologize I ask for her trust again, and she says no. During that week she tells me that we went too fast and she doesn’t want to marry me anymore, I’m just like okay. We then have an argument about something, but I can’t remember what it was about, it ended up with her telling me that I am acting like I am acting like a menstruating middle schooler, she is breaking up, and she ignores me for 2 days. She then texts me back saying she loves me and she doesn’t know what to do. She then tells me that her friends think I am insane and that she has been sharing our texts the entire time. A couple days later I was still bothered by this and I gave her an ultimatum to respect and trust me, or I am going to leave… because my grades were dropping and I was stressed to my limit. She ends up telling me goodbye and I tell her that I didn’t want to break up and I of course get blocked again. I kept trying to talk to her and she eventually messaged me saying "Leave me alone! This is harrassment so stop." Then after a few minutes of me not responding she said "I need you to message me a last time, telling me you understand." And when I replied with Yes she said "Don't get your hopes up that we will get together when I come back. Don't expect another message from me."

About 2 weeks later, after I end up changing our playlist name we made on Spotify to “go ruin someone elses life”, she adds a new playlist and calls it “my new boyfriend” and fills it full of love songs, she also follows someone elses “new girlfriend playlist”. So I imagine she got a new boyfriend while she was still in another state, which is confusing. Most likely the guy she was talking about.

BTW I'm 21 and this was my first girlfriend lol.

 

[Speculator E]

Yes, it's BPD. I also dated one before. Same patterns.

 

[Fitters]

BPD or not , DISTANCE your self from her right now !
At 21 , don't throw your life away by trying to fix a broken person.
Next time don't get too close to a woman that is abused or broken ...the normal ones are crazy enough.

 

[Tictac]

What does it matter?

Hang what ever label on her you like.

 

[SmooveMooves]

What does it matter?

Hang what ever label on her you like.

Shes also psychotic, has PTSD and maybe diabetic-------

Point being, you cannot diagnose women with illnesses without a license. Your worry should be that if she's toxic in your life, cutting her out.

 

[mikey2012]

She's a wh-or-e? Another label to hang on her.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I agree with everyone who's replied, but I also can take myself back 12 years when I was 23 and encountered a crazy chick who had me spun inside out.

Part of the mind wants an explanation to be able to rationalize "it wasn't me, it was her, she's fvukin' nuts" and like anything else it makes your ego rest easier at night and eventually you feel better.

But here's the rub and really the root of the issue.

Why don't you respect yourself enough to not put up with that type of sh-i-tty behavior in the first place?

In the OP case this is his first GF, he's young, lacks experience and it felt good to be wanted.

Without getting into the fact that there were so many red flags right off the bat, you have to:

1) learn how women think and how they act (two entirely different things) see Tinder where every profile says "not here for a hook up" LOLL

2) learn why you were willing to be a doormat to a woman who isn't worth your time (my guess is because she was hot and you wanted to bang).

The reason I bring these things up is BPD women end up dating two types of guys:

1) Sociopath IDGAF types - in other words, the male version of her

2) Co-dependent beta nice guys - who they eat up and spit out and the cycle repeats itself over and over and over, until you finally get off the ride.


Start thinking about how you were raised and issues that you might have floating underneath the surface. You attract what you reflect to a degree and if you take this as a lesson it will serve you well in screening future opportunities.

Once you become well versed in game, you will see that at the most (and some would even say this is a bad idea) these girls are fun for an occasional bang and that's it.










PIMP

 

[Infern0]

It does sound like BPD, (i've had a diagnosed one in my life for 2 years)

Push/Pull, history of abuse, blaming everyone else for their problems, weird undefinable relationship status.

To the OP, you are better off out of this situation, believe me. You may have some codependency issues you want to look at, it's an easy enough fix.

As for her, she needs months if not years of therapy before she should even think about being in a relationship.

 

[GS750]

we can't diagnose BPD here obviously. However, she does sound like a damaged trainwreck of a girl. Who cares if shes BPD, NPD, HPD, Bipolar, etc. Any one of those will wreak havoc on your life, bring you down, and turn you into a codependant shell of a man. Walk and dont look back.

 

[BrainDamage92]

There are many nuances with these conditions, and even professionals have a hard time putting a label on a disturbed individual. Like the girl I was with never threw alot of **** at me, couse she knew I wouldnt tolerate it, so I was more the sociopath type, but again, these labels are stupid.

I have experience there (like a few years of it), and Ive made observations, and heard stories, and the common denominator is problematic childhood.

You see, I think that its essential for any guy to know what to expect when he hears some horror stories from a girl he'd known for a few days or smth. These girls need a very very strong individiual who knows what hes dealing with. These girls also turn boys into men which is why Im very thankfull. See I was a dude, who had sharp wit since I started talking at 9 months. So I was always ahead. I was freakin miles ahead of everyone. At school I always was the smartass like, correcting the teachers and all, so everyoe hated me like I took alot of ****, but I wasnt the quiet type so I threw **** back. I argued about scentific topics with my parents since 2nd grade or somth, read alot of books, since I was 18 or smth, whenever I talk to my parents I feel like Im talking to an intelectually inferior person, being taller then them both doesnt help either. How was this called - parentified child. I am and was musically and verbally talented and music is the only thing that makes me truely happy, like an year ago I got heavy into playin the guitar so that brings me so much joy, actually sounding good is very nice. After my bro was born when I was 5 I kinda had to deal with most **** myself, it kinda be like "who is the parent and who is the kid here". I got heavily in to cigarettes\alcohol\drugs when I was like 14 so that put a stop on developement of some features of the personality. My parents are peeps with good hearts and large brains but married too young I think and are abit immature about alot of things. Its really sad these kind of people are not very successfull in today's reality. See this is exactly the kinda idiot BPDs go for - me - or what I was a feew years back.

In the end, they need both a man and a parent, because they lacked some or alot of things when they were kids. If you are prepared to always feel like you have no right to be - sad, angry, annoyed, complaining, sharing - go for it. Couse you always feel like "Man I gotta say XXXX to her, but shes so weak and gentle, better not put more weight on her". See if you draw the comparison here, its the same **** your parents did to you when they shared innapropriate info with you, like when my mother told me when I was what, 10?, that some friends of her stepbrother tried to rape her when she was little. You see this is pretty fuking stupid thing to say to you kid . This girl replicates this, the feel that "you must not put more weight on her right now" perfectly, and the more a girl resembles your mother the more you fall for her. Fact.

See this kinda thing grinds you down with time. Also they, as a rule, have a very low self esteem, which is nice in a way, but the bad part is they percieve any male attention as praise to their personalities, rather than see it as a dude who wants to reach inside their pants. So that them being faithful is a very tricky subject. But generally women are hoes, you know that, no girl is faithfull its all in the mask she puts on and who believes in it.

Any relationship I think is a stone hanging on your neck, this is why you must succeed first I think (to a certain extent) and then have as serious relationship, like I did the whole thing in reverse and now I regret I wasted time.

But a relationship with a "problematic childhood" girl is like a big fuking rock hanging on your neck, like, no matter how pretty she is, at one point youre like "Im getting too old for this ****", like completely physically and psychologically depleted.

Its hard being someone's parent, shrink, babysitter and lover at the same time like, these girls cant exist on their own. She will never really BE A GROWN UP, standing by your side, she will never cook you even 1 goddamn meal. You dont need girls who are so dependant on you, if you like that, than you love to be needed and dont need to be loved which is vile. You like how she looks at you like you're somekinda demigod but you pay the price in the end.

Its vile. Disfunctional. I have a friend who has schitzophrenia. One time he had this "crisis", so that I was like, "Hes only playin", so I tried to joke around it but no, he was seriously gone at that moment. See you cant explain a psycho he\she is a psycho, you just cant.

Also the girl will make you believe there is something wrong with you, which is actually true , couse u wouldnt be with her otherwise, but she can never admit there is something wrong with her, like all those bad things happened to her in a vacuum, its who she is, its all she knows, being unhappy...

You know my ex called a while back, so she has a new fool since quite a while, and a good job and all is going great for her objectively. WHen I asked her: "Are you happy?" she was like: "Hmmmmm well.... yeah.... kinda".

See this is the thing, these girls cannot be even moderately happy, a persone who is happy all the time is mental ofc, but for them happiness doesnt exist at all, all they ever new was hardship and bad stuff happening to them and the peeps around them, betrayal, pain, death, you name it.

So a normal existance, or achieving any goal dont bring them happiness.

Leave them alone, they will keep making boys grow into men its all they are good for. If you understand their game, youre already too smart for them.

Btw other women notice this, wheather youre soft clay, or a hard rock, for example most women are brutally honest with me nowadays couse they see they cant fool me, and the ones who try - fail.

Leave the tortured souls alone. Its sad. I dont hate this girl for example, I have never loved nor was loved before, the time with her is the best thing that has happened to me and the only time I came close to "being happy", although I wasnt mature enough to live it or realise it properly when it happened. And this girl's love was real and unconditional, but again, I wouldnt deal with her or somebody similar nowadays, so they are doomed to make boys grow into men, couse only boys would deal with them, and there are males of all ages who are boys on the inside.

My 20 dollars. You see thats some deep **** read carefully. And be real with yourself - if you have flaws, at least admit them first, or you will never get off the "problematic childhood girls" carousel.

"Its all the lot, its what I've got, its what you see, it must be me - vegetable man", more like "vegetable girl" but whatever.