Does being understanding lead to no sex?

[DJHoolahoop]

I'd like to think of myself as a DJ in training as there's a lot of things I need to engrain into my head and remember without having to read it all over again.

I feel that the more I talk to girls and am understanding that I feel more and more like the "friend" that they want to discuss all their problems about. I mean hey just because I know what they're going through that it means I have to pretend I don't? Or else I become the "girlfriend?" Or what's going on here?

Because my biggest thing still is being understanding, but the second someone manipulates or takes advantage of me that's it. I hate having it constantly lead up to that. What, am I just supposed to be this big jerk that basically wants girls to shut up about their problems and keep their life story to themselves?

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by DJHoolahoop
What, am I just supposed to be this big jerk that basically wants girls to shut up about their problems and keep their life story to themselves?

Yes. But I doubt your being a "jerk" for doing so, thats just another by-product of feminism to put a negative light on it and to shame men for not imitating female behaviour.

Why are you setting yourself up and putting yourself into the role of the "caring listener"?

You are not unique in that you "know exactly what these chicks are going through" A trained chimp could pretty much predict and talk about a chicks boy problems. Forget it, its not your role as a man and its none of your business. The b!tch brings it up, you change the subject, she'll get a good feel your not the "caring listener" straight away.

Dont get me wrong b!tches love to yap about themselves and thats great cause I'm not really listening anyway, and I'm all for the 70/30 rule BUT not about there love lives, a big no no dont get yourself in that position.

 

[PRMoon]

Just don't listen. You have legs right? and they work right? when ever a girl talks endless about their life just walk away. If it's your g/f then just think about foot ball or whatever, and throw in an occasinal "uh huh" or " yeah i got you" Not like you'll remember most of the conversations you hear anyway...not like you need to because i doubt you'll think it over or repeat it to anybody else. What leads to no sex is being not agressive while listening to a story. I propose a round of shots to drown her sorrows every 15 mins.

 

[Marlimus]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know how you feel, man.
Chicks have this weird habit of opening up to me and telling me all their bizness, and I wonder-
"Should I allow this? Am I slipping into the friend zone?"

 

[Danny001]

Just accuse them of trying to be intimate with you.

 

[illmatic20]

I don't think so, this just leads to serious/long relationships. Depends on what your looking for. Myself I am looking for one, so I have talked to girls in which she tells me after "you know what illmatic, after we talked yesterday when I was driving home I realize we have nothing in common." I laughed and replied with "That probably, because you spend most of the time talking about yourself ".


Now it weird for me, because every time we talk she wants to know everything about me. I usually just bust on her for being nosey.

 

[Freeman]

Originally posted by DJHoolahoop
I'd like to think of myself as a DJ in training as there's a lot of things I need to engrain into my head and remember without having to read it all over again.

I feel that the more I talk to girls and am understanding that I feel more and more like the "friend" that they want to discuss all their problems about. I mean hey just because I know what they're going through that it means I have to pretend I don't? Or else I become the "girlfriend?" Or what's going on here?

Because my biggest thing still is being understanding, but the second someone manipulates or takes advantage of me that's it. I hate having it constantly lead up to that. What, am I just supposed to be this big jerk that basically wants girls to shut up about their problems and keep their life story to themselves?

Here's the thing:Its nothing wrong with being understanding...actually it helps you...where many guys go wrong is their overall actions towards the girl-basiclly its like this: A woman is going to give you what you ask for-if you play the "friends" she'll give you friendship-STOP coming off as a friend and you'll stop being made into one....

 

[MackJr]

Re: Re: Does being understanding lead to no sex?

Originally posted by Freeman
Here's the thing:Its nothing wrong with being understanding...actually it helps you...where many guys go wrong is their overall actions towards the girl-basiclly its like this: A woman is going to give you what you ask for-if you play the "friends" she'll give you friendship-STOP coming off as a friend and you'll stop being made into one....

That's easier said than done, especially if you've been raised to be good to people in general.

 

[smoke city]

no no no -- it's not that you should stop listening to their problems. you need a major overhaul. there is a perception that they have of you from the beginning that makes them WANT to talk to you about their problems...i think you give off a "nice guy aura." women just don't talk about their problems to guys they think are sexy and fun. they go to these guys b/c they want to feel...you guessed it...SEXY and FUN.
many years ago i had the same problem as you...i became the confidant that they trusted. but i eventually learned that the truth is, the guy that gets laid is the one the DON'T really trust. in my opinion, to get out of this role [somehow they're "smelling" it on you] you have to come across as a little more dangerous.
i have a few female friends (only a few) of many years who trust and confide in me...but it's been a long time since a woman i just met wanted to tell me about her problems.

 

[DJHoolahoop]

very interesting stuff to be honest. Because where I'm coming from, I just see it as conversation if it ever comes up. I feel if someone is talking to you about something that it'd be rude to just be like "you shouldn't be talking to me about this" or changing the subject.

Perhaps it isn't rude and I feel it is this sort of stuff that I do have the wrong idea about. In my case, I bust on girls and tease them to no end when I get the chance. In fact I'm seeing more and more how this is effective.

Just today I started teasing a girl at work and now she teases me back lol. She has a bf so my interest level is nill, but it doesn't stop me from practicing though.

Now the tricky part is, does it really hurt us guys in the end to listen? I hear about how being a good listener is what girls like to have and maybe it is just how everyone makes it sound. That in the end girls really are looking for the guy that drives them wild and makes them want to jump the guys bones lol.

I just am still trying to understand why this happens. Why being 'human' and listening to someone talk can actually go against you. I guess what conclusion I can come up with, is that only friends will tell you something they feel they can confide in you with. Right?

 

[Don_Marko]

THE TRUTH THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH

If they are telling you personal stuff it means you have established some levels of trust and comfort with them, which is a big
Now it's important not to get stuck in a role of emotional tampon, where the whole relationship is based on her dumping her emotional garbage on you. First of all just listen to it (if you have to) but never EVER offer advice or solution to their problems; you have to understand that they are not really looking for a way out rather they just want to fart out their emotions out of the system. You should start changing the topics from problems to more positive things, therefore they will associate positive emotions with you. Start challenging them if all they talk about is their shyt, feel free to be a little bit of a jerk and say things like : "OMG are you always like this?" "Would you describe yourself as a positive and fun person?" and such...
Another thing you need to do is take action, if you are in the middle of doing something fun and interesting she will not be thinking about her issues