Does anyone who ever goes on a date that goes down in flames...

[DCC]

Ever straight up ask the girl what happened?

This may have even been AFC of me, I'm not sure...but I went out with a girl last weekend, we had a great time, but then she went ice cold. I called once, got nothing, waited 2-3 days, called back, got nothing...finally got a text from her saying it wasn't gonna work. It's not her, it's me...blah blah blah.

Well, I realized that we were never going to talk again and I was going to delete her number, so I went for it. I straight up started asking interview questions about our date, like a person would do at a job interview.

She was pretty responsive, and I was just doing it because I was bored at work. I kept getting more 'I need to work on myself' crap but annoying the heck out of her was giving me something to do while I was idle anyways.

Sometimes I wish it was easier to get / give feedback. A recovering AFC like me often doesn't realize where he keeps burning bridges until it's too late. I should get a questionnaire, print it out and keep it with me until the date's over if it bombs and have her mail it in

The important thing is that even though I'm bombing, I am starting to open up, get approach confidence, and at least go on dates now. I was a shut in for the past few years.

 

[goldengoose]

i think everbody has at one time. the girl was dumb or maybe you didnt feel comfortable on the date. keep up the good work and dont give up!

 

[bigneil]

I think it's ok to ask them "what went wrong"? Also, when they say they never want to speak with you again, that means they really liked you.

 

[HighResurrection]

Hey man don't call yourself and AFC in any way shape or form. Also there are Billions of girls on the planet, keep practicing until you get where you want to be.

 

[Jariel]

It's common for dates to end up like this. On my first date after my ex dumped me, she made an excuse to go and make a phonecall, went home and just left me there. When I got home, she'd deleted me off Facebook. No explanation, nothing. It was the worst date ever and I have no idea why she did that.

I respect women who tell me the truth. It at least gives me something to work with. One woman I dated was into me in a major way during our first date, text me after to tell me she fancied me so much and couldn't believe her luck. We had a second date and it all went downhill. She eventually told me it was because I was so restless and was acting really nervous. I wasn't nervous at all, but I was restless. After weighing things up I realised I'd been drinking way too much coffee that day. As a result of that date I cut down my caffeine consumption and it has really helped my focus and composure.

Another date seemed to be going great, we had amazing rapport and good fun. I thought I had it in the bag, then a few days later she told me it didn't work for her as she didn't feel any sexual tension between us. Since then, I've made sure I do a lot more sexual flirting.

Women think it's cruel to tell the truth and are scared to damage a man's confidence, but I owe a lot to these rejections and just wished more women did that.

 

[Jariel]

The important thing is that even though I'm bombing, I am starting to open up, get approach confidence, and at least go on dates now. I was a shut in for the past few years.

That's great. Just keep doing it! I've had a lot of failed dates, but the more I had the better I got. At one time I would feel my heart racing before a date, I'd get so nervous I could barely talk, but now I'm totally cool and carefree, and have no hesitation about going for a kiss and escalating to sex.

Even if these dates don't lead anywhere, just think of each one as a learning experience and a means of pushing you out of your comfort zone. With each one try to push it a little bit further (providing the signs are looking good).

 

[thevilittletroll]

no worries dude, we've all been on our share of bad dates before. there's a couple of issues with the situation your dealing with. first of all you have nothing to lose if you ask the girl after you've already f.ucked up. its pretty ACF to ask but if you know there's no shot left, it cant hurt. the problem that you'll have with this is that most chicks will NEVER give you any type of answer you can do anything with. you'll get one of these responses, its not you its me, i've just got too much on my plate right now, i'm just not interested in dating anyone right now, there's some issues i need to fix right now. notice what all those comments have in common. there's nothing wrong with you, you are perfect, its her thats f.ucked up. well let me just tell you that this is absolute bulls.hit. if you were so awesome, and perfect, why would you give it up? i'll tell you why, she's no longer attracted to you, plain and simple. most of the posts i've read on this site make me tend to believe there was little to no attraction to begin with. if you got the date, there's at least some attraction there, but you must re-engage the attraction she felt when you first met her. thats where most lose sight of things. they think that just because your game was strong the night you met her, that the attraction stays with her for a week or two or however long it takes you to go out with her again. that is not the case, women change their minds frequently as about as often as us men think about sex, like every 10 seconds. lets not also forget hot women get hit on every day and have many chioces on who to hang out with. attraction fades fast, i'd say in one week its about half gone, and in 2 weeks it almost completely gone. if you go two weeks or more without seeing her since the first night you met, you will undoubtedly have to start from scratch with her all over again, if you even get the opportunuty. work on your attraction skills during cold approach game. the stronger your attraction game is, makes the rest of the game much easier.

the biggest things that most guys do kill attraction is being needy and having no other options, looking desperate, being outcome dependant (expecting her to make out, or sex and being dependant on that specific outcome), and last but not least not being confident about yourself.